Category Archives: Diplomacy

Twitter to be purged of Anti-Scots accounts

FOR TOO long Twitter has been a platform for free expression. This has to stop. Some people might not agree with independence and this has been found to be offensive to true Scots – a beacon for independence thought and humanity. AhDinnaeKen investigates Alyn Smith MEP’s crusade against the forces of independence darkness:

Alyn Smith Twitter

I haff a list of all Anti-Scots Twitter accounts  by geo-location and they can expect a night time visit if they do not desist from their Anti-Scots behaviour said the Europrat (above) yesterday.

By Paw Gromfreedom of speech and politically motivated hostilities detective

TWITTER USERS in Scotland are a “clear target” for fundraising mendicants operated by hostile assimilated Englishmen, a report commissioned by an SNP Europrat has found.

The report estimated that somewhere between 98% and 100% of assimilated English Twitter activity is “positively malign”.

Most of this potentially faux activity centres around independence and the need to raise money to sue women for freely expressed newspaper comments.

But despite this, the report said Scotland’s social media usage remains “largely repetitive”.

The report was carried out by Cosmopolitan Speech Inspector turned investigative censor and author JJ Goebbels.

A new website was also launched to assist ‘verified’ Scots Twitter users to ‘report’ and ‘out’ Anti-Scots Twitter abusers.

What were the conclusions of the investigation?

The report points the finger at those hostile to the Scottish Nationalist Party (SNP).

They are invariably classified as “state hostile yoons and non-state hostile yoons”.

Scotland is a clear target for “Yoons” due to the embedding of the only party which claims to be “Stronger for Scotland” – the SNP.

The report concluded: “Scottish Twitter and Scotland in general does have a problem with ‘Yoons’, both malign and hateful, and the scale of the problem is quantifiable – 55% at the last referendum in 2014.

“This does have some impact on Scottish public discourse and there is too much influence exerted both on and off social media.

“However, Scotland remains largely positive that the Anti-Scots Yoons can be sent back to where they belong – England.”

What will be done about the problem?

The report says “simple changes” can make Twitter a no go zone for Yoons in Scotland and around the world.

These changes will include:

  • Twitter to identify and shut down Yoon accounts. Any profile which displays a Union flag or a ‘Yawn’ badge will be suspended indefinitely and their operators will forfeit 45% of their material goods.
  • Verification of Scots identity via geo-location into three categories: True Scots, Non-Scots and Anti-Scots.
  • Geo-blocking of any and all accounts which do not promote the official “Stronger for Scotland” philosophy of ‘Independence at all costs’.

The report states: “The presence of malign Yoons on the platform will continue as long as social media permits freedom of expression.

“This does impact on public discourse and even influences voting behaviour.

“Independence minded politicians need to lead the debate to discover final solutions, because the question is no longer if Yoons are for real but whether they should be allowed to freely express their reprehensible ideas.”

What has Alyn Smith said about the report?

Mr Smith said there had been moments where his sanctimonious expostulations had not rung true such as his claim to be ‘hard working’ at the European Parliament.

He explained: “Hardly anyone has heard of me and I need to appear relevant.

“I’ve received dozens of Tweets asking who I am and my retort of “ask Nicola” is mostly ignored.

“I do not have enough relevance or points of substance to make, to have an impact politically so, jumping on a conspiracy theory bandwagon with a smidgeon of substance seems the most likely direction to take in order to get a modicum of victimhood attention.”

The Europrat added: “We have to be honest too. By shutting down the Yoons, we can get over the hurdle of currency, EU membership and post independence austerity.

“The hateful Yoons don’t believe us when we say everything will work out fine.

“We’ll never change their minds, so this gives us the chance to shut them up instead.

“Or, at least, that’s what Alex Salmond told me.”

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Mike Russell: Scotland must look at ways to be democratic without consulting the people

Mike Russell

By Otto Kratanti-democratic mandates correspondent

SCOTLAND MUST look at more imaginative ways of ignoring demcoratic mandates demanded Mike Russell yesterday.

The Scottish Government’s Grievance Secretary warned against “believing in the sovereign will of the people” because doing so would only return a repeat result of the referendums of 2014 and 2016.

Holyrood currently has no power to undermine democratic accountability but, that shouldn’t stop it trying to do so the Grievance Secretary explained.

The SNP leadership is currently facing a crisis of pointlessness despite facing the most pointless Wastemonster government since records began.

Mr Russell said an alternative route to giving Scots a say on independence without actually consulting the Scots must now be explored.

