Monthly Archives: September 2012

MacAesops Fables #30 – The Labouring Ant and the SNP Grasshopper

Our thirtieth Sunday outpouring of sanctimony and self-righteous morality to be taken as seriously as the SNP cabinet’s universal pension pot culture

“Nothing is more disgusting than the crowing about liberty by slaves, as most men are, and the flippant mistaking for freedom of some paper preamble like a Declaration of Independence, or the statute right to vote, by those who have never dared to think or to act.” SAOR ALBA.

IN A Whollyrude field one summer’s day an SNP Grasshopper was hopping about, chirping and singing to it’s heart content.

A Labouring Ant passed by, bearing along with great toil an ear of corn dhe was taking to the nest.

“Why not come and chat with me,” said the Grasshopper, “instead of toiling and moiling in that way?”

“I am helping to lay up food for the winter,” said the Ant. “and recommend you do the same.”

“Why bother about winter?” said the Grasshopper, we have got plenty of food at present, and if I can get my hands on the levers of power we will have even more.”

But the ant went on its way and continued its toil.

When the winter came the Grasshopper had no food and found itself dying of hunger, while it saw the ants distributing every day corn and grain from the stores they had collected in the summer.

Then the Grasshopper knew:

It is best to prepare for the days of necessity.

Analysis: Bus passes, prescriptions, personal care, University tuition fees, free methadone etc. are all food for the voting electorate.  The question that has to be asked is: “Will the SNP summer last till Autumn 2014?” Or will they have starved themselves of manoeuvering room before the big day? Answers on a Freedom of Misinformation denial form to – well you know the rest of the overdone joke by now.

For more morally superior and vacuous posturing click on the Fable category to the right.

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SNP Cabinet – putting the Klepto into Kleptocrats

Times are tough and money is scarce, but not for the new SNP Kleptocracy who’ve trousered close on half a million sovereign pounds sterling each for their royally sized pension pots.

"Avarice, the sphincter of the heart." - Matthew Green. No wonder these cabinet sphincters look so happy at half a million a pop.

“Avarice, the sphincter of the heart.” – Matthew Green. No wonder these cabinet sphincters look so happy at half a million a pop.

By Robin Bastads

MOSES SALMOND has whinged to Yank businessmen that Scottish politicians are having to trouser tax payer cash with one hand tied behind their backs.

On a visit to the American Windbag City, planned to coincide with a celebrity sportsman photo opportunity, the Firstminster complained his country had less ‘readies’ available for his pension pot than Illinois.

But he claimed that an independent Scotland would provide greater opportunities for his cabinet to loot and plunder if it broke away from the contaminated Union.

Mr Salmond also said the people best placed to rip off the country were those able to get into the cabinet and pretend to work there.

He added: “They will always be the people with unfettered opportunity to profit on the back of the people who live and work there.

“Smaller independent nations are now suffering from their natural economic weakness – windbag nationalists, profiteering politicians, avaricious civil servants and the ability to clearly define their six figure payoffs and pension pots.

“Scotland’s current constitutional status – as part of a subjugating oppressive Union where one nation is always likely to whine on the basis of its mindset – seems more and more like hard luck.

“Scotland is still ranked number one in the world in terms of those willing to sacrifice their lives to escape Neverendum boredom.”

Mr Moses, who was boring the Windbag City Council on Parish Cooncil Affairs, will be enjoying a knees up at taxpayers expense until the end of golf’s Ridethem Cup.

He added: “Of course we will continue to ingratiate and abase ourselves to the Americans, without whose patronage, my vanity project will have nae chance of happening.

“But, as for those anti-progressive countries; France, Spain, Italy, Portugal,Bulgaria, Holland, Germany, Denmark, Poland, Romania, Ireland and Austria – who oppose our progressive Jakey Apartheid supermarket windfall tax, they will rue the day they messed wi’ my ego.”

The Ego has landed

According to the Hootsmon; “accounts disclosed that the most senior SNP politicians have built up pensions worth £493,000 since they came to power five years ago.

“Those pension arrangements do not include those for Alex Salmond, who receives a special pension worth half his salary when he steps down.”

AhDinnaeKen wishes that cabinet minster universal benefits were truly universal and open to all in the sovereign EU region of Skintland.

Here’s hoping.

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A michty Jakey Apartheid hangover for the SNP

Nasty amoral Eurocrats leave piggy eyed patsy Alex Kneel to clean up the vomit of High Priestess Sturgeon’s minimum pricing vanity project

“Where men build on false grounds, the more they build, the greater the ruin” – Hobbes. So that’s the minimum alcohol pricing dealt with then.

By Buckfast Commando

AH CANNAE help mah sel. Ye shouldnae really laff at they SNP hauf wits, but Haw Haw! Whit did ah tell ye’s back in the day?

Luks like the Buckfast Commando community and their indigenous gettin mad wi’ it culture – onytime, ony place, ony where – is safe fur a while.

