Monthly Archives: February 2013

Raasay attax not welcome

The SNP showed their true colours last week when they decided to shoot dead the Raasay Crofters hopes and aspirations for a better life.

Moan McVulpine - delivering collateral damage every time she speaks
By Moan McVulpineputting the ‘hip’ in hypocrisy

CAN YOU imagine a Scottish plasticine parliament acting like an absentee landlord in the heart of their own country?

Me neither. Yet that’s exactly what the SNP have acted like toward the crofters of the island of Raasay – y’know, people who actually live here.

I am proud to say that at last the party has thrown off the yolk (sic) of the Scottish cringe.

With Raasay as our clarion call, we can start apeing the actions of our colonial Tory posh boy betters and shaft the Scots where they need shafting – in their modest, hardworking aspirations.

Paul Shithouse, the SNP Croftingminster is an archetype of the new ‘ruling class’ anonymously emerging from the Plasticine Parliament’s mediocropolis.

He’s an arrogant, out of touch, absentee, ‘Tartan Tory’ Macposh boy who wouldn’t know the price of 18 years of hard work and endeavour if it hit him square on his fat bloated head.

Fast tracked from the privileged freeloaders MSP list, he’s barely in the job six months and he’s managed to help destroy the hopes and aspirations of a whole community with one foul stroke of his gilt edged public schoolboy pen.

Here’s to the Tartan Tories. More Tory than the Tory Tories. We’re doing nothing in our power to protect people from the absentee landlord policies of Edinborrow.

Some say we should get shot of Shithouse in the manner he got shot of Raasay’s shooting and gaming rights.

I’ll drink to that.

Raasay

COMEDY RELIEF

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Filed under Moan McVulpine, Opinion

Raasay crofters crushed under the heel of SNP jackboots

The SNP lip service mantra which pays homage to the sovereignty of the people, social justice, progressiveness, inclusiveness and civicness – yada yada yada –  is once again heard ringing hollow when subjected to the ‘real reality’ test. AhDinnaeKen casts its ‘harsh and tough’ eye over Crofting-minster Paul Shithouse’s track record of being bought and sold for Lowland gold.

Raasay Shithouse

By Itsanin Justice

HOLYROOD’S PLASTICINE parliament has failed to address significant inequalities in Scotland’s crofting communities according to a recent report.

The Protect Raasay Island’s Crofting Kibbutz (PRICK) report claims only politicians genuinely interested in the ‘sovereign people of Scotland’ can deliver true social justice for Raasay’s crofters.

It marks the launch of a major public relations disaster for Scotland’s so called Nationalist Socialist Party (NSP).

Crofting-minster, Paul Shithouse NSP MSP, has betrayed the 18 year endeavour and aspirations of the Raasay crofting community in one foul stroke of his posh-boy pen.

Bought and sold for Lowlander gold, the fat headed ex-public school boy even had the temerity to claim he supported the findings of the report.

He said: “I have always been a PRICK and I will always be a PRICK, you only have to look at my fat public schoolboy face to see that I am a 100% total and utter PRICK.

“What these whinging teuchters have to understand is that I have been privately educated in an environment of expectation and privilege.

“These crofter people smell of deer, dead things and shite. What interest could a freeloading list MSP like myself possibly have for them.?”

Passionate land reform campaigner, Andy Playthewightman is on the case.

He has already called for an inquiry into the decision by the NSP to sell out the hopes and aspirations of this hard working badly treated community.

Read more about Raasay’s deplorable treatment at the hands of this disgustingly arrogant MacPoshboy by clicking on this link: Asleep at the Wheelhouse.

If you read nothing else on this affair, take a look at this excoriating, hard hitting, powerful and impassioned piece – SNP Jackboots crush Raasay’s hope

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Filed under Environment, Newspeak, Opinion

SNP handed triple A gloating opportunity

Chief towel folding Chancer Bullingdon Osborne receives a major flick to his folding credibility. Just as well he didn’t have any in the first place says deputy origami towel folder Fanny Alexander.

"Luck is always the last refuge of laziness and incompetence." - James Cash Penney. Nae luck Gideon.

“Luck is always the last refuge of laziness and incompetence.” – James Cash Penney. Nae luck Gideon.

By Gethim Oot

BRITAIN WAS last night stripped of its AAA towel folding rating in a humiliating flicking for the posh boy Chancer.

Towel folding agency Moodybastas downgraded the nation’s ability to fold its own towels.

The UK had held its cherished AAA towel folding status since 1978 when the country was rescued from the non-towel folding communist trotskyist Labouring party.

A spokesperson for Moodybastas said that the agency had lost interest in the UK’s towel folding ability.

The agency decided to have a laugh by giving the Nationalists in Skintland an opportunity to gloat at Westmonster incompetence.

