Monthly Archives: June 2012

Just Say Yes (please) Poster #2

This post was meant to be something else, but something else came up, so instead I’m posting something else. Apologies.

By Dearthov Imagination

 

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The Big Debate: Unionist/Nationalist marriage

Sod that BBC keach, AhDinnaeKen looks into the real debate currently splitting the country in two – should Wee Eck and Wee Jimmie Krankie be allowed to marry each other?

A marriage made in heaven or hell? You decide.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. I suppose that explains the lack of answers in parliament from the Right Honourable Sun King.

By Livan Letlive

THE UNHOLY Alliance has sparked contoversy after revealing plans to allow Nationalist/Unionist people to marry in democratic churches.

Equalities Minister Vera-Lynne Feathermystones revealed the Government is set to lift a ban on Nat/Unionist civil partnerships in democratic churches – a move which has angered leading politicians.

Under the new plans, Nat/Unionist men and women can take their vows in a democratic church setting provided they have permission.

However, the Parliament of Scotland has drawn out of using their buildings to marry Nat/Unionist couples.

But not all members of the Parliament are against the move. Ex-Nationalist MSP Margo MacDonut, who is the Mother of Independence is in full support of mixed marriages.

Should Nat/Unionist partnerships, introduced in 1999, be taken in Democratic church buildings?

Yes…

Margo Mac thinks it’s the only way to go. “As there are no plans to force these ‘marriages’ on any political Union in the UK, there will probably be just a few democratic buildings with ‘progressive’ democrats who will look to promote these ceremonies… Live and let live. Move with the times.”

No…

Brian Sootyer. I’m no knight of the realm at all, but the Parliament should stand by what it believes and nobody should be able to go against that. If they don’t believe in different political stance marriages then that’s it.”

Should mixed marriages be allowed in Democracy?

Join the debate now – it’s much more interesting than talking about neverendums.

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“Let my people go!” – Moses Salmond exhorts Pharaoh Cameron

Sun King Moses of Salmond revealed his divine status on the eve of the Bloodyrude Holy Day

If Sun King Moses Salmond had been paid NI newspaper rates for the Ten Referendum Commandments, he might have written the Two Thousand Referendum Commandments.

By Handov Thelord
1 Then the LORD said unto Sun King Moses Salmond, Go in unto Pharaoh Cameron, and tell him, Thus saith the LORD God of the Freedom Seeking Scots, LET MY PEOPLE GO, that they may serve me in European Union.

2 For if thou refuse to let them go, and wilt hold them still,

3 Behold, the hand of the LORD is upon thy budget which is in U-turn disrepair, upon the pasties, upon the fuel duty, upon the caravans, upon the grannies, and upon charitable tax relief: there shall be a very grievous murrain.

4 And the LORD shall sever between the voters of Scottish Nationalism and the voters of Unionyptians: and there shall nothing die of all that is the children’s of Scotland’s Nationalists. For they are indeed, the chosen people.

5 And the LORD appointed a set time, saying, To morrow the LORD shall do this thing in the land.

6 And the LORD did that thing on the morrow, and all the budget pledges of the Unionyptians died: but of the pledges of the children of Scottish Nationalism died not one.

7 And Pharaoh Cameron sent, and, behold, there was not one of the pledges of the Scottish Nationalists dead. And the heart of Pharaoh Cameron was hardened, and he did not let the people have more than one question on the ballot paper.

8 And the LORD said unto Sun King Moses Salmond and unto Auld Nick Aaron Sturgeon, Take to you handfuls of McAlpine guff from the assembly, and let Sun King Moses Salmond sprinkle it toward Westminster in the sight of Pharaoh Cameron.

9 And it shall become small U-turns in all the land of the Unionyptians, and shall be a boil breaking forth with blains upon man, and upon grannies, throughout all the land of the Unionyptians.

10 And they took the McAlpine guff of the parliament, and stood before Pharaoh Cameron; and Sun King Moses Salmond sprinkled it up toward Westminster; and it became a boil breaking forth with blains upon man, and upon grannies.

11 And the spin doctors could not stand before Sun King Moses Salmond because of the boils; for the boil was upon the spin doctors, and upon all the Unionyptians.

12 And the LORD hardened the heart of Pharaoh Cameron, and he hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had spoken unto Sun King Moses Salmond.

Here endeth the sermon

SNP drones – Blairite clones in cultish clothing

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Salmond’s corporate support – Britain’s last resort bail-out

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any more tired and idiotic, it does. A campaign of five minute mad-dog inspired Cybernat style posters. How dull?

Five minute controversy and lots of attention. Ooh! Suits you sir.

