Category Archives: Law

Views sought on Scottish junk politics crackdown

THE MORE junk politics you consume, the less likely you are to consume the essential stimulation that your mind relies on and the more likely you are to become susceptible to morbid Nationalism. AhDinnaeKen looks at a new scam to promote healthy politics.

Junk Politics Collage

You can’t have junk politics and a healthy society said no Scottish blogger ever.

PLANS TO crack down on junk politics in a bid to cut Scotland’s Nationalism crisis have been put out to consultation.

The proposals could see restrictions placed on “supersized” assertions, free wheeling, multi-contradictions and junk politics displays on social media outlets.

The move would cover Craig Murray, Peter A Bell, Newsnet, Mike Small, James Kelly and the litigious angry babyman with the misogyny complex.

Views are being sought on whether to include Bella Caledonia and The National.

The proposals were first outlined by the Scottish government in July, with the public and the social media echo chamber now being invited to give their views in a consultation that will be completely ignored.

Forty five percent of adults in Scotland are full of shit and 29% are said to be grossly deluded – with the figures remaining stubbornly high over the past four years.

The government says it wants to cut excessive consumption of horse shit, bullshit, sugar coated assertions and social media delusions, which it says would reduce the risks of developing type 2 Indyrefitis,  a condition which leads to infighting disease.

But the Clowns Over Scotland Federation, which represents angry babymen and oddball social media eunuchs, has previously warned that the proposals would hit sadsack loners hardest and that there is no evidence the proposals would make one iota of a difference to the country’s general population.

The proposed restrictions would include, among other things, junk politics conspiracy theories, Kremlin supporting stooges, hate preaching misogynists, fake reverends, monotonous monologues masquerading as journalism and increased virtue signalling and overbearing sanctimony.

The new rules would apply to wherever unhealthy politics are sold to the public, including Twitter, Facebook and WordPress websites. Possible restrictions to other online outlets will also be explored.

Political health minister, Affur Fuksake said urgent action on politics high in assertion, fallacy and lies was needed to tackle Scotland’s “damaging relation with junk politics.”

He added: “No country has yet introduced such measures, so we cannot use the experience of Russia Today to demonstrate likely success.”

But the Online Echo Chamber Consortium said there needed to be a “level playing field” across the hate preaching and blaming the Yoons industry.

Its head of pointless court cases, Reverend Angry Babyman, said: “For the government to decide which online rants can and cannot be placed in which part of the internet is an unprecedented measure and one which sounds like Yoon conspiracy.

“For this intervention to be reasonable and proportionate to us sadsack eunuchs, it’s vital the Scottish government are forensic in identifying and justifying the policies which they put into the scope of these Yoon like restrictions.

“Furthermore, significant thought will be required to ensure the measures are practical for different junk politics outlooks and crank conspiracy theorists without inadvertently distorting the overall junk politics market.”


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Filed under CyberNats, Law, MobNats

Sturgeon signs mutual “torture” pact with Trump and May

NATIONALIST leaders vow to torture legions of unbelievers into submission.


“We do solemnly declare that we do not know of any lawful impediment why we, Trump, Sturgeon and May, may not be joined in mutual torturing of our respective sovereign people and populations.”

By Owch Yabassa waterboarding and political torture correspondent

FOR YEARS it has been fashionable to express disgust at the use of torture by western governments. Donald Trump’s new pact with Theresa May and Nicola Sturgeon is set to turn that norm on its head and make torture socially acceptable.

The Donald, yesterday, vowed to continue torturing the populace of the free world and claimed to have taken a leaf out of Theresa May and Nicola Sturgeon’s books:

“Theresa May has tortured both the Brits and the Europeans for months now over what Brexit actually means.

“First she said ‘Brexit means Brexit” and then she said “Brexit means a red, white and blue Brexit”, which meant Brexit wasn’t a black, white or grey Brexit.

“That’s one of the most effective forms of mass population torture I have ever witnessed. Even I found it tortuous and I thought I was a master of the art.”

Theresa May thanked the Donald and even found time to coin a new slogan in praise of the new mutually exclusive torture pact:

“Torture means torture” she said. “And our torture will be a red, black and blue torture which will become infamous throughout the western world.”

Not to be outdone, but knowing her place, Firstminster Sturgeon made the following pledge:

“I swear that I will continue torturing the population of Scotland by threatening to call a second independence referendum every time someone looks at me the wrong way or says something I don’t like.

“Unlike Prime Minister May and President Trump I have managed to torture the whole of the Scottish population simultaneously.

“First I tortured the Unionists with my threats to call a second independence referendum. And then I tortured my ain folk with my pledge to take indpendence aff the table if we could compromise on Brexit meaning something other than Brexit.”

All three leaders have entered willingly into the torture pact and have vowed to continue torturing anyone who has the misfortune to hear anything they have to say.


