Category Archives: Environment

Shoot to Kill: Hosie’s radical new SNP policy for traitorous Unionists

SNP SWEAR oath of commitment to the protection of their homeland and their citizens.

"Shoot all the Unionists you want, if you can hit 'em, but remember it's a sin to kill a SNP votingbird." - said Hosie, yesterday.

“Shoot all the Unionists you want, if you can hit ’em, but remember it’s a sin to kill a SNP votingbird.” – said Hosie to Police Scotland, yesterday.

THE DEPUTY leader of the SNP has backed the right of Police Scotland to “shoot-to-kill Unionists” in the event of a second referendum.

Stewart Hosie said he would trust police officers to take the “necessary action” to track down those people who “talk Scotland down”.

Nationalist leader Nicola Sturgeon said on Monday she was “ambivalent” over police operating a Unionist shoot-to-kill policy.

She later clarified that she supported “a strictly non-SNP voting shoot-to-kill Unionists policy” such as Tory or Labour or Lib-Dem voters who deserved everything they got, plus some. But she insisted SNP voting Unionists should be spared.

She said: “The world has to see that we can tolerate Unionists on our soil. SNP voting Unionists can be rehabilitated and de-radicalised. They may even be economically viable. That’s why I think we should demonstrate our humane tolerant caring side.”

Mr Hosie told the Good Morning Scotland programme: “If a Unionist runs down Sauchiehall Street, God forbid, or Holyrood with a Better Together poster and a police officer has a split second decision to make, then the choice in terms of public safety is very clear.

He added: “We have seen the news reports from Saint Andrew’s this morning. These people won’t be arrested. One of the people who was subject to police investigations this morning blew up apparently – claimed they had they right to question our education record, economic illiteracy and oil price projections.

“There is no negotiating with someone who has that kind of hatred toward Scotland. Some are even prepared to quote Alex Bell verbatim.

“Split decisions require to be made and we all hope they are the right ones but I certainly would trust Police Scotland in those circumstances.”

AhDinnaeKen attempted to find a Unionist to comment on the new SNP shoot-to-kill policy commitment but no one – from the whole of the country – was prepared to comment.



Filed under Environment, Referendum

What reading a Wings Over Scotland rant does for the Nat mind

Wings Thomson

“Rather, the truth is that people stop buying papers because they’re full of garbage.” – proclaimed a fraudulent reverend without any sense of self awareness or irony. Recently!

By Emolly Entcognitive dissonance and electro-convulsive straw man correspondent

WITH WINGS Over Scotland recently exploding into fully blown demented denial mode over the Michelle Thomson property affair, the conversation surrounding the Nationalist mindset has once again affected absolutely no one but the Twitter echo chamber. Here is what happens to the mind of a Wings zealot when they read a hyperbolically charged Wings rant:

  • Within milliseconds of the first reading, endorphins are released in the brain’s alternative reality receptive centres
  • Relief stimulates the repressed moral superiority centre of the brain – outraged sanctimony runs quickly up  and down the dendrites
  • The cerebral cortex composes and constructs an imaginary unfulfilled vow scenario
  • Impaired blood flow to the limbic system releases a rush of unimpaired anger directed at Unionists/MSM/Non-Nationalist charlatans/whoever
  • A full paragraph held in the heid for several seconds triggers an increase of dopamine and sense of euphoria in Nationalist MPs like Philippa Whitford and “oddball” Wings acolytes alike
  • With each subsequent paragraph, the brain steadily orientates itself until self righteousness centres become stimulated, quadrupling one’s risk of saying something equally as idiotic as Wings
  • Nothing really happens in the world outside of Twitter
  • Intense sense of injustice begins to burn throughout the body, arresting logic centres keeping them in unquantifiable stasis
  • Within moments of finishing the frothing rant, massive adrenaline rush results from refreshed sense of having regained the morally superior high ground.
  • Mind is now able to fully focus on the straw man created for it courtesy of Wings – said straw man receives the battering it fully and justifiably deserves.
  • Sorted. SNP is once again doubleplus good. In the Wingsnut mind at least.