By Wingsova Shameful Attentionseekerland

I once used a big word like F**K. What a middle aged rebel eh?

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A red-hot time for McAlpine gingers to shut up

A French Proverb states that “redheaded women are either violent  or false, and usually are both.”

By Moan McVulpine on Jun 26, Whine collections are better thegither

WESTMINSTER RULES Bloodyrude Disnae’s latest star, Moan McVulpine is a definite red-head.

Nae wunner the world’s largest sperm donors – men – are refusing to share donations with this ginger’s genes. Prospective parents don’t want anything to do with recessive falsehood.

There is an internet site – onlyagingercancallaginger-ginger.com – which urges the flame haired and the bad tempered to huv a rant at their ‘normal’ oppressors.

Me, ah don’t need it, ah’ve got The Daily Ranger column every Tuesday.

I’ve already nobbed David Brent – I have to admit a couple of bottles of Pinot Grigio at lunchtime have never held me back, though sun loungers can certainly make things interesting (that’s a story for another day however).

But since I’ve been seen more and more in the subsidised canteen I have noticed some derogatory references to my drinking and eating habits.

It’s clearly a mark of Nationalist contempt, because we have more MSPs avoiding asking tabled questions than any other party – 22 per cent of the parliament.

Labour has fewer, but hammers them more.

Potential sperm donors say the ginger gene can still get them there. Titian locks are a cultural mark of witchcraft and carnal voracity and a source of inflamed ego – time for this Scottish ginger to walk tall and shout out loud: “Who’s next boys?”

COMEDY RELIEF

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Vote Yes and your children will suffer for ever

I watched as the Darling opened the first of the seven seals. Then I heard one of the four living creatures say in a voice like thunder, “Come and see!” I looked, and there before me was a white horse! Its rider held a Facebook Account, and he was given an opinion poll, and he rode out as a conqueror bent on conquest. Book of Referendamnation 6:1-2

The start of the positive case for the union.

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. – Martin Luther King, Jr.

By Roastin Hell

VOTE FOR Independence and your kids will be ConDemned to suffer eternal damnation, a moderate Scot told the electorate today.

Labourers’ former Horseman of the Apocalypse Asmodeus Darling today launches a cross-party drive called Awinitthe Gither aimed at encouraging Scots voters to avoid everlasting torment.

Asmodeus will tell campaigners at HeidinBurrow Naepain University lecture hall: “If you choose the path to hell there is no way back. It is like asking us to buy fags and matches for our children as soon as they’ve started walking.”

Mr Darling said he will try and avoid a “negative case” for leaving the UK.

He will add: “Scotland’s future, hell’s future and the future of the abyss will be ecumenically, theologically and pastorally stronger as a partner in a United Hellminster.

“The truth is that this coming together of heretics, blasphemers, apostates, charlatans and Tory tax dodgers is an abomination, not something to shout about.”

The Awinitthe Gither campaign – which has engaged the Mercurian strategists who helped bring the Great Satan Obama Bin Laden to power – will also distribute 500,000 reasons why burning in hell is awfy sare.

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MacAesop’s Fables # 17 – The Fawn and His Mother

Our seventeenth Sunday outpouring of sanctimony and self-righteous morality to be taken as seriously as Sun King Salmond’s moral courage in the face of Chinese whispers.

A lama, a fawn and a non-humanitarianist

Humanitarianism is the expression of stupidity and cowardice. – Adolf Hitler. Good to see humanitarianism is lacking in today’s civic Scottish government.

A YOUNG Fawn once said to his Mother, “You are larger than a dog, and swifter, and more used to running, and you have your horns as a defense; why, then, O Mother! do the hounds frighten you so?”

She smiled, and said: “I know full well, my son, that all you say is true. I have the advantages you mention, but when I hear even the bark of a single dog I feel ready to faint, and fly away as fast as I can.”

Analysis: Just what did the Chinese consul say to the Nats? Whatever it was, it undoubtedly backs up the moral of the fable: “No arguments will give courage to the coward.”

For more morally superior and vacuous posturing click on the Fable category to the right.

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Weekend Preachologue – Salmond searches for Chib of Destiny

Symbolic weapon of Scots Wars of Independence could help win referendum in 2014

Scotland 1 England 0 in the opening five minutes of the Battle of Bannockburn

Robert De Bruce brought a new interpretation to the phrase “I’ll smash yer heid in” as ably demonstrated to Sir Henry De Bohun.

By Yahoo Mortoon

AN EXPERT last night claimed to have cracked the secret of the Chib of Destiny – it’s hidden in Ayrshire.

Historian YH Mortoon believes the axe used by Robert De Bruce in the opening skirmish of the Battle of Bannockburn may have been taken to Kilwinning Abbey in Ayrshire by the remnants of the mysterious Knights Templar sect.

