Category Archives: New Bills

SNP commit Scottish taxpayers to directly subsidise SNP rhetoric

NEW tax powers to be granted to Scotland in 2016 will pay to keep Sturgeon in foodbank branded helicopters and strident anti-poverty commitments:

Swinney makes a committed commitment to commit to anything that is non-commital. Yesterday.

Swinney makes a committed commitment to commit to anything that is non-commital. Yesterday.

By Letthum EatcakeAusterity and Penury correspondent

JOHN SWINNEY, yesterday, committed to not commit to a non-commital SNP commitment to not commit to income tax non-commitments.

The Deputy First Minister and finance secretary refused to commit to the SNP’s manifesto commitment to achieve Full Fiscal Autonomy in 2016.

Under the 2012 Scotland Act, the Scottish Government will commit to ignore the first 10p of income tax in the manner they ignored and let lapse the 3p tax varying rate power in 2007.

Swinney said the tax powers, if used as the SNP committed to, will prove expensive to the SNP’s ability and commitment to gain a further majority Scottish Parliamentary vote in 2016.

While the non-commitment will only serve as a paper cut in the momentum and popularity of the SNP’s previous commitments, critics see it as further evidence of a slow popular death as the other 999 cuts catch up with the SNP’s non-committed rhetoric.

Despite Sturgeon’s whinging whining bleating about ‘more powers’, the SNP have still to fully commit to use the powers they are in control of now said Truth Davidson.

She further said: “You only have to look at what happens when they (SNP) do commit to full responsibility in order to see their idea of what ‘Stronger for Scotland’ means.

“Thicker poorer schoolkids who cannae read or write, longer NHS waiting lists for the more expensive treatments, fiscally hamstrung local democracy, middle class students subsidised by less well off students, state surveillance of family life and a politicised ‘tooled up’ centralised police force.

“What’s not to like, love and vote for in the name of Scottish Lions roaring ‘more powers’ for Scotland?

“Now that’s what I call full on commitment to non-commitment.”

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Filed under New Bills, Newspeak

Children to shop their parents to the Nationalists

WE* used to worry about reds under the bed. Then it was Nats watching your flats. Now kids are to be the eyes and ears of the state. AhDinnaeKen investigates the latest Nationalist intrusion into everyday Scots lives:

"If you tolerate this then your children will be next" sang the Manic Street Preachers. Looks like we tolerated it then.

“If you tolerate this then your children will be next” sang the Manic Street Preachers. Looks like we tolerated it then.

By Kreepy Asphuck-Stasi

CHILDREN ARE set to become the eyes and ears of the Nationalist party today.

Parents found to be out of line with the expectations of their country can expect their kids to shop them in to the authorities.

Get It Right F**kin Upye’s Clansmen (GIRFUC) was voted through by the Wee Stasi Cooncil at Whollyrude yesterday.

Both the nanny Labouring party and the centralising Nationalists embraced the population control measures.

One Nat could not contain his glee at the potential for keeping uppity parents in their place.

He said: “This is a fantastic protection for children. If we find out, for example, that a parent has a hankering for Unionism or Devolution-Max or Federalism or voting Tory then that obviously leaves the child vulnerable to imperialistic subjugating oppression.

“This could damage the child for the rest of their lives and no responsible government could tolerate that.

“We will immediately remove the child from the danger and place them in the hands of one of our protective correction centres.

“And we can keep them until they’re 21. Result!”

The only opposition to the socially just legislation were the usual crackpots, nutjobs and lunatics – the Tory party.

They even had the impudence to suggest that the bill may be in breach of the European Convention on Human Rights

Dizzy Lizzy Smith of the tenaciously terrible Tories said: “This will tip the balance of family responsibility away from parents towards the state – something most Nationalists find completely acceptable.”

