Tag Archives: Nato

SNP end right to buy false assertions

Venerable minster, Keach Brownstuff, ends the Skintish public’s right to buy parish cooncil assertions fae the SNP as Salmond et al fantasy over NATO membership is cruelly and easily exposed under simple scrutiny at the Big Boy’s Parliament in Westminster.

Keach Brownstuff yesterday following his humiliation at the Big Boy’s Parliamentary Committee.

Keach Brownstuff yesterday following his humiliation at the Big Boy’s Parliamentary Committee.

By Totta Harsh-Lesson

INDEPENDENT SKINTS would have their right to buy fantasy assertions from the SNP abolished by 2014 according to real world reality.

Venerable minster, Keach Brownstuff, was forced to admit that Five Pension Salmond’s assertion of “automatic” entry to NATO wisnae as accurate an assertion as he had ever given to the sovereign people of Skintland.

In terms of the debate it was true, in terms of reality it was pish.

The admission came under the lightest of Westminster Parliamentary Committee scrutiny and prompted much laughter, tittering, pointing, guffawing and ‘nudge nudging’ at the SNP minster’s expense.

Thanks tae the SNP, these people were also laughing at Skintland.

The SNP and Skintish nation’s embarrassment follows several other embarrassments which are just as embarrassing to Skints hoping, wishing, dreaming and fantasising that Independence will help us escape from world reality and the Tory Toff embarrassment at Westminster.

Independent experts confirmed that the piss poor showing fae the SNP at the Big Boy’s Parliament would lead to Trident on the Clyde for as long as the USA, through its rUK poodle satellite, wanted it stationed there.

Fantasist, obscurist, sophist and reality denier spokesperson for the SNP, Wee Naebudy, said: “This is isnae whit ye think. Trident on the Clyde will be temporary after we achieve Independence.

“They might be there fir anither hunner year, but in terms of oor thoosand year ‘economic levers’ vision, that can still be called temporary.”

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Indy traffic light system to be rolled out

Poll after poll of Skintish public opinion consistently shows that there is an urgent need for more clarity in the arguments provided by both sides of the debate – particularly the Nationalist side, as the onus is on them to do the real convincing. AhDinnaeKen takes a look at the new proposed traffic light system for the increasingly confusing ‘big turnoff’ currently being mooted as debate in Skintland.

The SNPs recent assertions on pensions, payments and shared administration was put to the traffic light test recently. This was the result.

The SNP assertions on pensions, payments and shared administration was put to the traffic light test recently. This was the result from a 100kg weighting.

By Troofis Ootthere

A NEW consistent system of political front-of-speech assertion labelling is to be introduced in Skintland, the Electoral Commission says.

A combination of colour coding and assertion information will be used to show how much barefaced lies, horseshit, fantasy and credibility are in each assertion spouted by pro-Independence politicians.

The announcement comes after 300 years of debate about the issue and has been welcomed by electoral groups.

Jock McAverage of the Bored Shitless with Indy Campaign said: “A quality campaign involves substance, not just the stereotypical Barnum statement pro-Scotland soundbites we have heard so far, but where is the all important detail?

“The first casualty of any political campaign is the truth, so we welcome this traffic light system to help the 16/17 year old weans trying to make sense of the increasingly laughable pish spouted by both sides – particularly the SNP.

“The system is easy to understand and should help everyone, particularly the weans, to come to a satisfactory conclusion about how amateur the whole debate has been so far.”

Jock McAverage, 301, is a snivelling cowardly pro-Union Tory quisling BritNat traitor turncoat who has been bought and sold for English basturt gold.

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Salmond’s Indy vision: Move along now, nothing to see here

Frank Drebin Cuthbert, the Naked Gun Economist, pours oil on still turgid independence waters. Everyone other than the Independinista minority say, ‘Ho hum’, next! AhDinnaeKen tries not to die from apathy, indifference and undernourishment:

"The death of democracy is not likely to be an assassination from ambush. It will be a slow extinction from apathy, indifference, and undernourishment." - Robert M. Hutchins

“The death of democracy is not likely to be an assassination from ambush. It will be a slow extinction from apathy, indifference, and undernourishment.” – Robert M. Hutchins

By Sam Nambulist

FRANK DREBIN Cuthbert the oft quoted SNP biased economist has issued a damningly luke warm report on the Salmond Independence vision: “Move along now, nothing to see here”.