The Scotlandwide search for the lost militaristic artefact has been immortalised in the legend of King Robert De Bruce and his ‘chibbing’ of English noble Sir Henry De Bohun.

Many say that this skirmish symbolised the differences between the two nations and the ensuing historic victory by the Scots.

YH Mortoon said: “This small incident became in a larger sense a symbol of the war itself: the one side heavily armed but lacking agility; the other highly mobile and open to opportunity.”

Robert De Bruce is reputed to have outmanoeuvered the heavily armed Englishman and buried his ‘chib’ deep in the skull of the unfortunate noble.

De Bruce’s axe shaft was broken but the axe head remained embedded in the cranium of his unlucky adversary.

It is believed by Mortoon that the axe head was rescued by the remnants of the Knights Templar and taken back to their spiritual home in Ayrshire.

Mortoon said: “It is possible the Chib is in Kilwinning or Irvine.

“Several places have been pinpointed, but all of them are false.

“Kilwinning and nearby Irvine had the highest concentration of ex-Templar Knights in Scotland.

“It is worth remembering that the Bishop of Kilwinning part wrote the Declaration of Arbroath.

“Historical lore refers to the Bishop’s mystical ‘handmaiden’ – widely believed to be the nun Jejune De Florette – but I believe the ‘handmaiden’ was in fact the axe head.”

Rumours have been circulating throughout Holyrood that Sun King Alex of Salmond has been secretly searching for the mystical chib – believed to have nation changing powers.

He believes that its power and symbolism may indeed be enough to sway the undecided Scots who may hold the ‘destiny’ of the nation come the referendum in 2014.

But the SNP are keeping shtoom over these revelations due to fear of the ‘chib’ falling into the wrong hands.

Spokesperson for the SNP Wee Naebudy said: “Mortoon’s theory is plausible and an interesting starting point, but if anyone thinks we need the ‘chib’ to win the referendum vote they’re almost exactly right.”

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PM: Dalai Lama avoidance scheme is morally wrong

PM gies Firstminster back o’ his haun ower his moral cowardice

Pot calls Kettle black shock

According to the new ethics, virtue is not restrictive but expansive, a sentiment and even an intoxication, said the China drunk Firstminster.

By Simple Ethicsman

DAVID CAMERON last night blasted comedian Alex Salmond – describing his Dalai Lama dodging as “morally wrong”.

The PM said Salmond, exposed for running away from the Tibetan Spritual Leader, was undertaking “straightforward Lama avoidance”.

And he said it was unfair Salmond did not pay his diplomacy tax in the same way as government leaders throughout the world.

Mr Cameron waded into the row after Salmond kept his silence over the controversy, leaving his drone minions to maintain silence also.

Salmond, 59, is thought to be one of several SNP ministers to sign up to the Lama “avoidance at all costs” plan.

The Firstminster funnelled excuses through the phrase used in parliament: “this is a pastoral visit” and later relied on it whenever queried by members of the public.

The scheme enabled SNP dignitaries to come up with excuses ranging from a ‘family bereavement’ to having to stay in to ‘finish off some poached wine pear’.

In an interview with ITV news during his trip to Tacosville for the G1314 summit, the PM said: “I think some of these schemes – and I think particularly of the Alex Salmond scheme – is completely wrong.

“People work hard, believe in human rights, expect others to respect other’s rights, and then Salmond goes and does this.

“Some of these Chinese sponsored schemes are, quite frankly, morally wrong.”

Spokesperson for the SNP Wee Naebudy said: “We tried building dikes of moral courage but we jist coudnae haud back the flood of  fear when the Chinese consul came visiting.”

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Dally Lama Mac Ding Dong

Scottish government displays great courage in face of dangerous terrorist insurgent

Who's afraid of the big bad Chinese?

Faced with what is right, to leave it undone shows a lack of courage.- Confucius

By Koh Ersed

THE DALLY Lama fiasco may see him visit three more Scottish cities before he is finally kicked oot o’ the country.

Scotland could be powerless to boot oot the dangerous religous fanatic if the media keep pandering to his weirdo pacifist beliefs.

The Firstminster told MSPs a lucrative trade deal with China means he SHOULD be kicked oot.

And tonight he dismissed the love preacher’s latest wheeze to avoid deportation as a “pastoral tactic”.

The extremist’s deluded followers lodged an appeal with BritNat Imperialist politicians, effectively blocking Scottish Government attempts to extradite him to China.

But Sun King Alex of Salmond insisted the radical agitator had run oot o’ cooncils to visit.

