Category Archives: Fable

Moan McVulpine: Take it as Red.. SNP will twist anything to back up their falsehood

MOAN says she would bet her honours degree in Snake Oil Hucksterism that the Red Clydesiders would have rejected anything SHE had to say on the Yes campaign.

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By Moan McVulpineturning a blind eye to history’s uncomfortable truths

IT’S ONE of the most famous images in Glasgone’s history – tanks in George Square circa 1919.

Stationed there on the orders of the ‘great’ war hero Winston Churchill, it was an image which helped ensure that organised Labour took root throughout the UK and finally gained government.

What Joan McCarthyalpine conveniently fails to mention in her homage to the raising of the red flag in George Square, is that the vast majority of those present – almost to a man – were virulently anti-catholic.

They viewed Irish immigrants working on the Clyde as a scourge and organised themselves, helped by Scottish institutions, in such a way that catholics found it very hard to find jobs.

So when Joanie refers to the Red Clydesiders as “fiercely proud Scots”, her failure to mention that they were also fiercely anti-catholic acts as a pointer to the type of Nationalism she espouses.

It’s the romantic Nationalism of falsehood and common enemies. It is the Nationalism of rewritten history to suit the cause. And it is the Nationalism of falsehood, enemies within and grievance politics.

The rest of her polemic conjures up stirring images of Skinttishness and its history of freedom fighters, rebels, dissent and political triumph.

But, doing so on the back of a skewed romanticised vision of history is the type of Nationalism which must always be guarded against.

Of course, Joanie isn’t that stupid. She gifts herself a ‘get out’ clause:

“Hindsight can be a dangerous game. But I would bet my honours degree in Scottish History that the Red Clydesiders would be at the forefront of the Yes Campaign today.”

Nationalist hindsight is indeed a “dangerous game”.

Joanie knows fine well that the anti-catholocism inherent throughout Skinttish society at that time had its roots in the type of Presbyterianism which naturally found an expressive outlet in the Skinttish Unionist party – the only party ever to have secured an outright majority of votes in Skintland.

No mention of that in Joanie’s chip on shooder rant. No surprise there however. Uncomfortable truths are inevitably ignored by big ‘N’ Nationalists.

Moan, like many Skints, sees the merits in the inherent possibilities of Scottish independence.

But, if the likes of Joan McCarthyalpine’s big ‘N’ Nationalists have anything to do with it, count me out.

What would James Maxton have made of the bedroom tax asks Joanie?

The answer to that is fairly simple. He would have said to the current Nationalist cabal haunting Whollyrude that they have the power/competence to do something about it now – only they choose not to because it suits their political purpose in generating grievance.

That makes me see red.

It should make you see red too.

COMEDY RELIEF

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That Was The McGroundhog Week That Was And Will Be, x 70

AhDinnaeKen is proud to present a genuinely non-made up fictional correspondent, Lambshanks, who has let himself/herself get brow beaten into posting a load of nothing about something. Enjoy: 

Saltire-EU-UnionJack

By Lambshanks
Monday:

The Cringing Jocksman newspaper reported the Britnats Thegither campaign’s claim that there would be no Unionist scare stories in an independent Scotland, and the worry was that hard working families “wouldn’t have enough to work hard worrying about”.

An SNP spokesman dismissed the claims as “scaremongering and negativity”, and added: “We’ve been blaming the Union for a’thing for three hunner years noo, so we can easily use scare stories to shift the blame to WasteMiddenMonster for another few hunner years in an emancipated, confident and forward-thinking Scotland brimming with positivity and vision.”

An exclusive interview with obscenely rich Scottish pie magnate Sir Tam McFermer was published by the Weegie Herald. Sir Tam, who made his zillion pound fortune selling Scotch Pies and now lives in a Caribbean tax haven, claimed that neither the Aye or Naw campaigns had impressed so far, and both had scaremongered about smaller than expected corporate tax reductions, with the rest of the debate amounting to “unmitigated pish” and a “national embarrassment”.

