Tag Archives: coercion

At last! Scotland agrees on one question

It’s taken for ever. It’s bored everyone but the Uber nerds and Cybernats to tears. It’s taken its toll of the methadone community in record numbers. Finally the sovereign people of Scotland have decided on their single question. Zzzzz!

An agreement cannot be the result of an imposition said Sun King Alex of Salmond as he agreed to impose his will on the disagreeable sovereign people of Scotland.

By Aboot Timeyagits

THE SOVEREIGN people of Scotland urged the politicians last night to switch to a single question referendum.

The people of Scotland are said to be ready to grant whatever powers the Big Scottish Cooncil needs to hold a legally binding vote on the future of North Britain.

They have also insisted that should the outcome of the vote be Yes, that the requisite granted powers be acted upon immediately.

After five minutes in the pub, with a wee fly smoke before coming back in, the sovereign people of Scotland settled on the final question:

“Do you agree that Scotland should be independent of Alex Salmond?

Speaking after a visit to the lavvy in Scotstoun Pub Stitchthat Yakunt, sovereign Scot Kenneth McAlpine said: “The people of Scotland have had enough of being dictated to by rich ex-banker economists with their noses in the trough of egotism and self aggrandising satisfaction.

“For too long Alex has talked left and acted right – the Scots deserve a better quality of snake oil salesman.”

Spokesperson of non-denominational trans-gender for the SNP, Wee Naebudy, said: “There comes a time when deceit and defiance must be seen for what they are:

“Sun King Alex of Salmond’s vanity project.”



Filed under Election, Referendum

God-Hen Broon warns of dire consequences for Dandy-Max and Beano

Jings crivens help ma’ boab, auld Bufty Broon’s wades in wi’ a prediction o’ doom and gloom for the independence camp. Nae wunner Wee Eck’s got a smile on his face bigger than the banking deficit.

Advice is always the swan song of the passing generation, the quavering high treble of our experiences which we insist upon dedicating to those who come after us. Thanks for nothing God-Hen.

By A’Body’s Wullie

GOD-HEN BROON has launched a scathing attack on the Beano camp, claiming that staying in circulation would lead to higher cover prices and cuts to frontline cartoon characters in the Dandy.

  • God-Hen Broon warns of higher cover prices and deeper numbers of page cuts for DC Thommoson comics
  • Former PM argues that pooling of resources benefits Desperate Danny-Alexander more than Lord Snooty Chancellor
  • Broon also argues that Bash Street Minister Mike Rust-ell will be particularly bad for education and the ‘kids’ in Scotland
  • SNP – “the more Labouring ex-chancellors continue to offer doom and gloom armageddon negativity, the more they will encourage Joan McCarthyalpine to expose the anti-Scots within the nation.”

The former Iraq War Chancellor said the proposals known as Dandy-Max, would “break up the reader union” between the Beano the Dandy the Broons and the rest of the DC Thommoson empire.

It would mean that Wee Eck would be unable to ask Desperate Danny or Lord Snooty for cow pies or catapults leading to the comic being starved of pages, gags and humour.

In his first major intervention for the Yes campaign, the former Labour Bannana Man said there would be a “race to the bottom” of the internet wilderness, with different rates for subscribers and advertisers alike and a higher cover price.

Delivering the annual Donald Dewaraglit lecture at the Edinborrow International Book Festival, Mr Broon warned that the Dandy was in danger of being ‘colonised’ by the Beano and could only expect to suffer decline.

Wee Eck was unavailable for comment as he wis oot ‘playing’ wi’ Soapy Souter and their Wulllie.

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Filed under Economy, Referendum

Salmond Plays Get Out Of Jail Free Card

All Fun and Games as Alex Collects £200 Sterling for Passing Go

Confess to Bank Account being hacked. Collect £200 Sterling.

Clever gimmicks of mass distraction yield a cheap soulcraft of addicted and self-medicated narcissists.said a successful Leveson witness today.

By Presh Heraff Thancfuk

WEE ECK, the Scottish Firstchancer Monopoly gamer, told the Inralavyson inquiry, that he’d played his Community Chest caird which read “Observer bank error in your favour, get out of jail free.”

