Monthly Archives: October 2012

A brilliant barefaced polemic on SNP lies – in terms of the debate

By Moan McVulpineSkintland’s most vehement Salmond apologist

I’VE SPENT the weekend trying to pull the wool over the eyes of my well informed and intelligent friends (Patty Cane, Tonyblair Jenkins, Faslane C Smith) concerning the Firstminster’s barefaced lies.

They are outside the “political-nous bubble” that envelops journos, politicos and cybernats in Skintland.

So the row about Sun King Alex and Europe baffles them (bless). It wouldn’t confuse an overdosing methadone addict, even if it was transmitted in Ministerial Morse Code.

Sun King Alex of Salmond got ‘fun oot’ bluffing, deceiving, duping, conning, barefaced lying to his ‘sovereign people of Scotland’.

And worse, he was fun oot telling the barefaced lie to the British Brainwashing Corporation’s Unionist Scottish stooge, Andrew Kneel – the worst kind of anti-Scot.

But pro-independenistas, Nats, and Cybernats had a get out clause. After Tricky Dicky Salmo said “Yes” he had taken legal advice, he also said “in terms of the debate”. Genius!

A cover and well known Snake Oil huckster phrase to pull a veil over any lie.

For example: Will this Snake Oil give me automatic entry to the European Union? – In terms of the debate YES (In terms of reality NO).

You should try this at home. It’s already all the rage with Scotland’s school kids: “Did you do your homework? – in terms of the debate – NO. In reality – YES.

Rumour has it that Asil Nadir and Conrad Black had wished they had taken legal advice from the Firstminster’s lawyers.

Of course, Labourers and Tory Tories have the same political nous as Craig Leavin’ has football nous – both types couldnae score when presented with an open goal. Ho hum – such is the standard inherent of Scotland’s public servants.

So let me just say this (takes big breath) Scotland and England agreed a legal process for the Neverendum in the Declaration of Contempt 2012. This will mean nothing to Europe unless it delivers a shock result.

One rump old state, one new secessionist state. All the negotiation responsibilities are left to the separatists new nation – who’ll have to reapply and accept that the single currency will be an expectation of membership.

The only threat to Scotland’s membership of the EU is the countries who constitute the Union.

They’ll be apt to remember that Scotland wants to price their wine and alcohol exports out of the Scottish market with the Jakey Apartheid Tax or Minimum Pricing on Alcohol bill.

Hardly the friendliest of moves for a Union dedicated to free trade with minimal barriers to business and commerce.

This is what we should be talking about. Just how long can the Nat dafties who believe that Alex has a plan, go on being blind to the fact the Sun King has no clothes on and even less of an idea on how to dress himself up?

Probably forever – eh? Ignore the bluster fae the Sun King. He’s a barefaced liar (in terms of the debate).

COMEDY RELIEF

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Filed under Moan McVulpine, Opinion, Referendum, Treachery

All New Liarwatch 2012 – live on TV, Radio, Red Button and Online

BBC set to launch Liarwatch 2012 exclusively in Scotland for the first time.

The British Brainwashing Corporation have erected a camera in the subsidised canteen to observe lying politicians in their natural habitat.

By Telmy Lyes

WE’RE UNDERWHELMED to announce that Liarwatch returns at the end of October with a really dull old format and location, planned to expose all the worst pantsonfire action of the Autumn.

As if that’s not enough cause for suicide or methadone dose increase, Liarwatch will be followed by the dull old dead series, Salmywatch, in January.

Chris Spotsem, Michaela Strafesem, Martin Guessing-Games and guests will be following all the lies as they happen, broadcasting live from our old location.

And for the first time Liarwatch will be based in Scotland, at one of the most barefaced places to showcase the brazen nature of lies, untruths and deceptions during liar season.

There’ll be hundreds of live shows from the British Brainwashing Corporation’s propaganda machine until the plucky wee Scots aspirations are finally crushed in 2014.

Our Old Location
So what about Liarwatch’s old location? We’ll be based at Whollyrude, in the reeky auld toon of Edinborrow.

