Category Archives: Economy

SNP knew Mackay would crack and fail due to stress

FORTH ROAD Bridge engineers considered replacing the part of the Scottish transport department which failed dismally to perform this week. AhDinnaeKen reports:

 "Sometimes when people are under stress, they hate to think, and it's the time when they most need to think." - William J. Clinton. Unfortunately for the country's economy, Derek Mackay was not "Stronger for Scotland."

“Sometimes when people are under stress, they hate to think, and it’s the time when they most need to think.” – William J. Clinton. Unfortunately for the country’s economy, Derek Mackay did not think and was not “Stronger for Scotland.”

By Truss JointCivil engineering and ministerial expert

ENGINEERS WORKING on Transportminster Derek Mackay have revealed how they plan to fix his career which cracked on Good Morning Scotland on Wednesday forcing him to reveal the truth about the Forth Road Bridge closure.

It’s believed to involve a “face saving repair” around his radio performance which failed dismally to cover up the SNP government’s budgetary gamble with the country’s economy.

A media access platform is being built around the broken minister but, given his failed admission of truth to the BBC’s Gary Robertson on Wednesday, experts say his career is beyond repair.

Firstminster Nicola Sturgeon told MSPs that her “absolute intention” was to deflect all blame on to Mackay in case any of the finger pointing should fall in her direction.

Ms Sturgeon pointed out that the transportminster was “more than 38 years old, he’s been carrying more responsibility than he was designed for by way of ability and competence.”

She insisted: “This problem with Mackay was not predicted for the radio appearance in which he cracked, but we are trying desperately to remedy it, we are fixing it and we will get another fallguy in place before the new Forth crossing is due to open next year.”

Scottish Labour Opportunists deputy leader Alex Rowley said: “It was predicted as far back as 2010 that Derek Mackay would develop a fault.

“We need a full parliamentary inquiry into what has gone wrong with Mackay.

“For an SNP Minister to admit that he lied to parliament, while revealing it to the BBC on the radio, shows there has been too much strain put on his ministerial performance and now he has broken.

“There needs to be a full replacement of the transportminster section of the SNP government.”

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Economy, Lies, Media

Currency: Asset or assethole? You decide!

FIRSTMINSTER Salmond and, by definition, the Nationalists, consistently refer to currency as an “asset”. They argue that the sterling currency is as much an asset of Scotland’s as it is of England’s and rUK. It’s why their argument of ‘deny us our assets and we’ll ignore our liabilities’ (debts) holds such resonance for the indy committed. Unionists, as would be expected, say that currency isn’t an asset. So what is it? AhDinnaeKen disnae ken:

"The good fighters of old first put themselves beyond the possibility of defeat, and then waited for an opportunity of defeating the enemy." - Sun Tzu.  Looks like Salmond will be waiting for a while.

“The good fighters of old first put themselves beyond the possibility of defeat, and then waited for an opportunity of defeating the enemy.” – Sun Tzu.  Looks like Salmond failed at the first.

By Izzit Tangible

ON YESTERDAY’S BBC Marr show, Firstminster Salmond said “if you claim ownership of all of the United Kingdom assets like the Bank of England and the currency then you end up with all the liabilities!”

A clear threat that an indy Scotland under the Firstminster’s rule would default on its debt should it be denied a currency union with rUK.

His statement also begged the question, just who is the bully, bluffer and blusterer and is currency an asset?

Here’s what AhDinnaeKen’s extensive investigations found ie we* trawled the internet.

In 2001, Kathy Mann, Director of the Office of the Fiduciary Advisor at State Street Global Advisors concluded:

“However for all intents and purposes, active currency has zero correlation to the major equity and fixed income asset classes.”

That’s a naw. It isnae an asset.

The website ETF.com (Electronically Traded Funds) opens an article entitled ‘Currency: The Overlooked Asset Class’ like this:

“International currency is the largest and most liquid asset class in the world.”

That’s an uncontestable aye. It is an asset.

The implication by ‘The Bankwatch’ is clear here:

“I think there is a lot of confused thinking about Bitcoin.  I believe today it is an asset and not a currency.  That view is supported by first Germany, and now Norway.”

