Category Archives: Wangs Watch

Here’s why Kevin McKenna just lost my vote

AhDinnaeKen likes auld Kevin McKenna. He’s a universal stalwart of the Scottish media circle and highly entertaining to boot. It’s just a pity he’s such a terrible judge of character. Here’s why he’s lost AhDinnaeKen’s vote of confidence.

RTWingsSalmond

The act of deference to Salmond which signalled Campbell’s future relationship as useful idiot.

By @ergasiophobeborn with the gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad

OCCASIONALLY, YOU can measure the value of a journalist by the nature of those they are prepared to support in public.

And so it is with the confessions of ‘weel kept’ hack, Kevin McKenna in The National newspaper recently. He thinks that incel snowflake ‘Reverend’ Stuart Campbell’s silly season entry into the world of fantasy electioneering will have a welcome impact in the real world of Scotland’s parochial politics.

As Kevin says, “The analysis of a new Wings party’s prospects of success can wait.” Probably forever.

In the meantime, let’s all just bask in the cartoon belief that Campbell could raise any sort of awareness in the Scottish public beyond the derisory reaction of, “who”?

This was Kevin’s reaction to Campbell some time ago: “he seems to be a bit of a rebel, a buccaneer and a brigand…” (with the emphasis on ‘seems’, this projection is more a reflection of Kevin than Wings)

“He doesn’t retreat and gets into fights with everyone.” (tell that to the block list Kev, a potent symbol of Campbell’s keenness to run away and hide like a “shy wee boy” at the first hint of trouble.)

” Newspapers used to be like that too.” Kev deludes himself.

When I saw this obloquy from Kevin, a wee shard of incredulity pierced my soul. Imagine indulging in this sort of rose tinted projectionism while simultaneously missing the obvious ‘tells’ which point out all the cliches and archetypes of Nationalism which Campbell represents and personifies.

I don’t know if Kevin is a realist but imagine being able to face Jock McAverage, the everyday punter in a Scottish street, and try to convince him/her that Campbell is anything other than a sadsack geeky loner who missed every adult rite of passage as life passed him by in a parallel virtual reality of sixteen bit videogames

“So what makes you think I’d vote for him then sunshine?”

“Well, he’s lived more than half of his babyman bachelorhood life in the heart of the country he claims is occupying Scotland. And he’s a veteran at losing court cases and humiliating himself publicly.”

“Get tae fuck ya tosser, there’s a place for weirdo losers like that. It’s cawed Twitter.”

Campbell is the guy who threatens to knock folks heids in when he’s exposed for blatantly lying ; thinks Liverpool fans are to be blamed for the Hillsborough disaster despite the overwhelming evidence which found otherwise; perjures himself in open court in order to gag the right of gay women to free speech; and “holds others to a higher standard of respect than he is willing himself to adopt.”

If you think this guy is worth supporting then I’d say you’re on the road to a straitjacket.

We can also be entertained by imagining how much urine was discharged when people pished themselves laughing at Campbell’s political ambitions.

This is a guy who’s so ugly that young women when asked the simple question, “do you think he’s good looking?” snort with derision and say, “naw, he’s a fuckin’ minger” (true story, 100% verbatim quote).

According to Kevin, “the Reverend Campbell is the devil incarnate of virtue-signallers everywhere.  He stalks the nightmares of those who carefully monitor the prevailing trends in society…” Which may be true in Twitterland if you change “virtue-signallers” to “women”.

For Campbell has a special reserve of hatred for women. Particularly if they’re attractive, intelligent and outspoken: Kezia Dugdale, Kate Higgins, Clare Lally, Michelle Mone, Ruth Davidson, Angela Haggerty etc. etc.

There’s an endless well of poison held in reserve by Campbell for women like the above. Women whom Campbell could never hope to possess or subjugate to his will.

He once even told Ms Haggerty that his belief in equality gave him the right to assault her if need be. Though I know who I’d be betting on if the two were ever to meet in a boxing ring. Pro-tip, it wouldn’t be the angry babyman of Bath.

But the deepest darkest well. The well that feeds the empty vacuous rage of his incel impotence, is the contemptuous sinister hatred he currently reserves for Kezia Dugdale and his humiliatingly public defeat at the hands of her victory for the right of politicians and everyday citizens to free speech.

