Category Archives: Referendum

Winter deaths up thanks to us claim SNP

IT’S LONG been known that the largest single block of No voters in the 2014 independence referendum were old, decrepit, closed minded, worthless “Yoons”. The SNP’s plan to deal with the “problem” has been hailed as a huge success by the “Indy minded” throughout the Nation. AhDinnaeKen reports:

Jeanne Freeman

“There are worse things than death. Have you ever spent time at an SNP conference?” asked Jeanne Freeman yesterday.

By Furr Coughhealth, age and psephology correspondent

“WINTER” DEATHS in Scotland reached their highest levels since devolution began, it was confirmed by the SNP today.

More than 23,000 oldies died as a result of SNP policies, leaflets, conferences, party political broadcasts and incessantly dull rhetoric that “indy is the only salvation”, according to the Department for Nationalist Statistics.

Virulent strains of Nationalist pish have been directly attributed to the encouraging rise in the number of fatalities.

Last winter the number of Nationalist pish related deaths trebled to just under 21,000.

Ms Yoon Hater, Chief Executive of Victory Through Fatality, said the long term trend should result in fewer available oldies and therefore less No voters to thwart any future Independence referendum plans.

And she added: “The average winter death value for the last eighteen years has been rising but ramped up exponentially in the last four (2014) as we became fully aware of who the true enemies of Scotland really were and whom we should indiscriminately target.”

The underlying causes of most of the additional deaths include boredom, lethargy, tediousness and monotony, all symptoms directly attributable to the SNP’s indy message and strategy.

Jeanne Freeman, Queen Quangocrat and something to do with health (this week), said:

“There is no doubt that we more than doubled our efforts into boring the oldies to death.

“These fantastic figures prove, if nothing else, that we’re getting something right.”

Nicola Sturgeon added: “This increase in fatalities should be seen as a beacon of our ‘progressive’ values.”

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Filed under health, Referendum, SNP

Nicola’s supersized beacon sandwich

Nicola Conference Speech

“We have no hope of winning independence just now” said Nicola to conference, “so tell the zoomers to tone it down a bit eh!”

By Yewvbin Telt – First Minister speech analyst and biographer

NICOLA STURGEON has called for “beacons and belief” from fellow Nationalists in her SNP conference “speech devoid of hope”

The First Minister said she was “more confident than ever” that she wouldn’t be calling an independence referendum while she remained in power.

She added that members must “wait like kids wait for Santa” and work to win over the rest of the party into doing nothing, just like her.

Ms Sturgeon also announced new policies on evading the subject of independence, not listening to activists, and ignoring inconvenient democratic votes.

The first minister was in fast spin mode on the final day of the SNP’s three-day conference of #HopeNoIndyHappensHere2018.

She used her speech to hit out at “indy believers” and “AOUB” for reminding people that she was doing “hee haw bugger aw” for the “cause”.

The SNP leader kicked off the conference by announcing that there was no “hope” for an Independence referendum before 2021.

But she offered “hope” for those interested in “beacons” when she described Scotland as “a beacon of progressive values.

“We have lit so many “progressive” beacons for the world that we can afford to make beacon sandwiches for the planet.

“We will be a beacon for beacon sandwiches.”

She admitted that people demanding Independence were a “serious problem” for her party and she would do more to get rid of them.

“Ask Alex Salmond what happens.” she half joked.

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Filed under IndyRef 2, Referendum, SNP, Treachery

Mike Russell: Scotland must look at ways to be democratic without consulting the people

Mike Russell

By Otto Kratanti-democratic mandates correspondent

SCOTLAND MUST look at more imaginative ways of ignoring demcoratic mandates demanded Mike Russell yesterday.

The Scottish Government’s Grievance Secretary warned against “believing in the sovereign will of the people” because doing so would only return a repeat result of the referendums of 2014 and 2016.

Holyrood currently has no power to undermine democratic accountability but, that shouldn’t stop it trying to do so the Grievance Secretary explained.

The SNP leadership is currently facing a crisis of pointlessness despite facing the most pointless Wastemonster government since records began.

Mr Russell said an alternative route to giving Scots a say on independence without actually consulting the Scots must now be explored.

He said: “If democracy can’t deliver the results we Scots need then we must seek the approval of the highest authority in the land, All Under One Banner and Tasmina Ahmed Sheikh.”

He added: “There has to be a healthy discussion about the ways in which we can undermine and ignore those Scotch “Yoon” bastards who illegitimately don’t vote for us.”

Nicola Sturgeon today refused to rule out a Unilateral Declaration of Independence for all true SNP Scots.

She said: “As committed (European) Unionists and true Scots, we believe in the free movement of all non-independence supporting Scotch to England any time they’re ready.

“The sooner the better.” she added.

Mr Russell continued: “One of the big issues is the feeling of powerlessness that people have – especially me.