It strongly implies currency is not an asset.

And then there’s an overall balanced argument as put forward here by Advisor.ca:

“On the one hand, there are those who argue that currency is either its own asset class or a subset of alternative asset class, giving it a place in modern portfolio theory.

“In the other camp are the traditionalists who say currency has no inherent value, and as a result is not an asset class in the same way stocks and bonds are.”

The conclusion is clear. Nobody, not even the experts in the field, knows for sure.

In Firstminster Salmond’s case, it comes down to that old faithful of committed indy supporters – trust.

If you trust Salmond, currency is an asset.

If you don’t trust him, it’s not.

If you neither trust him nor distrust him, then it’s mebbe’s it is, mebbe’s it isnae.

The whole argument is moot though.

And it’s ever so slightly offset by the fact that the Tories, the Lib-Dems and the Labouring party aren’t prepared to have a currency union whether it’s an asset or an intangible or a barrel of Brent sweet.

As if it needs repeated, the currency union rejection by the indy opposition has effectively sunk the Yes campaign.

The Nationalists present campaign strategy is of manning the lifeboats and seeing how many survivors they can muster before the whole ship ignobly sinks.

Yesterday’s attack on Andrew Marr by the Firstminster is symptomatic of that contingency strategy.

He knows he’s lost, it’s just a matter of regrouping and re-enthusing the faithful for yet aother push later on – no doubt with a different leader.

And, of course, culprits such as the BBC will always be there to take the blame due to their intangible bias and bullying.

Because that’s the only way right minded people would consider any other alternative than voting Yes. Right kids?

Gie’s a len o’ a poun mister!

5 Comments

Filed under Economy, Referendum

No more hi-tech for Scots if they choose independence

FIRST the Nationalists promised us an X-Box One. Now Better Together say we’ll have to give up our i-pad mini’s. AhDinnaeKen asks, just what gadgets are we going to gain or lose post-Neverendum:

Nationalists want us to rediscover our historical roots with alternative technology.

Nationalists want us to rediscover our historical roots with alternative technology.

By Naemare Hitech

SCOTS COULD be left with no hi-tech gadgets in the event of a Neverendum Yes vote.

According to a Better Together Project Feartie & Snivelling Coward spokesperson, the Scots could end up “having to text from a phone box”.

The announcement followed the recent shocking news that oil revenues can go up as well as down – known in political circles as doing a ‘Joan McAlpine’.

Better Together Frontman Blare MacDougall said that Scots could end up having to play Call of Duty on that ZX Spectrum currently festering in their loft.

He said: “First we were told we would be better off by £500 a head – enough for a X-Box One – trebles all round.

“Now it turns out we’ll have to give up our i-Pad minis – turn doon the heating will ye.”

The Scottish public were left shellshocked by the announcement which followed the recent publishing of GERS data.

According to the Institute of Pronouncements, Scotland’s deficit could be as much as £1000 per person by 20016-17 – the equivalent of having to give up your flat screen telly, Sky Box, Blu-Ray player and i-Pad mini.

“We’ll be left watching black and white Sanyo portables if the Nationalists get their way,” moaned one bigoted, thought controlled, anti-Scots, cringing, snivelling, cowardly Quisling traitor to his country.

Nokia 3310 mobile phone owning spokesperson for the SNP, Wee Naebudy, said: “Who needs hi-tech in an independent Scotland? We’ll have each other. And ye can borrow mah phone if ye like.”

6 Comments

Filed under Economy, Referendum

Osborne to call Salmond’s bluff

THE WAR of words and actions between England and Scotland has been ramped up to a state never seen since pre-Darien days. Then, ‘good’ King William helped ensure that Scotland’s daring bid to enrich itself would fail. Has Salmond’s bluff been called? Will Osborne stick his tongue oot and say, “only kidding”? We’ll find out tomorrow. For now, if this was a game of poker, Salmond’s debt default bluff has been well and truly called. AhDinnaeKen reports:

"Money is the sinew of love as well as war." - Dr. Thomas Fuller.  Westminster declares economic war on Scotland. Who's gonnae win.