As one intelligent switched on pre-grad lawyer recently Skyped: “He’s trying to financially bury her in a hole so that he can get the apology he so desperately craves to get vindication.

“It’s not about the decision. It’s about his need to crush her into nonexistence so he can feed fuel to his cult.”

Campbell’s behaviour re Dugdale is an essential reading of character. It’s a monumental ‘tell’. This behaviour is the mark of raw unhinged misogyny incarnate fuelled by the insanity of insular incel rage externalised.

If Campbell and any other members of his Perjurers Party were to make it to Holyrood via the list system then it’s extremely unlikely that the Indy movement could ever claim to be ‘civic’, ‘progressive’ or ‘joyful’ again.

For then the mask will not so much have slipped as been ripped off by the “unbelievable fury” which drives the worst aspects of any Nationalism – intolerance of the other and the need to destroy them.

Kevin McKenna never mentioned Campbell’s belief that Scotland was “the most gutless country in the world” when he was interviewed by Kenny Farquharson of the Times recently. Nor did Kevin point out another Campbell ‘tell’ when he referred to the people of Scotland as “you people” from his base in England.

Campbell’s party would be a party which would thrive on finger pointing, blaming, othering, threatening, intimidating and damaging every single strand of belief in the indy community which was built up pre-September 2014.

In the face of this, we need fewer maudlin, myopic, insular apologists like McKenna, and the fewer the f***ing merrier.

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Media, Opinion, Wangs Watch

Wings Over Scotland – the unbelievable liar behind the unbelievable fury

INCEL SNOWFLAKE and serial court case loser, Stuart Campbell of Wings Over Scotland, is thinking of forming his own political party. AhDinnaeKen reveals the reason why it should be called the Perjurers Party:

Wings -Council Cites

By @ergasiophobelie detector, perjury detector, charlatan exposer

WHEN STUART Campbell of Wings responded to the reference to this blog in court by Kezia Dugdale’s defence lawyer, he committed an act of deliberate perjury.

The perjury wasn’t central to the case but it was perjury nevertheless.

Campbell deliberately lied in open court while simultaneously attempting to gag free speech and, in the process, make a young, ambitious, gay woman, homeless.

Perjury is defined as: “The crime of wilfully and knowingly making a false statement about a material fact while under oath.”

The following exhibits – statements in Tweets by Campbell himself – prove his answer was a knowing lie ergo, Campbell is a perjurer.

Exhibit Number One:Wings - Demented Hatewank

Incidentally, take note of Campbell’s laughably stupid attempt at put down of Loki. He can’t even get the facts right. Loki is merely quoting a 2014 tweet of Campbell’s about treating anyone appearing on the BBC as a scab.

By that logic Loki is “parroting” Campbell and therefore Campbell is referring to himself as a “psychotically mental obsessive Yoon stalker” and a “demented hatewank”.

Seems closer to the mark.

Anyone still want to claim the incel snowflake of Bath is a master of “forensic analysis”?

Me neither.

But, jokes aside, the part of the tweet that should be paid attention to is the statement: “the police want to arrest him, but Twitter won’t hand over his details.

Curious.

Exhibit Number Two:

Wings Stalker Arrested

So, in court, Campbell says his stalker of ten years has been investigated by police for threatening to rape and murder him but they “could not track the individual.” Yet, above, he claims the police had to arrest his imaginary stalker for threatening to rape and murder him.

So which is it? Was this heinous fantasy stalker arrested by police or not?

Perhaps Campbell could explain. But given he’s such a confused and inconsistent liar you couldn’t/wouldn’t believe him anyway.

Exhibit Number Three:

Wings -Police

It’s worth noting that the Tweet above has been pinned on the @ergasiophobe twitter feed for over a year. That’s approximately 9 months before Campbell’s public exposure and humiliation at the hands of the court over his vindictively vexatious defamation claim against Kezia Dugdale.

AhDinnaeKen can think of very few crimes more heinous or serious than rape and murder (other than, say, calling Campbell a homophobe) yet Campbell or, more importantly, the police have made no contact either through the blog or by Twitter.

The only logical conclusion to be gleaned from the material facts is that Campbell knowingly lied to the court and, by definition, committed perjury.

So, if the hilarious prospect of Campbell ever forming or standing in a political party comes to fruition we’ll all know what to call it: The Perjurers Party.

Tommy Sheridan for shadow Law and Justice minister anyone?