He said: “If democracy can’t deliver the results we Scots need then we must seek the approval of the highest authority in the land, All Under One Banner and Tasmina Ahmed Sheikh.”

He added: “There has to be a healthy discussion about the ways in which we can undermine and ignore those Scotch “Yoon” bastards who illegitimately don’t vote for us.”

Nicola Sturgeon today refused to rule out a Unilateral Declaration of Independence for all true SNP Scots.

She said: “As committed (European) Unionists and true Scots, we believe in the free movement of all non-independence supporting Scotch to England any time they’re ready.

“The sooner the better.” she added.

Mr Russell continued: “One of the big issues is the feeling of powerlessness that people have – especially me.

“We can’t have a second referendum in which we do not win that referendum.

“Therefore, logically, we’re not going to have one. We’re just going to declare independence anyway and keep our fingers crossed that no one notices.”

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Sturgeon signs mutual “torture” pact with Trump and May

NATIONALIST leaders vow to torture legions of unbelievers into submission.

trump-may-sturgeon-torture

“We do solemnly declare that we do not know of any lawful impediment why we, Trump, Sturgeon and May, may not be joined in mutual torturing of our respective sovereign people and populations.”

By Owch Yabassa waterboarding and political torture correspondent

FOR YEARS it has been fashionable to express disgust at the use of torture by western governments. Donald Trump’s new pact with Theresa May and Nicola Sturgeon is set to turn that norm on its head and make torture socially acceptable.

The Donald, yesterday, vowed to continue torturing the populace of the free world and claimed to have taken a leaf out of Theresa May and Nicola Sturgeon’s books:

“Theresa May has tortured both the Brits and the Europeans for months now over what Brexit actually means.

“First she said ‘Brexit means Brexit” and then she said “Brexit means a red, white and blue Brexit”, which meant Brexit wasn’t a black, white or grey Brexit.

“That’s one of the most effective forms of mass population torture I have ever witnessed. Even I found it tortuous and I thought I was a master of the art.”

Theresa May thanked the Donald and even found time to coin a new slogan in praise of the new mutually exclusive torture pact:

“Torture means torture” she said. “And our torture will be a red, black and blue torture which will become infamous throughout the western world.”

Not to be outdone, but knowing her place, Firstminster Sturgeon made the following pledge:

“I swear that I will continue torturing the population of Scotland by threatening to call a second independence referendum every time someone looks at me the wrong way or says something I don’t like.

“Unlike Prime Minister May and President Trump I have managed to torture the whole of the Scottish population simultaneously.

“First I tortured the Unionists with my threats to call a second independence referendum. And then I tortured my ain folk with my pledge to take indpendence aff the table if we could compromise on Brexit meaning something other than Brexit.”

All three leaders have entered willingly into the torture pact and have vowed to continue torturing anyone who has the misfortune to hear anything they have to say.

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America deserved 9/11 said ‘Reverend’ who laughed at it all on TV

NATIONALISTS AND extremists alike are well known for their moralising and pontificating judgemental style. Witness the manufactured outrage of Wings Over Scotland’s faux ‘reverend’, Stuart Campbell, regarding tasteless comments Tweeted by a Tory councillor recently. Stones and glasshouses, pots and kettles come to mind. But what about laughing at 9/11 on TV? AhDinnaeKen provides some much needed context:

"Mawkish, maudlin c**ts" the lot of them said the forensically analytical fraudulent 'reverend'.

“Mawkish, maudlin c**ts” the lot of them said the forensic analytical faux ‘reverend’ in an outburst of 9/11 context, recently.

By Longshanker aka @Ergasiophobe – context correspondent

A REVEREND who “laughed” at 9/11 on TV, has attacked the people who observed a Europe wide three minute silence to honour the Twin Tower victims, as “mawkish, maudlin cunts”.

Reverend Stuart Campbell, a hate preaching Scottish Nationalist from England, claimed America got what it deserved from the terrorist attack on the Twin Towers in New York.

Comparing terrorist murderers, Al-Qaeda, to a dog, the Reverend said: If you kick a dog long enough, eventually it’s going to turn round and bite you, and it’s nobody’s fault but your own.”

And, in further reinforcement of this twisted belief, he also said: There was a widespread sense in this little village of America’s chickens having come home to roost.”

The comments were made on the ‘reverend’s’ blogsite, World of Stuart.

Not content with blaming America for the terrorist atrocity, Campbell turned his rabid froth on the three minute silence proposed in 2001 by the Council of Europe to demonstrate solidarity with the American people.