He said: “He’s Done Dee, naebody was In Fur Ness, and he pit the Heid In Burra.

“It’s time he learned the lesson that Scotland isn’t open to religous terrorist fanatics with their message of autonomy,  passive resistance and universal love.”

Lama’s divine advisors claim that politicians at the court of public opinion were right when they ruled in the BBC that the voting public love the Lama.

Its House of Commons will decide whether his public appeal means that the Scottish Government should stop kiddin on that they’re panda-ing to China.

The Lama’s return to logoless Done Dee has been welcomed as a victory for the Chinese consul general.

A bid by the Lama’s divine advisers to have him free to meet the Firstminster was rejected last night by the Special Support for Political Oppression Committee of the Scottish Parliament.

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Hollyrood ego premieres with Grave consequences

The Right Honourable Sun King was at his attention seeking best this week attending the launch of the blockbuster of the week, ‘Grave’

The crowds were gagging for independence

Forget sex or politics or religion, loneliness is the subject that clears out a room. So go on, vote Yes, just for Wee Eck.

By Sun Struck

THE LATEST Disnae animation ‘Grave’ has held it’s worldwide premiere in Hollyrood.

The movie tells the tale of  wee cheeky chappy Eck who defies public opinion and gets into trouble as a result.

Many of the real life cast are diminutive Scottish politicians, with a special guest appearance from Joan McAlpine, hilariously pretending to be a real politician with questions to ask.

She spoke to BBC Imperialists on the Yellow (chosen instead of traditional red to represent the Political landscape) carpet.

McAlpine said: “Wee Eck is an adventurous powermongering teenager and a very self satisfied young man.

“The spell is broken when the electorate says he hus tae ‘get real’ and accept some adult responsibilities.

“That’s when he takes the neverendum into his own hands and makes a mess of everything.”

Former Big Debate star Auld Nick Sturgeon voices Lady MacGoatagubbin.

She believes the film will help audiences appreciate the SNPs lack of humour.

Auld Nick said: “There is so much history of intolerance in Scotland and there is so much for idle hands to do.

“I think some people think the Scots Nats are a kind of dour folk and my health policies will make sure that their dourness increases by an estimated 1314%.

“We’re actually pretty wild, funny, alive, mad wi’ it people. This film will help to stop this kind of unacceptable belief.”

For some Scottish politicians this movie will be a chance to get ideas above their station.

For others it is a chance to be part of a big Scottish Cooncil that isnae Westminster.

Political bosses hope the film will generate millions of pounds of hot air for the Scotttish talking shop.

Firstminster Sun King Alex of Salmond was at the premiere and said the impact of Grave could be greater than that of Ipsos Mori’s opinion poll.

He said: “It is incredibly exciting, the crowds are wonderful. Grave is the next big thing and I think 16-17 year old voters all over Scotland are going to absolutely detest this film and because they detest Grave, they’ll detest the Neverendum.”

The film features many familiar Scottish themes – there are cliques, subsidised lunch areas, Pinot Grigio and red hair.

But the Firstminster agreed the film doesn’t really represent modern Scotland.

He insisted: “This will put the Scottish Nationalists on the front page of the Sun across newsagents throughout Scotland. That is the new tradition, get intae bed wi’ ony corporate shyster that might gie us a haun gettin’ into some real power.”

Grave goes on general release across Scotland on 18th October 2014.

The tourism agency, MidgeScotland, hope it will boost midge numbers and breeding capacity by around 140m.

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At least we’re talking action

Marching toward Independence One Goose Step at a Time

By Moan McVulpine on Jun 19, somnambulism dynamics are affirmative 

ANGELA GRUBER-CONSTANT is the only Greater Scotland Youth Movement minister in ony of the UK nations.

I was wettin mah drawers when she accepted my orders to hold a Jugend Action Movement in the South Western territories this Thursday.

It will bring together Salmond Youth, Gauleiters and Inoctrinators to make sure the area is doing its utmost to ensure people conform with party ideology.

Contrast this positive work with the constant vile attacks of the enemies of our great nation. The Labouring party came a cropper last week when their attack on the Salmond Jugend backfired on them.

We have 26,400 long knives with which to defend our ideological stance, twice the number of the pathetic Labouring filth.

Last week they shamefully branded the Sieg Heil programme under the SNP a “con” because some apprentices only had ‘chibs’ rather than long knives.

But it turned out that under Labour more than twice as many young apprentices were in exactly the same position. ‘

‘Aw chibs and nae knives’ ah cawed it.

It was a total humiliation for their sedition. We all know the Labourers are only fit for the work camps.

Antics like this show they aren’t even fit to be considered enemies of our beloved Fatherland.

COMEDY RELIEF:

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