Filed under Environment, Media, SNP-MPs

Scottish votes for English laws for foxes sake – campaigners

SNP set to face rock and hard place dilemma over English hunts for English foxes:

“When you are in a fix, often the fix is in you.” ― Ashok Kallarakkal. Send suggestions to help Angus in green crayon to: Named Person, Gordon.

“When you are in a fix, often the fix is in you.” ― Ashok Kallarakkal. Send suggestions to help Angus out of his fix in green crayon to: Named Person, Gordon, Scotland.

By Forfox Sake

KIDDY ON SNP Westminster leader, Angus Robertson, yesterday defended himself against charges of moral inferiority in the face of the proposed repeal of the fox hunting ban in England.

He surprised animal rights activists by declaring “I know a lot of English foxes and they deserve to be hunted to exhaustion and torn apart by a pack of baying hounds. But that’s enough about Sally Bercow and her husband’s enemies in the media.”

The dilemma for the SNP leader in Salmond’s shadow is simple – do the SNP sell oot their principles and vote on English legislation or do they sell oot the cute furry animals in order to remain morally superior in their righteous voting stance.

Angus Robertson was clear on whose side the blame lay:

“This is all the basturt Tories fault,” he cried, “They’ve done this deliberately to screw us over. No matter what we do, a large swathe of Scottish and English voters are going to be foxing raging at us. I think this is a job for my Named Person.”

One possible way out for the Nationalists lies in a previous statement by Saint Nicola of Sturgeon who said that the SNP may vote on English legislation, such as health, if it affects Scotland .

“There’s no doubt that this vote will affect the health of our credibility in the eyes of Scottish and English voters” said Sturgeon.

“No matter how we do or don’t vote it’s obvious we will thereafter be hunted down and torn to pieces.”

Labour’s Holyrood environment spokeswoman, Sarah Boyack, called for the Nationalists to end the ban on voting for English laws as such a stance is “a brutal and unacceptable practice when you have 56 SNP MPs in an ‘English’ parliament.

“Scotland’s moral voice as part of the UK doesn’t end at Berwick-Upon-Tweed and the SNP must make clear that their previous voting principles were just a sham in order to appear morally superior.”

Desperately searching for anything which can make the issue of 'Scottish' interest. Saint Nicola.

Desperately searching for anything which can make the issue of ‘Scottish’ interest. Saint Nicola of Sturgeon, recently.



Filed under Environment, Morality

Exclusive: Scotland in danger from new strain of fact-resistant humans

NEW RESEARCH exposes dangerous fact immune virus currently sweeping through Scotland:

"Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

By Maya Earsarshut

SCOTLAND: Social scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact resistant humans who are threatening the ability of the country to tolerate political opposition, according to a new academic study.

Research conducted by the University of the West of Scotland (UWS) has identified a virulent strain of ‘MacUber-humans’ who are virtually immune to any form of non-Nationalist rhetoric.

This new strain, also known as ‘Bravehearts’, ‘Flag Drapers’, ‘Wangers’ or ‘SNP Card Carrying Members’, are notable by their high information, low comprehension habits and their ability to regurgitate Nationalist propaganda at the mention of the BBC.

According to Professor Gerry Hassan of UWS, “These fact resistant humans appear to have all the faculties necessary to receive and process information. And yet they have developed groupthink defenses which, for all intents and purpose, have rendered those faculties completely redundant.”

More worryingly, Hassan said, “As Nationalist rhetoric gets ever more exposed for the threadbare sham that it is, their defenses against political reality have only grown more resistant and belligerent.”

While the research bods have no clear explanation for the phenomenon, one theory currently gaining ground is that the strain may have developed an ‘anti-Scottishness’ filter which protects them from inconvenient information disseminated against their country.

“The normal functions of political discourse and debate have been completely nullified and we are facing an epidemic of people immune to their country being talked down,” Hassan said.