A spokesperson for Moodybastas said: “We thought it was time for the non-towel folding Scots to be handed a gilt edged opportunity to crow over Osborne’s incompetence.

“It may even prove a distraction for Scots from their own Plasticine Parliament’s non-towel folding incompetence.”

Chancer of the Exchequer, Gideon ‘Oik’ Osborne’s only full time job, before his present employment was towel folding at Selfridges.

According to a Selfridges spokesperson, “He wisnae very guid at it.”

No one in this Sceptered Isle was very surprised by the revelation.

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Filed under Economy, Media

Mock Indyref vote: Real students reflect real reality

Much has been made by BetterTogether of the resounding victory of the No vote by Glasgow Uninversity students. AhDinnaeken casts its “tough and harsh” eye over what this vote really means.

 

Competition is about winners and losers. Sorry Deputy Miss Leader. Ye didnae win, therefore...

Competition is about winners and losers. Sorry Deputy Miss Leader. Ye didnae win, therefore…

By Commy Tator

VICTORY was declared yesterday at the Glasgow University Independence vote.

Not for the No side and definitely not for the Yessers. Victory was declared by the Don’t Give a F**kers.

20+ thousand students chose to vote with their feet and resoundingly voted that the constitutional debate on Independence was “irrelevant” to their daily lives.

In this instance they truly reflected the current mood of Scotland.

As expected, the brave souls who did vote, returned a result which endorsed what the polls have been telling Scotland for decades – the appetite for a Yes vote doesn’t exist.

Deputy Miss Leader Sturgeon proved that she has the same anti-Midas touch as her boss Tricky Dicky Salmond.

Her personal appearance resolutely failed to move student voters in her favour.

Ex-BBC Tristram, Tonyblair Jenkins, of the Just say Yes (please) campaign probably lost the Yessers some votes.

And it’s worth remembering that Glasgow Uni students represent the cleverest types. They see through the SNP powermongers and their empty insular rhetoric.

Inevitably, the forces of Indy delusion went into frothing predictability mode.

Some ‘online activists’ impugned students, accusing them of similarities to the 1926 crew who helped break the General Strike.

Others claimed that the No voters were “English” – forgetting that the people who live here are the best people to make the decisions here.

And, of course, the low percentage ratio of actual voters was cited as a reason why the vote’s results couldn’t be taken seriously.

Apparently, all it proves is that more work needs to be done.

In Indy’s instance the main work has been done. Sisyphus Salmond has managed to get the indy boulder as far as a referendum

The Glasgow Uni vote proves that it’s all down hill from here.

Expect the campaign to get exponentially nastier.

Ho hum. How predictable.

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Filed under Culture, CyberNats, Referendum, Treachery

Lookalikes – Wangs Over Skintland

Achtung! All those wishing to turn the tide and balance of Mainstream Media Unionist Bias. The clarion call has gone out. Citizen, ahem, ‘professional journalism’ is now within the reach of YOUR pocket. Dig deep!

LOOKALIKES

WINGS Quid 05

Sir

Has anyone else noticed the remarkable similarity between Wangs Over Skintland the ‘Media Monitor’ mendicant’s logo and the symbol of the German Wehrmacht – another force for civic and inclusive progressiveness?

One brought a unifying force to Europe and the other brought… er, a unifying force to Cybernats on the internet. Are the two by any chance related? I think we should be told.

Yours sincerely

Longshanker

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Filed under CyberNats, Newspeak, Wangs Watch

Should voters be given morning after the Neverendum pill?

Serious questions raised in Scots Plasticine Parliament over type of medication to be dispensed to predicted traumatisation of voters.

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” ― Laurell K. Hamilton

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” ― Laurell K. Hamilton

By Farmah Sist

TOP SPINDCOCTORS will today urge the Scottish Plasticine Parliament to allow voters a morning after pill – in VOTING BOOTHS.

Ruth Wholeperson, chairperson of the Scottish Traumatised Voter Mentalists Group, will tell Whollyrude’s political mentalists that urgent action will need to be taken.

The Government had aimed to cut post-Neverendum trauma with a Yes vote, but that eventuality has had to be discounted.

Currently Voter nurses can’t dispense medication – but can advise voters to contact mental clinics.

Here, two experts JOCK MCAVERAGE and FROTHING PARTISAN tell their views on the controversial issue.

NO: JOCK MCAVERAGE of Pondlife charity

AS an individual with day to day priorities, I’d worry that these damn Nationalist types will be able to escape the consequence of what they’ve done.

By giving out the voter-after pill in booths, we teach voters they need not be responsible.

You’re sending out a message to voters that they can do what they like.

How is that going to help voters to respect themselves or their political opponents.

