Nicola’s supersized beacon sandwich

“We have no hope of winning independence just now” said Nicola to conference, “so tell the zoomers to tone it down a bit eh!”

By Yewvbin Telt – First Minister speech analyst and biographer

NICOLA STURGEON has called for “beacons and belief” from fellow Nationalists in her SNP conference “speech devoid of hope”

The First Minister said she was “more confident than ever” that she wouldn’t be calling an independence referendum while she remained in power.

She added that members must “wait like kids wait for Santa” and work to win over the rest of the party into doing nothing, just like her.

Ms Sturgeon also announced new policies on evading the subject of independence, not listening to activists, and ignoring inconvenient democratic votes.

The first minister was in fast spin mode on the final day of the SNP’s three-day conference of #HopeNoIndyHappensHere2018.

She used her speech to hit out at “indy believers” and “AOUB” for reminding people that she was doing “hee haw bugger aw” for the “cause”.

The SNP leader kicked off the conference by announcing that there was no “hope” for an Independence referendum before 2021.

But she offered “hope” for those interested in “beacons” when she described Scotland as “a beacon of progressive values.

“We have lit so many “progressive” beacons for the world that we can afford to make beacon sandwiches for the planet.

“We will be a beacon for beacon sandwiches.”

She admitted that people demanding Independence were a “serious problem” for her party and she would do more to get rid of them.

“Ask Alex Salmond what happens.” she half joked.

Hope over Fear? Sturgeon over McAlpine? You decide!

PAUL HUTCHEON’S recent Sunday Herald exposé of Tommy Sheridan’s thuggish security personnel has unwittingly revealed further tensions within the SNP. In Hutcheon’s piece, Nicola Sturgeon unequivocally distanced her party from Tommy Sheridan’s Hope over Fear campaign. Yet, ex-First Ministerial aide, Joan McAlpine, openly supported the convicted perjurer’s self promoting vehicle held in “Freedom Square” last week. AhDinnaeKen investigates:

“..unrepentant criminals are not a good look for us.” said Women for Independence supporter Katie McGarvie before Tommy’s first Hope over Fear rally last year. What’s SNP NEC member, Joan McAlpine’s, excuse for her overt and proud support at last week’s undertaking?

By Longshanker aka @ergasiophobe

“TOMMY IS not somebody I would choose to campaign side by side with” proclaimed Nicola Sturgeon in an investigative story into the thuggish background of Tommy Sheridan’s Hope over Fear security chief, this week.

Her statement sends a clear message to the party faithful. As far as the SNP are concerned, unrepentant convicted perjurers and confirmed misogynists are out of bounds to the party hierarchy.

But not, so it seems, to political hybristophiliacs and ex-First Ministerial aides like Joan McAlpine MSP.

Joan and the “Annan and Dumfries crowd” attended the Hope over Fear rally last week to provide overt support and encouragement to one time ‘project partner’ and “mad shagger” Tommy Sheridan.

According to SNP insiders, the Nicola Sturgeon-Peter Murrell axis/marriage holds too much power concentrated in one place in the party.

The marriage of the two is viewed as a problem due to Sturgeon’s urge to centralise and Murrell’s power and ability to assist her in doing so – the duo hold a major dominating influence on the finances, personnel and strategy of the party.

McAlpine’s election to the National Executive Committee in December last year was viewed by many as a necessary counter balance to the combined power of the heavyweight pair.

Tensions bubbling under the surface seem likely to erupt some time soon given the recent revelations that Sturgeon held secret talks with INEOS in January this year – McAlpine has already caused ructions in the party over its Energy minister’s stance on industrial fracking.

McAlpine’s appearance at the Hope over Fear rally is seen as a source of irritation for a First Minister keen to present the party as a progressive party delivering social justice.

According to one senior party member, McAlpine’s open show of support for Sheridan will not readily be forgiven:

“Joan’s attendance is privately seen as a needless gaffe by many women in the SNP.” she said.

“Joan has already been a high profile source of public embarrassment on a number of occasions to the party, despite her popularity in certain quarters.

“Her presence at the Hope over Fear rally will be viewed by Nicola as an act of open defiance. Just how this will play out within the party remains to be seen. But it will not be forgiven or forgotten.”

