Category Archives: health

Winter deaths up thanks to us claim SNP

IT’S LONG been known that the largest single block of No voters in the 2014 independence referendum were old, decrepit, closed minded, worthless “Yoons”. The SNP’s plan to deal with the “problem” has been hailed as a huge success by the “Indy minded” throughout the Nation. AhDinnaeKen reports:

Jeanne Freeman

“There are worse things than death. Have you ever spent time at an SNP conference?” asked Jeanne Freeman yesterday.

By Furr Coughhealth, age and psephology correspondent

“WINTER” DEATHS in Scotland reached their highest levels since devolution began, it was confirmed by the SNP today.

More than 23,000 oldies died as a result of SNP policies, leaflets, conferences, party political broadcasts and incessantly dull rhetoric that “indy is the only salvation”, according to the Department for Nationalist Statistics.

Virulent strains of Nationalist pish have been directly attributed to the encouraging rise in the number of fatalities.

Last winter the number of Nationalist pish related deaths trebled to just under 21,000.

Ms Yoon Hater, Chief Executive of Victory Through Fatality, said the long term trend should result in fewer available oldies and therefore less No voters to thwart any future Independence referendum plans.

And she added: “The average winter death value for the last eighteen years has been rising but ramped up exponentially in the last four (2014) as we became fully aware of who the true enemies of Scotland really were and whom we should indiscriminately target.”

The underlying causes of most of the additional deaths include boredom, lethargy, tediousness and monotony, all symptoms directly attributable to the SNP’s indy message and strategy.

Jeanne Freeman, Queen Quangocrat and something to do with health (this week), said:

“There is no doubt that we more than doubled our efforts into boring the oldies to death.

“These fantastic figures prove, if nothing else, that we’re getting something right.”

Nicola Sturgeon added: “This increase in fatalities should be seen as a beacon of our ‘progressive’ values.”

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