If you’re going to give voters methadone before the vote and then a morning-after pill, they’re less likely to use discretion.

One in three voters in Scotland currently believe in the SNP fantasy – we have reached epidemic proportions.

The other morning-after pill was designed to breed these people out of the system.

Voters don’t behave today the way they did a generation ago. Twitter and WordPress has made them think they have something important to say.

I send my children to voting booths to vote and I find it astonishing they could be handed the morning-after pill to repudiate their actions.

YES: FROTHING PARTISAN co-leader of the GREENGOES

THE VOTER nurse network is there to look after the health and wellbeing of voters and I see no reason to exclude those who may be making a catastrophic mistake.

Voters have a right to access the service and that’s only being challenged by mentalists who realise how tediously mental the whole Neverendum debate actually is.

If someone needs emergency voterception they need to access it early – they’ll have the rest of their lives to face the consequence of what they’ve done.

Some voters will want to access a service out of the voting booth and may have seen their overpriced MSP – which will ultimately be a useless and dispiriting experience for them.

It is a delicate balance between living up to your responsibilities or living in denial for the consequences of your actions.

Whatever the result of the Neverendum, at least one third of the country is going to need medicated for a very long time.

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Filed under CyberNats, Morality, Referendum

Sturgeon supports Cameron’s stance on EU budget

Deputy Miss Leader Sturgeon agrees with David Cameron’s austerity strategy on EU  budget funding.

 

Bullingdon Dave - pishes himself at Labour's response to Sturgeon's implicit Tory support.

Bullingdon Dave – pishing himself at Labour’s response to Sturgeon’s implicit Tory support.

By R.I.P. PonseybodyNewsnat Chief Denial Reporter

SCOTLAND’S YESMINSTER was today accused of being a ‘Tartan Tory’ after she backed David Cameron’s stance on EU budget cuts.

Speaking on the BBC Radio’s flagship propaganda programme, Good Morning Scotland, Miss Leader Sturgeon offered support to the under fire Tory Prime Minister.

The admission followed questioning from the BBC’s Chief Quisling turncoat traitor basturt Gary Robertson when he asked if she supported in “principle” the reduction in EU budgets over the next six or seven years.

Mr Robertson asked Yesminster Sturgeon, “I wondered in principle if you agreed with the Prime Minister’s stance?”

Deputy Miss Leader Sturgeon replied: “I think everyone accepts that in a time of austerity you cannot have European budgets increasing when national budgets are decreasing.”

Her comments provoked furious response from Scottish Labour who accused the Yesminster of double standards.

Shadowminster for Social Injustice Drewaface Smith barked: “This is typical of the SNP, talk left, act right and then when it comes to the crunch, side with the Tories.”

BBC beaks also invited Secretary of State Michael Moore or his deputy David Mundell to appear on the programme.

Both declined due to previous toenail clipping commitments.

A cringing apologist spokesperson for the Scottish Office said: “Michael or David would have appeared to be interviewed, but the Deputy Miss Leader had already done their job for them, so why bother?”

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Filed under Economy, Labour, Referendum

Rocketing price of MSPs makes them an unaffordable luxury

The cost of subsidising MSP lifestyles is rising so much that many of us can’t afford a second bottle of Pinot Grigio for lunch

Moan McVulpine - delivering collateral damage every time she speaks
By Moan McVulpinetalkin’ pish wan gless at a time

ONE IN three MSPs have stopped paying for subsidised lunches.

The cost of not answering questions in parliament is to blame. The consequence might as well be a week in the stocks of public opinion.

Actually doing your job has become the cost of maintaining an appearance of worthiness.

But it’s hard for us list mouthpiece freeloaders who prefer a lunchtime o’booze.

Negative headlines, speeding fines and rank hypocrisy means the reports going out show us up for what we really are – capricious romanticists tinged with the sharp edge of Nationalistic chauvinism.

But hey ho, you’ll find that with any Nationalist cause no matter how civic, progressive or inclusive they try to appear.

The Institute of MSP Studies has calculated that the average MSP is £53,000 plus per annum better off than their natural talents would dictate in the marketplace.

It’s no wonder that the Daily Ranger opinion poll last week showed that the cost of MSP hot air was at least £53,000 per annum too much.

Or that three-in-four MSPs are found lacking every day.

It won’t get any better.

COMEDY RELIEF

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Filed under Economy, Moan McVulpine, Opinion

Sturgeon sent death threats on the intranet

Deputy Miss Leader Sturgeon has revealed that, like the Firstminster and his hacked bank account, she doesn’t believe in reporting crime when it occurs.

Reporting criminal acts to the media but not to the police is standard SNP practise. It's part of the rewritable Miinisterial Code.

Reporting criminal acts to the media but not to the police is standard SNP practise. It’s part of the rewritable Ministerial Code.