Commentators and pundits alike think the party will struggle to contain the factional infighting currently threatening to break through into the public domain.

Watch this space.

There’s no class or magnanimity aboot oor Joanie as witnessed by this exchange.

Exclusive: Salmond takes on role of Named Person for vulnerable Scots MPs

SCOTLAND’S latest Named Person legislation will prove useful for vulnerable Scots MPs still finding their feet in the “scary” Tory haunted chambers of ‘Westmonster’:

Getting It Right For Every MP: Salmond (back to pic) is expected to take his new role of Named Person very seriously.

By Consol Idate-Powerbase

ALEX SALMOND is set to become the ‘(un)official’ named person responsible for the ‘wellbeing’ and ‘support’ of the newly elected political children of Scotland, according to a senior SNP source.

The Getting it Right for Every MP approach includes making a named person available for every SNP MP, from the time of election, right up until they’re unceremoniously booted out of the parliament in five years time.

In most cases, the Named Person will not have to do anything more than they usually do other than provide a cat herding, clique forming and alternative party power base consolidation role.

Most Scottish MPs are supposed to receive all the help they need from SNP Central’s Nicola Sturgeon and Peter Murrell.

The Named Person is expected to radically change these expectations.

Depending on the age and experience of the MP, the Named Person will be the first point of contact for the MP and his constituent family.

Referring to the eight Salmond wellbeing indicators, the Named Person will need to ask these five questions:

• What is getting in the way of this young MP’s wellbeing?
• Do I have the charm, guile and influence required to help this young MP?
• What can I do to appear as if I’m helping this young MP when I’m really helping myself?
• What can my party possibly do to counteract my influence on this young MP?
• What additional help can I stop this young MP from receiving from Sturgeon Central at Holyrood?

The Named Person also needs to help MPs feel confident they can raise concerns and talk about their worries to people who will listen and respect their point of view while completely ignoring it and using it to their own political advantage.

Above all, they will ensure that the MPs are listened to and that the SNP family in Holyrood (where appropriate) is kept completely in the dark.

A senior SNP source chuckled: “I am unavailable for comment.”

 

BBC to blame for Scotland’s spinelessness – Salmond

BROKEN bitter blustering loser hits out at the BBC for non-compliance to the ‘Scottish’ way of doing things:

Come the day of Independence and reckoning, Marr will be one of the first BBC stoolpigeons up against the wall.

By Crybaby Loser

SCOTTISH REFERENDUM loser, Nonminster Salmond, has declared cybernat conspiracy theory ‘open season’ on the BBC.

Blaming the Beeb for everything from his exposed lying to Andrew Neil, to not reporting his scare stories on the NHS properly, the increasingly bitter crybaby angrily denied that he might have had something to do with September 18’s result.

Salmond, who recently stood down as faither of the nation and saviour (heroic loser division) of the people, declared that if it hadn’t been for the BBC then he could have pulled the wool over the eyes of every voter in Scotland – including the traitorous coffin dodging over 55s.

He said: “I would have got away with it if it hadn’t been for those pesky BBC kids and their half-baked ideas of ‘journalistic scrutiny’.”

But the BBC were blase over Salmond’s response.

“We’ve seen it all before” a bored and disinterested BBC government apparatchik said.

“Birds coming home to roost springs to mind. Impotent frustrated politicians always have to have someone else to blame – especially the power mad Nationalist type.

“The BBC is big enough and ugly enough to take the criticism on board, ignore it, and get on with our usual state sponsored propaganda and tissues of lies.

“Everyone, especially Rupert Murdoch, attacks the BBC over bias. Kind of tells you something, doesn’t it?”

British Brainwashing Corporation to be ‘held to account’ after independence

FOLLOWING THE storming of the BBC building at Pacific Quay on Sunday by two hundred thousand Nationalist ffrreeddoomm™ fichters, it’s clear there will be serious repercussions for Auntie McBeeb should the Nationalists gain control of Salmondland post Sep 18. AhDinnaeKen investigates:

Better Scot than Not. A sneak preview of the posters to be distributed by the House of Anti-Scottish Activities post Yes on September 19.

By Uncle Salm McCarthy

THE BBC will ‘rue the day’ they trashed a ‘leading’ academic’s anti-imperialist research highlighting the corporation’s “anti-democratic”, “anti-Scottish”, thoughtcrime and “brainwashing” activities, according to a latter day Joseph McCarthy.