Wings Sheridan Tweet

Yes. Absolutely gobsmacking that people would object to a misogynist and convicted perjurer being associated with their campaign.

 

Wings Perjurer

Perjurer lies about perjuring himself before perjuring himself in court.

 

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Filed under Law, Lies, Wangs Watch

Analysis: Eric Joyce defends Wings “quality” lies

WITH FRIENDS like Ex-Labour MP Eric Joyce, you clearly don’t have any. AhDinnaeKen replies to Mr Joyce’s recent claim that Wings presents the world with “quality” analysis. 

Mail Monthly Browsers

Wings Over Scotland claims to have 346,000 unique visitors per month to his website. The Mail Online, by comparison, has 243 million. Oh!

By Longshanker aka @ergasiophobe

DISGRACED EX-Labour MP Eric Joyce threw down the gauntlet to his readers recently.

He challenged them to compare the quality of Nationalist website Wings Over Scotland’s analysis to the standards of the BBC’s and the newspapers.

AhDinnaeKen decided to respond to that challenge.

Joyce said: “In simple terms of quality, I encourage any readers here who don’t already have a view about Wings (and there are a few) to take a look at any single Wings story and make their own judgement about whether analysis there is at least up to the standard of – frankly actually way above – the standard they’ll find at the BBC website or in most newspapers.”

To keep it simple and topical for Joyce – we assumed he was drunk or grievously assaulting someone when he made the challenge – we chose one of Campbell’s most recent anti-BBC clickbait rants: https://wingsoverscotland.com/heres-to-you-mr-robinson/

In the piece, Squealer Campbell, editor of Wings, responds to the BBC’s Nick Robinson’s claim that sites such as Campbell’s view their attacks on the BBC as a “key part of their political strategy.”

Campbell then embarks on a standard, for him, ad nauseum ad hominem attack on Robinson in which he attempts to justify his site as a plausible outlet of political commentary rather than the hyperbolic extreme propaganda that it really is.

Ironically, Campbell confirms Robinson’s claim that Wings ‘most shared and liked stories are attacks on the MSM and the BBC in particular’.

Campbell said: “Three of this site’s top 10 most-read articles of all time, including the #1 and #2, are about the BBC, and one of them concerns Robinson himself…”

So far so humdrum. Quality wise it’s pretty dull for non-partisans. Much like the low level drone of the local pub politics bore.

But then, near the end of the piece, the real, empirically quantifiable, demonstrably provable, predictably inevitable, drop in “quality” appears. And Mr Joyce should take careful note of the following and query it with Campbell.

For near the end of the piece, Campbell illustrates, through the use of a table, that his site is in direct competition – in terms of readership – with the mainstream newspapers.

It’s a cynical, manipulative, risible lie which has already been debunked by this site several times. For the sake of Mr Joyce we’ll summarise.

In the readership table below Campbell makes it look like his “Unique Readers” figures are on a direct “like for like” par with the newspapers.

Readers Figs Ho Ho

This table was published in Campbell’s recent rant in Nick Robinson’s direction. Impudent and bold it may be. But it’s a lie. Wings figures are not remotely comparable to the National Readership Survey figures.

They’re not.

They’re nothing remotely like it. The newspaper readership figures referred to by Campbell comes from the National Readership Survey which is conducted independently by IPSOS Mori and partners. It costs the newspaper industry a fortune due to its importance to advertisers who use the figures to plan their newspaper advertising strategies.

Campbell’s readership figures, however, come from his webhosts and are based on Google analytics figures. Actual reader figures can be reduced by a factor of up to ten or more. Usually more.

For the sake of clarity, Campbell’s webhosts use the term “unique visitors”. It is a term interchangeable with; “unique users”, unique devices” and “unique browsers”.

It is not interchangeable with “unique readers” because “unique readers” are living, breathing, quantifiable individual human beings.

For the sake of comparison, the Mail Online recorded 243 million monthly “unique browsers” in Jan 2017 as reported in the Press Gazette (illustrated above).

Unique visitors Wings

Campbell claimed the figures above were “something close to a like-for-like comparison of online traffic for Scotland’s biggest news brands.” That’s his ‘big lie’. They’re nothing close to a like for like comparison.

Campbell’s relatively paltry monthly figures are less than 0.15% of the Mail’s figure. And that’s a true “like for like” comparison.