It’s one of the worst areas in the UK to experience whopping great barefaced lies designed to deceive the public on a huge separatist scale.

Nestled in an overpriced cludgy and surrounded by overpriced pretentious pseudo-modern architecture, Whollyrude is home to some of the UK’s most prolific liars, from Banff & Buchan Specialists to familiar Govan wide-boys wi’ nae baws.

In the Big Cooncil there are wee fibbers, truth economists, evasive sophists, and barefaced liars – such a parcel of rogues in a nation.

Liars of prey cruise over the cabinet, while sinister media spinners hunt in the undergrowth, and a Yes campaign is home to a family of ex-BBC Tristrams, playfully thick pseudo-pop stars and the dumb but hilariously dangerous Butcher’s Apron Burners.

Join us, we can’t wait to show you. Never has there been such a concentration of barefaced kleptocractic powermongers and liars assembled in one location.

Liarwatch begins on BBC Lie from Tuesday 30th October until the Scottish Sun announces the date of the Neverendum sometime in 2o14.

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Scotland to get a serious ‘doin’ if it attempts to remove Trident

Richest kleptocrat Tory in Wesminster cabinet issues ‘covert’ threat of a serious ‘crushing’ for Scotland if it daurs attempt to remove nuclear weapons from Faslane or Coulport.

“In defence, I have cultivated a death wish.” – Moses Salmond.    Here’s hoping it isn’t visited upon Scots in Coulport and Faslane.

By Ahmkeachin Mahsel

“…it is now likely that transfer of North Sea oil to Scottish ownership would occasion much bitterness in England if not an attempt to forcibly prevent it.” – McCrone Report. (Written in sidebar – “should they attempt to remove nuclear deterrent, Christ, I’d rather be a dug than a Scot.)

DEFENCE MINISTER  Fillip Hammondster has issued a sinister understated threat to the people of Skintland should they deign to vote for fffrrreeeeedddddoooommmm™ in 2014.

Speaking on the British Brainwashing Corporation’s Getitupye Thismornin Skintland, the Minister said that “there were no contingency plans” for the nuclear deterrent in the event of a successful isolation vote in 2014.

When asked by chief Unionist flunky and anti-Scot turncoat Gary Robbers-son what the government would do in the event of a Yes vote, the Minister said:

“We’re not making any contingency planning for such an unlikely event. You can be confident we have all sorts of contingency plans.

“You can be confident that around a capability as important to the UK’s defence as our strategic nuclear deterrent we will have all sorts of contingency plans for maintaining the deterrent in place in all sorts of circumstances.

“That’s normal good operational planning and I can assure you that the Royal Navy is very strong on operational contingency planning.”

Defence and Paranoia aboot the English spokesperson for the SNP, Angus Robberson is reported to have turned white and nearly fainted at the news.

He said: “You know whit this means don’t ye? If we win the isolation vote they’re gonnae invade us. They’ll use the navy to seal aff Coulport and Faslane and then they’ll bomb our airports, cut off our communications and tell the ootside world that we have been the victims of a terrorist attack.”

SNP insiders fear that the crux of the matter comes down to those five little words in the Defence Minister’s threat: “…maintaining the deterrent in place…”

It is widely accepted that should the Rebellious Scots attempt to remove the nuclear deterrent, a little known clause in the 1958 USA/UK Mutual Defence Pact will spring into action.

Paragraph 38 section (1) subsection (d) states: “Should the wee, poor and stupit natives get ideas above their station CRUSH them with whatever nasty spiteful underhanded imperialistic means you can.”

Fool, eejit and lacking in foresight spokesperson for the SNP Wee Naebudy said: “Christ, ah think we better get oan the blower to Mel Gibson. This sounds a bit serious fur us tae deal wi’. This is big boys stuff.”

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SNP set to lie throughout proposed liar debate

Latest suggested debate wheeze shows that any obfuscation, evasion, deflection, diffusion or distraction is not beyond Scotland’s Firstminster in order to avoid the truth aboot his lies.

