Osborne’s £10 billion welfare cuts – Salmond secretly delighted

SNP rejoice as Bullingdon Oik chancellor helps recruit 100,000 more diehard anti-Tory Scots for Faintheart Salmond

“In a country well governed, poverty is something to be ashamed of. In a country badly governed, wealth is something to be ashamed of.” – Confucius. Wonder if Confucius ever visited Cameron’s bloody Britain, we’ve got both. Makes Thatcher look like Florence Nightingale.

By Toosev Herebyfar

ALLEGED CHANCELLOR Gideon Osborne has boosted Sun King Moses of Salmond’s plans to gain 100,000 more SNP members by next week.

The out of touch toff has forced previously disinterested Scots into the hands of the Firstminster’s party due to his plans to flay the poor and vulnerable till they squeal.

He said his £10 billion welfare cut proposals were necessary in order to maintain the 45p rate of tax for his rich friends, executive business partners, and Prime Ministerial luncheon donors.

The move came after the Scottish Firstminster was seen to be swithering on whether to call his ‘all but unwinnable’ Neverendum vanity project.

Firstministerial aides were said to be ecstatic at the news which is seen by some in the party as the biggest boost for independence since Robert De Bruce read out the Declaration of Arbroath earlier in the afternoon at approx 13:20 hours.

Osborne’s proposed welfare cuts have enraged everyone with a conscience and a soul in Britain leaving only the Tories prepared to try and justify them.

On a visit to a Chipping Norton supper club last week Osborne said: “My father grew up in the depressed 30s. He didn’t complain that the welfare peasants were starving, he said ‘let them eat pasties’.

“I took the vat off the bloody things so what else do they want or need – dignity?”

A senior Tory source said there was “no chance” of Gideon Osborne ever laying off of the poor and disenfranchised because they don’t fight back and very few actually vote.

But SNP aide Joan McCarthyalpine said: “Result! We can spin this news as the most anti-Scottish assault on the sovereign people of Scotland ever. This gives us a fighting chance come the Neverendum.

“Fingers crossed that Cameron and his Bullingdon Cabinet manage to stay in power for the next few years.”

They’re all in it together – Millionaire Cabinet  gets richer after Bullingdon budget day wheeze

Holyrude harms the Scots – Arch errorist Osama Bin Kenny MacNaeskill fingered

The fundamental function of the law is to provide protection for the people. AhDinnaeKen exposes the growing realisation that Secretary for Injustice and arch errorist MacNaeskill is not fundamental – just mental.

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” – Martin Luther King, Jr. Except for viewers in Scotland who have learned we do things differently in this country.

By Itsanin Justice

LEADING SCOTTISH lawyer solicitor-parasite Alistair Bonnytoun has accused the Scots parliament of doing more damage to Osama Bin Kenny MacNaeskill’s reputation than changes in the law ever could.

He claims that Cabinet Secretary for Injustice Kenny MacNaeskill has overseen some of the worst kneejerk changes to Scottish law since Uncle Joe Salmond introduced the Misappropriation of Nationalist Ideology Law.

According to Mr Bonnytoun the long held belief that Scots are entitled to a fair trial has been effectively and rightfully banished.

He further cited the ending of double jeopardy, or as it’s known at Holyrude the ‘Gie’s Anither Chance Tae We Get It Right’ law, as personifying MacNaeskills errorist ways.

Stacked Deck Principle

Mr Bonnytoun also referred to the proposed new Stacked Deck law which effectively ends the need for corroboration in trials and piles on the pressure for defendants by having their previous convictions read out in open court to Presbyterian Nationalist partisan juries.

Defending his shredded reputation, Mr MacNaeskill said: “As the only party which can truly claim to represents Scots interests, I believe that it is in the party’s and therefore the country’s interest to prosecute and put away as many wee ned bawbags as possible.

“The polis know who they are and so do we. So why should the law protect them when we know they did it anyway? Besides, it means that we can report that crime is down and not have to hide behind Freedom of Information request denials.”

As claimed by Mr Bonnytoun, most of the kneejerk changes to the law are tabloid led.

He said: “Just like Goebbels Murdoch’s Sunday Sun calling the date of the Neverendum, we now have the tabloids leading the agenda.