Sir Tam robustly countered suggestions that his pie empire had “furred up the nation’s arteries” and “increased the incidence of bowel cancer”, claiming the SNP’s proposed tax on saturated fatuousness was “utter mince”.

A statement issued by the British McRaj said they would implement further corporation tax cuts for the business interests of personal tax exiles “when economic conditions permit”, while a Scottish Radge called for a tax regime “conducive to Scotch Pie consumption”. A typically vacuous and sanctimonious hark-the-Herald leader column called for both sides to “stop the tit-for-tat” and “take the debate forward”, because “the people of Scotchland deserve better”.

Meanwhile, self-described ‘bullshitter, haverer, hopelessly partisan non-thinker’ Peter, A Bellyacher tweeted: “I’ll vote Yes to see a sovereign Scotland assuming her rightful place in the international community of nations, just like any other basket-case Western country with a massive fiscal deficit and hugely reliant on a moribund, dirigiste and self-perpetuating public sector, with an economy dependent on a declining fossil fuel resource, which is paradoxically and hypocritically being used to bankroll a growing subsidy-junkie renewables sector.”

Tuesday:

The question of Scottish independence had worldwide ramifcations when a Twitter shitstorm almost broke the World Wide Internet Web Thingy, following a claim Alex Salmond had “eaten too many pies”, and that this explained his reluctance to be interviewed on TV by fellow pie-devourer TannadiceLad. The claim, by prominent Unionist blogger, voracious Twatter, leading lawyer and Labour apparatchik-hack Ian SmartByNameOnly, led cybernat EdinburghAgreement2012 to call for an independent Scotland to make high treason a capital offence, while sycophantic Labour pee(take)er Lord McConnell of Malawi said that cybernats should “keep the heid” and that their “hate-filled anti-pie rhetoric” was detracting attention from real Unionist scaremongering.

The Very Irreverent Messiah Stu-pid Dumb-bell, author of the Cybernat Hyperbole Ower Somerset blog, alleged that Mr SmartByNameOnly had suffered a “cerebral meltdown and implosion of epoch-making, neutron star-esque proportions, capable of taking out the National Grid and causing a ten-metre worldwide Tsunami at the same time”.

A spokesman-person for the World Wide Internet Web Thingy (Scotch branch) declined to comment on the impact of the independence debate on the stability of the web, but said the question of Scottish self-determination and autonomy was “for the subjugated minions of Vichy Jockland to decide” and that he had nothing further to say, but added simply that he “wished they’d all shut the feck up for five meenutes and gie us some peace”.

Newsnicht TheNicht was cancelled because of a European fitba match, with Britnat tweeters condemning the action as SNP “black ops” designed to “bury bad news” about an unfavourable opinion poll while at the same time promoting “independence in Europe”. Another claimed this demonstrated that only Scottish and European fitba would be broadcast in an independent Scotland.

Wednesday:

A war of words erupted when an opinion poll commissioned by Michty Aye Scotland showed 90% in favour of independence, with 5% “nae very sure”, and 5% claiming to support UKIP. The Nae Chance campaign claimed that the question – which asked whether “A confident, ambitious, vibrant and bountiful Scotland should flourish and prosper as a good global citizen as far away as possible from posh English Tory Bullingdon boy oppressively rich barstewards” – was loaded in favour of tearing the UK asunder.

The Queen’s highly impartial polymath and psephologist-in-residence John Krusty (the clown) conceded that the question exhibited some evidence of bias, but couldn’t provide a definitive analysis for some time because he was currently leading a conference on particle physics, while next week he’d be competing in a round-the-world yacht race.

An extended edition of Newsnicht TheNicht discussed Tuesday’s Pie-Twitter-shitstorm-gate, with leading Nat Nateroo McGormless calling for calm on both sides, and for an “inclusive, tolerant, respectful, non-judgemental, civic-minded, touchy-feely” debate appropriate for an “inclusive, tolerant, respectful, non-judgmental, civic-minded, touchy-feely” Scotland, which could ultimately lead to world peace and the permanent dismantling of all weapons of mass destruction.