An’ it’s aw doon tae they freeloadin’ Euroc**t eejits in Brussels.

Haw haw! Ye’ve goat tae feel sorry for auld piggy eyed patsy Alex Kneel though.

He goat it passed it oan tae him fae the Fat Controller an’ he hud tae pit a braveheart smile oan his face n’ aw.

It seems it’s no jist oor Westminster oppressors and the anti-Scots element that cannae take the SNP seriously.

Spain, Italy, Portugal, and Bulgaria huv aw chipped in and shopped the ‘Scottish region’ tae the Euroc**ts.

They’ve telt them that the Scots huv had their laff, but they want tae grow up a bit and obey the law – Article 34 of the EU Treaty Law.

Y’ken, big boys law, no kiddy oan pretendy Whollyrude Parish Cooncil law. Haw haw!

An’ tae make things wurse, wan ah they ‘ooh la la’ fancy burdz fae abroad – ootside Glesca at least – said the legal challenge is oan the UK because: “the respondents are the UK, not Skintland, because Skintland is a region.”

Ah nearly fell aff mah sate man. SKINTLAND IS A REGION, she sayed. That’s how they Eurobams luk et us – a REGION.

Sum folk might be insulted by that, me – ah nearly pished mahsel. Mind ye, when it comes doon tae it, she can get it right up her wi’ that kinda talk.

Onyhoo. Whit it biles doon tae is this. The Euroc**ts take on board the objections o’ the ither countries, they pay lip service to the Skintland region, an’ then they tell them to get thur pishy wee prohibition legislation tae f**k.

An’ pilin’ in like a juggernugget is the SWA’s Diageo division who ur takin’ the SNP government tae the big Coort on October 23rd.

Aw in, it’s lukkin like curtains fur that ‘progressive’ pish they keep dronin’ oan aboot.

Me, ah’m away tae Lidl tae get sum o’ that extra strength cider that luks like Frosty Jack. An’ then ah’m gonnae get mad wi’ it doon the park wi mah pals.

See ye’s later. Haw Haw!

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What’s Salmond hiding in Sturgeon’s drawers?

Labourer leader Fandabadozie Lament claims unpaid bills are stacking up in Auld Nick Sturgeon’s drawers.

“Trust is like a mirror..once its BROKEN you can never look at it the same again… ” – Anon. Aboot time a few sovereign people of Scotland took a look in the mirror.

By Snakeoil Huckster

FANDABADOZIE LAMENT sparked controversy yesterday when she pledged to end Scotland’s ‘something-for-nothing culture’.

The diminutive ranter said it was time to end the kiddy on devolved government which could be scrapped if she comes to power.

Here on AhDinnaeKen she claims Scotland needs to ditch the something for nothing talking shop parliament stacked up with List D non-entities and subsidised Pinot Grigio consumers.

“““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““`

We’ve aw din it.

The gas, electricity and phone bills all land on the same week and you’d rather get mad-wi’ it on Navid’s special offer Buckie.

So you don’t pay them, get somebody to ‘fix’ the meters and forget aboot it.

You do the same with the final demands and hide behind the curtains when the ‘men’ come to collect.

It’s a perfect bawbag reaction from somebody struggling with an attitude. But is it the way to run a Big Parish Cooncil in Edinborrow?

Maybe in Skintland, but not in the real world. But that is what Sun King Moses of Salmond and Auld Nick Sturgeon are doing.

Everybuddy knows that the moolah’s ran oot.

Salmy and Auld Nick know it. That’s why they asked a big boy to report on how much was in the tuck shop tin and were told plainly, not once but hunners o’ times – there’s no even enough fur a roll and sausage wi’ tomato sauce.

In typical “Ah’m no listenin’ to this anti-Scot Unionist pish fashion” they stuck their fingers in their ears and said “La la la la la”.

Whit ah’ve done is send them a reminder that I want even mare sovereign Scots to look upon me as an austere Tory in waiting – and the SNP as paragons of the peoples’ virtue.

Why aren’t more Scots aware of this? Who knows – though think back to Ally’s army in 1978 and ask why we thought we could win the World Cup.

Free prescriptions? Sure – get yoursel’ on the Road to Ruin methadone programme and set up a wee business sellin’ it on.

Free prescriptions for methadone men cost around £38 million.

For that you could hire mare than 1600 nurses – close to the number of nurses gie’d the boot by Auld Nick in her ‘formidable’ capacity as Health Minister.

A Council Tax Freeze? Pure dead brilliant. A centrist move echoing the centrist moves by Maggie Thatcher in the 80s. So much for local democracy and autonomy at a local level.

Wee Blether Salmond is watching your cooncil and strangling them so he can look good in the electorate’s eyes.

Sun King Moses of Salmond is rippin the pish oot o’ the Scots. Polls show almost a third ur daftie enough to be taken in by this ex-Banker’s sustained but unsustainable con trick.