Giving evidence to the Inralavyson inquiry, Eck said a former Observation journalist had gone back three spaces through his bank account approximately one hundred years ago.

He explained how one week after the Grauniad had cravenly apologised to the Scum newspaper on 15 July 2011 over Bufty Broon’s wean’s medical records, the Fun and Games really began.

Wee Eck contacted Goebbels Murdoch with a future proofed plan and wrote a letter to the Observation newspaper regarding his allegedly hacked bank account.

The politico-media plan – known in the business as a ‘Community Chest Banker’ – was then allowed to take its course.

Grauniad News & Meeja, publisher of the Observation, investigated the claim but found no evidence and telt Eck ‘do not pass go’ unless you provide mare details.

He didnae need tae. The deed wis din.

Eck then held on to this Community Chest Banker for almost a year, waiting to play it to best advantage.

With mounting pressure in the Big Scots Cooncil and anticipation rising over the Firstchancer’s hacking phone status, the Community Chest ‘Get Oot o’ Jail Free’ caird was played with immaculate timing.

“Wiz your phone hacked Firstchancer?” asked QC Robber Jaybird at the Inralavyson inquiry.

“Ah dinnae ken!” said Wee Eck, “But whit ah dae ken is that the Observation hacked mah Bank accoont.”

Ubiquitous politico-media commentator Professor John Poultice of Scratchcard University said it was a “classic diversion tactic.”

He said: “Taking a leaf out of the Tony Blair Headline Spinners Handbook, the Firstchancer provided the perfect news story for the waiting hack pack.

“What he’s done here is present a classic smokescreen stramash. Throw the dogs a meaty scrap, let them fight among themselves, get out of jail free.”

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Filed under Culture, Media, Morality

MacAesop’s Fables # 14 – The Wolf and the Shepherd

Our fourteenth Sunday outpouring of sanctimony and self-righteous morality to be taken as seriously as the Just Say Yes campaign’s Twitter support.

SNP supporters are like sheep who believe that wolves are vegetarians.

In politics you must always keep running with the pack. The moment that you falter and they sense that you are injured, the rest will turn on you like wolves said Sun King Alex of Salmond as he looked at Mike Russell and Alex Neil.

A WOLF followed a flock of sheep for a long time and did not attempt to injure one of them. The shepherd at first stood on his guard against him, as against an enemy, and kept a strict watch over his movements.

But when the Wolf, day after day, kept in the company of the sheep and did not make the slightest effort to seize them, the Shepherd began to look upon him as a guardian of his flock rather than as a plotter of evil against it; and when occasion called him one day into the city, he left the sheep entirely in his charge.

The Wolf, now that he had the opportunity, fell upon the sheep, and destroyed the greater part of the flock.

When the Shepherd returned to find his flock destroyed, he exclaimed: “I have been rightly served; why did I trust my sheep to a Wolf?”

AnalysisHe who does not trust enough, Will not be trusted said Lao Tzu before the Leveson inquiry and the spectre of certain embarrassing emails. Can you trust a party to run an independent country just because they’ve shown they know how to spend pocket money on vote winning headline catching institutions? That, as they say, will be resolved in 2014. The sooner, the better.

For more morally superior and vacuous posturing click on the Fable category to the right.

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Filed under Fable, Referendum

It’s SNP vote couture

New report highlights the negative social impact on Scotland of voters who  think that exercising freedom of thought is still socially or politically acceptable.

If voting changed anything they’d abolish it or make it illegal or give us a SNP government.

By Dee Phect

MSPs ARE being advised to step up investment in ‘services’ for voters who get it wrong.

It follows a new report, commissioned by the Scottish government, which uncovered evidence of widespread behaviour problems amongst adult voters.

Based on the key findings of a long term survey of 3,000,0000 voters, the report said: “The most common type of difficulty is conduct problems – just over one half of Scots adult voters do not consider voting SNP, leading to moderate or severe difficulties in this area.”

The document, called Voting Right in Scotland – Key Warnings, linked voting deficiencies to people’s ability to think for themself.