The liar’s punishment is, not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.” ― George Bernard Shaw. Wonder how Eck will deal with being told that the Neverendum is lost.

By Bearfaze Lyer

PINOCCHIO SALMOND last night challenged Pinocchio Sturgeon to hold a barefaced debate on barefaced lying – on St Liars Day.

The Firstminster threw down his longnose as he sought to bounce back from his prolonged exposure as a barefaced liar.

And he called on the Deputy Firstminster to square up for a head to head clash – which would decide who was the most audacious barefaced liar in Scotland.

Mr Pinocchio told AdDinnaeKen: “Over the next two years Scotland’s people will be lied to in a manner which makes my barefaced lies look like an economy with the truth.

“That’s why today I’m calling on Pinocchio Sturgeon to tell lies about how many  barefaced  lies she has told herself.

“I’ll be writing to the Deputy Firstminster to agree to a debate with myself on Scotland’s barefaced lying future. It will be a chance for everyone to see just how big, small, devious, unplanned and pointless our lies will be till the Neverendum takes place in 1914.”

The challenge comes after an embarrassing week for Pinocchio Salmond. Rivals lied about his lies concerning his earlier lies over the lies he told to a known liar.

And the latest in a series of damning lies yesterday indicated just 71 per cent of Scots want to separate from lying politicians.

Indy campaigners think a lie-to-lie-in with Sturgeon would do nothing for the Nats which is widely viewed as an improvement on what is happening just now.

The Neverendum is expected to take place on Saturday October 18 2014 – first told to the Scottish Sun by a well known SNP liar.

A senior lying Tartan Tory source Wee Naebudy said: “Pinocchio Salmond should stop lying about stunts and focus on lying to the Scottish people on the fantasies of independence.”

The pro-Union AwInItTheGither campaign, chaired by professional liar Asmodeus Darling said: “Mr Darling is willing to trade lies with Pinocchio Salmond any day of the week.”

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Lies, damned lies and legal advice

One lie has the power to tarnish a thousand truths. AhDinnaeKen salutes the Firstminster and his political death at the hands of a thousand truths.

If Wee Eck does find the solution for automatic EU entry it will be the most revolutionary reversal of his record we have ever known. You go for it Salmy, nobody's gonnae believe ye noo. Boo hoo hoo!

If Wee Eck does find the solution for automatic EU entry it will be the most revolutionary reversal of his record we have ever known. You go for it Salmy, nobody’s gonnae believe ye noo. Boo hoo hoo!

By Haufatruth Izalie

THE SCOTTISH National party has agreed terms with Unionist parties to settle 3000 outstanding barefaced lie claims made by the Firstminster.

The total settlement is expected to cover millions of lies as every utterance made throughout the Firstminster’s career is placed under forensic scrutiny.

Public opinion has confirmed that the proposed scrutiny of Wee Eck’s ‘barefaced lies’ will bring an end to his long-running love-in with the sovereign people of Scotland.

Payback is expected to begin in the next couple of days and will be staggered over the next two years until the Neverendum embarrassingly fails.

Dr Thatz Dire, chair of the Scottish Parliamentary Lying Standards Committee said: “This is an excellent outcome for the Scots and reflects a commitment that nothing the Firstminster has to say will ever again be believed.”

Widye Believeit, political correspondent of AhDinnaeKen said: “The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions. And men have been deceived greatly by the Firstminster’s opinions on Europe .”

The settlement follows a ruling at the Scottish Court of Public Opinion earlier this week which witnessed more than one million Scots condemn the Firstminster for barefaced lying.

The ruling cleared the way for anyone in Scotland to see through the duplicity of Nationalist assertion.

In Scotland, due to doing things differently here, anyone will be able to scrutinise the Firstminster’s lies since the formation of the 79 Group.

Further scrutiny involving Sterling zones, Nuclear free zones, Ideology free zones, and Truth free zones are also under way and are expected to last till Autumn 2014.

Sophist, evader, deceiver, and disingenuous economist with the truth Wee Naebudy said: “Like oor pairty, wurds are chape, but aw the money in the world cannae buy back an exposed lie. Get ower it ya bams!”