“Money is the sinew of love as well as war.” – Dr. Thomas Fuller. Westminster to declare economic war on Scotland. Who’s gonnae win?

By Texas Holdem

UK CHANCELLOR Bullingdon Osborne is likely to declare economic war on Scotland tomorrow.

He said he’s had enough of Salmond’s poker playing and it was time to show who really held all the cards in the present currency Union poker game.

The Scottish government accused the chancellor of “running scared” and acting like a “bully”.

Indy commenter, Ian McWhirter, said the chancellor was effectively declaring “economic warfare” on Scotland. Though he kept quiet about Salmond’s threat to default on Scotland’s debt share if he didnae get his currency Union.

The most lucid and wisest advice given to Firstminster Salmond today was from an unexpected quarter.

Country singer, Kenny Rogers (still alive) offered the following wisdom:

“You’ve got to know when to hold ’em
“Know when to fold ’em
“Know when to walk away
“Know when to run
“You never count your money
“When you’re sittin’ at the table
“There’ll be time enough for countin’
“When the dealin’s done”

He further added:

“Now every gambler knows the secret to survivin’
“Is knowin’ what to throw away
“And knowin’ what to keep
“‘Cause every hand’s a winner
“And every hand’s a loser
“And the best that you can hope for
“Is to die in your sleep”

Wag, half-wit, moron and hate blinded idiot, Longshanker, said:

“That’s it then. Indy has died in its sleep. That’s a shame. Next!”

 

CURRENCY UNION EXPLAINED IN THREE WORDS

8 Comments

Filed under Economy, Referendum

A tribute to SuperSalm – superhero of the Nationalist class

Poor wee Skintland. Not only is it rich in natural resource, as we found out last week, it is also rich in Superheroes. AhDinnaeKen investigates:

Superheroes give us hope for the future. Thanks to SuperSalm we know what to look forward to - total capitulation.

Superheroes give us hope for the future. Thanks to SuperSalm we know what we can look forward to – total capitulation to corporate muscle flexing.

By Deecee McComics

Narrator: Faster than a speeding sloth. More powerful than a loco Labour party. Able to leap on parliamentary aides in a single bound.

Average Jock 1: Look! Up in the headlines! It’s a turd.

Jock Wummin: It’s insane!

Average Jock 2: It’s SuperSalm!

Narrator: Yes, it’s SuperSalm. Strange visitor from another parliament, who came to Skintland with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men. SuperSalm, who can change the course of mighty corporations, bend intransigent Unions in his bare hands. And who, disguised as a bloated Politician and profligate Firstminster of a mediocre Parish Cooncil, fights a neverending battle for troof, corporatism and the Tartan Tory way. And now, another sleep inducing episode in the adventures of SuperSalm:

SuperSalm and the capitulation of ordinary people to evil corporations

Narrator: There’s trouble brewing at the Petro-chemical plant. Benevolent international corporate tax avoiders need to put troublesome native workers in their place. Lex Luffer-Ratcliffe requires assistance in holding the country to ransom while shafting his workforce and simultaneously getting the taxpayer to gift him with trouser loads of risk free money.

Average Jock 1: No one in the world is capable of doing that!

Jock Wummin: Yer probably richt!

Average Jock 2: It’s time to call for SuperSalm!

SuperSalm: Stand aside keachy mortals! I shall use my superpowers to give Lex Luffer-Ratcliffe everything, and more, that he wants.

Narrator: SuperSalm and super little helper Lois Lane-Swindley do everything in their power to help shaft their own citizens.

SuperSalm: Another victory for corporate backscratching. I shall bask in the Nationalist mythologising of this victory for indecency and ‘civic progressive’ values for many months to come.

Look forward to more of this supine capitulation to corporate power Jock citizens. We will break free from the imperialistic yoke of the evil empire. Better a corporate slave than a Unionist slave.

Narrator: Next week we shall follow the adventures of SuperSalm as he demonstrates the best methods to keep parliamentary aides satisfied while still maintaining a ‘happy marriage’ with his super mum/wife.