Professor John-George Robertson of the List-D University of the East of Scotland (UES), claimed that, post-independence, “the BBC are gettin’ it.”

A House of Anti-Scottish Activities Committee is to be set up by the professor to hold all the traitors, collaborators, quislings, anti-Scots and Unionist propagandists from the Brainwashing Corporation, to account:

“First they will be investigated, arrested, publicly humiliated, tried and sentenced”, said no one in particular yesterday.

“Ken McQuarrier, Jim Naughtieboy and Jackie Birdy will be the first against the wall,” claimed the Professor.

“The rest will undergo some rigorous and scrupulously fair show trials in order to demonstrate to the McVolk what happens to the anti-Scots in civic and progressive Salmondland.”

According to a Nationalist spokesperson, photography philanthropist, Joan McAlpine MSP, has already collated a list of ‘known’ enemies of the McState.

Support posters, banners, flags, television adverts, apps and miscellaneous material will remind the McVolk of the traits, symptoms and behaviours of anti-Scots types. The McVolk will be encouraged to report their suspicions to the relevant authorities.

Polls, parkas, non-gingers, English looking McVolk and any other suspcious types will be the responsibility of Nationalist Front Commissar of Cowardly Behaviours, Reverend Censor Campbell.

Campbell said: “Wings Over Scotland will have a new meaning in an independent Salmondland. Instead of soaring over Scottish politics we will be soaring over all of the snivelling spineless cowards who put their X in the wrong box.

“And we will know who they are. We have a ‘BIG’ file.”

A spokesperson for the imperialist BBC said: “Jesus. Who are these people? Where do they come from? And where are they going?”

The House of Anti-Scottish Activities will be chaired by Professor Robertson and policed by the Nationalist Front from Sep 19.

Sack the BBC! We won’t pay the licence fee.

“Sack the BBC! We won’t pay the licence fee”, was the hue and cry of the lunatic Nationalist flash mob fringe attending a demo at Pacific Quay yesterday. It was reported that the BBC janitor suffered cracked ribs from laughing too much. And yesterday wasn’t even a day scheduled for a full moon. “Crackpot website” Newsnet Scotland Tweeted that the event was attended by 2000 people. AhDinnaeKen decided to apply some basic physics based on crowd densities to see if the figures stacked up. Hint! They didn’t:

Pacific Quay measurements based on scale provided by Google maps. Red area is area immediately in front of Newsnet camera pan (below) with approx 17 people in it.

By Longshanker aka @ergasiophobe

ON SEP 21 2013 at Calton Hill, Edinburgh, Nicola Sturgeon roared: “You know how many people they are saying are here with us today? Not 10,000, not 20,000, but 30,000 people appearing for independence.”

It was a lie. Or to be charitable, it was a communally shared delusion engaged in for the sake of making political capital and building voter morale.

AhDinnaeKen debunked the Sturgeon nonsense using basic crowd density ratios, surface area and distance variables here.

Now, following a worrying outbreak of the modern day Scottish version of the Ranters at Pacific Quay yesterday, the Nationalists are at it again.

Newsnet Scotland claimed that more than 2000 people attended the event…

Scientific evidence Newsnet style. A video pan at ground level. CSI Crackpot with GA Ponseybody.

To back up the claimed figure they provided a YouTube link using a woeful panning shot, filmed virtually from eye level. And they relied upon the shot as if it was some sort of proof.

When you engage in a cheap stunt like that, you have to account for variables such as height perspective, crop factor, distance and surface area.

A frame from Newsnet’s video pan. It’s worth noting that there are people on bikes in the foreground. Free space a go-go.

Take a look at the picture above. Count the people to the left and immediate middle and you’ll reach 17 or thereabouts. The area, when matched with the Google map above, is approx 64 -100m sq – as highlighted by the red area .

In terms of body density to metre square the ratio could be anything between 0.27 to 0.17.

The collection area in front of the BBC building measures approx 2000sq metres i.e. it’s 50m * 40m when measured using the Google scale provided.

2000 multiplied by by 0.27 equals approx 530 people. At the more realistic density level of 0.17 it equals approximately 350 people. Either way, it’s nowhere remotely near 2000 people. So quite where the figure of 2000 came from, we*’d like to know.