Despite the gloomy outlook, Hassan held out hope that the threat of the MacUber-humans could be mitigated in the future. “The research is in the preliminary stages, but it’s possible they will become more receptive to facts once they are in an environment without food, public services or giro-cheques – also known as Full Fiscal Autonomy Scotland,” he said.



Filed under Education, Environment

Moan McVulpine: Maximum whine power generation for Alba

MOAN knows that renewable energy in Scotland is Salmond’s vanity project legacy, and the closing of Longannet power station is mostly due to wind power over capacity.

By Moan McVulpineputting the watt into watt the f**k

WHEN YOU embark on a vanity project  to prove the green moral superiority of your government it can have unintended consequences.

When those consequences result in the premature loss of peoples’ jobs – at Longannet for example – then it provides ample opportunity for some 180 degree grievance stoking.

Rather than look at the real cause, over capacity, why not take the chance to yet again drone on about the evils and inherent oppression of Alba by Westmonster?

And that’s exactly what grievance merchants like Joan McAlpine list MSP do – they see it as their Nationalistic/patriotic duty.

Longannet is the perfect pawn in this game of crooked energy chess for the likes of Joanie. It’s too much to resist.

It’s easy to blame higher transmission charges levied on the likes of Longannet. But much of that charge is a heady mix of Scotland’s over capacity and distance from the centres of power consumption.

The further away you are from the those centres- in Scotland’s case that’s England’s cities – the more you’re charged for the power going onto the grid. The transmission charge rewards generators close to the centres of consumption – it allegedly aids efficiency and cuts down on power loss over long distance. It’s not perfect but there is logic in it.

According to Joanie’s brand of grievance stoking logic, it’s a deliberate ploy by those English basturts doon sooth tryin’ tae dae us doon and keep us in oor place. Or something.

National Grid tells us that Scotland generates 11 gigawatts of power but our peak demand is only 5.4 gigawatts. That’s a problem of over capacity – exacerbated by all those lovely windmills out there.

Due to the vagaries of the transmission system it results in higher charges to the electricity generators.

The irony of Joanie’s Daily Redcoat 1314 gigawatt grievance generation is that she claims Europe demonstrates how energy transmission should be done. And she might have a point.

What she omits however, in the whole of her whining rant, is that due to rules formulated in Europe, Longannet would be closing  down in 2020 anyway due to EU emissions directives and carbon pricing.

But that inconvenient information would get in the way of her grievance narrative, so it’s conveniently ignored.

It’s another example of why you should always be on guard when Nationalists claim they have Scotland’s best interests at heart.

Nationalists have Nationalists best interests at heart. That interest is power. And I don’t mean the electricity kind.



Filed under Environment, Moan McVulpine, Opinion

Forth crossing name to be announced in honour of Firstminster’s five pensions

It’s unnecessary, it’s overly costly, it’s been hailed as a success for ‘competent’ SNP government and now it’s to be named in honour of the Firstminster and his five pensions. AhDinnaeKen takes a look at the proposed new names in honour of the anointed one.

"One man's folly is another man's vanity project" - Five Pensions Salmond

“One man’s folly is another man’s vanity project” – Five Pensions Salmond

By Big Spender

THE OFFICIAL name for the road bridge being built over the Firth of Forth will be announced in honour of Five Pensions Salmond today.

He will visit the construction site to revel in narcissism and a deep gratifying sense of self worth.

The results of a public vote by 0.6 per cent of the Skintish population who expressed disinterest are as follows:

Firstminster’s Folly – the costs, tendering and pandering to human rights friendly China could yet hing the Five Pensioned one.

Salmond’s Vanity Project – the SNP’s anointed one has a pathological need to be seen doing things that are in the Skints alleged best interests. As has become increasingly clear, this new project is of dubious necessity.

Bloater Bridge – in high winds the bridge is designed to move, or wobble. Such wobbling will remind canny Skints of the Firstminster and his strikingly bloated and wobbly profile.