1 Comment

Filed under Economy, Education

Bullingdon posh boy set to punish workshy oiks

Towel folding Chancer’s recent announcement to penalise the long term jobless for their wilful idleness will have several beneficial economic offshoots, according to absolutely nobody. AhDinnaeKen investigates:

Hard working people need to be able to recognise "the enemy (virus) within." said Gideon Richborne yesterday.

“Hard working people need to be able to recognise the enemy (virus) within.” said Gideon Richborne yesterday.

By Hardquore Scrownjar

THE LONG term unemployed are to be punished in order to drive key economic indicators for the Benevolent Tories it has been claimed.

Chancer of the Exchequer, Gideon Richborne, is set to announce a range of punishments for the plebs of society later this afternoon at the Tory Tory Tory conference.

Richborne will promise an exponential increase in misery, poverty, humiliation, despair, suicide and crime.

The long term unemployed haven’t been stigmatised enough according to the Bullingdon Chancer and this populist measure is expected to increase his party’s election chances in 2015.

The £300 million “Help Us to Get Elected” package will see 200,000 assorted low-lifes, illiterates, drug addicts and reprobates given no other choice than to do what their Conservative betters tell them.

And the measure is expected to have the added benefit of keeping the lowly paid in line in order to boost their superiors bank balance.

According to Conservative Bankers for Business spokesperson, Hartless B’Stard, the move will have several societal benefits for the Tory Party.

He said: “Driving the benefits bill down means that we can also drive wages down in the full knowledge that nobody will give up their shitty and soul destroying low-paid job in case they fall into our hands. Result!”

It is also expected that people losing their benefit will engage in entrepreneurial activities such as hanging themselves, overdosing, mugging old grannies, casual theft, prostitution and aggravated burglary.

People placed on the new scheme will have to wear a yellow star on their shoulder so that decent hard working voters can instantly identify them.

“This something for nothing virus has spread through our society like a cancer” said a random pub bore.

“Gideon has the right idea. For every pleb he can get off benefits, that’s another free bottle of bolly for the next Tory party conference. Hurrah for our poshboy social superiors.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Culture, Economy, Labour

Scottish budget: Swindley pledges enough to let bedroom tax victims eat cake

Finance secretary happy to keep hated Tory legislation victims “on the hook”.

SNP answer question: "Who's responsible for kicking the poor when they're down?"

SNP answer question: “Who’s responsible for kicking the poor when they’re down?”

By Inra Munny

SKINTLAND’S FINANCE secretary has set out his spending plans for the next two years, insisting he would continue subsidising the middle class.

John Swindley said there would be more money for upper band council tax payers and more subsidies for those who can already afford it.

He also said that the SNP government would make some token gestures so that it appeared they cared about poor people evicted from their homes.

But the opposition accused him of putting the boot into Scotland’s most vulnerable in order to play politics for the Indy campaign.

Bloviating in the Skintish Parliament, Mr Swindley said his draft budget, worth an awful lot of pocket money and funded by the big boys Treasury at Westminster, would also pay for some SNP vanity projects.

And he added that it was important for top band council tax payers to get substantially more of a subsidy than the “common clarty basturts” in cooncil hooses.
Mr Swinney said the draft 2014-15 budget would:

  • See more people kicked oot their hooses to aid anti-Tory rhetoric
  • Maintain middle class subsidies in order to keep them on board with the SNP’s raison d’être.
  • Invest £24m in 2015-16 on a national ‘burn the booze’ hate ritual and supermarket windfall tax.

Fat cat apologist with all the cream spokesperson for the SNP, Wee Naebudy, said: “This budget will ensure that even if we don’t vote Yes next year, the Skintish civil service will still be much better off than the cooncil scheme riff raff. We’ll let them eat cake.”

 

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Economy, Referendum

Forth crossing name to be announced in honour of Firstminster’s five pensions

It’s unnecessary, it’s overly costly, it’s been hailed as a success for ‘competent’ SNP government and now it’s to be named in honour of the Firstminster and his five pensions. AhDinnaeKen takes a look at the proposed new names in honour of the anointed one.

"One man's folly is another man's vanity project" - Five Pensions Salmond

“One man’s folly is another man’s vanity project” – Five Pensions Salmond

By Big Spender

THE OFFICIAL name for the road bridge being built over the Firth of Forth will be announced in honour of Five Pensions Salmond today.

