SNP U-turn on referendum question

SNP exposed by Electoral Commission for trying to fiddle Neverendum question. As they get sent homeward tae think again, AhDinnaKen considers what the Electoral Heidy Commission ruling means for the whole stultifyingly dull campaign.

“we all get humiliated at some point or another during our lives. the trick is not to let it make you resentful or defeatist.” ― Jane Stanton Hitchcock. And that includes when you’re staring defeat in the face. Well done Kevin. AhDinnaeKen salutes your indefatigability.

By Longshanker

DO YOU agree that the SNP Yes campaign got sent homeward tae think again?

AhDinnaeKen does.

The SNP’s abeyance to the Electoral Commission advice wasn’t so much a case of fighting and dieing for a wee bit rig and spend, it was more the Nationalists volte facing and daeing whit they were telt by the big boy professionals.

Supine and graceless, as is their want, the Nats quickly took an offensive line as displayed by the Kevin Bagapringles tweet adorning this page.

AhDinnaeKen takes its metaphorical hat off tae Kevin’s audacity.

According tae Bagapringles, the real news isn’t that the SNP had been publicly exposed for intending to ‘rig’ the Neverendum, it was that the UK government might have to concede there is an alternative, however unlikely, to a No vote.

And of course there is. A Yes result will currently get you odds of 5/2 at William Hill. Enough said – a No vote currently stands at 2/7 and Independence by 2020 returns a miserly 1/16.

Alastair Campbell and Tony Blair themselves would have been proud of Bagapringles spin on such a loser’s hand.

It certainly provided a soother for the frothing legion of Cybernats, exposed as drone lackeys to the vanity project cult of Salmondindependence.

As Bullingdon Dave paraphrased at PMQ: “We’re not doing your job for you. You made your bed. Lie in it.”

According to the recently released Social Attitudes Survey around 1 in 4 (23%) Scots believe in Independence.

According to health wonks, around 1 in 4 Scots can expect to suffer from mental health issues – predominantly depression.

Are the two related? AhDinnaeKen thinks we should be told.

MacAskill to tax accused in order to help out beleaguered bankers

Former Street tramper, terrorist appeaser and powermongering Injustice Minster, Kenny MacNaeskill, proceeds with yet more ‘progressive’ and ‘inclusive’ injustice for the worst off in Scotland. Hailed by absolutely no one but the SNP and RBS bankers as a big Hurrah for progressiveness, inclusiveness and social justice.

Poor Stephen Hester (right), the RBS chief has only accumulated little more than a paltry £11 million since joining RBS in 2008. Thank goodness the SNP are so benevolent toward bankers at the expense of the poor. Hurrah for Social Justice in the new Nationalist Socialist political landscape.

By Itsanin Justiss

ROYAL BANK of Scotland chiefs’ bonuses are set to benefit from a benevolent smash and grab on the legal aid budget in Skintland.

In an act of SNP solidarity and compassion for under performing RBS bankers, Skintland’s Injustice minster Kenny MacNaeskill will hit the pockets of the working poor to provide much needed funds.

According to MacNaeskill the Legal Aid Injustice bill will enable the Scottish Government to contribute more to RBS bonus fund coffers.

It will also let the Injustice Minster hit the troublemaking working poor where it hurts, their pockets.

The ‘bogus charge’ clause in the bill means that those falsely accused will face a simple choice, plead guilty or be fleeced of your cash by the Scottish Government.

Hailed as a radical and progressive lever of ‘social audit and control’ the clause means that the poor can be further impoverished in order to assist struggling bankers.

MacNaeskill told the Big Parish Cooncil at Whollyrude: “The bogus charge clause reflects concern expressed by members of the Law Society that the original threshold of ‘justice for all’ might compromise government access to the accused’s disposable income of £82.

“This clause is expected to speed up guilty pleadings and associated administrative processes enabling us to concentrate on fleecing those less well off and naive enough to expect justice in our new inclusive and progressive Scotland.

“The bankers have run out of places to rob more money from and this clause enables us to provide some assistance.

“I know and like poor Fred the Shred and Stephen Hester you know. They’re down to their last £11 million apparently.”

ITV chiefs’ alleged snub to Southern Scots is a blessing in disguise

Television viewers in the south hear next to nothing about the Scottish parliament or their local council areas. Lucky ba****ds!

By Moan McVulpine – Cultivating that droopy shooder – one chip at a time

IMAGINE NO parochial news aboot the Big Parish Cooncil in Whollyrude.

Wid the guid folk o’ Glesca be reassured all was well because they would get one or two reports and a few minutes o’ coverage each day?

Glesca is less than an hour from Edinborrow. Thank god some say. Could it no be mair ithers wish.

