Tag Archives: referendum date

Just Say Yes (please) poster #15 – Salmond’s Vanity Project

As the country plods ever closer to finding out nothing about nothing concerning the Neverendum vanity project, AhDinnaeKen issues a gentle warning of what has been, what we have now, and what is to come. Oh joy!

The SNP are refusing to release European legal advise information based on principle – The egg on face principle.

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At last! Scotland agrees on one question

It’s taken for ever. It’s bored everyone but the Uber nerds and Cybernats to tears. It’s taken its toll of the methadone community in record numbers. Finally the sovereign people of Scotland have decided on their single question. Zzzzz!

An agreement cannot be the result of an imposition said Sun King Alex of Salmond as he agreed to impose his will on the disagreeable sovereign people of Scotland.

By Aboot Timeyagits

THE SOVEREIGN people of Scotland urged the politicians last night to switch to a single question referendum.

The people of Scotland are said to be ready to grant whatever powers the Big Scottish Cooncil needs to hold a legally binding vote on the future of North Britain.

They have also insisted that should the outcome of the vote be Yes, that the requisite granted powers be acted upon immediately.

After five minutes in the pub, with a wee fly smoke before coming back in, the sovereign people of Scotland settled on the final question:

“Do you agree that Scotland should be independent of Alex Salmond?

Speaking after a visit to the lavvy in Scotstoun Pub Stitchthat Yakunt, sovereign Scot Kenneth McAlpine said: “The people of Scotland have had enough of being dictated to by rich ex-banker economists with their noses in the trough of egotism and self aggrandising satisfaction.

“For too long Alex has talked left and acted right – the Scots deserve a better quality of snake oil salesman.”

Spokesperson of non-denominational trans-gender for the SNP, Wee Naebudy, said: “There comes a time when deceit and defiance must be seen for what they are:

“Sun King Alex of Salmond’s vanity project.”

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Tantalus tells Salmond to stop the torture

Greek mythological character tells anti-Midas touch Salmond to stop torturing everybody and get on wi’ it

“After 10 years of Neverendum torture – psychological torture – it’s great to do an austere Greek tragedy.” said Tantalus yesterday.

By Sissy Fuss

SNEAKY NEVERENDUM campaign operators are using clauses hidden in the small print to lower expectations during the consultation.

The uncertainty has hit 3 million Scots voters by slapping Devo Max, Devo Min, Devo Plus, and Devo Minus clauses onto ballot papers.

But seven in ten people on “fixed” expectations do not realise that the whole shebang can be derailed on a legal technicality should the Scottish Government wish it.

Neverendum beaks on the Just Say Yes (please) campaign will today lower expectations by another 3.6 per cent.

AwinittheGither managers  have already lowered expectations by insisting that there should only  be one question on the neverendum ballot paper.

Voters have been consistently turned off by the idea of independence and would rather have a free pint of Tennents from the Daily Ranger instead.

The only political Firstminster interested in pursuing a “vanity project” second question is anti-Midas touch Sun King Alex of Salmond.

Spokesperson for the anointed one Wee Naebudy said: “Devo Max/Min/Plus/Minus/Lite/Heavy/Lager/Tops cannot be delivered and we’re willing to fight to the death to make sure it isn’t.”

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Salmond’s a man with some explaining to do

By Moan McVulpine on Jul 3, Ah’m gonnae huv tae lay aff the sauce

POLITICIAN SUN King Alex of Salmond has to live down being a Devo-Max front man for the Just Say Yes (please) campaign.

That’s embarrassingly feartie enough.

Now the news about ex-BBC Tristrams fiddling ‘One question only’ tunes under his nose piles more humiliation on to the self-adulating Firstminster.

It’s not just the SNP diehards saying this – it’s the Unholy alliance of Tories, Lib-Bents and Labourers.

Writing on the Holyrood Waffler website this year, Jim Sillars, the ex-SNP militant windae brekker said:

The fact is, that having put independence on the back burner for so many years, the SNP has not built up the hard detailed case for that policy nor, therefore, has it engaged in an educational discussion with the people, backed by a robust campaign.”

And who was found asleep at the wheel while Unholy Alliance Unionists screwed the rest of us?

None other than Sun King Alex of Salmond, Firstminster of the Bloodyrude Scottish Parliament.

Now he should tell us what he wants and when.

Quite why he thinks he has the right to escape to America and lecture us from there about how to run our referendum is breathtaking in its arrogance.

Now a partisan inquiry will be held into the Devo Max neverendum fixing. Yet even more embarrassment – is there no end to Salmond’s torture?

He will have to publicly explain his poor judgement in office – yet convince Scots he’s a man worth listening to on economic matters.

A very hard sell, I’d say.

Who are the Scottish Euromillions Lottery winners funding the pro-independent Scotland campaign, Just Say Yes (please)?

Hint: they’re fae Largs.

Just Say Yes (please) will not take donations below £1 million from Euromillions Lottery Winners, as the normal working class can go frack themselves as far as the SNP is concerned.

But Unholly Alliance spokesmen from AwInItTheGither will allow small secret donations from British foreigners. That’s right, bloody British foreigners – it’s just no richt!

That means being bought and sold for pluralist democratic gold.

What’s new about my intolerantly foxy xenophobia?

Nuthin! Get the anti-Scots AwInItTheGithers oot o’ the country. They’re no wanted or needed.