Yet, according to Campbell’s table, he gets 68% of the Mail’s readership. In effect, Campbell has compared apples with oranges and got raspberries.

If a “MSM” newspaper, or the BBC, did such a thing in any of their reports or features, they would be hauled over the coals, and castigated for grossly misleading their readers.

But Campbell doesn’t have to answer to outside bodies. He doesn’t even answer to his “echo chamber” donors who – just like Eric Joyce – are clearly incapable of discerning “quality” from accuracy, impartiality, analysis or truth.

That’s why AhDinnaeKen decided to take Mr Joyce’s challenge. When diatribe dressed up and believed as quality analysis is so easily disproved, it needs to be pointed out.

Campbell’s a liar and that’s a “quality” that comes through loud and clear in  the “quality” of the piece looked at today.

We await Mr Joyce’s counter argument with distinct disinterest.

 

 

Like for Like comparison

Campbell made the above claim after his annual mendicant appeal on IndieGoGo. For “something close” read ‘nothing like’. This statement really did make AhDinnaeKen chortle. If you think the above is “quality” analysis then you should look up the meaning of the word. You clearly don’t understand it and should adjust your mindset accordingly.

 

 

 

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Filed under CyberNats, Newspeak, Wangs Watch

Wings Over Scotland set to ‘block’ Wings Over Scotland “for stupid”

AS VIRTUALLY no one from anywhere in Scotland knows, @Wingsscotland’s Twitter account “blocks for stupid”. AhDinnaeKen reveals why Squealer Campbell, aka “Rev Stu” of Wings Over Scotland, is blocking himself: he’s monumentally stupid. AhDinnaeKen investigates:

By Widye Credititstupidity detector and Nationalist bullshit monitor

SQUEALER CAMPBELL, editor of Wings Over Scotland, has revealed he is set to block himself on Twitter.

The self proclaimed “media monitor” and alleged “professional journalist” discovered he is so monumentally stupid that he has no option other than to block himself and join the “blocklist” of other blocked “stupid” morons.

Squealer squealed: “We’re not remotely expert enough when it comes to the labyrinth of human intelligence to determine how significant our stupidity is.

“But we suspect readers will agree that it would seem an awfully stupid gaffe not to block ourself “for stupid” when we’ve been so demonstrably stupid ourselves.”

The “stupid” epiphany came to Squealer after he re-read one of his own “stupid” blogs entitled ‘The magic money rigs’.

Squealer reported that those English Basturts at HMRC had lied to Scotland to the tune of £15bn in unreported oil revenues.

But, unfortunately for Squealer, he had forgotten his own ‘teachings’ when he squealed:

“one of the primary purposes of this website isn’t just to tell people when the Scottish and UK media is lying to them, but to teach readers how to spot that for themselves. And one of the keys to learning that is to ask yourself what a story in the press is leaving out as well as what it’s telling you.”

Alert readers noted that Squealer illustrated his ‘polemic’ with the screenshot below – taken from the original report.

Wings Oil revenue distortion 01

He squealed: “In just two years, then, Scotland’s economy has suddenly produced over £15bn more than the official UK government figures had previously claimed it did. It’s a bit like popping out to your garage to fetch a screwdriver and discovering a Ferrari you didn’t know you had under a dust sheet.”

Not so alert readers failed to notice that Squealer had deliberately left out the following information from the same report:

Wings Oil revenue distortion

So, not only did Squealer deliberately ignore the purpose of the report, he actively left out the information above for his own Nationalist squealing purpose: the same failing he repeatedly flays the MSM for in his ad nauseum rants.

Now, we’re not remotely expert enough when it comes to the labyrinth of Squealer’s media “genius” to determine how significant that failing is (the ignoring of the conclusion not the simple ease with which it has been exposed). But we suspect readers will agree that it seems an awfully important conclusion to ignore without mentioning it, or having anyone else notice.

And, having noticed, it’s incredibly difficult not to conclude that Squealer Campbell must be incredibly stupid to think he could get away with ignoring his own teachings while pulling a fast one over his stupid followers.

But, as an expert German propagandist once said: “stupidity is the deliberate cultivation of ignorance.”

Squealer Campbell has cultivated that in abundance. Expect him to block himself “for stupid” anytime soon.