“Scots desperate for full independence should not forget that a pre-Act of Union, independent Scots parliament in 1606 passed an Act which allowed Lairds to effectively enslave tenant workers and vagrants to their mines and salt pan workings. It took the post 1707 Unionist parliament to end this barbaric anti-Frrrreeeeeeedddddoooooom™ act.

“It is a logical fallacy that the best people to rule Scotland are the Scots when in fact the best people to run any parliament should be the best people fit to rule.”

Scots drinkers switch to methadone – Sturgeon to blame

NHS reports that Scots are drinking less alcohol and turning to free methadone instead

“Few would venture to deny the advantages of prohibitive temperance in increasing the efficiency of a nation at war with itself.” – Joyless Scunner Sturgeon.

By Joy Less Scunner

SCOTTISH NATIONALISTS were last night celebrating the success of their Jakey Apartheid prohibition campaign before it has even properly begun.

People in Scotland are drinking less alcohol according to the NHS and have instead turned to methadone.

The surprise but welcome shift by sovereign Scots is laid firmly at the door of affordability.

Methadone is currently subscribed for free to those considered most in need of a drink in order to drown out Neverendum boredom.

The amount of pure alcohol sold in North Britain fell by 90% between Sturgeon’s rock and a sober place.

Stubbornly Popular
However, alcohol sales remained stubbornly popular among those who enjoy a social life and ignore politics.

High Priestess Sturgeon has said this group will remain in her sights and will be specifically targeted and punished by the 50p per alcohol unit supermarket tax bonus giveaway.

The downward trend in retail sales was visible across all drink categories, with the exception of methadone which is prescribed for free in high street pharmacies.
In May, joyless drone MSPs passed legislation which will make the Scottish goverment the first in the civilised world to aid supermarkets with their top down profiteering.

And in October last year a new anti-discount proclamation came into force in Alba Dal Riata Caledonia which meant that anyone who enjoyed a drink and a smoke would fully realise just how joyless and intolerant a country Scotland was rapidly becoming under the SNP.

High Priestess of Presbyterian Prohibition (Jakey Apartheid Division) Auld Nick Sturgeon said: “This legislation will not be able to be considered truly successful until we have cut alcohol consumption to zero. Then we will introduce our compulsory Moses Salmond I Bible reading classes as compensation.”

Disorganised opposition Ned, Buckfast Commando said: “F**ks sake man. The shinner the SWA Young team rattle Sturgeon’s sanctimonious baws the better.

“Still, that free methadone lasts ye the full day, so it’s no that bad.”

Auld Nick launches Jakey apartheid

Drug addicts die in record numbers under SNP

SNP’s decision to scrap lip service to human rights has been vindicated

Scotland will reap the benefits of our lowered morality system which the SNP is determined to expand.

By Moan McVulpine – adding a new dimension to looking like a pro

They said it couldn’t be done.

But the SNP’s determination to scrap basic morality in the face of human rights abusers was well and truly vindicated this week.

There’s been a thirty per cent rise in Scottish businesses securing contracts with Chinese genocide companies.

By contrast, trade deals between Norway and China fell to a staggering zero due to Norway’s snooty attitude toward Nobel peace prizes and political dissidents.

One of the first major contracts awarded by the SNP government this year was worth £800 million to the Chinese – in return we got two cuddly infertile pandas.

In England, the anti-Scottish Tories had a richt guid laugh at our faux sanctimony over placing contracts with human rights abusers. Dae they no remember whit happened at Berwick in the 14th century?

Labour steeled themsel’s for a barnie, but wee Lament hudnae grasped some basic principles and Sun King Alex smacked her doon as easy as shootin’ sumbody fae the Sudan.

Scottish students contribute to the more than 80 per cent of anti-Scots Scots who find the SNP’s cosying up to Chinese genociders, abhorrent.

It’s not cheap. It might cost us votes. But it’s a price worth paying.

There’s more Chinese blood contracts to be won.

It will help us build up a multi-million pound blood fund for our future.

Scotland topped the UK league for Chinese investments in 2011, steel, pandas, salmon, petrochemicals, oil production with almost 6000 blood jobs created – over 5999 more than any other British region.