And, it was notable that @ergasiophobe’s straw poll estimate of 300 – 500 matched up with the police estimate reported by the “British Brainwashing Corporation”.

Inserted for vanity purposes. We* estimated this figure before the BBC reported the police estimate of “a maximum of 350 protestors”.

The astute and the sceptical could rightly argue that the crowd density figure estimated above could be higher.

But… watch some of the livestream video beamed to the ‘watching world’ by internet TV. At no point does the roaming cameraperson even look like like bumping into anyone – there’s plenty of free space throughout the assembly area.

If you take the time to watch the walkabout sections, you’ll clearly see large open empty spaces everywhere.

According to crowd behaviour expert Dr. Dirk Oberhagemann – who documented the crowd crush tragedy at the Love Parade – free movement like that only occurs when the ratio is well below 1.

We* look forward to our crowd estimate being debunked. It’s at least four times more accurate than Newsnet Scotland’s pitiful attempt.

Next!

 

Moan McVulpine: Sick of listening to empty assertions

MOAN says the only way marriages can guarantee fidelity is for wives to have eyes in the back of their heads when Moan’s around.

By Moan McVulpine – taking the fidelity out of infidelity

IF YOU leave out the “in” word, most people in Scotland back infidelity.

By that I mean a majority want the power of a faithful marriage, even if folk like me still find the concept meaningless.

I want power over faithful wives so that never again do I have to commission photos as a proxy payment for my erstwhile gigolos.

I want power over auld Granny Salmond so that “special time” becomes “all the time”.

I want everything these naively faithful wives have – security, a loving environment, someone to pay their speeding fines.

But no one wants to share that with me. Not even my own husband!

I want control of the Firstminster to protect me from myself.

I want control of all the MSPs around me at Whollyrude.

I want control of pensions so that if Granny Salmond gets out of hand I can threaten her where it hurts – her purse.

Virtually no one in Scotland or the Scottish parliament trusts me – I don’t know why.

I’m doing this for my country – for the greater love of my people.

To condemn me is to condemn Scotland. Don’t these anti-Scots get that?

Some whisper there is a need to protect wives from what is happening within a 100 metre radius of me.

In an independent Scotland no marriage will be safe. Why should it be?

Marriage has stuttered and stammered for the past 300 years. And it’s a Union, like a political Union I know, which has outlived its purpose.

Haven’t my past actions proved that?

You know how to vote come September.

Vote (in)fidelity.

COMEDY RELIEF

Obsessed: Musings on the tawdry Joan McAlpine affair

YESTERDAY it was revealed that Joan McAlpine MSP used some heavy duty threats against a trusting woman whose marriage she had just destroyed. AhDinnaeKen reflects on what this says  about McAlpine’s character and how it reflects on Alex Salmond:

Threats, deception and ‘special’ favours all form part of the McAlpine modus operandi.

By Longershanker

THIS WILL be short.

On the 31st March 2013, Joan McAlpine tweeted a barely veiled threat against the editor of this site.

I was taken aback. A direct ad hominem attack and a threat of prosecution.

From a Firsminsterial aide, no less. Jings!

It almost intimidated me.

And then I thought, naw, f**k ye. Do yer worst!

It’s why I wrote this piece in reply.

Nothing happened. Surprise surprise.

Shortly after, I was contacted by a source close to McAlpine.

This source said “she is obsessed with your blog and who you are, she was always moaning about it.”

Which provided me with some succour. Not that I’d know why McAlpine would be interested in this site – unknowing smile. 🙂

Given the background, it’s worth taking a look at yesterday’s story in the Scottish Daily Mail.

A couple of quotes attracted our* attention:

“She is one of the most inexperienced MSPs there and yet, bizarrely, among the closest to First Minister Alex Salmond.”

Followed later by this:

“And yet, as Alex Salmond begins to consider his place in the history of the country he longs to take out of the UK, it is to his favoured prose writer Miss McAlpine that he has turned to work with him on his autobiography.

“As a result, special time with the First Minister is understood to have been granted to Miss McAlpine with a view to preparing the volume – putting several senior SNP noses out of joint.”