Britnats Thegither representative Bliar McDoughnut accused McGormless of needlessly inflaming the rampant cybernat criminal element, suggesting that Salmond’s over-consumption of pies was a MacMachiavellian plot to inflame his hangers-on, encourage the outbreak of online guerrilla warfare to break the internet, and thus hasten the demise of the Union.

Newsnicht TheNicht presenter John MackTie-less casually and pointlessly read out a few vacuous and irrelevant viewers’ tweets simply to demonstrate that the programme is contemporary, cutting-edge and post-formal. But he reassured viewers that the old fossils in the corner – Alf NaeVeryYoung and Bill TimeTaePitYerJimJamsOn – would be wheeled out for commentary in the next edition lest gangrene set in.

Thursday:

A political row broke out following SNP claims that an independent Scotland would automatically gain entry to the International Association of Bagpipers. In response Britnats Thegither said that Scotland would have to apply as a new state, and this could mean “years of worry and uncertainty for hardworking bagpipers and their families”, not to mention for “feckless, workshy, benefit-scrounging bagpipers and their dysfunctional and anti-social families”.

Tom McHaver, emeritus professor of International Bagpipe and Constitutional Treaty Law and Theory at the University of Easterhoose, said he’d spent five years undertaking an extensive study of the relevant jurisprudence, and concluded that the issue would depend on whether Scotland gained independence or not. He added: “Nene o’ us really hae a scooby, but it keeps us a’ in a joab, ken?”

A spokes-biddy for the bagpipe association refused to comment, claiming that independence was “an internal matter for Scottish voters to decide”, but said that the organisation would consider the issue fully when “a progressive, egalitarian and communitarian Scotland resumed her rightful place in the international community of nations”. NaeTheNewsCybernatNet Scotchland claimed the association had shown insufficient bias in favour of an independent Scotland, and accused Denigrating Scotland presenter Jockie Burd of failing to demonstrate sufficient deference and optimism when reporting the issue during a brief interlude between the crime and fitba pieces. NaeTheNews spokesJock G.A.PorridgeOats called for a march on Pacific Quay, claiming that as the state broadcaster the BBC should demonstrate the same balance and objectivity as NaeTheNewsNet, with an article headlined: “[Manufactured] Anger and outrage at Jockie Burd’s fawning and obsequious pro-Union bias and subservience”.

Meanwhile, in a special emergency edition Scottish Purview editor Kenny Royalty ran a piece on the scandal of fiddled waiting lists for Satirical Accident Inquiries at the East of Cumnock Health and Wellbeing Quangocrat Board, noting the tortured syntax, misplaced commas and extraneous apostrophes in official reports, while also pointing out the parallels with when he met Jimmy Savile and Stuart Hall at a BBC Jockland shindig in 1976.

Neswnicht TheNicht’s entire edition was devoted to the retiral of a traitorous Quisling fitba manager who had spent much of his managerial career Labouring under the so-called Stockport (Greater Manchester) Syndrome. A frothing and bilious cybernat tweeted: “Britnat plot to save the creaking Union edifice. Ye’d think the grumpy auld bugger wis deid”. A Stockholm Syndrome-in-Scotland TV (SSSTV) representative defended the panegyric half-hour programme celebrating the achievements of some-fitba-manager-or-ither, quoting Bill Shankly: ‘Some people believe Alex Ferguson is a matter of life and death, I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you he is much, much more important than hospital waiting list fiddles, child poverty, the bedroom tax, WMDs and the ScotchPieLand independence referendum.”

Friday:

Cringing Jocksman columnist Joycie McSanctimony decried the “crass, callous and horribly horrid” nature of neo-liberal UK, but warned that the neo-liberal SNP’s billionaire cronies would still be the SNP’s billionaire cronies in an independent Scotland, with the only change from the neo-liberal UK being guaranteed free bus passes for housebound over-90-year-olds.