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Filed under Lies, Media, Wangs Watch

Exclusive: Wings Over Scotland’s lies to readers of The National exposed

WINGS OVER Scotland boasted recently to have more readers online than the Daily Record, Scottish Sun, The Scotsman, The Herald or the Scottish Daily Express. He made this astonishing unsubstantiated claim in ‘The National’ newspaper. AhDinnaeKen said “haud oan a minute, surely The National are putting their reputation at risk by publishing such falsehoods.” We hope, after reading our exclusive exposure they’ll correct the glaring error:

Campbell quote re Readership

The inference is clear. Wings expects you to believe that his site was part of the National Readership Survey 2016. Oh dear!

By Longshanker aka @ergasiophobe

STUART CAMPBELL of alternative facts website, Wings Over Scotland, was today, yet again, exposed as a cynically manipulative liar

In Friday’s The National newspaper, Campbell claimed that his website had more readers online every month than the Daily Record, Scottish Sun, The Scotsman, The Herald or the Scottish Daily Express.

The claim proved to be an astonishing barefaced lie.

We were taken aback that The National was prepared to appear to support such an easily corroborated false assertion.

In a piece entitled “What do we do about Scotland’s Unionist media in the #ScotRef campaign? We bypass them”, Campbell used a weasel worded sentence to give the impression that his site was part of the National Readership Survey of 2016.

He said: “According to figures recently released by the National Readership Survey for 2016, my own site Wings Over Scotland – has more readers online every month than the Daily Record, Scottish Sun, The Scotsman, The Herald or the Scottish Daily Express, which is an astonishing statistic…”

But it wasn’t an “astonishing statistic”. It was an “astonishing lie” intended to give an “astonishing” false impression of Wings reach and influence.

The National Readership Survey is a sophisticated operation funded by News Media Association (Newspapers), Professional Publishers Association (Magazines) and the Institute of Practitioners in Advertising (Advertisers).

The survey is conducted independently by IPSOS Mori and partners. It provides solid market information from which all three subscriber members base commercial strategies for the future.

The survey provides no information on “new media” Scottish political websites.

So quite what Campbell thought he was playing at by making such an amateurish, easily rebutted, claim is the question The National should be asking.

May 2016 Readership figures

Make allowance for number of browsers used, privacy settings, number of devices, crawler bots, DDOS attacks etc and “unique readers” is more likely to hit the 30 – 50,000 mark: if that. A considerable mark down from the claim above.

According to Campbell’s figures from May 2016, Wings Over Scotland had “381,977 unique readers”. But these are based on Google Analytics figures where Campbell’s use of the word “readers” is misleading. What he should have stuck to was “unique users” or the even more accurate “unique browsers”.

Contrast and compare with the table below, taken from a Press Gazette report on the National Readership Survey 2016.

Prss Gzette Updated Sep 2016

We wonder what lie Campbell will cook up to explain this embarrassing exposure. More importantly, will The National print a correction? Watch this space.

 

 

As can clearly be seen – the figures provided are in thousands – The Scotsman is read by 412,00 readers online and 729,000 on mobile: The Daily Record does better with 588,000 readers online and 3,650,000 readers on mobile.

Given that Campbell’s claimed figure of 381,977 is the highest he can provide – with the caveat that they’re dubious and mostly meaningless – it’s easy to conclude that the assertion made by him having more readers than the named papers is a lie.

Quite why he would run with such an easily disproved lie in a national/regional newspaper is the question The National should be asking.

AhDinnaeKen readers will no doubt come to their own conclusions.

Meanwhile, fire extinguishers for spontaneously combusting pants are available on EBay for Campbell.

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Filed under Lies, Media, Wangs Watch

I’ll smash your heads and ask questions later – Wings Over Scotland

VIOLENT DODGY liar named and shamed as editor of Wings Over Scotland – Stuart Campbell.

The five floor, five bedroom, townhouse, Campbell claimed was a "huge block of rented offices."

The five floor, five bedroom townhouse which Campbell claimed was a “huge block of rented offices.”

By Longshanker aka @ergasiophobe

A NOTORIOUS cybernat threatened amateur copyright investigators with extreme violence after they exposed his dodgy internet dealings in the late 90s, it has been revealed.

Stuart Campbell, 48, warned have a go sleuths Damien Burke and friends: “if I find any of you outside my door, be warned that I’ll smash your heads off the railings first and ask questions later.”