Our politicians are third in the world when it comes to public apologism regarding the Chinese.

We have a reputation to keep up. Souter, Trump, Murdoch, Football Thoughtcrime, Freedom of Information refusal and Chinese genocide embracement – no wonder we’ve rightly been called the Party of One Principle.

COMEDY RELIEF

Just Say Yes (please) to Genocide

Why did Sun King Alex of Salmond cross the Chinese road? To get to the genocide.

“Governments are mandated by international law to protect people from genocide.” – Bianca Jagger. Maybe Scotland should hold a referendum for Independence within Genocide.

By Itsanin Justice

THE SCOTTISH Government has been applauded by two Chinese petro-companies for their stance on the value and sanctity of human life.

PetrocideChina and Cyanidopec, have both lauded Sun King Alex of Salmond for his tough bargaining stance on the body count per pound sterling appeasement scale.

Both firms are well known for the ‘turning’ of governmental blind eyes to their sponsored genocides in countries such as Sudan.

According to Ilike Ciling, Chief Executive of PetrocideChina, Sun King Alex’s £900 million Scottish deal is the most the Chinese company has ever had to pay to its dead body appeasement fund.

He said: “300,000 dead in Darfury works out at £3000 per individual killed. In India for example it costs us pennies.”

Keepmum Thisafar, bleeding heart director of Genocide International Scotland said: “While the sanctity of life is important to Scotland, this should not be at the expense of excellent economic boosts such as this one.

“Sun King Alex of Salmond deserves all the plaudits due him for his astute bargaining skills. £3000 per body really is an economic price worth paying.”

Both firms control much of the wholesale and retail blood flow in China.

Patacake Harvie, Greengo MSP for Glasgone, said: “The Scottish government is right to embrace these companies.

“We can’t afford to be as morally superior as Norway and their oil fund. A blood fund might not be to everyone’s tastes, but they’ll be the poorer for it.”

Just Say Yes (please) poster #8 – Selective Friendships?

Just Say Yes (please) poster #7 – Chinese Whispers

Open letter to Roseanna Cunningham regarding Threatening Communication

An open letter to Minister for Community Safety and Legal Affairs Roseanna Cunningham requesting that she clarify what the remit of ‘Community Safety and Legal Affairs’ actually is. Her Twitter conduct appears to have rendered it meaningless.

Birds of a feather flock together?

By Longshanker – being serious for a change

Dear Ms Cunningham (@strathearnrose)

I write this open letter to you to highlight a few instances of your recent Twitter behaviour and its potential public interest consequences.

I find your recent actions objectionable to the point of abhorrence given that you currently hold the position of  Junior Minister for Community Safety in the Scottish Government.

It concerns your apparent patronage of a website and Twitter account known as Wings Over Scotland edited by an individual calling himself Rev Stuart Campbell.

I notice that your Twitter feed does not display any disclaimers regarding the legitimacy or endorsement of your Retweets or correspondence and therefore conclude that you fully support this individual and the extreme views that he holds.

While I understand that you do not have the time to be aware of all of this individual’s postings, I believe it should be incumbent upon someone in your position to err on the side of caution regarding whom you are prepared to be seen publicly endorsing.

For your background information, Stuart Campbell first came to the wider public’s attention in October and November 1993 for dishonouring and insulting Britain’s war dead, war veterans and the institution responsible for remembrance and veteran support; The Royal British Legion.

As an acting editor of a computer game magazine called Amiga Power, Mr Campbell wrote: “Old soldiers I wish them all dead” and further compounded the outrage by disparagingly referring to the Royal British Legion as “conscientious objectors”.

The details surrounding the incident and the disrespectful use of the poppy image were covered by the Daily Star and earned Mr Campbell the condemnation of Menzies Campbell MP, the Royal British Legion and Viscount Montgomery of Alamein – the son of Field Marshall Montgomery himself. Hardly a knee-jerk reaction troika, I’m sure you would agree.

That he has a problem with soldiers is clear. A recent mocked up poster of a funeral entourage passing through Royal Wootton Bassett used an image which, as was pointed out to him by concerned Twitter users, could be used to identify the service personnel.