The artists, creatives, idealists and delusional fantasist weans at the National (Socialist) Corrective countered McSanctimony’s claim, and threw their toys oot o’ the pram in protest by temporarily closing their website in a desperate attempt to detract attention from the fact that the Real World was just carrying on regardless. Pram-chasing pro bono lawyer I’m A Chancer issued a statement on behalf of the Corrective, saying: “I’ve unsuccessfully represented hard left lost causes with only marginal relevance to mainstream politics before, so why not the Corrective as well? Joycie is talking oot o’ her bahookie as usual, and when an independent Scotland elects a republican socialist government the likes of lottery winners the mannie and wifie Weir will have their EuroGazillions good fortune expropriated and will be reduced to the same champagne-free, Scotch Pie over-consumption penury as the rest of us.” “We are National (Socialist) Corrective”, Mr Chancer concluded.

Meanwhile, yet another late-night Twitter rammy broke out when Stevie EfterNoon, leader of the nascent Nats But Nice As Pie (Scotch) movement claimed the Cybernat Hypberbole Ower Somerset website had been exposed as a joint CIA/MI5-sponsored false flag operation designed to portray independence supporters as “whinging, poisonous, ex-pat Jocks with massive chips on their shidders” and “with all the charm and finesse of a cybernat Staffie”. Mr EfterNoon said the website purported to operate from Bath, but was actually co-ordinated from the nearby GCHQ headquarters in Cheltenham. The covert operation had been personally ordered by US President Banana Orama, who was fearful of a Tommy Shagaround-led Socialist People’s Republic of ScotchPieLand following a successful Och Aye vote in the referendum.

Ultra-loyalist cybernat RevStuGuBràth slavered that the MacMessiah was simply the victim of a sophisticated smear campaign, and that in fact the Och Aye ScotchPieLand movement had been infiltrated by fifth columnists like Mr EfterNoon and Nateroo McGormless. Further, it was Mr EfterNoon and Ms McGormless who were the “traitorous and treasonous, Quisling, heretical, Stockbridge (Edinburgh) syndrome, Vichy Jock apostates” who were “too nicey-nice, syrupy and reasonable” to be true believers. In response uber-Labour tweeterer Dinnaeken Buggerall told RevStuGuBràth to “awa and play on the M73”.

Meanwhile, the Real World had gone to bed several hours earlier.

Saturday:

In his Cringing Jocksman column leading commentator Jerrycan Asshan warned that an SNP-dominated independent Scotland would merely “perpetuate the incumbent elites and power paradigms”, announcing that he would therefore have to withdraw from public life to facilitate change in a post-nationalist, post-independence, post-Asshan, post-pretentious-narrative-bollocks ScotchPieLand.

In his Lack Of Thinking Scotland column libertarian Brian NaeMyAinTeeth called for free fags in an independent Scotland, with compulsory smoking lessons in schools and a ban on smoke-free public places.

The Weegie Herald led with a leaked Hoose o’ Lords obsequious Unionist minion committee report claiming that SNP finance secretary Jock Swindler’s sums “dinnae add up”. It pointed out that a very highly secret Scottish Government report written on the back of a fag packet and obtained for the committee by MI5 made clear that only the pensions of Holyrood ministers would be guaranteed in an independent Scotland, with the promise extending to the supplicant drone/clapping seal MSP class only if Brent crude oil prices were maintained at $300 per barrel for the next century. Pensions for the great unwashed would depend on every Scot winning the UK National Lottery, with its Big Lottery Fund acting as an independent Scotland’s lender of last resort, and its good causes remit employed to bail oot oor collapsing economy.