He will visit the construction site to revel in narcissism and a deep gratifying sense of self worth.

The results of a public vote by 0.6 per cent of the Skintish population who expressed disinterest are as follows:

Firstminster’s Folly – the costs, tendering and pandering to human rights friendly China could yet hing the Five Pensioned one.

Salmond’s Vanity Project – the SNP’s anointed one has a pathological need to be seen doing things that are in the Skints alleged best interests. As has become increasingly clear, this new project is of dubious necessity.

Bloater Bridge – in high winds the bridge is designed to move, or wobble. Such wobbling will remind canny Skints of the Firstminster and his strikingly bloated and wobbly profile.

The Nationalist Nightmare – as budgetary information and the invevitable overspend seeps, by osmosis, into the Skintish public’s consciousness, wiser Nats will be hoping that the info can be kicked into the other side of the 18th September 2014. Otherwise their Neverendum credibility could be ground into the dust.

The White Elephant – A favourite of the Greengoes Party and quite rightly so. According to Bitter Nation’s Jimbob MacKenzie, “Scotland may well be stuck with the most expensive white elephant since the Darien Project.”

Indeed! Whatever self aggrandising name the Five Pensioned one decides to call the bridge, you can be guaranteed that everyone in Skintland loses.

Ho hum!

3 Comments

Filed under Economy, Environment, Referendum

Moan McVulpine: Nationalists think we were all born yesterday

Moan McVulpine says that in an independent Skintland pensioners could expect more of the same as she slams the Skints for growing old.

Moan McVulpine - delivering collateral damage every time she speaks

By Moan McVulpineSaying one thing in public, another in private

A STUDY by the consumer magazine C U Jimmy! this year found the SNP had one of the lowest credibility ratings of any Independence party.

For example, the Norwegians achieved real autonomous independence in 1814, not the kiddy oan independence currently being proposed by the SNP.

Ireland’s peoples had a real appetite for Independence and took to arming themselves and fighting for their self determination in the early 1900s. Can you imagine the Skints doing that? Me neither.

As for Germany, not only did they achieve full independence post World War 2, they went further and unified their ex-communist neighbours into a greater Germany.

Almost immediately, they flexed their newly found diplomatic power muscles and chose to flout international law and U.N. mandates by illegally recognising Croatia as an independent nation.

Some say it was their ex-Hitler youth chancellor, Helmut Kohl, paying tribute to his long deid moustachioed hero. Zeig Heil ya tong basturts! as we Weegies like to say some times.

But all of these movements led to great upheaval, social unrest and, in certain instances, unrestrained and bloody violence.

In comparison, Wee Ecky’s vision centres on economic ‘levers’, staying in a currency Union with their hated imperialist oppressors, entering into a political Union with the United States of Germany, and seeking the protection of a first stike military Union within the United States of NATO.

Wow! Now that’s what I call ahem, ‘independence’ or, as they say in certain circles, “more Unionist than the Unionists.”

As if to pour oil on pipsqueakingly still waters, now we’ve to keep and share the same administration of pensions with the Unionists so long as it doesn’t tie the SNP into policies which they oppose. No guarantees though, it’s worth noting.

Who says that the Nat’s don’t have a sense of humour? – ah nearly pished mahsel when ah heard that wan on the British Brainwashing Corporation radio this morning.

And then we have Joan McArthyalpine rambling on in the Daily Ranger aboot pensions and the awfulness of the current Unionist administration of pensions.

Ye couldnae make it up.

Hus anybody got a nappy, ah’ve just pished mahsel laffin.

COMEDY RELIEF

Leave a comment

Filed under Economy, Moan McVulpine, Opinion

Swindley: Independent grants attract foreign corporate subsidy junkies

Skintish inward investment, hailed by the SNP as a compelling reason for the potential success of SNP style independence, turns out to be mostly subsidised by the Skintish Enterprise Agency. AhDinnaeKen turns up the forensic scrutiny to warp factor six:

“For the sake of “job creation,” in Kentucky, and in other backward states, we have lavished public money on corporations that come in and stay only so long as they can exploit people here more cheaply than elsewhere. The general purpose of the present economy is to exploit, not to foster or conserve." - Wendell Berry. [ Image from Skintish Enterprise website: http://www.scottish-enterprise.com/your-sector/technology/overview/technology-key-facts.aspx ] "We do things differently here."