Despite it being spelled out to him how potentially upsetting and grievous this could be to relatives of the dead service personnel, he refused in the most repugnant manner possible to use another image. It led to condemnation of the image by both Lib-Dem leader Willie Rennie and the Sun newspaper.

Much more recently, and ironically –  given your ministerial remit and recently introduced legislation – Mr Campbell frequently baits Rangers fans through the medium of his Twitter account and his website.

I find it hard to accept, given that you freely converse with him, Retweet his tweets and ‘follow’ his Twitter timeline, that you could not have been unaware of this anti-social borderline sectarian behaviour.

While he may fall short of actual sectarianism – though that is debatable – the motivation behind his insulting and disparaging bigoted language is clearly designed to anger and humiliate those Rangers fans he engages with. He hoped someone “would die in a chemical fire” recently due to a spat concerning a Rangers fan and a Falkirk announcer.

Given that you have recently stated: “Hatred of any kind has no place in modern Scotland and we need to do everything we can to stop it wherever and whenever it occurs, whilst tackling the root causes.” I find it staggering that you could maintain contact and actively encourage such an individual using the term “good work” as you did yesterday. It is the reason for this open letter.

Finally, I will post some of this individual’s more illustrious posts to give you a flavour of his ethos and outlook and leave it to you to decide whether it is advisable for a Junior Minister in the Scottish Government to be seen endorsing, encouraging and supporting such people.

Yours sincerely
Longshanker
Editor of AhDinnaeKen

Some evidence from the Twitter timeline followed by Roseanna Cunningham

Presumably Mr Campbell’s evidence belongs in the same dark recess as the Scottish version of the Sunday Times.

Note that Mr Campbell’s offensiveness is all the more repugnant given that he hides behind inference so that he can deny he ever said anything concrete which could be construed as bigoted or sectarian. The BNP do the same thing incidentally. Coincidence or magic?

“Hate hurts the hater more than the hated.” ― Madeleine L’Engle

Resepected and passionate SNP supporter and campaigner Kate Higgins recently referred to Mr Campbell as a “misogynist” due to his abusive, bullying and threatening use of language. Unsurprisingly, Mr Campbell has frequently referred to Ms Higgins as an “idiot”.

“Bigotry or prejudice in any form is more than a problem; it is a deep-seated evil within our society.” – Judith Light. Ironic that someone who actively helped steer legislation to fight bigotry should also actively support someone who espouses it at almost every turn.

AhDinnaeKen wonders if “fighting the root cause” of bigotry involves actively Retweeting and recommending articles written by the bigots. A question Ms Cunningham should seriously ponder.

“You tend to be afraid when someone seems foreign to you. But if you aren’t careful, that can lead to bigotry.” – Jasmine Guy. Supreme act of carelessness from Mr Campbell there.

Mr Campbell wrote on his Wings Over Scotland site in 2010 that legitimate Northern Irish voters who voted for Sinn Fein were “spectacularly retarded”.  Is this the kind of person whom Scottish Government ministers should be seen endorsing? AhDinnaeKen thinks we should be told.

“All the war-propaganda, all the screaming and lies and hatred, comes invariably from people who are not fighting.” – George Orwell. What pathology possesses such vitriolic hatred? Should it be encouraged by Scottish Government ministers?

Will Roseanna Cunningham, for the sake of clarity, tell the public why this kind of behaviour should not attract the attention of her Offensive Behaviour at Football and Threatening Communications Bill? This isn’t the first time that Mr Campbell has wished people dead in a chemical fire yet he still considers himself a ‘progressive’ independence’ supporter and is “chuffed” to be referred to as an “Ultimate Cybernat”. Still, that’s a story for another day.

Surely the strapline on the Wings  Twitter account should warn you to be careful regarding this individual’s toxicity?

AhDinnaeKen would like to apologise to any readers expecting regular Sunday feature MacAesop’s fables.

First Gauleiter: BBC will get what it deserves post independence

Potential faither o’ the proud Picto-Scotti Nation of Dal Riata Alba Caledonia unveils nightmare vision of show trials and public humiliation for anti-Scottish BBC employees.

“By the skillful and sustained use of propaganda, one can make a people see even heaven as hell or an extremely wretched life as paradise.” – Adolf Hitler. So! Cybernats! Go back to your constituencies and prepare for paradise.