Filed under Diplomacy, Law, Newspeak

Drunk on power SNP leave Scottish voters to deal with the hangover

THE SNP’S inability to accept defeat with any humility or dignity was, once again, all too transparent this week. The opinion of the Advocate General of the European Court of Justice dealt a devastating blow to their flagship Jakie Apartheid Bill (Minimum Unit Pricing Bill). Yet, they’ve vowed to fight on to what can only be a humiliating and inglorious defeat. AhDinnaeKen reports:

"We will continue our attacks on the alcoholic products that the working class drink" paraphrased the Health Minister recently.

“We will continue our attacks on the alcoholic products that the neddy working class insist on drinking” paraphrased the Health Minister recently.

By Longshanker aka @ergasiophobe

THE SNP’S legislative competence suffered humiliating rejection this week at the hands of the Advocate General of the European Court of Justice.

Yves Bot’s legal opinion that the SNP’s proposed Jakie Apartheid Bill would only be legal if no other mechanism – such as increasing taxes – was capable of bringing about public health benefits, has effectively left the bill scotched on the rocks.

It isn’t a final ruling, but anyone with a modicum of political sobriety can see that the Nationalists moral temperance crusade against the drunken lower classes has lost. Even Tennent’s, one of the loudest and highest profile vested interest supporters of the Act, conceded defeat.

Paul Bartlett, the group managing director for C&C Group (Tennents ) in an interview with BBC ‘Pravda’ said: “I think that today’s ruling looks like that’s not going to happen or it’s going to be delayed.”

Despite the virtual finality of the legal opinion, the First Minister insisted on further diminishing her reputation as a ‘formidable politician’ by vowing to fight on.

She said: “Importantly, this initial opinion indicates it will be for the domestic courts to take a final decision on minimum unit pricing. The Advocate General finds that the policy can be implemented if it is shown to be the most effective public health measure available.”

Her statement unwittingly highlights the paucity and limitations of the unicameral system at Holyrood. If the Bill had been subjected to proper scrutiny and legal testing by a detached, objective and expert second chamber, it’s unimaginable it would have achieved Royal Assent in its current form.

As such, Sturgeon’s pronouncement is a tacit admission that the SNP legislators did not treat the bill rigorously enough or competently enough for legal enactment despite its Royal Assent.

That the First Minister was, and is, prepared to subject Scotland’s Court of Session to take on the role of legislative scrutinisers – the very role which the unicameral committee system is supposed to have undertaken – demonstrates the wilful recklessness, disrespect and contempt she holds the Scottish court, the Scottish Parliament, and the sovereign Scottish people in.

With luck, the final ruling of the European Court of Justice will be framed in such watertight language that Sturgeon balks at subjecting the Scottish Court to the degrading role of Holyrood committee by proxy.

Sturgeon has already seen the Court of Session rule in her favour after the initial challenge by the various alcohol bodies – notably the Scottish Whisky Association (SWA) – failed in 2013. No doubt she was encouraged by that court’s findings when Lord Docherty ruled that “it was unnecessary and inappropriate to refer any question of EU law to the Court of Justice for a preliminary ruling.”

In light of subsequent events and the EU Advocate General’s opinion, the Court of Session’s initial ruling could justifiably be viewed with a modicum of suspicion by anyone not of an SNP bent – seeing that the European Court of Justice (ECJ) opinion had just completely contradicted the Scottish court.

Arguably, the “no other mechanism” test, which Sturgeon’s temperance bill would have to pass, has already been undermined by her own amendment implemented at Stage 2 of the bill’s progress through the Scottish Parliament:

“Amendment 2, in the name of Nicola Sturgeon MSP, will require Scottish Ministers to evaluate the effect of minimum pricing five years after it comes into force and report to the Parliament.”

In other words, the SNP had no realistic idea what effect the implementation of the Bill would have. The desired ‘effect’ of reduced consumption of cheap high alcohol drinks by problem working class drinkers was based on modelling crafted by a research department at Sheffield University – a system labelled by critics as “no better than a weather forecast”.

Hardly a reassurance to the casual supporter of Scotland’s MUP bill that it won’t be raining heavily on the SNP’s parade come ECJ judgement time. With no other precedent set by any free trading country in the world, with the possible exception of Canada, the outcome appears inevitable.

In Canada, there is a form of minimum pricing – not directly comparable to the minimum unit pricing proposed in the SNP Bill – known as ‘social reference pricing’. It was introduced to protect the Canadian beer industry from the devastating effect of cheap alcohol imports.

The Canadian system and its purpose also provides much needed context for the motivation behind Tennents support of the MUP Bill. You don’t have to be a cynic to come to a cynical conclusion.