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Filed under Children, Law, New Bills

UKIP: The SNP’s best friends and allies

Ex-public schoolboy and faux geezer ‘man of the people’, Nigel Farage, may represent more of a threat to the Bitter Together forces of negativity and dodgy money than any piddling oil based contributions. AhDinnaeKen ponders why:

"Nationalist pride, like other variants of pride, can be a substitute for self-respect." - Eric Hoffer. No self respecting Skintsman would disagree with that.ct." - Eric Hoffer. No self respecting Skintish fascist would disagree with that.

“Nationalist pride, like other variants of pride, can be a substitute for self-respect.” – Eric Hoffer. No self respecting Skintsman would disagree with that.

By Prejjy Diss and Longshanker

CONSIDER THE following quotes from that oft quoted document of grievance, misgiving and burning injustice, frequently referred to by the chipped shooder Nationalist Brigade – The McCrone report:

“Britain is now counting so heavily on North Sea oil to redress its balance of payments that it is easy to imagine England in dire straits without it.”

“…it is now likely that transfer of North Sea oil to Scottish ownership would occasion much bitterness in England if not an attempt to forcibly prevent it.”

Now, probably more so than ever, oil is a vital source of revenue in helping shore up the UK’s balance of payments.

What’s left of the UK, after the highly unlikely event of independence, would be in double trouble due to the potential significant loss of oil.

We are already careering headlong toward bankruptcy with all the deeply unpleasant social unrest it will inevitably bring.

UKIP’s force majeure showing in the recent elections isn’t so much a symptom of protest – though that is probably the root of it – it’s a symptom of the deep disenfranchisement and frustrated malaise at the political class, currently running throughout the length and breadth of the UK.

In this instance, us Skints are lucky. Our plasticine parliament means that we can vote SNP and delude ourselves, for the timebeing, that the vote actually achieves something.

The SNP phenomenon has certainly helped dissipate, to a small degree, the collective cynicism against the political class in Skintland – the SNP themselves are ever the willing little helpers encouraging the Barnum statement beliefs of ‘social justice’, ‘civicness’, ‘progressiveness’, ‘doing things differently here’ yadda yadda etc etc ZZzzz.

Racists to the left of me, Nationalists to the right
Much is made of UKIP’s alleged racism and pandering to unpleasant extremes. Most of the claims are probably true. They certainly appear to have tapped into the groundswell of the common prejudice and bigotry of Kelvin McKenzie’s archetypal Sun reader as a “bloke down the pub, a right old fascist“.

And that’s why it was a genius move that witnessed Farage’s post-elections press conference being held in a pub.

AhDinnaeKen found it somewhat ironic, given that Farage is now a fully paid up member of the post Milly Dowler Sun King Salmond Rupert Murdoch backscratching publicity whoring club.

"Nationalism is power hunger tempered by self-deception." - George Orwell

“Nationalism is power hunger tempered by self-deception.” – George Orwell.

We* wouldn’t be surprised if Farage’s pub press conference idea had been suggested by a News International PR bod.

And that’s the worry. Farage and his supporters may be the catalyst for an English brand of nationalism which has Skintland firmly in its sights.

Thanks to Sun King Salmond’s current love for the Big European Quangocracy at Brussels, the Skints could easily be painted as the Euro loving ‘enemy within’.

If we think there’s been unpleasantry up till now, then it is as nothing, compared to what will come under UKIP directed fire.

It wouldn’t take much to rile certain pub class fascists into objectifying the Skints as stealers of their future heritage, subsidy junkies, deep fried mars bar munchers etc tedious etc.

It wouldn’t take much for UKIP to point to Skintland’s pocket money plasticine parliament and make the claim that it’s subsidised by ‘their’ English taxes.

And it wouldn’t take much for UKIP to gain quite a few extra significant votes by doing so.

If such a scenario was to occur, and it’s probably more likely than not, then it could be the game changer Sun King Salmond so desperately needs after the last two gruelling weeks for the SNP fantasy machine.

The onslaught against the SNP in that time period has left them punch drunk, reeling, directionless and clueless about how to effectively counter or respond.

Anyone who watched the Jon Snow/Salmond interview recently knows that Salmond never got off of the ropes – the only thing that saved him was the bell of the studio’s ‘next story’.