Fir Christ’s sake, when are us weans gonnae realise that the man with the sweeties wantin’ us to get into the motor for a bit o’ independence is wantin’ tae take us for a different kind of ride.

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Hurricane winds leave electorate up to their knees in political foam

Labourer leader accuses Sun King Salmond’s party of ‘Buying Votes’.

Truth is always a delusion. And that’s the truth. Lament should take her delusions elsewhere according to the SNP

By Foamin Stushie

A TINY country lies smothered in self-righteous political foam after hurricane windbags battered the country yesterday.

It came as the country was engulfed by an ‘imperfect storm’ sparked by the fulminations of Labourer leader Fandabadozie Lament.

Nearly ultimate Cybernat Peter Dingdong Bellend frothed: “I looked out of my computer and Lament’s foam was advancing toward us.

“How long will it be till this intellectually challenged non-entity opens her eyes to the fact that the SNP can be, and IS, all things to all people.

“That is the appeal of the SNP and Scottish Labourers just can’t deal with it.

“If buying votes is what it takes for people to vote Yes, then so be it.”

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Don’t let SNP take morally superior stance on privatisation

The campaign by the Daily Ranger against Atos is vital because of the breathtaking hypocrisy displayed by the SNP over all sorts of Tory style privatisations.

By Moan McVulpine

THE DAILY Ranger is right to campaign against the abuses of Atos – the IT company hired by the London and Edinborrow government to carry out “work capability and shovel ready assessments” on the disabled, recently unemployed and dying.

They are so incompetent that almost half of their decisions are overturned on appeal. That’s why the SNP government want to give them £3 million to ‘retrain’ service personnel whose present work has become disabled.

Every other man and woman in the street has read similar stories.

But what you do not hear is that Atos aren’t the only toxic Westminster sponsored company that the SNP have chosen to make use of.

Infamous G4S of the Scolympic security scandal have been chosen to oversee and administer the tagging of wee neddy bawbags rather than the more accountable Scottish police.

Serco, all things to all people, and infamous abusers of workers terms and conditions have been handed the running of previously publicly owned Northlink Orkney and Shetland ferries.

Coincidentally and somewhat conveniently, the SNP government didn’t announce the Serco deal until after the Local Council elections in May – funny that!

Now the anti-Scots Unholy Alliance are drawing attention to the SNP’s blatant and utter hypocrisy over the whole ‘privatisation’ scam.

About time. But let’s remember – if they talk like the Tories and act like the Tories then there’s a good chance that they’re Tories – in the SNP case it’s Tartan Tories.

The way to kick them out for good is probably to vote against the Neverendum.

But the SNP still seem to think that the Scots are taken in by their “the people who live in Scotland are the best people to make decisions on Scotland” mantra.

On current evidence, I’ll refer to my alcohol pricing correspondent Buckfast Commando who succinctly and concisely said: “Haw Haw!”

COMEDY RELIEF

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MSPs warn of ‘fatalistic’ attitude to independence disease

Concerned committee highlights failings in Scottish government process to protect electorate from inevitable boredom in run up to the Neverendum.

“Boredom, after all, is a form of criticism.” – Wendell Phillips.  Being bored rigid is by implication a severe form of criticism.

By Boar Dumb

THE SCOTTISH government should do more to address the huge difference in independence boredom between rational and delusional individuals, according to a group of MSPs.

Whollyrude’s Just Haudit Committee held an inquiry into Section 30 Neverendum services and their effect on the electorate.

The MSPs said their “most disturbing” finding was that people in the most average areas expected to suffer from Neverendum problems such as boredom ossification and a slow lingering death.

The committee has called on Minsters to set out how they will address this “inevitable attitude”.

The Neverendum boredom rate in Scotland has increased so much over recent months that in most council areas suicide has increased ten fold.

However, no councils can be held responsible for Scotland’s government boring its people to death.

People in average areas are more likely to have a heart attack than vote for Independence. If they get to the ballot box, they are less likely to put an X in the Yes box.

During their inquiry, MSPs on the Just Haudit Committee discovered that many people from average areas and from certain political persuasions expected to become boredicus rigidicus forevericus.

Chief Scunner of the Committee Iain Greyman said: “The powerful but deeply disturbing message was ‘people like us expect more of our politicians’.

“We learned that many simply do not expect to enjoy real voting choice and have an almost resigned acceptance that no matter what they vote it will be ‘more of the same’.”

He added: “The Just Haudit Committee is therefore calling on the Scottish government to set out how it proposes to address this apathetic attitude within average communities and some of Scotland’s non-nationalist minority communities.”

The committee has asked the Scottish government to monitor the types of Section 30 procedures carried out on different political groups.

This will help them evaluate the success of multi-hundred thousand pound court initiatives to deny Freedom of Information requests, and to say how they intend to improve engagement with their mostly adolescent kiddy on government.

Ministry of (Mis)Information Commissioner Wee Naebudy said: “We will willfully ignore any salient points raised by this irritating committee at the taxpayers leisure.”

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