SNP rejoice as Bullingdon Oik chancellor helps recruit 100,000 more diehard anti-Tory Scots for Faintheart Salmond
By Toosev Herebyfar
ALLEGED CHANCELLOR Gideon Osborne has boosted Sun King Moses of Salmond’s plans to gain 100,000 more SNP members by next week.
The out of touch toff has forced previously disinterested Scots into the hands of the Firstminster’s party due to his plans to flay the poor and vulnerable till they squeal.
He said his £10 billion welfare cut proposals were necessary in order to maintain the 45p rate of tax for his rich friends, executive business partners, and Prime Ministerial luncheon donors.
The move came after the Scottish Firstminster was seen to be swithering on whether to call his ‘all but unwinnable’ Neverendum vanity project.
Firstministerial aides were said to be ecstatic at the news which is seen by some in the party as the biggest boost for independence since Robert De Bruce read out the Declaration of Arbroath earlier in the afternoon at approx 13:20 hours.
Osborne’s proposed welfare cuts have enraged everyone with a conscience and a soul in Britain leaving only the Tories prepared to try and justify them.
On a visit to a Chipping Norton supper club last week Osborne said: “My father grew up in the depressed 30s. He didn’t complain that the welfare peasants were starving, he said ‘let them eat pasties’.
“I took the vat off the bloody things so what else do they want or need – dignity?”
A senior Tory source said there was “no chance” of Gideon Osborne ever laying off of the poor and disenfranchised because they don’t fight back and very few actually vote.
But SNP aide Joan McCarthyalpine said: “Result! We can spin this news as the most anti-Scottish assault on the sovereign people of Scotland ever. This gives us a fighting chance come the Neverendum.
“Fingers crossed that Cameron and his Bullingdon Cabinet manage to stay in power for the next few years.”