It suggested voters do better if parent type figures established consistent rules, routines and constantly repeat SNP mantras come voting time.

Shared activities such as putting the X in the correct place and repetition of simple nursery ryhmes such as Jack and Jocks put the X in the box, can all help to ensure that Scotland remains safe, secure and happy.

Researchers indicated the intelligence coming into the home is a key determining factor – the more intelligent, the less likely the voter will vote correctly.

“Voting right in Scotland suggests that high intelligence in itself does not have a direct negative impact on voter development, but high intelligence is related to other disadvantages, such as thinking independently for one’s self,” the report said.

Researchers indicated that troubled voters not only face uncertain outcomes but also have an impact on other citizens and civilians.

Many voters in Scotland are going about their business in a state of false consciousness, the report stated.

The report concluded that 40% of all spending on public services is accounted for by interventions – that could have been avoided by prioritising a preventative approach.

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Filed under Election, Referendum

Labour and Tories to be merged under new political reform

As analysts continue to pour over what the results and figures of voting patterns in this month’s cooncil elections actually mean, Sun King Alex is quick to captialise on an opportunity to berate the Tory and Labouring parties over Stirling while conveniently ignoring Edinburgh.

The new look political cap for the single political party mooted for Scotland

The New look logo for the Scottish Enfranchised Party

By Con Temptuous

SUN KING Alex of Salmond has described the attempt to drop the names of several historic Scots political parties as “contemptuous”.

The anointed one’s comments follow speculation that cap badges belonging to parties such as the Labouring party, the SNP and the Tory party will go as part of electoral restructuring plans.

Sun King Alex also accused ministers at Bloodyrude of underestimating the general apathy such a move would provoke in Scotland.

The Tories and Labourers said no final decision had been made on the issue despite the events at Stirling bridge.

Scotland’s three main parties were amalgamated in varying degrees following cooncil elections in early May.

In Stirling the Tories amalgamated with the Labouring party and in Edinburgh the SNP merged with the Labourers.

Current opinions being considered by the Scottish electorate could also see interest in voting being cut to less than 32%.

Speaking during First Minister’s Quizlings, the Sun King said that despite commitments given by parties in the past, political party traditions in Scotland were being “traduced”.

He said the Scottish electorate had already provided clarity on the issue by not voting at all.

He added: “These results showed the complete contempt with which the majority of voters hold the three main Scottish parties.”

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Filed under Election, Labour, Opinion

The SNP – Blairite drones in cultist clothing

As the SNPs membership and politicians continue their slow and painful metamorphosis into Blairite style clones, AhDinnaeKen asks just how many signals does it take until the cult of personality warnings sink in.

I wonder if other political dogs think Murdoch’s SNP poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

By Belter Skelter

ACCORDING TO the Cults Undermine Negative Traits Society, current behaviours exhibited by SNP members in relation to their leader display all the hallmarks of classic ‘cult of personality’ syndrome

The American based society, founded in 1971 following the conviction of cult leader Charles Manson, has more than 40 years of expertise in their field.

In their tireless work throughout the United States in protecting the vulnerable, the Society has identified fourteen indicators that a cult belief system is in fact in operation.

The first and most important centres around the ‘charismatic’ leader whose modus operandi is to appear so righteous, invulnerable and exalted that believers/followers would indeed swear they can ‘walk on water’.

In order to clarify and simplify understanding, we today publish the 14 symptoms and provide a small comment under each by the First Minister of the Cults Undermine Negative Traits Society.

In terms of Sun King Alex of Salmond’s iron grip on his cult (party) here are the readily identifiable traits:

1) The group is focused on a living leader to whom members seem to display excessively zealous, unquestioning commitment.

Despite the cosying up to plutocrats, monopolists and inhumane corporatists, cult members always find an explanation: “We need the jobs, we need the publicity, we need the business, shut yer face he ken’s whit he’s daeing etc are commonly offered excuses.”

2) The group is preoccupied with bringing in new members.

Membership of the SNP has grown by over 30,000 in the last few months. Due to reliance on other traits of the cult, this membership is steadily growing.