Yet this is the very plurality and divergence that SNP centrists want to stamp oot in a sinister take on ‘universalism’.

Did ye ken that TV viewers fae Ayr tae Glesca huv to pit up wi’ listenin’ tae Whollyrude pish because STV have deemed that it is important. FFS!

Who dae STV wonks think they ur? BBC Tristrams? If ah want tae be bored s**tless by windbag part time overpaid Scottish politicians then ah’ll watch Newsnicht.

See that Scotsnicht music, is it no the dreichist skirl this side o’ a Sun King Salmond alleged parliamentary answer tae an alleged parliamentary question?

It reminds me o’ dreich Sunday nichts when yer maw did the ironin’ while ye dreaded huvin tae go tae the schill the next day.

But onyway. In keepin’ wi’ their ‘universality’ mantra, Joan McCarthyalpine is gaun tae see tae it that the Borders and Dumfries and Galloway get inflicted wi’ Scotsnicht an’ aw. They’re currently denied that scintillating pleasure.

Whit a Ginger bawbag eh? Imagine bein’ that rotten tae the very folk who didnae even directly elect ye.

Whit did the guid folk o’ Southern Skintland ever dae tae her tae deserve that or her?

Still. Ah suppose she hus tae luk as if she’s daein sumthin’ ither than gettin’ pished oan subsidised Pinot Grigio and ‘servicing’ the Firstminster.

If only she could gie this a miss in the same fashion she previously missed asking six parliamentary questions.

Mibbes she’s finding it hard tae cope on a paltry £53,000+ per annum plus her expenses and ither junkets.

Mibbes Scotsnicht should stert oan that scandal.

Ah’m no haudin mah braith mind!

COMEDY RELIEF

Hyslop’s denial of reality ‘misconstrued’ by BBC

Unionist propagandist BBC will be forced to apologise over their presentation of Fiona Hyslop as a credible politician.

 

Nationalism requires denial of certain truths in order to operate effectively according to George Orwell. I wonder if it also meant denial of  what you see and what you hear. AhDinnaeKen thinks we should be told. G. A. Ponseybody come in, yer tea’s oot!

By Kannae Beleevit

UNIONIST BIASED BBC Scotland has come under increasing pressure to apologise for misleading the public into believing that Scotland’s Culture minster should be taken seriously.

Opponents of the beleagured institution claim that Fiona Hyslop was presented by the BBC as if she had something remotely sensible to say on Europe, BBC reporting or Irish ministers.

The row, which the BBC are trying to spin as “misconstrued”, blew up over claims that it reported an Irish minister for saying what she said.

But Hyslop refused to believe her own eyes and ears despite the BBC playing a full ‘unspliced’ clip of the Irish minister’s thoughts.

The Irish minister, Lucinda Righton, is heard to say “If Scotland were to become independent, Scotland would have to apply for membership” followed later by “negotiations for membership are always painstaking and they’re always complex, but I don’t see why it would be difficult.”

In classic SNP denial of reality, Hyslop claimed that what the Minister had really said was not what she said to the BBC but what she had said in an email to Deputy Miss leader Sturgeon.

When asked on the BBC’s Politics Scotland “Do you agree with what she is saying there?” Hyslop answered:

“Well I agree with her email that says she did not say what she said when the BBC reported what she said as what she said.

“What she really said is what we say she said and not what the BBC say she said despite her having said what she said to the BBC.”

Following the breathtaking denial of reality, the BBC switchboard was inundated with complaints from grown adults demanding that CBeebies should not be amalgamated with Politics Scotland without prior warning.

A spokestristram for the BBC said: “We can only work with the tools the political parties send us.

“Bad tools always blame the workmen. We’re currently working on contingency plans for when we will inevitably be blamed for losing the SNP the Neverendum.”

Poll: Swing of just 70% would put Yes ahead

 

Posted by Och Aye the Noo Scotland on January 27, 2013. More in hope than in credibility.
Welcoming today’s Flannelbase poll for the Funday Times and Unreal Radio Scotland, the Chief Fantasist of Och Aye the Noo Scotland, Tonyblair Jenkins, said: “What this poll shows is that there is a solid and sustained attempt to clutch at any straw which backs up my/our increasingly ludicrous assertions on independence. According to these online paid for figures, a swing of just 70 per cent could lead to the emancipation of the subjugated, colonised and Stockholm Syndromed Scots.”

“At 23%, this is 47 points higher than the recent Anti-Scottish Social Attitude survey which, insignificantly, was conducted before we fully realised that the Tories aren’t very nice to welfare beneficiaries and they’re not very nice about the Big European Quangocracy either.”