The Nationalist Nightmare – as budgetary information and the invevitable overspend seeps, by osmosis, into the Skintish public’s consciousness, wiser Nats will be hoping that the info can be kicked into the other side of the 18th September 2014. Otherwise their Neverendum credibility could be ground into the dust.

The White Elephant – A favourite of the Greengoes Party and quite rightly so. According to Bitter Nation’s Jimbob MacKenzie, “Scotland may well be stuck with the most expensive white elephant since the Darien Project.”

Indeed! Whatever self aggrandising name the Five Pensioned one decides to call the bridge, you can be guaranteed that everyone in Skintland loses.

Ho hum!


Filed under Economy, Environment, Referendum

Scaremonger Watch #1 – King of the PuddingNats, Firstminster Salmond

The new-ish buzzword of the BigNats and the CyberNats these days when faced with points they find too difficult to deal with is “SCAREMONGERING” or “scaremonger”. Big Chief PuddingNat Salmond delivered a double whammy in the Plasticine Parliament yesterday when he accused “Bitter Together” of “Scaremongering”. AhDinnaeKen ponders a Nationalist utopian future in Skintland.

Rev Stu and the Wangers from Wangs Over Skintland prepare to deal with Susan Calman in an ahem, 'professionally journalistic' manner. Is this the Social Justice we can expect when the Nationalists turn on the polls and the parkas? I think we should be told.

Rev Stu and the Wangers from Wangs Over Skintland prepare to deal with Susan Calman in an ahem, ‘professionally journalistic’ manner. Is this the Social Justice we can expect when the Nationalists turn on the polls and the parkas? I think we should be told.

By Scara Monga

THE CRY of “scaremonger” went up throughout the land. And it was decreed in Unicameral committee that those who uttered “scaremongering”  blasphemy should be tried by the BigNats and thrown to the CyberNats to be judged and executed.

For verily, we cannot bare to live with these “inferiorists” who would talk their country/BigNats down.

SCAREMONGERS beware! You must be judged for the sake of progressiveness and social justice.

The voice of CyberNat reason speaks clearly regarding fellow Skint polls and parkas

The voice of ahem, ‘professional journalistic’ CyberNat reasoning speaks clearly regarding fellow Skints.


Filed under CyberNats, Environment, Morality, Wangs Watch

Raasay crofters crushed under the heel of SNP jackboots

The SNP lip service mantra which pays homage to the sovereignty of the people, social justice, progressiveness, inclusiveness and civicness – yada yada yada –  is once again heard ringing hollow when subjected to the ‘real reality’ test. AhDinnaeKen casts its ‘harsh and tough’ eye over Crofting-minster Paul Shithouse’s track record of being bought and sold for Lowland gold.

Raasay Shithouse

By Itsanin Justice

HOLYROOD’S PLASTICINE parliament has failed to address significant inequalities in Scotland’s crofting communities according to a recent report.

The Protect Raasay Island’s Crofting Kibbutz (PRICK) report claims only politicians genuinely interested in the ‘sovereign people of Scotland’ can deliver true social justice for Raasay’s crofters.

It marks the launch of a major public relations disaster for Scotland’s so called Nationalist Socialist Party (NSP).

Crofting-minster, Paul Shithouse NSP MSP, has betrayed the 18 year endeavour and aspirations of the Raasay crofting community in one foul stroke of his posh-boy pen.

Bought and sold for Lowlander gold, the fat headed ex-public school boy even had the temerity to claim he supported the findings of the report.

He said: “I have always been a PRICK and I will always be a PRICK, you only have to look at my fat public schoolboy face to see that I am a 100% total and utter PRICK.

“What these whinging teuchters have to understand is that I have been privately educated in an environment of expectation and privilege.

“These crofter people smell of deer, dead things and shite. What interest could a freeloading list MSP like myself possibly have for them.?”

Passionate land reform campaigner, Andy Playthewightman is on the case.