“For the sake of “job creation,” in Kentucky, and in other backward states, we have lavished public money on corporations that come in and stay only so long as they can exploit people here more cheaply than elsewhere. The general purpose of the present economy is to exploit, not to foster or conserve.” – Wendell Berry. [ Image from Skintish Enterprise website: http://www.scottish-enterprise.com/your-sector/technology/overview/technology-key-facts.aspx ] “We do things differently here.”

By Scott MacNabbed

GOVERNMENTAL ‘SWEETENERS’ and the selling of the Skints as a low wage exploitable workforce is the future of SNP style independence, a major new reading between the lines has revealed.

Corporate gift cards in the form of subsidies and grants have reached a 15-year high thanks to the SNPs willingness to bend over backwards for corporations such as GlaxoSmithKline, Avaloq, JP Morgan, Amazon and Dell.

Hailed as a major reason to vote for SNP style independence, John Swindley, the backstabbing Piggy Bank Minster, claimed that desperate for work supine Skints will vote yes for such sustained exploitation.

He said: “An exploitative job is better than no job, right?

“We have people so desperate for work here that we can sell Skintland on the back of a ‘compliant’ low rent workforce, topped up with a few ‘backscratching’ corporate gifts in the form of taxpayer £millions.

“Whit’s no tae like. The SNP can still swan around like Masters of the Skints Universe, the corporates git big fat tax payer subsidised gifts and the downtrodden Jock MacAverage’s git a temporary joab which makes the SNP luk guid in the eyes o’ the Skints electorate. Sorted.”

Kenny Gibbon, the SNP monkey in charge of the rubber stamping Finance Committee, said nothing of interest or relevance, though he did predictably mention “Unionist scaremongering”. Ho hum. ZZzz…

Skintland is a great wee ‘colonised’ country populated with ‘inferiorists’ and partially subjugated by its own Vichy styled ‘collaborating’ quislings, according to Nationalist supremacy site, Bella Caledonication. You get the Skintish government you deserve – right kids?

 

COMEDY RELIEF

Leave a comment

Filed under Economy, Opinion, Treachery

Salmond’s Indy vision: Move along now, nothing to see here

Frank Drebin Cuthbert, the Naked Gun Economist, pours oil on still turgid independence waters. Everyone other than the Independinista minority say, ‘Ho hum’, next! AhDinnaeKen tries not to die from apathy, indifference and undernourishment:

"The death of democracy is not likely to be an assassination from ambush. It will be a slow extinction from apathy, indifference, and undernourishment." - Robert M. Hutchins

“The death of democracy is not likely to be an assassination from ambush. It will be a slow extinction from apathy, indifference, and undernourishment.” – Robert M. Hutchins

By Sam Nambulist

FRANK DREBIN Cuthbert the oft quoted SNP biased economist has issued a damningly luke warm report on the Salmond Independence vision: “Move along now, nothing to see here”.

It strikes a hammer blow on Wee Ecky’s ‘Levers for Skintland’ vision, outlined in the recently published ‘Heidcase for Independence’ docupamphlet.

“Firstminster Salmond’s eagerness to be more Unionist than the Unionists”, says Frank, “will bind Skintland to Londinium’s square mile of global corruption, corporate whoredom and institutionalised money laundering.

“But at least the Firstminster and his mum/wife won’t have to pay for any more junkets or tea cakes, er, haud on.”

Some economists, such as Frank’s wife, went further. She reckons that Wee Ecky’s Independence lite vision may even result in less powers than we currently possess with the present day Devo-Kiddy-Oan plasticine parliament.

She said: “At present we have the ffrreeddoomm™ to spend our Westminster pocket money as we see fit.

“With Ecky’s current plan, we might not even be able to do that.

“The basturt English Chancer of the Exchequer will tell us what to do.

“The Big European Quangocrats will tell us what to do.