How AhDinnaeKen will react to English nationalism with a grievance against the Skints, when and if it arises, is an unknown.

All the petty piffling grievances raised by Nationalist types recently over the likes of the SOS saltire swastika, newspaper cartoons, Have I Got News for You ‘bugger offs’ and Susan Calman are laughable and unbecoming of anyone wishing to be taken seriously.

English nationalism with a grievance regarding ‘their’ oil revenues being taken away from them by selfish whinging subsidy junky Jocks could be a different matter altogether.

The polarising of National opinions on a large-ish, mutually antagonistic, politicised scale may just be the boost and game changer so desperately needed by the SNP to recover from the merciless pasting they’ve received recently.

For Nationalism to truly work it needs a common and mutually identifiable enemy.

UKIP may readily deliver that enemy. It’s an enemy we all know:

It’s the Auld Enemy.

Beware the Nationalists of both countries. To work, they need common, easily identifiable and demonised enemies.

UKIP are virtually guaranteed to deliver.

Beware UKIP, the Scottish Nationalists best new buddies.

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Filed under Diplomacy, New Bills, Referendum

Scottish Sun confirms Salmond has nae baws

Scottish politicians might think they hold the moral high ground over the press in Scotland. AhDinnaeKen fearlessly investigates using old-fashioned fair-minded and honest reporting.

“When in doubt chicken out.” ― Robin Jones Gunn.  Tips hat to Naebaws Salmond, a clucking naebaws coward.

“When in doubt chicken out.” ― Robin Jones Gunn. Tips hat to Naebaws Salmond, a clucking naebaws coward. Cluck cluck!

By Salmy Naebaws

THE SCOTTISH government rolled over and wagged its tail in the direction of Goebbels Murdoch yesterday – signalling that Murdoch’s Bitch Salmond has nae baws.

Last week Salmond acted like Alpha dog by commending the findings of the  McCluckskey report into the shackling of the free press.

But, as soon as the Sun growled, he rolled over on his back to show the lack of baws he disnae possess.

Murdoch’s Bitch Salmond whined: “It wisnae me, it wis Lord McCluckskey, please don’t give up supporting me for the Neverendum.

“The bad boys at the Daily Ranger, Hootsman and Heraldic urnae giein’ me a chance.

“They’re scrutinising everything we dae and it’s no very nice.”

To ensure there was no doubt in Goebbels Murdoch’s mind, ex-Education Minster Fiona Hyslip was commanded to ingratiate the plasticine parliament in deference to the Sun.

She said: “We are going to do the usual Nationalist trick. When things get too hard for us in the plasticine parliament, let the big boys at Westminster take responsibility for us.

“Then, when things go wrang, we can blame them and look great in the eyes of the true Scots Nationalist public.”

Lib-Bent leader Will-he Wont-he burbled: “This is a most humiliating climb down for Murdoch’s Bitch.

“It just shows you the mutual respect the Sun disnae huv fur him.”

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Filed under Media, New Bills, Newspeak

No room in colonised nation for free speech tax

BLOGGING on the internet is one of the best methods of kidding yourself on that your opinion matters – yet this method of free speech is going to be taxed by a wee Napoleon sitting in Whollyrude Palace. Ho hum.

Moan McVulpine - delivering collateral damage every time she speaks

By Moan McVulpineNobody knows it, but I’ve got a secret list…

THE FREE speech tax dominated last week’s Ony Questions as the anti-Scots audience in Wh-Ayr tore into the idea of free speech.

I was a panel member and I had to duck out of my responsibilities by claiming not to have read the McCluckskey report.

But believe this, as an alleged ex-journalist, I know the best place to kick those anti-Scots b*****ds who labelled me a “wee white whine”.

And we in the Nationalist Socialist Party (NSP) know where they live and practise their trade.

Let all those media irritants and internet ‘Trolls’ be in no doubt. We are coming for you! I have my list.