He has already called for an inquiry into the decision by the NSP to sell out the hopes and aspirations of this hard working badly treated community.

Read more about Raasay’s deplorable treatment at the hands of this disgustingly arrogant MacPoshboy by clicking on this link: Asleep at the Wheelhouse.

If you read nothing else on this affair, take a look at this excoriating, hard hitting, powerful and impassioned piece – SNP Jackboots crush Raasay’s hope


Filed under Environment, Newspeak, Opinion

Correction rules to be ‘corrected’ for SNP MSPs

Past five years of SNP record can now be officially ‘corrected’ in the Whollyrude correction centre.

“That's how it is with SNP manifesto pledges. The greater they sound, the more must've got left out.” ― Every Scotsman.

“That’s how it is with SNP manifesto pledges. The greater they sound, the more must’ve got left out.” ― Every Scotsman. Now the SNP can get it wrong till they get it right thanks to the rewrtiable parliamentary code.

By Obfew Skate

CHANGES HAVE been made to the procedure used by MSPs to correct inaccurate assertions made by the SNP.

A section of the Big Cooncil’s business bulletin outlines procedures to rewrite history in a manner acceptable to the ‘indy minded’ public.

Whollyrude’s barefaced lies and obfuscation committee hopes the move will make cover ups, denials and untruths less likely to be exposed.

The changes followed an incident where Tricky Dicky Salmond was caught red handed fiddling the figures on Scottish greengo jobs.

The updated guidance to SNP MSPs also makes it clear the specific reasons why the Presiding Officer is a SNP MSP – she will assist with any clandestine action in order to smooth the path for the Neverendum.

Members of the barefaced lies and obfuscation committee also made it clear the specific steps which are required in order to mislead the public and parliament.

Committee convener Dave Ceep- Lieingson said they had “taken the opportunity to rewrite history whenever some or other substanceless assertion got found out.

He added: “Taken together, we know these changes will help pull the wool over the electorate’s and parliament’s eyes.”

The mechanism by which an MSP can rewrite history was introduced in the rewritable Parliamentary History code.

Last month Tricky Dicky Salmond rewrote the number of greengo jobs from the SNP fantasy 18,000 to the real reality 11,000.

Rewritable time and relative dimension in space (RETARDIS) spokesperson for the SNP, Wee Naebudy said anything he wanted to in the full knowledge that he can rewrite it later and claim he never said it in the first place.

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Filed under Culture, CyberNats, Environment

All New Liarwatch 2012 – live on TV, Radio, Red Button and Online

BBC set to launch Liarwatch 2012 exclusively in Scotland for the first time.

The British Brainwashing Corporation have erected a camera in the subsidised canteen to observe lying politicians in their natural habitat.

By Telmy Lyes

WE’RE UNDERWHELMED to announce that Liarwatch returns at the end of October with a really dull old format and location, planned to expose all the worst pantsonfire action of the Autumn.

As if that’s not enough cause for suicide or methadone dose increase, Liarwatch will be followed by the dull old dead series, Salmywatch, in January.

Chris Spotsem, Michaela Strafesem, Martin Guessing-Games and guests will be following all the lies as they happen, broadcasting live from our old location.

And for the first time Liarwatch will be based in Scotland, at one of the most barefaced places to showcase the brazen nature of lies, untruths and deceptions during liar season.

There’ll be hundreds of live shows from the British Brainwashing Corporation’s propaganda machine until the plucky wee Scots aspirations are finally crushed in 2014.

Our Old Location
So what about Liarwatch’s old location? We’ll be based at Whollyrude, in the reeky auld toon of Edinborrow.

It’s one of the worst areas in the UK to experience whopping great barefaced lies designed to deceive the public on a huge separatist scale.

Nestled in an overpriced cludgy and surrounded by overpriced pretentious pseudo-modern architecture, Whollyrude is home to some of the UK’s most prolific liars, from Banff & Buchan Specialists to familiar Govan wide-boys wi’ nae baws.