Meanwhile, Britnats Thegither lodged a complaint with the Press Complaints Commission, alleging that hark-the-Herald columnist Ding Dong Bell’s coupon was turning the milk soor, and was in danger of scaring the bairns at the National (Socialist) Corrective, since the Herald ScotchPieLand website was available before they were sent to their beds efter they’d had their tea. A Yes ScotchPieLand spokes-numpty claimed that there would be “nae soor milk once the nation had U-turned on the road to serfdom and was free of her feudal overlords at Westminster”.

Sunday:

Craven and self-loathing (lack of) quality newspaper Jocksman on Sunday published a balanced series of articles representing both sides of the debate, and none. Labour has-been Dennis the Menace Caravan outlined how braw an independent Scotland would be, with his public sector cronies enjoying public holidays every Monday of the year, celebrating such joyous and uplifting occasions as St Andra’s Day, Rabbie Burns’ birthday, the Battle of Burnt Bannocks, Ian SmartByNameOnly’s Twitter implosion and the invention of the Scotch Pie. For Britnats Thegither, Alistair Eyebrows said that the only way to ensure Jessica Ennis, Eric Bristow (sic) and Jimmy Tarbuck (sic) on future Scotch TV was to retain the Union. Meanwhile, an article by a so-called Civic Scotland representative who no-one has ever heard of and really only represents himself claimed that the “highly sophisticated Jocko electorate” was being disenfranchised by the lack of a full-fiscal-devo-max-autonomy-lite alternative on the referendum ballot paper. Jocksman on Sunday deputy editor Kens Farq-all commented: “We’ve regurgitated this clichéd, righteous and banality-ridden cack from baith sides (and nene) for the last umpteen weeks noo, and so can probably get away with jist rehashing the same articles every Sunday until referendum day.”

Meanwhile, the JoS glossy coffee table lifestyle supplement for people who can actually afford to think aboot the posh hooses in yet another Amazonian rain forest-destroying supplement published a mock up of a Scottish saltire embellished with a Scotch Pie to illustrate an article on the history of pies in Scotland. The ensuing Twitter mêlée (puddin’) meant that Ian-Smarty-pants-pie-gate was completely forgotten about, with Bella Caledoctrination editor Kevin Nihilism condemning the desecration of the saltire, claiming that only he was allowed to hypocritically defile flags, preferably by setting fire to the Butcher’s Apron. A Bigoted Nation blogpost described the JoS’s saltire mock up as demonstrating “prejudice and xenophobia”, and claimed that at the very least it should have contained “a macaroni pie, and mibee even a doner kebab”, in order to confirm ScotchPieLand as a “welcoming, tolerant and inclusive” nation, adding: “Indeed we’re proposing ScotchPieLand be renamed simply Land, because ‘Scotch’ conveys an image of fascist, bigoted and unwelcoming intolerance towards the international community, and we don’t want to be seen to be encouraging that.” Meanwhile, Mr Nihilism called for a “social audit” to ensure pies would be sufficiently Scotch in a free-from-the-Unionist-yoke, ethnically cleansed Scots-onlyLand.

The Sunday Past published a special anti-windfarm edition, with editor Donald Martin-Trump claiming the newspaper had “largely ignored” the issue previously, and that now was the time to “promote a balanced and objective debate on the subject”.

Repeat almost ad infinitum, ad nauseum, x 70, or so.

(Editorial note: the unnecessarily long and often apparently endless sentences above are intended to reflect the Neverendum campaign.)

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Scottish politics: Unrealities still ‘substantial’, says Haudit Scotland

The inequalities between truth and reality are still as wide as they ever were thanks to substanceless SNP Euro assertions.

"When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than any talent for abstract positive thinking." _ Tricky Dicky Salmond

“When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than any talent for abstract positive thinking.” _ Tricky Dicky Salmond

By Phanta Sissts

MEIN SALMOND’S deputy blame taker Auld Nick Sturgeon is set to further damage her career defending the gulf between SNP reality and real reality according to a hard hitting Haudit Scotland report.

Reality watchdog Haudit Scotland said that despite improvements, differences between SNP reality and real reality were still substantial.