It strikes a hammer blow on Wee Ecky’s ‘Levers for Skintland’ vision, outlined in the recently published ‘Heidcase for Independence’ docupamphlet.

“Firstminster Salmond’s eagerness to be more Unionist than the Unionists”, says Frank, “will bind Skintland to Londinium’s square mile of global corruption, corporate whoredom and institutionalised money laundering.

“But at least the Firstminster and his mum/wife won’t have to pay for any more junkets or tea cakes, er, haud on.”

Some economists, such as Frank’s wife, went further. She reckons that Wee Ecky’s Independence lite vision may even result in less powers than we currently possess with the present day Devo-Kiddy-Oan plasticine parliament.

She said: “At present we have the ffrreeddoomm™ to spend our Westminster pocket money as we see fit.

“With Ecky’s current plan, we might not even be able to do that.

“The basturt English Chancer of the Exchequer will tell us what to do.

“The Big European Quangocrats will tell us what to do.

“NATO will tell us what to do.

“So no change there then.”

“The choice, therefore, is stark and simple: Vote Yes – for more of the same. Vote No – for more of the same. Don’t vote at all – for more of the same. Spoil your ballot paper – for more of the same.

“In effect, the Neverendum presents us with at least four voting choices and the great thing is, no matter what we vote or don’t vote for – we’ll still get more of the same.

“As my husband has already said – ‘Move along now, NOTHING to see here’.”



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Empty assertion tax on SNP ‘could benefit Scots’

Tax on substanceless assertions uttered by SNP politicians could improve quality of Neverendum debate.

“I’m a logician. No matter how wrong I am, I can always convince myself I am right.
” ― Jarod Kintz,  AhDinnaeKen would like to raise a glass to all those Nationalist logicians out there.

“I’m a logician. No matter how wrong I am, I can always convince myself I am right.
” ― Jarod Kintz, AhDinnaeKen would like to raise a glass to all those Nationalist logicians out there.

By Widye Beleevit

A TAX should be levied on each substancless assertion uttered by the SNP it has been agreed.

It is reckoned a tax of £1 on the production of each ’empty assertion’ stated by SNP politicians could boost Scottish coffers by at least £1bn.

The call came from Professor Jock Everyman, who served on the Scottish government’s Council of Evidenceless Assertions.

The Alex Salmond Association said the move would scupper demand for a Yes vote and cost the Neverendum.

Prof Everyman said the recent empty successes of substanceless assertions had brought “disappointing” benefits to the Yes campaign.

In a biased BBC Scotland investigation, Sir Swordov Truthsootthereson, previous chairman of the Council of Empty Assertion Advisers appointed by Firstminster Salmond, supported the idea.

The sovereign people of Scotland cannot directly tax the empty assertions, as that power lies in the hands of the empty assertion makers.

However the former chairman of Empty Assertion Researchers said Whollyrude could tax itself – it was already taxing on the Scottish mindset.

Powers over stopping SNP empty assertions are already in place, but the Scots won’t get the chance to exercise them until approx October 2014.

The Alex Salmond Association said it uttered 40 empty assertions per second in 2012.

When the statements left the lips of the utterers they were reckoned to be worth about “nothing”.

In addition to the niche market in Scotland, empty assertions had great success in attracting ridicule and scorn – in terms of the debate – from around the world, particularly Europe.

However Prof Everyman criticised the SNP for the concentration of empty assertions which often crept into the realm of “barefaced lies”.

Prof Everyman said: “I think the benefits to the Scots of the empty assertion industry are really quite disappointing.

“The largest producers will find there are rapidly diminishing returns.”

According to analysis by Biglie Economics consultancy, the SNPs empty assertion industry will soon grind to a halt.

Deluded fantasist and empty assertion producing spokesperson for the SNP Wee Naebudy said: “Oor assertions always have meaningful substance in them.

“As soon as we have oor oil fund in place we will ditch nuclear weapons into Barroso’s back garden while automatically picking the best EU policies at the top of the table in the Bank of England’s Scotto-Sterling zone.