The chilling threat followed Burke’s revelation that Campbell’s home address in Bath matched the billing address of a hooky software company trading as Rocketship Services.

Rocketship was raking in the cash by selling and distributing CDs packed full of stolen game software at £30 per disc.

Burke’s investigation exposed Campbell’s posh Bath town-house residence as the front for the selling and promotion of the illegal CDs.

Stolen game software included hundreds of titles from Atari, Nintendo, SEGA and Commodore with an estimated street value of around £200,000.

Sinister cybernat Campbell, editor of Nationalist blog Wings Over Scotland, had denied Burke’s allegation that he was trading as Rocketship Services.

The bathroom in one of the floors of Campbell's former residence.

The bathroom in one of the floors of Campbell’s former residence. Rocketship Services sold their illegal discs at £30 a pop.

When challenged by Burke that it was an “extraordinary coincidence” that Campbell’s residential address matched Rocketship Services billing address, Campbell defended himself saying: “And I suppose I’m also all of the 300 or so other people whose address this huge block of rented office units is?”

But the claim that the address was a huge block of rented office units was a lie.

Campbell’s residential, and Rocketship Services’ billing, address was revealed by Burke as 4 Brock Street: a five bed, five floor, town house in one of the most sought after, expensive and prestigious locations in Bath.

Campbell’s violent threat followed suggestions from Burke and associates that they would visit the building to confirm if it was indeed the “huge block” of office units’ claimed by the Wings editor.

Burke reckoned a site visit would prove Campbell was lying about his association with Rocketship Services.

And that’s when Campbell demonstrated his willingness to resort to extreme violence, threatening to ‘smash heads first and ask questions later’.

The threat had the desired effect and frightened the amateur sleuths off, leaving Rocketship Services to continue creaming off profits at the expense of legal businesses.

Burke later revealed: “Rocketship’s posts were made using the same version of Microsoft software (used by Campbell), right down to the build number. Stuart and Rocketship upgraded their software at the same time, or within hours of each other. Rocketship’s posts came from Pipex, as did Stuart’s. The message IDs in Rocketship’s posts were similar to Stuart’s.

“On attaining Rocketship’s postal address via a false request for where to send a cheque for one of their illegal CDs, the 4 Brock Street, Bath address was supplied.”

Campbell strenuously denied the accusation. He said: “It’s been proven beyond doubt – by an independent observer – that these (big old five-storey town building converted into office units) premises are used by, among others, a letting company which forwards mail to dozens, even hundreds of people.”

4 Brock Street in Bath is currently on the residential rental market for a modest £3750 per calendar month.

Campbell is believed to have moved out some time last year, after his highly successful fundraiser.

Today, Campbell’s Wings Over Scotland launched it’s yearly Indiegogo fundraiser to allegedly, “mobilise for an emergency second indyref within months”.

At the time of writing almost £23,000 has been raised – enough to rent 4 Brock Street for approximately six months at current market rates.

Beautiful well kept gardens and 'maid service' are all part of the perks of a £3750 property.

Beautiful well kept gardens and ‘maid service’ are all part of the perks of a £3750 pcm property in Campbell’s corner 0f Bath. Champagne Nationalists ‘n’ aw that.

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12 Things You Didn’t Need to Know About @WangsScotland’s ‘Reverend’ Stuart Campbell

WANGS OVER Scotland bigmouth and editor ‘Reverend’ Stuart Campbell became the first to take part in a fawningly embarrassing series in CommonSpace recently. Campbell is an honest kid. He’s so honest it’s untrue. Here’s what he said ‘off the record’ when the right-on mostly ignored lefties of Commonspace had had their anodyne way with him:

"If there was one thing worse than being cheated, it was being cheated by someone who referred to themselves in the third person." ― Chris Wooding, The Iron Jackal

“If there was one thing worse than being cheated, it was being cheated by someone who referred to themselves in the third person.” ― Chris Wooding, The Iron Jackal

By Sicko PhantOfficial suck up and public relations etymologist

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

We wanted to be like normal children, you know with brothers and sisters and subservient friends with lots of dinner money to play with. But the other kids were all cunts and didn’t want to play with us after we quite reasonably pointed out our empirically researched, cited and referenced facts of why they were all cunts. People are so stupid and ungrateful when presented with the truth.