The report said strategies to tackle the problem had seen little impact.

The Scottish fantasist government said it was focussing on the underlying causes of being “found out” and “left looking inept”.

Opposition parties said people had a responsibility to understand real reality – but called on minsters to do more.

The Haudit Scotland report said overall real reality in Scotland had improved in the past five days, but there were still deep-seated inequalities, largely due to an entrenched government of SNP fantasists and truth evaders.

Men in the most reality deprived areas voted SNP more than those in the most reality affluent areas.

Women, the report said, were seven and a half times more likely to see through Salmond and the SNP on sight.

People in reality deprived areas were also more likely to use words such as “inclusive”, “progressive”, and phrases such as “Scottish values” and “we do things differently here”.

Haudit Scotland said it was unclear how much money the SNP government had wasted on promoting their fantasies, but it was clear that the Scottish public “wurnae buyin’ it.”

It also said:

  • Biased Unionist Mainstream Media Oppressors play a critical role in keeping SNP fantasies in check.
  • The distribution of SNP fantasy was based on falsehood. Barnum statements and substanceless assertion.
  • Nationalist strategies which aim to promote fantasy and increase reality inequalities have so far shown limited evidence of impact.
  • There is a lack of shared understanding about what is meant by SNP reality and substanceless assertions.

The Scottish fantasist govenment has now been urged to set national indicators to monitor how corrosive to political debate their fantasies and substanceless assertions really are.

Narcissistic bi-polar paranoid scizophrenic spokesperson for the SNP, Wee Naebudy, said: “Not only will Scotland join Europe at the head of the table, we will show America how military defence is done.

“It is the SNP who will set interest rates in the new independent Sterling zone in collusion with our Unionist buddies at Westminster.”

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Glesca Uni students toilet defines neverendum ethos – it’s s**t

If it looks like s**t and it smells like s**t then rest assured it’s probably s**t. Glasgow uni students debate nationalism in its rightful place, the kludgie.

"I just stepped in shit, and now I’ve got political rhetoric all over my shoes. 
” ― Jarod Kintz,. The Scots have got two years this 'political rhetoric' to look forward to.

“I just stepped in shit, and now I’ve got political rhetoric all over my shoes. 
” ― Jarod Kintz,. The Scots have got two more years of this ‘political rhetoric’ to look forward to.

By Scatty Logical

GLESCA UNI’S studenty coprophiliacs have issued the most damning verdict of all on the Scottish neverendum – it’s shit.

And they say the smell and atmosphere of their toilet debating chamber sharpens their memories when thinking of Firshitminster Salmond’s parliamentary ablutions.

Some of the graffiti which didn’t make it into the tissue sized Sun report was as follows:

“The 1707 Act of Union took place in this toilet. It was a marriage of convenience.”

“Farty Salmond was the only Westminster Nationalist politician to succeed in a place that’s like a kludgie, and you always come out of a kludgie with a smell.”

“European Law advice taking is invigorating. But I don’t analyse it too much. It’s like a dog smelling where it’s going to do it’s toilet in the morning.” – Tricky Dicky Salmond.

“If you don’t want your Firstminster to have bad breath in the morning, do what I do: Pour a little Lavender in the kludgie” – Moan McVulpine.

“Golfer Salmond doesn’t use the kludgie to shit in. He almost always shits in the debating chamber or the BBCs television studios, or especially on the people of the Menie Estate.”

“Scotland is the country where the currency falls apart and you can’t tear the kludgie paper.”

“Did you hear that John Swindley had constipation? He couldn’t budget.”

“Incontinent referendum hotline!…Can you hold please? (for the next 2 years ffs)”

“If you’re Scots when you go into the independent kludgie and Scots when you come out, what are you when you’re in the independent kludgie? Eur-o-peein.”

“The problem with pishy political jokes is that they get elected. Look at the SNP.”

Bed wetting anally-retentive spokesperson for the SNP Wee Naebudy said: “Come on gals. Everyone knows politicians are like nappies! You have to change them both frequently, and for the same reason.”