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Salmond: I am not a crook I am a barefaced liar

Whiter than white author of the Declaration of Arbroath (in terms of the debate) comes out fighting to clear up his crimes.

“If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed.” ― Adolf Hitler. So go back to your constituencies and prepare for automatic Euro entry, a nuclear free NATO Scotland and a sterling currency. Wahey!

“If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed.” ― Adolf Hitler. So go back to your constituencies and prepare for automatic Euro entry, a nuclear free NATO Scotland and a sterling currency. Wahey!

By Widye Believeit

FIRSTMINSTER SALMOND cleared up confusion yesterday over claims that he is not a crook.

In a bold forthright combative defense of his reputation, Wee Eck said: “I am not a crook – in terms of the debate – I am a barefaced liar.

“Yes means No, Black is White, War is Peace, SNP Euro Policy is Credible – in terms of the debate and the legal advice which doesn’t exist but may have existed in my mind.”

Opponents were left dumbfounded when the Firstminster reported himself to his independent friends to clear his name.

The Firstminster has relied on the long grass ‘clear my righteous name’ independent standards committee five times previously.

It is believed that six is the Firstminster’s lucky number. Bookies declared, in terms of the debate, all bets are off.

Friends, liars and fellow crooks (in terms of the debate) have rallied in defense of the sovereign Scottish people’s self righteous leader:

Richard Nixon

“A public man must never forget that he loses his usefulness when he as an individual, rather than his policy, becomes the issue.”

Bill Clinton

“He did not have liar relations with that interviewer.”

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Jeffrey Archer

We all make mistakes but one has to move on. What I have found is that real friends stand by you. Well done for sinking your career Nicola

Jonathan Aitken

If it fell to me to start a fight to cut out the cancer of bent and twisted journalism in your country with the simple sword of truth and the trusty shield of Scottish fair play, so be it.Be ready for the fight. The fight against falsehood and those who peddle it. Your fight begins today. Do you want a loan of my sword and shield? In terms of the debate they’re still in prison.”

Neil Hamilton

I am savouring every single minute of the current exposure of the sanctimonious hypocrites and bare faced liars who made so much political capital from so-called Nationalist sleaze in the present parliament.

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Scottish Government set to impose ‘lie’ limit across Scotland

In the wake of the current Pantsonfiregate controversy creating a snowball in a scorched earth’s chance of the Neverendum succeeding, the Scottish Government’s Star Chamber attempts some serious firefighting. 

Firstminster Salmond explains just how large the ‘barefaced lie’ he telt to Andrew Kneel over legal advice really wiz.

By Sloedoon Yergauntoofast

LIE LIMITS are to be cut on dozens of whoppers stretching across the political spectrum in Scotland.

A review of the ‘big lies’, ‘barefaced lies’, ‘wee white lies’ and out and out ‘whoppers’ is long overdue says the Parliamentary Lie Standard Committee.

The review, ordered two days ago, also proposed strict limits on the frequency and importance of the lies.

The Scottish Government will now go ahead with introducing the lie limit reductions.

The public and Minsters hope that the first of the new lie limits will be brought in by the end of Firstminster’s Questions.

However, any lie limit will rely on the cooperation of the opposition parties and is therefore expected to be interpreted ‘Liberally’.

The Government has already ruled out imposing lie limits on the subjects of Europe, Sterling and Nuclear weapons.

A Government spokesperson explained that these areas are considered too important to have the truth told about them.

“If the Government tells the truth about any of these subjects, independence is deid in the watter.” said an anonymous Wee Naebudy. “And that’s jist no happenin’, get a grip.”

Barefaced liar, fibber, evader, deceiver and official Government spokesperson Wee Naebudy said: “These limits will not be as severe as expected, Minsters have been briefed that they can be ‘economical with the truth’ any time they wish.

“Jist so long as it’s no a barefaced lie recorded by the anti-Scottish Unionist biased British Brainwashing Corporation.”

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