The SWA were pleased as punch that the SNP's incompetent legislation will not thwart their plan to flood the Scottish and European markets with non-Triple distilled cheap vodka. Tennent's, predictably enough, were 'pissed' off.

The SWA were pleased as punch that the SNP’s incompetent legislation will not thwart their evil plan to flood the Scottish and European markets with non-Triple distilled cheap vodka. Tennent’s, predictably enough, were ‘pissed’ off.

The SNP Government made hay with research carried out in British Columbia which asserted that alcohol related deaths had gone down in the province in direct correlation to an eighteen per cent price increase.

But, as was later revealed by the SWA, the figures provided by Dr Tim Stockwell, director of the University of Victoria’s Centre for Addiction Research, were estimates based on a modelling similar to Sheffield University’s. Deaths were reported to have increased over the time period of the British Columbia price increase.

So, at best, it’s unproven that increasing the price of alcohol results in less deaths.

Also important is the SNP assertion that MUP would result in 60 less deaths a year: they’re sticking to that Sheffield University modelling figure. To AhDinnaeKen it has the same tone and believability as pre-IndyRef Nationalist assertions on currency and automatic entry to the European Union .

In other words it looks and feels like gesture politicking illiteracy: something sceptics have learned to live with under the current tedious wave of Nationalist euphoria affecting the voting population of Scotland.

Like the referendum, the opinion of the Advocate General has signalled a resounding defeat to the puritan will of the SNP. Like the referendum, the SNP is not willing to accept the defeat with anything approaching respect or an honourable outcome. And, like the referendum, the SNP has helped further diminish the role of civic bodies, whom many Scots previously trusted, such as the civil service and the courts.

The Scottish Court of Session, despite its acquiescence to the Scottish Executive in 2013, will have no option but to follow the ECJ’s definitive ruling whenever that may be.

It’s not set in stone yet, but one thing’s for sure, when the realisation dawns on the SNP that their flagship economic prohibition bill is deid in the water, the  blame will eventually be placed on Westminster.



Filed under Culture, Law

Children to shop their parents to the Nationalists

WE* used to worry about reds under the bed. Then it was Nats watching your flats. Now kids are to be the eyes and ears of the state. AhDinnaeKen investigates the latest Nationalist intrusion into everyday Scots lives:

"If you tolerate this then your children will be next" sang the Manic Street Preachers. Looks like we tolerated it then.

“If you tolerate this then your children will be next” sang the Manic Street Preachers. Looks like we tolerated it then.

By Kreepy Asphuck-Stasi

CHILDREN ARE set to become the eyes and ears of the Nationalist party today.

Parents found to be out of line with the expectations of their country can expect their kids to shop them in to the authorities.

Get It Right F**kin Upye’s Clansmen (GIRFUC) was voted through by the Wee Stasi Cooncil at Whollyrude yesterday.

Both the nanny Labouring party and the centralising Nationalists embraced the population control measures.

One Nat could not contain his glee at the potential for keeping uppity parents in their place.

He said: “This is a fantastic protection for children. If we find out, for example, that a parent has a hankering for Unionism or Devolution-Max or Federalism or voting Tory then that obviously leaves the child vulnerable to imperialistic subjugating oppression.

“This could damage the child for the rest of their lives and no responsible government could tolerate that.

“We will immediately remove the child from the danger and place them in the hands of one of our protective correction centres.

“And we can keep them until they’re 21. Result!”

The only opposition to the socially just legislation were the usual crackpots, nutjobs and lunatics – the Tory party.

They even had the impudence to suggest that the bill may be in breach of the European Convention on Human Rights

Dizzy Lizzy Smith of the tenaciously terrible Tories said: “This will tip the balance of family responsibility away from parents towards the state – something most Nationalists find completely acceptable.”

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Filed under Children, Law, New Bills

Nationalist Injustice minister declares war on the young and the poor

AN independent Scotland will be the land of milk and honey unless you’re a Ned or underage. AhDinnaeKen investigates the latest figures which show that Scottish Police stopped and searched four times more individuals than the ‘institutionally racist’ Metropolitan Police:

"The only foes that threaten Scotland are the enemies at home, and these are accountability, scrutiny and wee neddy basturts." - Kenny MacNaeskill

“The only foes that threaten Scotland are the enemies at home, and these are accountability, scrutiny and wee neddy basturts.” – Kenny MacNaeskill

By Phuckem Oll

AN INDEPENDENT Scotland will not be like a police state – unless you’re young, poor or a fitba fan – claimed Injustice Minster Kenny MacNaeskill yesterday.

The street tramping law reformer is already well on his way to ensuring Scotland has the most draconian stop and search figures in Western Europe.

And the Injustice Minster says that the record figures of stopping and searching young poor people – four times higher than in basturt England – is only the beginning.

He said: “These record figures have been achieved under Devolution.