Finding himself in WH Smith at the designated time of the continent wide vigil, Campbell explained his reaction to those marking their respect for the 9/11 victims: “I was genuinely stunned, in the angry rather than the impressed sense.

“As I walked down the main street, looking at all these idiots standing stock still and silent outside River Island, I just thought: “Fuck you, you mawkish, maudlin cunts.”

“I bet you didn’t stand here like goons for the victims of Enniskillen, as if they’d have given a shit if you did. So why are you suddenly choking back tears for a bunch of American stockbrokers from even further away than Bosnia? Fucking hypocrites.” I kept on walking, and fired all their dirty looks right back at them.”

The Reverend has form on the terrorist outrage. In 2009, in a game forum thread, he confessed to an American game console fan that “9/11 was brilliant. I watched it all on TV and laughed the whole time.”

Yes! How those Americans must have laughed to know just how comically extreme the 'kind hearted reverend' really is.

Campbell said his laughing at 9/11 comment “was an ironic, sarcastic joke which set out to say the most offensive thing possible in order to illustrate a point.” The illustrated point being, of course, that he watched it all on TV and laughed the whole time – ‘comically extreme’.

Apologists defended the Reverend’s shocking outburst, claiming the comments were “taken out of context” and that they were, in fact, a joke.

Longstanding critic of the fraudulent ‘reverend’, Longshanker, put the “out of context” claim in context.

He said: “The context of Campbell’s laughter at the 9/11 tragedy goes way beyond the immediate context of the quote and the surrounding hateful outbursts.

“Campbell had been criticised on a games forum by people more knowledgable than him over a feature he had written for Retro Gamer magazine on a games franchise called Metal Slug.

“The forum is, and was, dedicated to the Neo-Geo games console. The Metal Slug franchise is revered by these guys.

“It’s telling that Campbell’s critics were American. Campbell clearly holds a pathological hatred for America or Americans, as can be seen from his Al-Qaeda sympathising comments quoted here.

“Also worth noting, context wise, is that Campbell was 41 when he made these comments – not just some silly adolescent games geek trying to say the most outrageous thing he could in order to gain notoriety and a reputation as a bit of a ‘naughty’ boy.

“41 year old Campbell made the 9/11 statement in the full knowledge that the limited audience for his toxic offensiveness were Americans on an American forum.

“So, whether the laughing at 9/11 comment was a joke or not, it should still be taken within the context that it was said, that is, to deliberately offend an American audience in the most disgustingly noxious and targeted form possible.

“Anyone claiming otherwise has no concept of context.

“I wonder how Campbell’s cabal of piss-pathetic apologists will excuse his ‘mawkish, maudlin cunts’ comment. Unless, of course, they agree. Which, knowing the apologist type who hang on Campbell’s every word, they probably will.”

Campbell, 46, is a middle-aged, childless, partnerless, siblingless, “oddball” loner, who takes pictures of his shadow on solitary walks and articulates the voice of a certain type of flag and soil Scot, in Scotland.

He also blames 9/11 for his loss of a living, games magazines surrendering to advertisers – as if games magazines had ever done anything else pre or post 9/11 – and the wholesale corruption of the games industry.

Duncan's a thoughtful fellow. We're sure he'll put those thoughts into context.

Campbell claimed Duncan Hothersall had an agenda against Wings “…based on extensive personal experience of Hothersall issuing a long string of despicable lies, defamations, smears and general falsehoods in an attempt to discredit this site.” Ironically, Campbell cited the Tweet above to clear his name. Ye couldnae make it up.

 

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Sturgeon storms America: Funniest comedian on the market say Americans

STURGEON finds her true and natural calling on America’s cutting edge satirical programme:

After Sturgeon's EU joke, Stewart is reported to have told Sturgeon she should give up the day job and get on the American comedy circuit.

After Sturgeon’s EU joke, Stewart is reported to have told Sturgeon she should give up the day job and get on the American comedy circuit.

By Razeda SmyleShameless publicity and comedy routine correspondent

FIRSTMINSTER SAINT Nicola of Sturgeon has appeared on one of American television’s top chat shows.

She instantly trumped Salmond’s profile as Scotland’s lead comedian.

Ms Sturgeon began by questioning her billing on the show’s website as a “politician”.

She told host Jon Stewart: “You billed me on your website as a politician – so you’ve raised all these expectations that I’m going to talk sense.”

The Firstminster added: “I’m a comedian, and as you know, I’ve been having a laugh at Scotland’s expense for the past eight years.”

Ms Sturgeon is on the second day of a four-day trip to America where she is undertaking a series of engagements on the comedy circuit.