He added: “We have also had the Westminster coalition’s admission that the SNP are relying on them to do something really really nasty in the hope they might gain some rebound votes for Indy. In this the SNP are absolutlely correct and we hope and pray that the Tories look like they could get re-elected in 2015. We already have Bullingdon Dave’s raw meat eaters to thank for easing the pressure on our sand shifting EU deceptions.”

“We do not underestimate the credibility gap we have to bridge for us to be taken seriously by Autumn next year. Mission Impossible our opponents are calling it. We have to persuade those who believed Devo-Max was their preferred choice that that was also the Firstminster’s preferred choice an’ aw. That basturt Cameron killed off that failsafe option for Oor Wee Eck. This debate will drone on and on and on and we are confident that we will be the only people left interested or standing by Autumn 2014.”

[AhDinnaeKen would like to apologise for the consistently longer than 25 word sentences. Tonyblair Jenkins is nothing if not a bit of a turgid windbag. Though you probably knew that about ex-BBC Tristrams anyway.]

Sturgeon: Nothing’s certain in climate of uncertain uncertainty

Lack of self-awareness, staggering hypocrisy and fantasy la la land politics. It’s all in a days work for Deputy Miss leader Sturgeon. Just say Yes.

“Contradictions do not exist. Whenever you think you are facing a contradiction, check your premises. You will find that one of them is wrong.” – Ayn Rand. Let’s start with “Independence within Europe”.

By Phanta Cyst

DEPUTY MISS leader Sturgeon has warned that damaging EU Neverendum uncertainty has created ‘damaging uncertainty’ on the damaging uncertainty created by the SNP’s damagingly uncertain Neverendum.

In a ‘business’ speech to some Leprechauns yesterday she said that Euro membership  had led to a crock of shit at the end of the EU gravy train rainbow.

She argued that if Scotland had its own oil rainbow, it would be much better placed to protect the SNP’s crock of shit.

At yesterday’s glittering fairytale event, Miss leader Sturgeon underlined her view that it was “overwhelmingly” in her interests to delegate governmental responsibility to Europe.

She said: “We are in no doubt that we can only operate incompetently when there is someone else to blame.

“Remaining a part of Europe in an Independent Skintland means that we can continue to accept praise for the good stuff and blame others for the bad stuff. Much as we do now.”

Partwisher Ferguson, Scottish Tory-Labour constitutional spokesperson, said: “Miss leader Sturgeon’s lack of self-awareness is astonishing. She’ll be releasing her fairy tale press releases on Wangs Over Skintland next. They’re kindred spirits y’know.”

Exclusive: Salmond launches new Nationalist slogan

Support for Independence has dropped drastically since Sun King anti-Midas Salmond came to power in 2007. Nobody surprised as Dim Sillars suffers subdural haematoma.

“Have you ever gotten the feeling that you aren’t completely embarassed yet, but you glimpse tomorrow’s embarrassment?” – Tom Cruise. There’s no denying 2014’s gonnae be awfy embarrassing for some people whose name ends in Salmond.

By Aunty Midas Tutch

GRADUALIST AND arch devolutionist Anti-Midas Touch Salmond has delivered yet again for his chosen devolved sovereign  people.

The grand strategist and architect of  ‘Devo-Max by stealth’ feels vindicated by the latest Scottish Social Attitudes Survey .

The survey found that since Salmond became Firstminster in 2007 interest in Independence has flopped.

Survey pollster, Professor John Poultice of Scratchcard University, concluded that the survey reinforced the Firstminsters previous Devo-Max credentials.

He said: “This is the most accurate poll ever polled in this country. It vindicates Salmond’s earlier attempt to place Devo-Max onto the referendum paper.”

Fundamentalists, existentialists, Braveheart Commandos, Polarised Militants, Nationalist Apologists and Ultimate Cybernats were all witnessed en masse sticking their fingers in their ears while simultaneously shouting “Edinborrow Agreement, Edinborrow Agreement.”.

Buoyed by the results of the poll, Firstminster Salmond said that he would use it as a platform to launch his latest filibuster slogan.

Following in the wake of blockbusters such as “Scotland free by 93”, “Turn the tide for Scotland” and “Independence within Europe”, the new slogan has been hailed as a careful and clever amalgam of previous no impact slogans.

Chosen to coincide with the results of the survey and carefully crafted by Salmond’s inner Star Chamber of sinister media ‘agents’, the slogan is expected to cover all eventualities post 2014’s Neverendum.

AhDinnaeKen is proud to reveal the new slogan:

“INDEPENDENCE WITHIN THE UNITED KINGDOM“.

Hailed as a hard hitting winner encapsulating the intellectual might of Scotland’s most formidable politician, the slogan is expected to keep Scotland’s people laughing till Autumn 2014.