“With independence we will be able to stop, search and arrest anyone we see fit with impunity.”

MacNaeskill says that the move is all part of his ‘Four year plan‘ aimed at shaping the type of freedom loving society required by Nationalists.

Police are eagerly anticipating the scrapping of corroboration in order to increase the extra coercive power already gained through centralisation of the force.

After independence, Police Scotland expect to further their search criteria.

So far, under devolution, searches are restricted to young poor Neds – predominantly for knives, booze, fags and drugs.

With independence they expect to extend the categories.

Big Police Chief Commander, Stephen Inda-Hoose, said: “In future we will stop and search people suspected of possession of ginger hair, the wrong attitude, luggy bottles, soggy chips, Anti-Scots literature, fitba flags, song lyrics and looking at our officers the wrang way.

“We do things differently here and we’re looking forward to antagonising and locking up as many wee neddy basturts as differently as we can.

“They don’t vote anyway, so what do we or our political masters care?”


Filed under Law, Newspeak

Hundreds of Scots politicians in organised crime groups

Scottish Police uncover an organised criminal conspiracy at work within Scotland on a not so grand scale. AhDinnaeKen investigates:

The September criminals. Some are so brazen they will openly admit to their crimes against the Scottish public.

The September criminals. Some are so brazen they will openly admit to their crimes against the Scottish public. Police Scotland are unable to move against them.

By Korobbo Rashun

THE SCOTTISH Police Authority will be told later that there are 129 people in Scotland involved in organised political crime groups.

Members of the authority will be told that serious crime is organised in the same way as legitimate politics.

Specialist officers have said much of the crime is associated with the Independence and grievance trade.

Other crime groups have been involved in fraud, subsidy laundering and wind power crime.

Police Scotland has identified three groups, or parties as they’re known in their underworld trade, as being active in serious criminal activities against the people.

A half have access to power and a quarter have been involved in dangerous acts of barefaced lieing and violence against the anti-Scottish electorate.

A report to the the police authority describes how they operate with presiding officers, ‘special aides’, press managers and public relations officers (spin doctors).

They have been involved in White Paper manufacture – with some being described as “dangerous fantasists” – causing fear and intimidation within communities.

Police Scotland believes its work in doing what its telt by these organised crime gangs sends a powerful message to the public.

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Filed under Law, Lies

Audit Scotland is anti-Scots claim SNP

Will there be room in an Independent Scotland for any institution, business, academic or individual to legitimately question or attempt to scrutinise the Nationalist government? An alarming catalogue of evidence suggests the answer will be NAW! AhDinnaeKen reports:

"The only foes that threaten Scotland are the enemies at home, and these are accountability, scrutiny and Audit Scotland." - Kenny MacNaeskill

“The only foes that threaten Scotland are the enemies at home, and these are accountability, scrutiny and Audit Scotland.” – Kenny MacNaeskill

By Haudoana Minit

AUDIT SCOTLAND are talking Scotland down according to Injustice Minster Kenny MacNaeskill.

The so called independent body has been exposed by MacNaeskill as a barely concealed front for Better Together’s Project Feartie.

If they don’t pull their socks up and get on board with Scotland’s emancipation plans they may find themselves being “socially audited”, he warned.

MacNaeskill said: “It’s true there have been ‘creative tensions’ between my incompetent interference and the polis.

“We were deciding where the balance and calibration should lie in the power structures – whatever the f**k that means.

“The polis decided that I should keep my big chiselled calibrating face oot o’ their business for the sake of balance and Audit Scotland has agreed with that decision. Bastards!”

MacNaeskill conceded that sovereign anti-Scots may begin comparing his latest embarrassing SNAFU to a future post-Indy landscape.

And they may conclude that the SNP’s alleged ‘competence’ in government may have to be spelled with a silent ‘i-n’ in front of it.

According to Audit Scotland, the Injustice minster “hudnae a clue” what he was doing.

It appeared his business plan had been made up on the back of a fag packet in 2011 and had consequently been stolen by a big anti-Scots boy who then proceeded to run away.

As MacNaeskill later admitted to the British Brainwashing Corporation, this version of events couldn’t be corroborated: “Just as weel I’m getting rid of corroboration then.” he joked.

Cringing, snivelling, cowardly, anti-Scots, deranged, deluded, turncoat, traitor spokesperson for the Tory-lite Labouring party, Who Henry, said: “I am not surprised to learn that no full business case was prepared to support government centralisation of the police.

“This isn’t about saving money, it’s about ensuring the politicised police will be able to deal with the anti-Scots enemies within in the event of a Yes vote.

“They’ll be rid of pesky corroboration by that time and, if I was working for Audit Scotland just now, I’d be scared, very scared. Big Kenny MacNaeskill will be coming to get you.”

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Filed under Law, Treachery