By Propah Ghander

FIRST GAULEITER Sun King Alex of Salmond yesterday vowed the BBC will get what it deserves should Scotland separate from the UK.

He said he will land grab existing BBC assets and staff and apply a newly formulated “porridge test”.

The test, designed to weed out the anti-Scots element currently infecting the British Brainwashing Corporation, will be applied in the court of nationalist opinion and televised nationwide.

A title for the new show trial programme is expected to be called “Better Bot than anti-Scot” or “Careless broadcasting costs votes.”

Those who pass will continue to work in broadcasting, those who don’t will not be heard from again.

The Firstminster also promised to reveal more details on how a new station would operate.

He said: “Scotland and its sovereign people will have a real opportunity to benefit from the three Wee Eckian principles of Misinform, Boretodeath and Dumbdoon.”

Popular Beeb shows such as Deadenders, The Voiceless and Strictly Wear Tartan would stay on Scottish TV.

But Shadowy Machine Politician Margaret Current said: “Because of the weight of evidence that the British Bourgeoise Corporation is fervently anti-Murdoch, Wee Eck wants to open the deferential door to MacFox television.

“The Cybernats and associated rockets will love it, but for everyone else there’s only so much tartan, shortbreid, fffrrrrreeeeeeddddddoooooommmmmm™ and Wee Eck’s coupon on the telly you can take.

“The Labouring Party’s decision to push the BBC out of London has ensured an anti-Nationalist biased propaganda output by over 100 TV companies in Scotland and 15,000 people employed in exposing SNP pishtalk. Now that’s what I call broadcasting.”

SNP Spokesperson of non-denominational multi-cultural trans-gender Wee Naebudy said: “The SNP are an inclusive and progressive party. If you fail the ‘porridge test’ you will not be included and will definitely be progressed.”

Drinks giant on Independence – We widnae even notice

Independence vanity project makes no difference to us, insists Salmond’s nemesis arsekicker Palsy Welsh

“He wants he says, a business with soul, well Mr Walsh can kiss ma hole”. – Rab Wilson, Kay Park, 2009, death of Johnnie Walker march.

By Johnnie Walked

ANTELOPE KILLING, wife beating, tax evading, brand desecrating, customer duping, corporate bully and Firstminster bitch slapper, Palsy Welsh says Wee Eck’s vanity project wont even register on drinks giant Rajeo’s business radar.

Palsy Welsh, the company’s chief kleptocrat said minnows like Salmond and his kiddy on independence powers would not make one jot of difference to Rajeo’s global tax evading strategy.

Rajeo is investing £1 billion to further straitjacket any semblance of competition in the Scotch whisky industry over the next five years.

Welsh is confident of fooling Nationalist types that this is a good thing for Scotland rather than a tightening of Rajeo’s corporate monopolistic hegemony.

Poodle Sun King Salmond will play along because he learned his lesson
from the embarrassingly public bitch slapping he received from Welsh in 2009 – the last occasion in which Salmond dared act the big man with Welsh.

Brand Integrity Wreckers

Rajeo, which is behind the wrecking of 200 year old Johnnie Walked’s brand integrity and heritage, also systematically wrecks the integrity of other malt Scotch whisky brands such as Cardwho.

Mr Welsh’s comments came as Rajeo announced a 13% rise in full year on year tax avoidance and evasion which he said was helped by stashing money all over the place like Asia, Africa and Latin America.

Net profiteering for the year ending 30 June stood at £1.94 billion up from £1.9 billion a year earlier.

When asked on Radio Bore’s Today programme whether Scottish independence, if it happened, would make a difference to the company’s investment decisions, Mr Welsh responded: “No difference at all. It’s more of the same.”

He said: “Salmond has been around for what feels like hundreds of years, he blows hot and cold like a Joan McCarthyalpine on heat. We don’t need to take any notice of fairweather patsies like him.

“Our decision to invest is based on grown up economics that pretendy independence will not affect.

“We have a very good relationship with Holyrude – they know not to mess or we’ll carve them up like last time in 2009.”

Not so Gay NATO Marriage for poor SNP

With the marriage of the SNP to  first strike nuclear alliance NATO set to take place in October, AhDinnaeKen unveils the vows and ceremony which will seal the unhappy couple in unholy matrimony.