3) The group is preoccupied with making money.

Every cult needs money in order to ‘get the message out’. SNP donors include SNP cult members themselves, rich individuals with potentially sinister agendas and naive lottery winners.

4) Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished.

The recent controversy regarding the Sun King’s love in with another Sun King, was met by universal silence in the ranks. Dissent would have meant political suicide and public punishment.

5)  Mind-numbing techniques (such as meditation, chanting, speaking in tongues, denunciation sessions, debilitating work routines) are used to suppress doubts about the group and its leader.

Repeat ad infinitum: Too wee, Too poor, Too stupid; Too wee, Too poor, Too stupid; Too wee, Too poor, Too stupid; Too wee, Too poor, Too stupid; Too wee, Too poor, Too stupid;  Longshanker is a … ; Longshanker is a … ; Longshanker is a … ; Longshanker is a … ; Longshanker is a … ; Longshanker is a … ; Longshanker is a … ; Longshanker is a … ;

6) The leadership dictates sometimes in great detail how members should think, act, and feel (for example: members must get permission from leaders to speak, appear on radio, appear on television).

Example: JOBS, IT’S ALL ABOUT JOBS. IT BEGGARS BELIEF THAT YOU THINK IT COULD BE ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN JOBS. Don’t let anyone appear on Newsnight following James Murdoch’s revelations ffs.

7) The group is elitist, claiming a special, exalted status for itself, its leader(s), and members (for example: the leader is considered the Messiah; the group and/or the leader has a special mission to save the Scots humanity).

Watch and listen to the SNP party conference and cringeworthy reverential eulogising of the Sun King by Auld Nick Sturgeon –  a prime example of this trait in action. Notice how the cult members lap it up.

8) The group has a polarized us-versus-them mentality, which causes conflict with the wider society.

Examples: “The BBC are biased against the SNP. The Labour party hate us. The Tory Party fear us. The LibDem Party want to be us. Scots who disagree with us are anti-Scots, the media actively smear our glorious Sun King.”

9) The group’s leader is not accountable to any authorities (as are, for example, military commanders and ministers, priests, monks, and rabbis of mainstream denominations).

Sun King Alex of Salmond is only accountable to the sovereign will of the Scottish people and himself. Cult members find it hard to distinguish between the two. Hipcress and Soames in their 2011 theses actually furthered the argument stating their belief that some cult members do actually believe that the Sun King is the living embodiment of Scotland. Therefore the Sun King is only accountable to himself. Classic cult of personality trait.

10) The group teaches or implies that its supposedly exalted ends justify means that members would have considered unethical before joining the group (for example: lobbying for corporate media empires, unprecedented hijacking of local democracy in action, writing letters of abasement to banking pariahs)

See number 6. It’s all about jobs. He has to deal with these people in order to promote Scotland’s greater interests.

11) The leadership induces guilt feelings in members in order to control them.

Humbug and hypocrisy covers this. Any members with  feelings of guilt about the association with Goebbels Murdoch can deflect these feelings onto the Labour party instead.

12) Members’ subservience to the group causes them to cut ties with family and friends, and to give up personal goals and activities that were of interest before joining the group.

Plurality, free thought, love of other policies, individuality, free expression. All are given up in the cult of the Sun King.

13) Members are expected to devote inordinate amounts of time to the group.

Monitoring of the Telegraph, Scotsman, Herald, Sun, Daily Record, BBC, STV, Radio, Blogs. Cult members like to self deprecatingly refer to it as geekdom or cybernattering.

14) Members are encouraged or required to live and/or socialise only with other group members.

Take a look at the Wings Over Scotland blog to see what happens to dissenting voices;  redaction of posts, censorship, mockery, group bullying, hypocrisy, obfuscation, name calling, ad hominems, sophistry, evasion, double standards, misanthropy, narcissism, solipsism, alleged moral code etc etc etc.

Anyone with any sense of plurality or free thinking ability, should steer clear of the party and its drone supporters until some semblance of sanity returns post-referendum when the Sun King is much less likely to maintain his iron grip on his cult followers.

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Filed under CyberNats, Morality, Opinion