In the Big Cooncil there are wee fibbers, truth economists, evasive sophists, and barefaced liars – such a parcel of rogues in a nation.

Liars of prey cruise over the cabinet, while sinister media spinners hunt in the undergrowth, and a Yes campaign is home to a family of ex-BBC Tristrams, playfully thick pseudo-pop stars and the dumb but hilariously dangerous Butcher’s Apron Burners.

Join us, we can’t wait to show you. Never has there been such a concentration of barefaced kleptocractic powermongers and liars assembled in one location.

Liarwatch begins on BBC Lie from Tuesday 30th October until the Scottish Sun announces the date of the Neverendum sometime in 2o14.


Filed under Culture, Environment, Treachery

MSPs warn of ‘fatalistic’ attitude to independence disease

Concerned committee highlights failings in Scottish government process to protect electorate from inevitable boredom in run up to the Neverendum.

“Boredom, after all, is a form of criticism.” – Wendell Phillips.  Being bored rigid is by implication a severe form of criticism.

By Boar Dumb

THE SCOTTISH government should do more to address the huge difference in independence boredom between rational and delusional individuals, according to a group of MSPs.

Whollyrude’s Just Haudit Committee held an inquiry into Section 30 Neverendum services and their effect on the electorate.

The MSPs said their “most disturbing” finding was that people in the most average areas expected to suffer from Neverendum problems such as boredom ossification and a slow lingering death.

The committee has called on Minsters to set out how they will address this “inevitable attitude”.

The Neverendum boredom rate in Scotland has increased so much over recent months that in most council areas suicide has increased ten fold.

However, no councils can be held responsible for Scotland’s government boring its people to death.

People in average areas are more likely to have a heart attack than vote for Independence. If they get to the ballot box, they are less likely to put an X in the Yes box.

During their inquiry, MSPs on the Just Haudit Committee discovered that many people from average areas and from certain political persuasions expected to become boredicus rigidicus forevericus.

Chief Scunner of the Committee Iain Greyman said: “The powerful but deeply disturbing message was ‘people like us expect more of our politicians’.

“We learned that many simply do not expect to enjoy real voting choice and have an almost resigned acceptance that no matter what they vote it will be ‘more of the same’.”

He added: “The Just Haudit Committee is therefore calling on the Scottish government to set out how it proposes to address this apathetic attitude within average communities and some of Scotland’s non-nationalist minority communities.”

The committee has asked the Scottish government to monitor the types of Section 30 procedures carried out on different political groups.

This will help them evaluate the success of multi-hundred thousand pound court initiatives to deny Freedom of Information requests, and to say how they intend to improve engagement with their mostly adolescent kiddy on government.

Ministry of (Mis)Information Commissioner Wee Naebudy said: “We will willfully ignore any salient points raised by this irritating committee at the taxpayers leisure.”

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Filed under Environment, Referendum

Local democracy banned by Nationalist Windfarm government

SNP Centrist government confirm their pledge to the sovereignty of local Scottish people by telling them tae dae whit they’re telt by Central government.

Windfarm Scotland. See that field at the back o’ your hoose – that’s gonnae be a windfarm that is. Thanks tae the SNP centralising party.

By Enviro Centralist

A BAN on local democracy enactments has been imposed on Moray Council whle the Scottish government continues its centrist windfarm dictatorship, a ‘sovereign’ Scottish person said.

The centrist SNP led dictatorship proclaimed that there will be nae numpty planning moratoriums called by nae numpty cooncils so long as it has a numpty Windfarm agenda to fulfil.

However, local Council chief’s bleated that the SNP were acting like a tinpot bampot Commissariat by dictating what locally elected government bodies could and couldnae dae.

The Scottish government said that under independence cooncils would have more frrrrreeeedddddooooom™ tae dae whit they’re telt by centrist government.

Moray Council’s wind farm ban refused by Scottish Government


Filed under Environment, Newspeak