And finally there was this in the Scotish Daily Mail official Comment page in the physical newspaper:

“Miss McAlpine has thus far enjoyed an inexplicably charmed political life. Should Mr Salmond continue to indulge her and retain her at the very heart of his government, the public may have cause to question his judgement in the run up to the pivotal independence referendum.”

The words within that strike a chord are: “closest”, “favoured“, “special time“, “inexplicably charmed” and “indulge“.

It’s possible to add one and one and make three. And you don’t need to read too much between the lines to come to your own conclusion.

Given McAlpine’s reported track record, AhDinnaeKen would just like to consider the welfare of Moira Salmond.

They say history repeats and you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

How happy is Moira about this state of affairs? Answers in green crayon to the Presiding Officer, Whollyrude.

SNP embrace childcare by rejecting childcare.

SKINTLAND’S civic government yesterday reinforced their commitment to the importance of childcare by voting against childcare in parliament. ‘Unionists are on the run’ through fear of our progressive and inclusive actions say the SNP. AhDinnaeKen investigates:

Who should you ask why the SNP voted against their own policy commitment? SNP benches provide the answer.

By Turnn Koat

CIVIC NATIONALISM received a boost yesterday by rejecting a key commitment to which it is committed.

The SNP voted against their own independence childcare manifesto pledge in order to prove how worthy it is.

Scottish minsters said they were committed to providing childcare by denying it to children who needed it.

Caring, committed, progressive, civic, inclusive spokesperson for the SNP, Wee Naebudy said: “It’s all there in the White Nationalist Paper on page 1513 – “Extensive provision of early learning and childcare for all families is a hallmark of some of the most advanced and successful countries today.“.

“And that’s why we’re not having it. Only in an independent country could we be that advanced.

“While we still labour under the yoke of Unionist oppression we have to demonstrate how backward we are and this vote against our own policy today certainly does that.”

Child eating, pitchfork bearing, Tory-lite, Labouring spokesperson, Imah Careerist said: “The 670 Nationalist Commandments made its position quite clear by stating that “the principal aim of providing this support is to give children the best start in life and the greatest chance to succeed“.

“Todays vote against vulnerable weans clearly demonstrates how committed to vulnerable weans ‘success’ the Nationalists really are.”

Firstminster Salmond was unavailable for comment due to previous golf, luncheon and ‘McArthyalpine’ commitments.

Audit Scotland is anti-Scots claim SNP

Will there be room in an Independent Scotland for any institution, business, academic or individual to legitimately question or attempt to scrutinise the Nationalist government? An alarming catalogue of evidence suggests the answer will be NAW! AhDinnaeKen reports:

“The only foes that threaten Scotland are the enemies at home, and these are accountability, scrutiny and Audit Scotland.” – Kenny MacNaeskill

By Haudoana Minit

AUDIT SCOTLAND are talking Scotland down according to Injustice Minster Kenny MacNaeskill.

The so called independent body has been exposed by MacNaeskill as a barely concealed front for Better Together’s Project Feartie.

If they don’t pull their socks up and get on board with Scotland’s emancipation plans they may find themselves being “socially audited”, he warned.

MacNaeskill said: “It’s true there have been ‘creative tensions’ between my incompetent interference and the polis.

“We were deciding where the balance and calibration should lie in the power structures – whatever the f**k that means.

“The polis decided that I should keep my big chiselled calibrating face oot o’ their business for the sake of balance and Audit Scotland has agreed with that decision. Bastards!”

MacNaeskill conceded that sovereign anti-Scots may begin comparing his latest embarrassing SNAFU to a future post-Indy landscape.

And they may conclude that the SNP’s alleged ‘competence’ in government may have to be spelled with a silent ‘i-n’ in front of it.

According to Audit Scotland, the Injustice minster “hudnae a clue” what he was doing.

It appeared his business plan had been made up on the back of a fag packet in 2011 and had consequently been stolen by a big anti-Scots boy who then proceeded to run away.

As MacNaeskill later admitted to the British Brainwashing Corporation, this version of events couldn’t be corroborated: “Just as weel I’m getting rid of corroboration then.” he joked.

Cringing, snivelling, cowardly, anti-Scots, deranged, deluded, turncoat, traitor spokesperson for the Tory-lite Labouring party, Who Henry, said: “I am not surprised to learn that no full business case was prepared to support government centralisation of the police.