“NATO will tell us what to do.

“So no change there then.”

“The choice, therefore, is stark and simple: Vote Yes – for more of the same. Vote No – for more of the same. Don’t vote at all – for more of the same. Spoil your ballot paper – for more of the same.

“In effect, the Neverendum presents us with at least four voting choices and the great thing is, no matter what we vote or don’t vote for – we’ll still get more of the same.

“As my husband has already said – ‘Move along now, NOTHING to see here’.”

 

TRAGEDY RELIEF

Leave a comment

Filed under Economy, Referendum

That Wiz the Week that Wiznae #2

Sometimes creeping torpor, slithering ennui and an ever present sardonic smile isn’t enough to keep the Neverendum boredom at bay. AhDinnaeKen takes a lazy gambol over the previous week’s news. ZZZzzzz…

"For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity and from a clinician to a bean counter." - William Longshanker Penn.

“For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity and from a clinician to a bean counter.” – William Longshanker Penn.

By Longshanker

Sunday May 19: Big Brother is watching your child

Civilian! Be careful the values you instill in your child!

Civilian! Be careful the values you instill in your child!

The Sunday Express runs a chilling story which, despite the Big Brother graphic and overly sensationalised conclusions, perfectly  illustrates the controlling aspect of the Nationalist mindset.

All Skintish children are to have a ‘named person’ looking after them, noting down all reported instances of anti-Skintish thoughtcrime or behaviour exhibited by the child’s parents. Information recorded is then entered into a database to be used later in order to assign citizenship grading – a form of social audit.

According to the report, the specific aim of the bill is “to undermine parents and give the “community” a greater role in raising children.”

In Orwell’s seminal novel, 1984, the chief protagonist, Winston Smith’s, neighbour, Parsons, falls prey to his children reporting him to the thoughtpolice for speaking in his sleep against Big Brother. A ridiculous notion for modern day Skintland but…

Summed up: The moral difference, if any, between a citizen and a civilian is, a citizen accepts responsibility for the protection of the body politic. A civilian does not. All civilians should beware, the SNP thoughtpoliceman  in your home could be your ‘citizenised’ child.

Monday May 20: The Cancer Sufferer Clearances

The main condition for cancer treatment is affordability. Hurrah for doing things differently here.

The main condition for cancer treatment is affordability. Hurrah for doing things differently here.

Piggy Eyed Patsy Healthminster, Alex Kneel, is ambushed and metaphorically bang ganged on the BBC’s Call Specialkay programme. His policies on health, mean that Skintish cancer sufferers wishing to live, will have to leave Skintland and live in England – a post-modern clearances meme for Bella Caledonication types.
Even the presbyterian puritan wing of the Independence movement cannot deny the natural conclusion of Kneel’s performance and explanations regarding the dispensation of life saving cancer drugs..
No matter how he, his cat herding political master, or his political master’s Star Chamber spin it, access to life saving Cancer drugs is found to be dependent on price and the rulings of SMC managers – not clinicians – in Skintland.

Summed up: The poison chalice of health imposed on the Piggy Eyed Patsy
is seriously undermining him. He might yet end up being called Doctor Death. A shameful example of how ‘we do things differently here’.

Tuesday May 21: Nationalists publish a very serious docupamphlet – Skintland’s Economy: the Heidcase for Independence.

Me and my levers. Sun King Salmond sets out his case for more levers in Skintland.

Me and my levers. Sun King Salmond sets out his case for more levers in Skintland.

At first the forensically detailed 69 page docupamphlet reads like the much vaunted positive case for the Union. It makes it easy to imagine Bitter Together stealing some of the rhetoric and assertions for later use…

In the document’s foreword, the anointed one, Sun King Salmond himself, pleads his visionary case for more levers.

Martin Luther King had a dream. Moses had a vision. Alex Salmond wants a full set of levers.

That’s right, levers! A full set! The sort of economic implements you lever economic levers economically with.

It’s certainly inspired AhDinnaeKen with the zeal and vision of new flowering Skintish political landscapes populated with all different types of levers – economic, political, cultural and social.