“In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.” – Thomas Jefferson. Wonder what the result of the SNP conference in October’s going to be then.

By Selloot Quizlingz

DEARLY DELUDED, we are gathered here today in the sight of God, and in the presence of his party, to unite the SNP and NATO in unholy matrimony.

Marriage was ordained by God in Holyrude and confirmed in Angus of Robberson by the presence of the Lord Himself, and is declared by the inspired Apostle Alex to be dishonourable among all men. It is therefore, not to be entered into unadvisedly or glibly; but opportunistically, cynically and in the fear of a No vote. It is fitting therefore, that we should on this occasion, begin by asking God’s blessing on this marriage service. Let us pray that the public swallow it.

Presentation of Bride

Pastor – “Who gives this military alliance to be married to this political party?”

Party’s father (and God) – “The sovereign people of Scotland and I do.

To the Drone Congregation

Unholy Marriage should be a dreadful occasion. It is connected in our thoughts with the magic charmlessness of betrayal of principle, and with all that is unpleasant and unattractive as being one of the most important sell-outs of our lives. It is scandalous and dividing, it is like the mystical relation between Christ and Satan and is therefore the most detrimental and dysfunctional covenant known in diplomatic relations.

From the Story of Creation in the manifesto of the party: For God created the party in his own image….then the Lord formed the drones from shit on his shoe,  and breathed into his nostrils the stench of duplicity; and the drones became like living beings…then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the SNP should stand alone; I will put forward a first strike tactical nuclear alliance as the ideal militaristic partner for the party.

To the Bride and Groom

It is your duty SNP, to be to NATO a considerate, tender, faithful, loving spouse: to support, guide and cherish her nuclear weapons in prosperity and particularly in trouble; to thoughtfully and carefully enlarge the submarine berth she holds in your nation state; to constantly show to her the tokens of your economy, to lead her into danger and to cherish for her a manly mega-tonnage of unalterable mass destruction.

Wedding Vows

If you are ready to assume the obligations and duties before God, as I have defined them, you will unite your hands and pledge your love and countless lives to each other.

Pastor — Do you SNP, standing in the presence of God and these witnesses, solemnly pledge your faithlessness to your manifesto. Do you promise to live with NATO’s nuclear weapons according to God’s ordnance in the unholy estate of first strike nuclear matrimony; do you promise to maintain her missiles, comfort them, honour and keep them, in peace and in war, and forsaking all others, keep yourself unto them and through God’s gracelessness to promise to be to them a faithful and devoted warmonger as long as you both shall live.

Groom — FFS! Dae Ah Huv Tae!

Ring Vows

Pastor to Groom — SNP, have you a token of love for NATO?

(The worst man hands the Trident missiles to the Iron Fist Minister)

Pastor to Bride — NATO, do you receive these Trident missiles of the same on your part?

Bride — I do. (Groom puts Trident missiles in brides submarines)

The nuclear missile is the outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual bond which unites America and 27 other countries in endless conflict. The missile, the emblem of eternal destruction, the warhead, the type of what is least tarnished and most explosive — it is to show how transient and destroyable is the faith now pledged. Let the missile, a fit token of that which is irresistible, continue to be to you both a symbol of the value, the purity, and the constancy of true wedded alliance, and the seal of the vows in which you have both pledged your most solemn and sacred dishonour.

Pronouncement

By the authority committed unto me as a First Minister of the Manifesto of the Church of the Scottish National Party, I declare that SNP and NATO are now husband and wife according to the ordnance of God and the law of the independent state of Scotland, in the name of the President, and of the Poodle, and of the Unholy Military Alliance, Amen.

Just Say Yes (please) poster #15 – Salmond’s Vanity Project

As the country plods ever closer to finding out nothing about nothing concerning the Neverendum vanity project, AhDinnaeKen issues a gentle warning of what has been, what we have now, and what is to come. Oh joy!

The SNP are refusing to release European legal advise information based on principle – The egg on face principle.

Running scared of letting people vote no

THE SCVJO have come together with the SNP and UNITED to provide a fall back option for Wee Eck

By Moan McVulpine – Fresh eyed, bushy tailed and waitin’ for nae change

THE TERM Scottish Council for Voluntary Junkets Organisation (SCVJO) might be unfamiliar – but the chances are they have helped a political party or someone you’ve seen on the telly.