“This isn’t about saving money, it’s about ensuring the politicised police will be able to deal with the anti-Scots enemies within in the event of a Yes vote.

“They’ll be rid of pesky corroboration by that time and, if I was working for Audit Scotland just now, I’d be scared, very scared. Big Kenny MacNaeskill will be coming to get you.”

Let them wear Tartan Tory wooly jumpers

Let the common people get shafted. That was the message sent to the big energy companies from Scottish Energyminster Fergus Spewing yesterday. Have the SNP really thrown off the Tartan Tory moniker? AhDinnaeKen investigates:

“We must not tolerate oppressive government or industrial oligarchy in the form of monopolies and cartels.” – Henry A. Wallace. No friend of the SNP then.

By Wintarov Diskintent

SCOTTISH ENERGYMINSTER Fungus Spewing has condemned struggling Scots and businesses to decades of parasitic energy taxes.

In parliament he said that the energy cartels should continue with their carte blanche overcharging of consumers and businesses alike.

Chastising the leader of the Labouring party, Red Millibean, he said: “Trying to reduce consumer prices and small business operating costs is akin to communism and will have no place in a corporate friendly independent Scotland.

“We have our subsidised wind turbine Salmond led vanity project to consider here.

“How dare Millibean suggest that standing up to the UK energy cartel will achieve less misery for millions. Of course it will. And that’s why we urnae fir daein’ anything aboot it.”

Mr Spewing also attacked a Westminster government analysis which concluded that more than two million businesses would benefit from lower electricity and gas prices.

He further claimed that it was typical of a Westminster government to publish such a balanced analysis:

“In an independent Scotland we will have the power to ignore such well balanced nonsense.” he said.

“We will prove to the corporate monopolies, cartels and tax evaders that an independent Scotland will be open for business.”

But opponents of the Tartan Tory corporate backscratchers counter-claimed that the SNP were siding with price fixing cartels against the good of the people.

Commy pinko bolshevik anti-capitalist Labourer, Iain Jiggety Gray said: “No matter how you look at this, the SNP are siding with bloodsucking companies inflicting harm on ordinary Scots every day of their lives.

“If our Westminster masters get back into power we will conveniently forget about this argument.”

Yes Scotland and a matter of trust

AhDinnaeKen first brought TonyBlair Jenkin’s reputation into the spotlight last week when he appeared to endorse a Nationalist Front website’s attempts to set an agenda for debate in Scotland. Is this latest scandal on paid for advertorial’s about to bring him down.  AhDinnaeKen indulges in a bit of shameless speculation.

If this piece had ‘advertorial’ on behalf of Yes Scotland above it, then it would have been sound. The fact it doesn’t…

By Longshanker aka @ergasiophobe

ONCE AGAIN TonyBlairJenkins, leader of the Yes campaign’s, judgement is in the spotlight for the wrong reasons.

Firstly his organisation has been linked with payments to and endorsements of sham group Labour For Indy.

Secondly he openly endorsed the idea of a Yes Scotland debate suggested by hate preaching Nationalist Front website Wings Over Scotland.

Thirdly, he appears to have paid for academic advertorials to be placed in the Herald newspaper.

For someone with an alleged vested interest in the integrity and ethics of news delivery this is somewhat curious.

Consider the following quote from his worthy document ‘Better Journalism in the Digital Age‘:

“There has been a significant loss of public trust in news organisations, which is why a new culture of integrity and transparency within the media and a restoration of that trust are so important.”

There is something ironic that Mr Jenkins should have such high falutin’ values and then appear, so publicly, to undermine the ideals and vision suggested in the document.

This scandal, for scandal it is, damages not only the integrity of the Yes campaign, it damages the perceived integrity of the Herald newspaper.

Everyone knows that the majority of stories in the newspapers are press release and PR led. It’s a matter of economics, numbers and time.

But press release led news reporting can still provide useful insight to what’s going on.

Politically paid for advertorials are a different matter altogether.

That this information should come out following an alleged hacking attack, only illustrates the complete lack of transparency surrounding Mr Bulmer’s piece in the Herald.

Looks like the SNP doubters of Jenkins strategy have finally got their way. It seems only a matter of time till Mr Jenkins has to resign.

[This piece was paid for by BritNatSNPfortheUnionPsychoStalker.org ]