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Don’t believe the nationalist leader who’s taken us for fools

Despite the fact that a publicly conducted television interview exposed Tricky Dicky Salmond as the barefaced liar he is, the country now faces two more years of pain from his Nationalistic hot air driven vanity project

By Moan McVulpineBuilding chips on shooders one tattie at a time

CAN WE really believe another substanceless assertion from Scotland’s Big Parish Cooncil.

We already subsidise the SNP’s cabinet pension pots to the tune of half-a-million pounds sterling each – despite suffering horrendous cuts from the Bullingdon Tory Tories.

You need to go back to 1974 to understand why the Nats have a chip on baith shooders.

That’s when the hated Westministerial forces of oppression suppressed a highly illuminating report on oil’s potential for an independent Scotland.

The document packed such dire warnings it was stamped “Ministerial Code material” and forgotten about by all but the hate peddlers.

It was written by Professor Gavin McCrone against the backdrop of a Thatcherite supporting SNP and growing resentment of the English.

Professor McCrone said an independent Scotland would be among the most victimised feeling nations, with a chip on its collective shooder so large it would be “embarrassing”.

The SNP at that time claimed that North Sea oil would help bankroll Mrs Thatcher’s brutal social policies for the 1980s.

They ensured the prophecy was fulfilled by voting for her at Westminster in 1979.

McCrone said that voting for Thatcher was “low”. Scottish industry reaped the bitter harvest of that treacherous vote.

He pointed out that “Nationalist policy as outlined in this paper can, of course, be regarded as extremely selfish. Undoubtedly it is,…” and this level of selfishness would continue “for a very long time into the future.”

He also suggested, heart warmingly, that England might come knocking on the door of Scotland cap in hand. Och! Where’s my big Tricky Dicky when you need him for a bit of “discussion”.

But the report was suppressed, the SNP voted to blight Scotland with Thatcher and gleefully watched as the arch-Adam Smithsonian monetarist frittered Scotland’s oil on unemployment benefits and South Easterly vanity projects.

The Labouring government in 1974 ordered McCrone’s paper to be classified immediately. It was restricted in much the same was as the SNP’s legal advice on Europe.

In the 30 odd years it lay in the vaults, £300 billion of oil tax revenue paid black humour tribute to the ineptitude of the myopic unforesighted Nationalists.

All that time Unionist politicians told Scots that Thatcher was what happened when you gave the SNP a whiff of power – they f**k it up –  embarrassingly so – big time.

The SNP kept schtum on the repercussions of their vote for Thatcher. But the Scottish electorate at the time didnae.

Those valiant Scots saw through the SNP’s cynical pro-Thatcher Tartan Tory support and returned a risible two SNP MPs when the blowhards were expecting to return twenty.

Can you trust a party that blind, arrogant and stupit? Naw! Ye cannae! The Scots of yesteryear didnae either.

Scotland’s industry was devastated. Our oil revenue built the Channel Tunnel and bought nuclear weapons but our shipyards, steelworks and mines were run down.

The oil revenue financed tax cuts for the rich financiers and property speculators of the south-east of England, while millions of workers languished on the dole.

And ye can thank the SNP for that. Had Thatcher lost the No confidence vote in 1979, the Heathites of the Tory party would have “carved her up” and kicked her oot before you could say “the lady’s not for turning”.

We didn’t know the Ministerial Coded McCrone report said: “the SNP is already showing signs of making promises which could be an embarrassment to its economic management.”

Well, we know now. The report was finally emancipated by the SNP in 2005 thanks to the cleft stick of the Freedom of Misinformation Laws.

But it is not as widely trumpeted as the SNP think it should be.

This is a good time to remind ourselves of McCrone, because the Bullingdon Tories austerity cuts are giving the SNP a golden opportunity to exploit the Scot’s natural aversion to uncaring monetarist Tories – despite Eck’s cabal being “more of the same”.