“We can’t have a second referendum in which we do not win that referendum.

“Therefore, logically, we’re not going to have one. We’re just going to declare independence anyway and keep our fingers crossed that no one notices.”

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Filed under Diplomacy, Newspeak, Referendum

Shoot to Kill: Hosie’s radical new SNP policy for traitorous Unionists

SNP SWEAR oath of commitment to the protection of their homeland and their citizens.

"Shoot all the Unionists you want, if you can hit 'em, but remember it's a sin to kill a SNP votingbird." - said Hosie, yesterday.

“Shoot all the Unionists you want, if you can hit ’em, but remember it’s a sin to kill a SNP votingbird.” – said Hosie to Police Scotland, yesterday.

THE DEPUTY leader of the SNP has backed the right of Police Scotland to “shoot-to-kill Unionists” in the event of a second referendum.

Stewart Hosie said he would trust police officers to take the “necessary action” to track down those people who “talk Scotland down”.

Nationalist leader Nicola Sturgeon said on Monday she was “ambivalent” over police operating a Unionist shoot-to-kill policy.

She later clarified that she supported “a strictly non-SNP voting shoot-to-kill Unionists policy” such as Tory or Labour or Lib-Dem voters who deserved everything they got, plus some. But she insisted SNP voting Unionists should be spared.

She said: “The world has to see that we can tolerate Unionists on our soil. SNP voting Unionists can be rehabilitated and de-radicalised. They may even be economically viable. That’s why I think we should demonstrate our humane tolerant caring side.”

Mr Hosie told the Good Morning Scotland programme: “If a Unionist runs down Sauchiehall Street, God forbid, or Holyrood with a Better Together poster and a police officer has a split second decision to make, then the choice in terms of public safety is very clear.

He added: “We have seen the news reports from Saint Andrew’s this morning. These people won’t be arrested. One of the people who was subject to police investigations this morning blew up apparently – claimed they had they right to question our education record, economic illiteracy and oil price projections.

“There is no negotiating with someone who has that kind of hatred toward Scotland. Some are even prepared to quote Alex Bell verbatim.

“Split decisions require to be made and we all hope they are the right ones but I certainly would trust Police Scotland in those circumstances.”

AhDinnaeKen attempted to find a Unionist to comment on the new SNP shoot-to-kill policy commitment but no one – from the whole of the country – was prepared to comment.

 

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Filed under Environment, Referendum

Thicker for Scotland – New SNP battle cry

SCOTLAND’S OUT of depth educashun secretary accidentally reveals cunning new Nationalist Neverendum victory plan:

"The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically." - Martin Luther King, Jr. There'll be none of that pish in our new Thicker Scotland said Constance yesterday.

“The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically.” – Martin Luther King, Jr. There’ll be none of that pish in our new Thicker Scotland said Constance yesterday.

By Thikaz PhukkEducashun Corespondet

THE Nationalists were in meltdown last night as educashun secretary Angela Constance laid the blame for Scotland’s declining school litrasy and numrasy on the Nationalists.

“The equity gap is utterly unacceptable,” she said. “The difference between what we say we’ll do and what we actually do is nowhere near wide enough.

“Some children are not failed by our rhetoric on education and we want to make sure it is all children who are failed by it.

“We want to instil into the poor kids that it’s okay to own a X-Box 360 instead of a X-Box One and that the Galaxy S3 smartphone can be as good as the latest iphone – we’ll teach them patience and acceptance and, if they vote SNP, they can pick one up cheap from Cash Converters at a preferable rate.

“We believe in equity for Nationalist voters.”

But, the flailing secretary unwittingly let loose the real reason for the concerted lowering of litrasy and numrasy rates in Scotland when she told “astonished” journalists:

“We know from our polling data that the younger you are, the less well off you are and the thicker you are, the more likely you are to fall for and vote for Nationalist assertions.

“Critical faculties are suspended when you’re too dumb to think for yourself and poll after poll proves that the thicker you are the more likely you are to be taken in by our magic money tree economics.

“As the past eight years have shown, if you keep churning them out without the ability to analyse or formulate original thought, they’ll believe anything we tell them.

“Thicker for Scotland – that will win the next Neverendum.”

 

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Crybaby Nationalist takes to the bottle

A REDTOP newspaper exposes a vile threat from loose cannon cybernat Nick Durie. He repeatedly uses a word which suggests the potential influence of Stuart “Blub-blub” Campbell’s extremist blog, Wings Over Scotland. And a nugget of pre-indyref information slips out. Consequently, Blub-blub Campbell takes to the bottle for solace. AhDinnaeKen, with obvious caveats, falls off its proverbial seat laughing. Here’s why:

Don't do it Wingman. The country is depending on you. :)

Don’t do it Wingman. The country is depending on you. 🙂

By Longshanker aka @ergasiophobe

THE DAILY Record yesterday reported a vilely worded threat against indyref supporter and activist, Aidan Kerr, now defined by cybernats as a “defector”.