COMEDY RELIEF

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Vote Yes and your children will suffer for ever

I watched as the Darling opened the first of the seven seals. Then I heard one of the four living creatures say in a voice like thunder, “Come and see!” I looked, and there before me was a white horse! Its rider held a Facebook Account, and he was given an opinion poll, and he rode out as a conqueror bent on conquest. Book of Referendamnation 6:1-2

The start of the positive case for the union.

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. – Martin Luther King, Jr.

By Roastin Hell

VOTE FOR Independence and your kids will be ConDemned to suffer eternal damnation, a moderate Scot told the electorate today.

Labourers’ former Horseman of the Apocalypse Asmodeus Darling today launches a cross-party drive called Awinitthe Gither aimed at encouraging Scots voters to avoid everlasting torment.

Asmodeus will tell campaigners at HeidinBurrow Naepain University lecture hall: “If you choose the path to hell there is no way back. It is like asking us to buy fags and matches for our children as soon as they’ve started walking.”

Mr Darling said he will try and avoid a “negative case” for leaving the UK.

He will add: “Scotland’s future, hell’s future and the future of the abyss will be ecumenically, theologically and pastorally stronger as a partner in a United Hellminster.

“The truth is that this coming together of heretics, blasphemers, apostates, charlatans and Tory tax dodgers is an abomination, not something to shout about.”

The Awinitthe Gither campaign – which has engaged the Mercurian strategists who helped bring the Great Satan Obama Bin Laden to power – will also distribute 500,000 reasons why burning in hell is awfy sare.

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Hollyrood ego premieres with Grave consequences

The Right Honourable Sun King was at his attention seeking best this week attending the launch of the blockbuster of the week, ‘Grave’

The crowds were gagging for independence

Forget sex or politics or religion, loneliness is the subject that clears out a room. So go on, vote Yes, just for Wee Eck.

By Sun Struck

THE LATEST Disnae animation ‘Grave’ has held it’s worldwide premiere in Hollyrood.

The movie tells the tale of  wee cheeky chappy Eck who defies public opinion and gets into trouble as a result.

Many of the real life cast are diminutive Scottish politicians, with a special guest appearance from Joan McAlpine, hilariously pretending to be a real politician with questions to ask.

She spoke to BBC Imperialists on the Yellow (chosen instead of traditional red to represent the Political landscape) carpet.

McAlpine said: “Wee Eck is an adventurous powermongering teenager and a very self satisfied young man.

“The spell is broken when the electorate says he hus tae ‘get real’ and accept some adult responsibilities.

“That’s when he takes the neverendum into his own hands and makes a mess of everything.”

Former Big Debate star Auld Nick Sturgeon voices Lady MacGoatagubbin.

She believes the film will help audiences appreciate the SNPs lack of humour.

Auld Nick said: “There is so much history of intolerance in Scotland and there is so much for idle hands to do.

“I think some people think the Scots Nats are a kind of dour folk and my health policies will make sure that their dourness increases by an estimated 1314%.

“We’re actually pretty wild, funny, alive, mad wi’ it people. This film will help to stop this kind of unacceptable belief.”

For some Scottish politicians this movie will be a chance to get ideas above their station.

For others it is a chance to be part of a big Scottish Cooncil that isnae Westminster.

Political bosses hope the film will generate millions of pounds of hot air for the Scotttish talking shop.

Firstminster Sun King Alex of Salmond was at the premiere and said the impact of Grave could be greater than that of Ipsos Mori’s opinion poll.

He said: “It is incredibly exciting, the crowds are wonderful. Grave is the next big thing and I think 16-17 year old voters all over Scotland are going to absolutely detest this film and because they detest Grave, they’ll detest the Neverendum.”

The film features many familiar Scottish themes – there are cliques, subsidised lunch areas, Pinot Grigio and red hair.

But the Firstminster agreed the film doesn’t really represent modern Scotland.

He insisted: “This will put the Scottish Nationalists on the front page of the Sun across newsagents throughout Scotland. That is the new tradition, get intae bed wi’ ony corporate shyster that might gie us a haun gettin’ into some real power.”

Grave goes on general release across Scotland on 18th October 2014.

The tourism agency, MidgeScotland, hope it will boost midge numbers and breeding capacity by around 140m.

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At least we’re talking action

Marching toward Independence One Goose Step at a Time

By Moan McVulpine on Jun 19, somnambulism dynamics are affirmative 

ANGELA GRUBER-CONSTANT is the only Greater Scotland Youth Movement minister in ony of the UK nations.

I was wettin mah drawers when she accepted my orders to hold a Jugend Action Movement in the South Western territories this Thursday.

It will bring together Salmond Youth, Gauleiters and Inoctrinators to make sure the area is doing its utmost to ensure people conform with party ideology.

Contrast this positive work with the constant vile attacks of the enemies of our great nation. The Labouring party came a cropper last week when their attack on the Salmond Jugend backfired on them.

We have 26,400 long knives with which to defend our ideological stance, twice the number of the pathetic Labouring filth.

Last week they shamefully branded the Sieg Heil programme under the SNP a “con” because some apprentices only had ‘chibs’ rather than long knives.

But it turned out that under Labour more than twice as many young apprentices were in exactly the same position. ‘

‘Aw chibs and nae knives’ ah cawed it.

It was a total humiliation for their sedition. We all know the Labourers are only fit for the work camps.

Antics like this show they aren’t even fit to be considered enemies of our beloved Fatherland.

COMEDY RELIEF:

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