“Then, and only then,  the sceptics and waverers will see the truth of oor assertions.”


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SNP signal: We’ll stay with nuclear weapons but ban Tories

SNP leader signals new priorities for land of milk and honey come the big day

Alex Kneel signals to the country that anti-Scots will be dealt with in pre-emptive legislation as 'signalled' by his Skintland on Doomsday interview. That's a lot of signalling.

Alex Kneel signals to the country that anti-Scots will be dealt with in pre-emptive legislation as ‘signalled’ by his Skintland on Doomsday interview. That’s a lot of signalling.

By Dayinwhit Ittakes

A SOLEMN League and Covenant for an independent Skintland should explicitly ban Tories from the country, Firstminster Moses Salmond proclaimed yesterday.

The Firstminster said that an independent Skintish constitution should explicitly rule out the hosting of Toxic Tories in all their definitions.

Salmond claimed the proclamation “reinforces” the SNP’s unshakeable opposition to the traitor coined ‘Tartan Tories’ label.

His comments signalled that the SNP are set to rubber stamp debate policy on nuclear weapons and membership of the Conservative party post the ‘big day’.

The SNP said such a move would reinforce the party’s unshakeable opposition to anything which might make neverendum voters waver.

The proposal was unveiled as Nationalists prepared to debate plans to make abortion compulsory for those likely to produce anti-Scots Tory progeny.

Firstminster Moses proclaimed: “As signalled by Alex Kneel, we will bring forth proposals to rid our country of the enemy within through Aborto Nocta and that proclamation will be ratified post 2014.

“The SNP position on this is that for too long oor wee country has been held back by the craven traitorous backstabbing infiltrators intent on denying oor country my legacy and destiny.”

Plans by the SNP leadership to keep Scotland Tory free were hailed as “progressive” by Braveheart Commandos, Polarised Militants, Frothing Cybernats, Butcher’s Apron Burners and Puritan Patriots yesterday.

Members of the Kill the Tories Skintland Coalition welcomed Moses Salmond’s plans for Aborto Nocta but suggested the policy will only deal with the anti-Scots not yet born.

Coalition heidbanger Bella Caledonication said: “While Aborto Nocta is welcome, it does nothing to deal with the real danger of anti-Scots voting against our destiny. The SNP must face up to the real and present danger of a No vote.”

The SNP’s supine acceptance of their leaderships proclamations will go ahead later this month.

Mindless drone, timorous cow’rin beasty Wee Naebudy said: “Labouring Tories, Lib-Dem Tories and Tory Tories – your cairds huv been marked.”

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MacAesops Fables #27 – The Dancing SNP Monkeys

Our twenty-seventh Sunday outpouring of sanctimony and self-righteous morality to be taken as seriously as the SNP’s commitment to anything, other than the Neverendum vanity project

Eck’s reshuffled cabinet ministers display their delight at their new positions of responsiblity.

A VAINGLORIOUS FIRSTMINSTER had some SNP Monkeys trained to dance to his tune.

Being naturally great mimics of politicians actions, they showed themselves most apt pupils, and when arrayed in their rich clothes and masks, they danced as well as any of the other Unholy Alliance politicians.

The spectacle was often repeated with great applause, till on one occasion an Unholy Alliance politician, bent on mischief, took from his pocket a handful of NATO nuts and threw them upon the stage.

The SNP Monkeys at the sight of the NATO nuts forgot their dancing and became (as indeed they were) Monkeys instead of real politicians.

Pulling off their masks and tearing their robes, they fought with one another over the NATO nuts.

The dancing spectacle thus came to an end amidst the laughter and ridicule of the audience.

Analysis: Let’s start with the moral of the fable: “Not everything you see is what it appears to be.” Indeed! Enough said about the left talking right acting Scottish National Party.

The SNP’s new highly unprincipled dedication to the ‘unpardonable folly’ of joining NATO’s first strike nuclear alliance looks exactly like what it is – jettisoned principles in the face of perceived power.

All that can really be done now for the undedcided and the opposition is wait, watch and listen.

Inevitably, the fallout of sophistry, hypocrisy and evasion from the SNP’s autocratic leadership as they attempt to justify their inalienable lust for self aggrandising ego driven power, will fully unfold and be revealed at the SNP conference this October.