Since McCrone, Scotland has proved itself resourceful and creative in the number of whinges it can come up with regarding the “oppression” of its “colonised” people by the English.

Yet leaders of the Butcher’s Apron Burning Yes Campaign were still peddling the line “we do things differently here.”

The McCrone story tells us all we need to know about such people.

Far from being guided by good old Scottish civic values, the SNP leadership will say anything to gain power and prestige.

So next time a fun’ oot barefaced liar tells you that independence is the panacea of Scotland’s woeful predicament, judge them by their exposed lies.

Ask yourself: Who has Scotland’s best interests at heart?

To paraphrase a well known Scottish independence supporting comedian: “Do I smell shite?”

COMEDY RELIEF

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MacAesops Fables #30 – The Labouring Ant and the SNP Grasshopper

Our thirtieth Sunday outpouring of sanctimony and self-righteous morality to be taken as seriously as the SNP cabinet’s universal pension pot culture

“Nothing is more disgusting than the crowing about liberty by slaves, as most men are, and the flippant mistaking for freedom of some paper preamble like a Declaration of Independence, or the statute right to vote, by those who have never dared to think or to act.” SAOR ALBA.

IN A Whollyrude field one summer’s day an SNP Grasshopper was hopping about, chirping and singing to it’s heart content.

A Labouring Ant passed by, bearing along with great toil an ear of corn dhe was taking to the nest.

“Why not come and chat with me,” said the Grasshopper, “instead of toiling and moiling in that way?”

“I am helping to lay up food for the winter,” said the Ant. “and recommend you do the same.”

“Why bother about winter?” said the Grasshopper, we have got plenty of food at present, and if I can get my hands on the levers of power we will have even more.”

But the ant went on its way and continued its toil.

When the winter came the Grasshopper had no food and found itself dying of hunger, while it saw the ants distributing every day corn and grain from the stores they had collected in the summer.

Then the Grasshopper knew:

It is best to prepare for the days of necessity.

Analysis: Bus passes, prescriptions, personal care, University tuition fees, free methadone etc. are all food for the voting electorate.  The question that has to be asked is: “Will the SNP summer last till Autumn 2014?” Or will they have starved themselves of manoeuvering room before the big day? Answers on a Freedom of Misinformation denial form to – well you know the rest of the overdone joke by now.

For more morally superior and vacuous posturing click on the Fable category to the right.

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MacAesops Fables #29 – The First Astronomer

Our twenty-ninth Sunday outpouring of sanctimony and self-righteous morality to be taken as seriously as 12,500 Independence marchers in Edinborrow

“All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure.” said Tonyblair Jenkins the head of the Just Say Yes campaign as he waved off the hapless Indy Rally marchers.

AN ASTRONOMER used to go out at night to observe the stars.

One evening, as he wandered through the suburbs with his whole attention fixed on the sky, he fell accidentally into a deep well.

While he lamented and bewailed his sores and bruises, and cried loudly for help, a neighbor ran to the well, and learning what had happened said: “Hark ye, old fellow, why, in striving to pry into what is in heaven, do you not manage to see what is on earth?”

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Analysis: When the SNP obtained their first taste of power in 2007 many people thought the sky would fall in. It didn’t. The unprecedented landslide in 2011 meant that the SNP could claim a mandate for their scarcely mentioned p.28 manifesto referendum pledge.

Now, other than cosmetic puffery, everything is on hold in the name of frrreeeddddoooommm™. Cue numerous ‘eyes off the road car crashes’ such as Jakey Apartheid, FOI request denials, sectarian thoughtcrime legislation, and pointless wastes of money re the London Olympics. Hardly surprising that folks are beginning instead to question competencies and see familiar Westminster style politicking and patronising fudges. As one wise blogger mostly blogged: “‘you can’t trust First Astronomer Salmond because First Astronomer Salmond doesn’t trust you”.

For more morally superior and vacuous posturing click on the Fable category to the right.`

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