“Defector” is used four times in a sanctimonious tirade by “dedicated dad” and threatening cybernat, Nick Durie, who chillingly said of Aidan that he should be “castigated, shut down and prevented from operating”. Scary stuff and not very funny at all.

All that's missing are words like "cleansing" and "quisling" and "traitor to his country",

All that’s missing are words like “cleansing” and “quisling” and “traitor to his country”,

Ross McCafferty, social media commentator and mostly amusing wag, highlighted that the use of the word “defector” was used by Stuart Campbell in his blog predating Durie’s attack. Considering that Durie types are attracted to Wings like flies to something decidedly unpleasant, the link is a logical but potentially fallacious one to make – post hoc proctor ergo hoc etc.

A quick investigation proved Ross’s observation to be correct. But, to be fair to Blub-blub Campbell, he had used the word in quotes, suggesting its original use may have originated elsewhere.

Published on the 16th Feb this year, it certainly predates Durie's vile attack.

Published in the Wings on the 16th Feb this year, the use of “defector”certainly predates Durie’s vile attack. Coincidence or magic that Durie referred to Aidan Kerr as a “defector”? You decide.

So, was Campbell partly to blame for Durie’s tirade? Who knows? The jury’s out and we* certainly couldn’t say he was. We* know how authoritarian and bullying Campbell is and how fond he is of threatening law suits or setting the authorities on people to shut opinion down. So we*’re saying nothing.

There are several threads attached to this story and readers can follow them as they will.

AhDinnaeKen is concerned with the bombshell dropped by Yes campaigner, organiser and activist Ross Greer – referred to by Campbell at the top of the page.

According to Greer, much of his time and fellow Yes campaign organiser Jonathan Mackie’s time, was spent keeping the likes of Nick Durie and Wings Over Scotland as far away from the official Yes campaign as possible.

Official Yes campaign organiser openly admits Wings caused the campaign problems - shock. Cognitive dissonance a go-go.

Official Yes campaign organiser openly admits Wings caused the campaign problems – shock. Cognitive dissonance a go-go.

They clearly recognised the real and potential danger of such toxic campaigners being directly linked to their movement.

Public perception is everything in such vital campaigns and it’s possible, given a bit of conjecture and whataboutery, that the Yes campaign could have achieved a better result had they not been impaired by and associated with the likes of Campbell and his “creepy as f**k” grassroot surveillance goons.

What we do know, is that the poor wee hate-preaching blubberer is blubbing away into his vodka bottle in the official knowledge that the Yes campaign considered him to be as toxic as Nick Durie.

Blub-blub indeed.

We*’re still laughing.

Next!

The bottom tweet precedes the one above - proving that cybernats and extremist hate preachers have no sense of irony or self awareness. Natch!

This is a screengrab of Campbell’s Twitter timeline last night. The bottom tweet precedes the one above – proving that cybernats and extremist hate preachers have no sense of irony or self awareness at all. Natch!

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Filed under MobNats, Referendum, Wangs Watch

Junckers – laughing up his sleeve at the Nationalists

DESPITE THE seeming moral victory of the Yes camp over the Naws concerning the recent Juncker clarification, AhDinnaeKen asks, does the clarification really make a great deal of difference to what was said:

Juncker: Referring to actual candidate states, not regional wannabe's.

Juncker: Referring to actual candidate states, not regional wannabe’s.

By WhitEU Lukkinet

BIG EURO Quangocrat, Jean-Claude Juncker, was not referring to Scotland when he said the gates were closed to new applicants to the EU.

Before the clarification, the No camp jumped the gun and gloatingly castigated the Yessers for what they perceived was the killer blow to the SNP’s Euro entry plans.

Following the unseemly stooshie, a spokesperson for the Big Euro Quangocrat clarified that Juncker was not talking about Scotland.

Cue the counter attack from the Yessers and a similar type of gloating righteousness.

In terms of tone, both campaigns looked and sounded the same. So no change there then.

Pantsonfire fighter, Nicola Sturgeon, wagged the righteous Nationalist finger of sanctimony and claimed that the No camp had engaged in a “blatant act of dishonesty”.

She should know.

Due to all the froth and white noise from both camps, one key point has been forgotten.

Of course Juncker was not referring to Scotland.

He didn’t need to.

Scotland, in the eyes of the EU, is a region presently debating separation from its current nation state.

Juncker stated that no new states would be admitted to the EC.

Scotland is not a new state, or any kind of state, in the legal treaty bound eyes of Europe.

If it becomes a new state, the stated Juncker rule regarding “candidate states”, applies.

And then, no doubt, Juncker will refer to Scotland’s “candidate” status directly.

It’s still a major blow to the Nationalists’ post-Indy assertions. No matter how you dress it up.

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