In the document’s foreword, in reference to Skintland, Wee Ecky says, “we lack a full set of economic levers”. He also says we are a lever deprived country because he later adds, “Westminster deprives Scotland of the levers.”

And, as he further explains, it’s all Westminster’s lever hoarding fault because they’re durty English lever hoarding basturts. How dare they? They’ll be voting in their droves for a Nationalist party soon and be wanting to lever themselves out of the Union next, er, haud on?!

We don’t have anywhere enough levers in Skintland according to the Firstminster. We need, and must have, more levers for levering the other economic levers to give us more leverage, or something.

Summed Up: I’m not an Indy A-lever, are you an Indy B-lever?

Wednesday May 22: It’s oor baw an’ aw. Gie’s a gemme or wur no playin’

If you're going to issue threats to anyone, sometimes it's best to actually be in the position to follow through on it. Ho hum!

If you’re going to issue threats to anyone, sometimes it’s best to actually be in the position to follow through on it. Ho hum!

Ex-banker Salmond threatens to embarrass Skintland on the international stage by reneging on its debt obligations to the rUK.

In a speech to some bus makers while launching the Heidcase for Independence docupamphlet, he tells the Chancer of the Exchequer that he kens it’s the Chancer’s baw, but if he disnae get a shot, he’s no gonnae play, and he’s takin’ aw the jumpers gettin’ used as goal posts.

Summed up: Are we supposed to take the Nationalists seriously? This reminds AhDinnaeKen of a similarly styled threat made by Wee Eck at the Johnnie Walked rally in 2009. Paul Walsh, Heid Honcho of Dirageo, ‘bitch slapped’ Salmond fir that wan. Take heed – or is that heid? – Wee Ecky, yer tea’s oot.

Thursday May 23: FMQs – sombre mood, sombre conclusions

Blessed be the cancer sufferers for 'social justice' Skintish style has passed them by.

Blessed be the cancer sufferers, for ‘social justice’ Skintish style has passed them by.

With his most serious, sombre and statesmanlike voice and poise, Dr Death Salmond is virtually forced by Wee Jimmie Krankie Lamont to admit what Piggy Eyed Patsy Kneel had already admitted earlier in the week: if you’ve got cancer and money in Skintland you will live, if you don’t, you will die. Unless, that is, you move to England where they still dispense these drugs free at point of need.

Summed up: AhDinnaeKen has a degree of sympathy for the Skints government on this one. But the vast majority of our* heartfelt sympathy goes out to the cancer patients denied treatment due to cost.

Friday May 23: Curriculum for Mediocrity is still mediocre shock!

Would you turn your back on this man? Answers on a front facing blackboard please.

Would you turn your back on this man? Answers on a front facing blackboard please.

Elitist, nepotist and most despicable of all the Nationalists, Mike Bernhard Rust-ell, continues to ignore the impending disaster of his creepy and tainted Curriculum for Mediocrity.

Anyone who has ever read the philosophical values and associated guff which accompanies their schoolchild’s school reports etc. cannot help but be apprehensive regarding its emphasis on ‘citizenship’ and ‘values’. Tied in with the ‘Named Person’ policy outlined above, it’s easily viewed as more than sinister – a conclusion only cemented given the ‘thistle grasping’ minster in charge.

Summed up: A prima facie example of unproven assertion directed straight into policy. No wonder the teachers are revolting.

Saturday May 24: New BBC Skintland Editor required for build up of Neverendum snore-athon documentaries.

Ahh! The British Brainwashing/Bolshevik/Bourgeois Corporation. It's just so bloody biased.

Ahh! The British Brainwashing/Bolshevik/Bourgeois Corporation. It’s just so bloody biased.

The great thing about this new position is that, no matter who gets the job, they will automatically be accused of bias by somebody. And long may that continue. As AhDinnaeKen once pointed out, the BBC is biased against everybody. Lord Reith himself would have been proud of such an accusation.

Expect to see the following labels crop up in the coming months: British Brainwashing Corporation, British Bolshevik Corporation and British Bourgeoise Corporation etc etc tedious etc.

Summed up: Neutrality always looks like support fir the ither side.

Leave a comment

Filed under Economy, Education, Media, Newspeak, Uncategorized