 

By Dee Septiv

DEPUTY MISS Leader Sturgeon said that she had repeatedly received a chilling message from the same Leader of the SNP reading: “Help me oot Nicola. Kill your career by saving mine.”

And she reacted by ‘putting her career’ on the line, bailing Tricky Dicky Salmond out over Pantsonfiregate and Accurateanswergate.

It is understood that she helped report the incident through the mechanism of the Ministerial Code in the Scottish Plasticine Parliament.

Her comments come as senior Nationalists are desperately attempting to back track on every Nationalist assertion exposed under Unionist mainstream media scrutiny.

Miss Leader Sturgeon described them as “downright ignorant” but added that it was not a one sided problem, with Unionist ‘colonisers’ making equally empty assertions.

She added: “I hate to cover up for stupid, offensive, downright barefaced lieing by Firstminsters in parliament. Unfortunately, that’s my job as deputy. Some of the most diabolical stuff comes from people on my own side!”

The deputy minster then revealed the shocking threats made to “kill her bitching career” if she refused to help the Firstminster.

Death threats against her political career and a promise that she would be left as Health Secretary made up her mind.

She laughed: “Can you imagine having to clear up that mess. Thank god I saved the Firstminster and he’s keeping a low profile.

“That let’s me get on with calling the Unionists ‘colonisers’ and looking like an undoubted successor to the leadership.”

Deputy Miss Leader Sturgeon is MSP for Govan and a bona fide apologist for serial benefit fraudsters.

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Filed under Culture, Law, Morality

The Modern Pamphleteers – Who said that? #3

The third of AhDinnaeKen’s semi-regular shameful Sunday slots dedicated to the radical and modern pamphleteers of our age. Ever wondered why certain CyberNationalists can be so offensive? Wonder no more. This series exposes the people they got it from. 

Award yourself a Tartan star each time you know the answer.

Who Said That #3

A: Jim Sillars.

The militant windae brekker and ’90 minute Nationalist’ faither of SNP ‘direct action’ politics lamented the loss of a party with a real tradition of democracy and radical ideas rather than the Blairified party and executive we see now.

He might be mad but he’s not crazy. Tricky Dicky Salmond himself said of Sillars: “no one in recent Scottish politics has had more God-given talent…”. So, despite the look and feel of a mad MacBeth in waiting, Jim knows what he’s talking about when it comes to the pairty.

Weel said Jim. AhDinnaeKen, on impartial observance, is inclined to agree.

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Filed under CyberNats, Opinion, Poster

SCOTTISH HEADLINES ‘MOST BIASED’ SINCE YESTERDAY

A bias recognised is a bias sterilised according to Benjamin Haydon. Unfortunately that doesn’t stop some self appointed ‘activist’ types from going on and on and on about it. Ho hum! Zzzz…

"Activism is tough. Online activism is just tedious." - Calumnity Cashley

“Activism in the real world is tough. Online activism is just tedious.” – Calumnity Cashley

By Media Monitor-Mendicant

SCOTTISH NEWSPAPER headlines were officially declared as “misleading” yesterday after a self appointed ‘media monitor’ found them guilty of biasedness for over 300 years running.

“Yesterday’s headlines were blatant enough,” said Wangs Over Skintland, “but today’s have hit a new level of Unionist conspiracy.

“The fears are that tomorrow’s headlines will be the worst since records began.” he frothed.

“There are no signs of less biased headlines on the horizon and it may be years before we see any sort of recovery in ‘truthful’ reporting like that exhibited by my 20 years of, ahem, ‘professional journalism’.

“Please give me some money, the despicable Unionist oppressors are going to put me on the Work Programme if you don’t…” (cont. 292 pages).

Those Disgustingly Biased Headlines In Full

Biasedness worst since I said so says Wangs Over Skintland

Biasedness worst since Wangs said so says Peter A Dumb-Bell

Biasedness worst since Xmas Turkey vote in 1979 says SNP

Biasedness worst since Culloden says Bonnie Prince Charlie

Biasedness worst since Dunbar says Oliver Cromwell

Biasedness worst since Flodden says James IV’s widow

Biasedness worst since Falkirk says William Wallace

Biasedness worst since Mons Graupius says Calgacus

[For more outrageous, oppressive, lying, disgustingly despicable Mainstream Media Bias cast your eyes on anything Broadcast by the BBC or published in the Telegraph, Scotsman, Herald, Guardian, Daily Record, Independent, Daily Mail, Daily Express, Daily Star and Metro. At least, that’s what the Media Monitor medicant would have you believe in his capacity as an, ahem, ‘professional journalist’. Try not to laugh too hard.]

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Filed under CyberNats, Education, Newspeak, Wangs Watch