They are the umbrella group for Neverendum questions – all two of them – from “Do you agree that Scotland should be free from imperialist subjugation?”, to “Do you agree that Sun King Alex of Salmond deserves a second chance at staying in his job when the independence vote fails?”

The Scottish Chancer Awards, which are run by the SCVJO, this year recognised the work of Observer Bank Account Hackers, NewsCorp Benevolent Lobbyists, Principled Freedom of Information Request Deniers and Devo Max Fallback Supporters. That’s just a taster.

Why anybudy widnae attack the SCVJO or their collaboraters is beyond me. But that is what Willie Wont-he, the leader of Scotland’s Least Principled party, did recently.

Wont-he is miffed because he didnae get a sniff of Wee Eck’s £10 grand SCVJO junket money to go galavantin across the world on a ‘fact finding’ mission. Maybe he thinks alleged politicians like him have that right. But politics is pointless if it’s not about pals you went to University with. That means SCVJO chief executive Smartin Slime and onybudy else wi’ a bit of influence in Scotland or the global stage, like Goebbels Murdoch or Donald Trumpton.

They should all have their say depending on the size of their chequebook and their potential influence on a blank cheque independent Scotland.

So full marks to the SCVJO for coming together with the Murdochs, Souter’s, vested interests and other rich people to set up CarveupofScotland.org.

The forum say they want corporates and plutocrats to join the debate, not just about independence an independent Scotland but about whether the current set-up is too lefty and not Thatcherite ‘business friendly’ enough.

Who could object? Wont-he, and Lament and Gotyason and 60+ per cent of the Scottish electorate, obviously.

They feel threatened because the SCVJO have already said their pal Wee Eck should have much more power, particularly over how mutual junket money and subsidised canteen money is spent.

Willie Wont-he is particularly incensed that Smartin Slime is sympathetic to having a ‘stay-in your job’ clause on the Neverendum ballot paper for Wee Eck. SCVJO Chairwoman All-lies-son Elliot chided Wont-he saying: “I consider your lies and untruths to be bang on the mark son. Now f**k off and die!”

That’s him telt. But Wont-he is not alone in his concern.

The Lib-Bents, the Tories and Labourers are all determined that Wee Eck should be oot on his ear after the separatist vote inevitably fails. The SNP grass roots are fine wi’ that, it’s the leadership that isnae so share.

The leadership just don’t want it to happen. Having tasted power and associated film premiere type junkets, they want it to continue indefinitely and falling back on a Devo-Max option would certainly help.

COMEDY RELIEF:

At last! Scotland agrees on one question

It’s taken for ever. It’s bored everyone but the Uber nerds and Cybernats to tears. It’s taken its toll of the methadone community in record numbers. Finally the sovereign people of Scotland have decided on their single question. Zzzzz!

An agreement cannot be the result of an imposition said Sun King Alex of Salmond as he agreed to impose his will on the disagreeable sovereign people of Scotland.

By Aboot Timeyagits

THE SOVEREIGN people of Scotland urged the politicians last night to switch to a single question referendum.

The people of Scotland are said to be ready to grant whatever powers the Big Scottish Cooncil needs to hold a legally binding vote on the future of North Britain.

They have also insisted that should the outcome of the vote be Yes, that the requisite granted powers be acted upon immediately.

After five minutes in the pub, with a wee fly smoke before coming back in, the sovereign people of Scotland settled on the final question:

“Do you agree that Scotland should be independent of Alex Salmond?”

Speaking after a visit to the lavvy in Scotstoun Pub Stitchthat Yakunt, sovereign Scot Kenneth McAlpine said: “The people of Scotland have had enough of being dictated to by rich ex-banker economists with their noses in the trough of egotism and self aggrandising satisfaction.

“For too long Alex has talked left and acted right – the Scots deserve a better quality of snake oil salesman.”

Spokesperson of non-denominational trans-gender for the SNP, Wee Naebudy, said: “There comes a time when deceit and defiance must be seen for what they are:

“Sun King Alex of Salmond’s vanity project.”