Disguised as a ‘protection’ for victims of abuse, make no mistake, criticise NSP Independence scripture and you will be judged and placed on the list.

Just like the Penny for Scotland Tax, this is typical Murdoch’s Bitch Salmond overreach.

Here’s hoping the inevitable media backlash damages his vanity project to the degree that his supine party eventually discover their baws.

Some hope, eh?

Pots, Kettles, Stones, Glasshouses etc...

Pots, Kettles, Stones, Glasshouses etc…

COMEDY RELIEF

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Filed under CyberNats, Media, Moan McVulpine, New Bills, Newspeak

Et Tu Bullingdon Dave!

Treacherous English politicians set to undermine moral support for SNP’s flagship alcohol policy. AhDinnaeKen will drink to that. Wee neddy bawbag correspondent Buckfast Commando toasts the Tories for seeing sense at last.

For every prohibition you create, you also create an underground. Jello Biafra

“For every prohibition you create, you also create an underground.” –  Jello Biafra

By Buckfast Commando

HAW HAW! Who’d uv thunk it.

The last crutch of righteous superiority and moral support is set to be kicked intae touch fae unner the feet o’ the SNP’s Jakey Apartheid Tax man.

Tory poshc**t Bullingdon Dave’s gonnae gie up the gemme oan the proposed minimum alcohol pricin’ bill doon sooth man.

Noo the SNP’s Jakey Apartheid Tax is gonnae be left hinging oan a shoogly peg like an SNP proclamation on Europe. Haw haw!

Piggy eyed patsy Alex Kneel is pure shitin’ hissel cos it means the plasticine parliament’s temperance/prohibition bill wull get sliced up in coort by the Dirageo young team.

They don’t take prisoners they c**ts. They’ve even hunted doon auld grannies in Africa wi’ illegal stills – earnin pennies – and shut them doon. Haw haw!

So the SNP freeloaders are gonnae get thur arses kicked oan this wan. An ah cannae wait fur the moral indignation and disappointment oan thur sorry faces.

Still. As ah pinted oot last time, Auld Nick Sturgeon and the piggy eyed patsy huv fun anither way tae get at Dirageo.

And ah don’t see the Dirageo young team gettin’ roon it as easy as thuv got roon the Jakey Apartheid Tax.

Whitever happens, it’s gonnae be a richt guid laff.

Onyhoo. Ah’m awa’ doon Navid’s shoap tae get mahsel sum refrigerated Buckie – buy two and ye can get a free Caramac.

Result!

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Filed under Economy, Morality, New Bills

Pensioners: 50% cull ‘necessary to protect independent Scotland’

Leaked document shows radical rethink on Nationalist pension strategy for post independence Scotland.

Pensioner Cull

By Pare Meeh

AROUND HALF of Scotland’s growing pensioner population needs to be shot each year to prevent Scotland from becoming too wee, too poor and too stupit, according to an anonymous Scottish Finance secretary.

A study published in the Journal of Embarrassing Leaked Documents says this would keep the economy stable.

The pensioner population is currently estimated at around 916,232.

It is expected to rise by another  551,200 by the year 2035.

Researchers from the University of SNP Assertions suggest creating a lampshade market to make a cull ethically and economically acceptable.

The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Pensioners (RSPCP) commented that any cull must be carried out in a humane and controlled way.

There are now more pensioners in Scotland than at any time since the last wholesale gas price increase.

In the absence of natural economics pensioner populations are continuing to expand, threatening bankers bonuses and corporate vested interests.

Dr Heinreich Cullemall, economics ecologist at the University of SNP Assertions said: “We know pensioners are eating us out of house and home.

“Pensioners are implicated as the major cause of unfavourable economic conditions in terms of output, productivity and benefits.

“There is evidence that pensioners reduce the number of freeloading SNP list MSPs – especially some of our much loved chip on shooder ‘slaves’ such as Dave Raspberry.”

The new research suggested that only by killing 50% to 60% of pensioners can their numbers be kept under reasonable economically sustainable control.

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Filed under Economy, New Bills, Newspeak