Once again, she followed in the footsteps of the Labouring party’s leaders by making an appearance on the Daily Show where she invited America to laugh at Scotland.

Amid laughter from the audience Stewart assured Ms Sturgeon that there was no way he could trump her line “Stronger for Scotland” in the face of her party’s record on education and health.

Other topics touched on during the broadcast included the SNP’s success in suckering the Scottish electorate into believing her party would do better for the country.

American viewers were in stitches in their reaction to the Scottish Firstminster’s comedy routine.

US journalist Skylar Baker-Jordan, who covers Comedy politics, said: “Sturgeon is on top of her game as usual. Deceptive, evasive and contradictory. That line about being Better Together in Europe is a humdinger. Where did she come up with that one. Hilarious.”

The Firstminster’s engagements for Tuesday include taking selfies with kids in front of the media and on Wednesday she will take some selfies with kids in front of the media.

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Exclusive: Bill Walker to advise Salmond on how to deal with ‘uppity’ women

FED UP of being hectored by hysterical women who don’t know their place, Alex Salmond has taken on new multi-experienced adviser Bill Walker. AhDinnaeKen exclusively reports:

A short, sharp, shock soon brings them back to their senses said Walker to Salmond, yesterday.

A short, sharp, shock soon brings them back to their senses said Walker to Salmond, yesterday.

By Black McEyeDomestic incidents and social order correspondent

LASTMINSTER SALMOND has appointed a new adviser to improve his relations with women.

Fed up of being treated like he was a normal politician by hectoring harridans in the House of Commons, Salmond will now take advise from ‘experienced’ domestic relations expert Bill Walker.

Walker has twenty-eight years experience of keeping women of all ages in their place and is expected to impart his expertise with a series of straightforward practical demonstrations.

Ex-jailbird Walker believes in the determined and direct use of improvisational implements such as air rifles, wire coat hangers and saucepans in order to maintain relations between the sexes.

“Women have to know who’s boss,” said Walker, “otherwise they get ideas above their station. And that’s not good for us men who know what we’re talking about.

“We don’t need pointless interruptions from women unable to behave themselves.

“My short intensive domestic relations course should bring Alex up to speed.”

Walker’s appointment is seen as a move attempting to take the heat out of Salmond’s recent altercation with Anna Soubry MP.

Salmond is expected to undertake the intensive course with Bill to enable him to deal quickly and decisively with the pointless distractions presented by hysterical women in the commons from time to time.

An SNP spokeswummin, who knows her place, said: “There is no place for speaking out of turn against a man in the Hoose Of Commons – and this was an example of Soubry getting ideas above her station. This was the sort of incident which could result in a black eye for Soubry if she tries it again. We’ve got Bill on board now and, with his decades of experience, he knows how to keep these hysterical female types in their place.”

http://youtu.be/ZVJ0W6XxDbk

 

 

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SNP ambitions thwarted as the Empire Strikes Back

THEY tried to fight them on the benches, they tried to fight them in the lobbies, but all it took was the guile of two veteran MPs to repel the cream of the Tartan hordes:

Despite having youth and overwhelming numbers on their side, this coterie of SNP MPs still could not take and hold Dennis Skinner's seat at Westminster.

Despite having youth and overwhelming numbers on their side, this coterie of SNP MPs still could not take and hold Dennis Skinner’s seat at Westminster.

By Allies ArmieTartan Goonery correspondent

THE MOST ambitious tartan invasion of Westminster was thwarted this week as SNP ‘goon’ tactics were repulsed on the beaches of the commons green benches.

After four long and exhaustive days of achieving hee haw, the SNP MP hordes were finally faced down and defeated by two plucky pensioners in solitary counter attacks.

Veteran fighting Tommy, Dennis Skinner MP, established and held a bridgehead on the commons benches throughout the week by using a simple diversionary tactic to outflank the Nationalist goons .

And Faither o’ the Hoose, Gerald Kaufman MP, delivered a metaphorical kick in the stones to the pride of the black and yellow hordes.

He said: “It’s all very well for them to try a mob attack en masse, but to try and move one of the longest-serving members of parliament out of a seat that he’s occupied for decades, it’s stupid, Skinner is much too wiley for them, as the results of this futile battle showed.

“They’re goons and it’s plain for all to see that they want to publicly match Salmond’s cheap stunt expulsion from the commons when he interrupted the Chancellor’s Budget speech in 88.

“Even then, Skinner was in before them. In 1985 Skinner used the Ten-Minute Rule Bill to call the Chancellor to account so, even then, the SNP were left following in Skinner’s wake.”

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