Get the fat-free crisps, the Tartan Tammies, the 3D glasses and the alcohol-free beer in for what promises to be a richt guid hand wringing, soul searching laff at the volte face, about turn, Janus like, cringing justification, blood fest.

It’s bound to be funnier than the new series of The Thick of It – which admittedly wouldn’t be hard.

For more morally superior and vacuous posturing click on the Fable category to the right.

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Not so Gay NATO Marriage for poor SNP

With the marriage of the SNP to  first strike nuclear alliance NATO set to take place in October, AhDinnaeKen unveils the vows and ceremony which will seal the unhappy couple in unholy matrimony.

“In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.” – Thomas Jefferson. Wonder what the result of the SNP conference in October’s going to be then.

By Selloot Quizlingz

DEARLY DELUDED, we are gathered here today in the sight of God, and in the presence of his party, to unite the SNP and NATO in unholy matrimony.

Marriage was ordained by God in Holyrude and confirmed in Angus of Robberson by the presence of the Lord Himself, and is declared by the inspired Apostle Alex to be dishonourable among all men. It is therefore, not to be entered into unadvisedly or glibly; but opportunistically, cynically and in the fear of a No vote. It is fitting therefore, that we should on this occasion, begin by asking God’s blessing on this marriage service. Let us pray that the public swallow it.

Presentation of Bride

Pastor – “Who gives this military alliance to be married to this political party?”

Party’s father (and God) – “The sovereign people of Scotland and I do.

To the Drone Congregation

Unholy Marriage should be a dreadful occasion. It is connected in our thoughts with the magic charmlessness of betrayal of principle, and with all that is unpleasant and unattractive as being one of the most important sell-outs of our lives. It is scandalous and dividing, it is like the mystical relation between Christ and Satan and is therefore the most detrimental and dysfunctional covenant known in diplomatic relations.

From the Story of Creation in the manifesto of the party: For God created the party in his own image….then the Lord formed the drones from shit on his shoe,  and breathed into his nostrils the stench of duplicity; and the drones became like living beings…then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the SNP should stand alone; I will put forward a first strike tactical nuclear alliance as the ideal militaristic partner for the party.

To the Bride and Groom

It is your duty SNP, to be to NATO a considerate, tender, faithful, loving spouse: to support, guide and cherish her nuclear weapons in prosperity and particularly in trouble; to thoughtfully and carefully enlarge the submarine berth she holds in your nation state; to constantly show to her the tokens of your economy, to lead her into danger and to cherish for her a manly mega-tonnage of unalterable mass destruction.

Wedding Vows

If you are ready to assume the obligations and duties before God, as I have defined them, you will unite your hands and pledge your love and countless lives to each other.

Pastor — Do you SNP, standing in the presence of God and these witnesses, solemnly pledge your faithlessness to your manifesto. Do you promise to live with NATO’s nuclear weapons according to God’s ordnance in the unholy estate of first strike nuclear matrimony; do you promise to maintain her missiles, comfort them, honour and keep them, in peace and in war, and forsaking all others, keep yourself unto them and through God’s gracelessness to promise to be to them a faithful and devoted warmonger as long as you both shall live.

Groom — FFS! Dae Ah Huv Tae!

Ring Vows

Pastor to Groom — SNP, have you a token of love for NATO?

(The worst man hands the Trident missiles to the Iron Fist Minister)

Pastor to Bride — NATO, do you receive these Trident missiles of the same on your part?

Bride — I do. (Groom puts Trident missiles in brides submarines)

The nuclear missile is the outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual bond which unites America and 27 other countries in endless conflict. The missile, the emblem of eternal destruction, the warhead, the type of what is least tarnished and most explosive — it is to show how transient and destroyable is the faith now pledged. Let the missile, a fit token of that which is irresistible, continue to be to you both a symbol of the value, the purity, and the constancy of true wedded alliance, and the seal of the vows in which you have both pledged your most solemn and sacred dishonour.


By the authority committed unto me as a First Minister of the Manifesto of the Church of the Scottish National Party, I declare that SNP and NATO are now husband and wife according to the ordnance of God and the law of the independent state of Scotland, in the name of the President, and of the Poodle, and of the Unholy Military Alliance, Amen.

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