After our mother had had us, she said “no more, truly this boy is the Second Coming. Let him go forth and purify the earth – or Bathgate at least – of fuckwits, retards, cunts, morons, dickheads, arseholes, thickos and really really stupid people.

And that has been our mission in life since. You wouldn’t believe the amount of people out there who actually have the gall and arrogance to disagree and argue with us.

Who is your hero and why?

Stuart Campbell. Because he murdered that kid, meaning we got the great idea to call ourselves Reverend in the 90s. At least, that’s the story we’re sticking to.

What’s your favourite song?

‘You’re going to get your fucking head kicked in’ as sung on the terraces during our armchair football supporting days. We regularly sang it to all the primary school kids who dared contradict our choice of best pocketeer games in the eighties. Acting on the message of the lyrics soon made them see the error of their ways.

What are you scared of?

Fuck all! But if we were scared of anything, it would be getting found out and exposed for our hypocrisy. Take our public pronouncements over being unashamed of anything we’ve ever written – and then having to delete the guff we wrote about our tragically unsuccessful attempt at taking Future Publishing to the cleaners for ripping off our copyrighted material. Embarrassing or what? And then that thick cunt Longshanker dug up our claim that we had worked with “rape victims”. He plundered our old World of Stuart forum – which we were so proud of – so we had to close it down so no other fuckwit could read it because we were so unashamed of it.

Which is better: Stuart Campbell or Reverend Stuart Campbell or Wings Over Scotland or Edge of Heaven or Darius Burst or Hoots McCrivvens?

Any of the above except Darius Burst and Edge of Heaven and Hoots McCrivvens – Natch!; they represent our dark side where we were so stupid, technically illiterate and overbearingly arrogant that we got caught impersonating others through our IP address. Still, we never learn. Ask the Wikipedia editors and their cock editors who don’t believe in Fairplay – fucking Nazis!

Which is better: Throwing your toys out of the pram or acting like a crybaby?

It depends on context. Throwing your toys out of the pram is good and proper when cretinous thicko retards like K**** H**** and K*** H****ns appear on telly or start jobs working with the Scottish Government. Acting like a crybaby is better when democratic votes in parliament don’t go the way we wants them to. Why wouldn’t you want to burn down Holyrood? It’s half full of fucking unionists anyway.

You’re on a desert island, you can take one person, one book and one type of food. Who would you take, which book and which food?

You’re just trying to get us to tell you what we get up to with the sepa-rats aren’t you? NICE TRY FUCKWITS!

The best book ever written, and the one we’ve read most often, is the Wee Blue Book, but it would be a bit boring and irrelevant for an independent desert island so we’d probably go for Mein Kampf – something with depth, relevance and the odd touch of humour, not to mention searing insight into how to deal with the so called Mainstream Media and Unionists. Pro-tip: they’re not called Unionists in Mein Kampf.

And Jelly Babies, of course. As long as they’ve had their heads kicked in in the manner we likes.

When have you been wrong about something?

Would you like a list?

What really makes you angry?

Liars. Almost everything we’ve done with our life has been based on lies, embellishment of lies and lying falsehood. From pretending to be other people, to claiming other people are other people, to claiming unique users as unique readers, we are the liars liar. Most liars are only half hearted about it because they don’t have the commitment to believe their own lies. We knows our lies are the truth. And that’s a lie.

What really makes you happy?

Millions of things. Popping stupid kids ‘No Thanks’ balloons is a goer. Telling people to fuck off on Twitter. Killing things in virtual reality or real virtuality (we gets the two mixed up all the time). Getting switched off and back on again. Flirting with homosexuals because we are most definitely not fucking homosexuals. Swearing like a man. Castigating limp wristed swearers who block their f***ing swearing with asterisks.

I’m pretty much happy at anything which causes fuckwits and thickos any modicum of discomfort.

If you could spend an hour with anyone, dead or alive, who would it be and what would you ask them?

Charlene Tilton of Dallas fame. We thinks she is undeserving of the term “poison dwarf”. We believes we are the true heirs to that crown. We would wear “poison dwarf” with pride. We are the most poisonous dwarf this side of The Circus in Bath.

If you met David Cameron today what would you say to him?

You might have been adventurous with a dead pig. You don’t even know you’ve lived until you’ve tried it with a live rat.

Photo courtesy of Photoshop and Greg Noodie

 

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