Tag Archives: Nicola Sturgeon

Moan Mcvulpine: Why every SNP member thinks everyone loves oor wee Nicola

Moan McVulpine discusses why Sturgeon has become a symbolic totem for everything we hate about our political system.

Testing

By Moan McVulpinecorrupting language, corrupting thought.

THE STURGEON surge is sweeping everything in its political path. I suspect Nicola cannot quite believe it herself.

No one could ever accuse her of being charismatic. Quite the opposite – she is the equivalent of a punctual political clerk who got the job because no one else was up to it.

And yet here she is, living the boxset Borgen dream and surfing the wave of political disaffection throughout the country with her consumate surfboard.

But behind all the hoopla and, at times, cult like hero worship, is a mostly dull monomaniac whose actions belie her rhetoric – so no change from any career politician on the make then.

Joan McAlpine makes much of Len McCluskey’s adoption of Nicola as some sort of validation, but he’s another one whose rhetoric never quite matches the action.

Ho hum. Next!

Two thirds of ‘high information’ low comprehension Scots trust Nicola according to a poll.

Which is extraordinary given her tolerance, backing and support for serial liars like Alex Salmond and serial fraudsters like Abdul Rauf.

The reasons she compromised her integrity for Salmond were easily explained: not to have done so would have harmed the Yes campaign – and that can be written off and excused as loyalty to the cause.

Quite why she damaged her reputation seeking clemency for a determined and hardened serial fraudster like Rauf is still not known or satisfactorily explained. Moan suspects it was something to do with keeping the tight knit Asian vote – whom she relies on dearly – on board and on message.

Who knows?

But it tainted her, blemished her reputation, and left a bad smell in the nostrils of anyone with any dedication to the ideals of trust and integrity.

She still owes the electorate a comprehensive explanation for that “mistake”.

It leaves open the question: What other mistakes of judgement is she capable of?

Maybe we should ask prospective Westminster candidates Mhairi Black and Neil Hay.

One thing you can be sure of. Like her SNP political buddies, it won’t be Sturgeon who pays the price of her future ‘mistakes’.

It will be Scotland!

COMEDY RELIEF

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‘Yes’ campaigners fury over Sky News bias – Faisal Islam accused

Nationalist fundamentalists gave Scotland an object lesson in how to shoot the messenger recently. AhDinnaeKen cringes:

MSM conspiracy. Journalist tells truth in order to lie to sovereign people of Scotland.

MSM conspiracy. Journalist tells truth in order to lie to sovereign people of Scotland.

By Truther McTruth

THERE WAS fury from Yes fundamentalists last night following accusations that Sky News’ Political editor, Faisal Islam told the truth about the fall in oil prices.

“This anti-Scottish mainstream media liar lied to the public by not lying and telling the truth” frothed Mr A 45’er.

“Faisal Islam seems determined to childishly report that the oil price has dropped and implies that previous SNP government projections of $110 per barrel were hopelessly optimistic and delusional.

“It would be much fairer if Mr Islam just admitted that his reporting is a mainstream media trick perepetrated by No voting coffin dodgers to make pre-referendum SNP projections look ridiculous.

“Faisal has form on this. He made Firstminster Salmond look stupid and deceptive over the currency union by asking him honest pertinent questions. And that’s just not good enough.

“What we want is the truthful truth about just how truthful the SNP are. Thank goodness we can just stick our fingers in our ears and read The National.”

"Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the price of oil." - Buddha

“Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the price of oil.” – Buddha

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Filed under Lies, Media, MobNats

Exclusive: The truth behind the Indyrally figures

AhDinnaeKen indulges in some easy peasy Indy rally mythbusting using Google assisted evidence topped off with a smidgeon of basic primary school arithmetic. 30,000 attending the Indy rally – they really are pulling yer chain.

Guess how many people believe you? 5 million? 1 million? 30,000?

Guess how many people believe you Nicola? 5 million? 1 million? 30,000?

By Longshanker and Young Erga

NICOLA STURGEON said 30,000 attended Saturday’s Indyrally, the organisers said 30,000, Salmond implied 30,000, and they were all wrong.

So totally and utterly wrong that AhDinnaeKen is embarrassed for them.

Sturgeon, in her “emotional” speech to the not so swollen crowd, said: “You know how many people they are saying are here with us today? Not 10,000, not 20,000, but 30,000 people appearing for independence.”

You can just about hear AhDinnaeKen shouting out – on my video recording at least – “where?”.

Young Erga gave me one of her friendly warning punches, her ‘withering look’, and a sharp verbal rebuke reminding me where I was.

Naturally, that was enough to shut me up.

But it got me to thinking. It couldn’t really be that hard to work out a rough figure given the starting point of the High Street/Cockburn Street muster location and the overall distance from there to the end of the line at the Castle Esplanade – where the last of the Indyrally marchers could be found assembling.

So, basing the crowd on figures which generously allows for more people than were actually there, let’s try some basic maths based on crowd density and distance.

Check this yourself using Google maps and phone snaps from the day – of which, AhDinnaeKen has a few.

The muster point - marked in red - in its full glorious length. Longshanker and Young Erga walked the whole length and back again to take in the sights.

The muster point – marked in red – in its full glorious length. Longshanker and Young Erga walked the whole length and back again to take in the sights.

Consider the following variables:

1) Distance: From the corner of High Street/Cockburn Street to the Castle Esplanade – where the last of the marchers (Aberdeen Yes banner) lined up – is approximately 500 metres at most.

2) Maximum number of people in a line, across the width of the road, backed up by pictures and our own eyes was approx 14 people max.

3) Safe, comfortable, mobile, crowd density is approximately 1 square metre per 1.5 persons (10 square feet).

On the basis of 2) and 3), on every 10 metre length of road you would have approximately 140 people max. To be more than fair, the number could be plus or minus 10 per 10m of road.

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Approx 10 to 15 people formed each line with approx 10 people to each metre going backwards.

Therefore, let’s call it a generous 150 people per 10 metre length of road.

Multiply 150 people per 10m length by 50, to allow for the full 500 metres of road, and it equals approx 7,500 people.

There were a couple of inlets along the High Street allowing for certain other pro-Indy groups to join in, which could account for approximately another 1,000 more marchers – at the most.

And that leaves you with a figure of 8,500 – not too far away from the police estimate of 8,300.

Allowing for more people joining from elsewhere, such as from Dr. Who’s Tardis or being parachuted in by space monsters or teleporting from the Starship Enterprise, and you’re looking at 10,000 people absolute max.

Judging by the aerial picture, taken at 2:20pm and Tweeted that day, of Calton Hill, 10,000 is hugely optimistic. 30,000 is absolutely barking mad delusional – not a phrase you would normally associate with Nicola Sturgeon, the SNP or the Yes campaign.

Part of the reason AhDinnaeKen travelled to Edinburgh was to see the numbers of participants at first hand and to let Young Erga engage with something which is, no matter how you look at it, historic.

Walking round the hill on a quick recce after Dennis Canavan had nearly blown a gasket wittering on about “foot soldiers” and armies and training, it was easy to conclude that 10,000 was, at best, optimistic.

This piece isn’t written to sneer. Young Erga and myself, loved the day: Great music, mostly interesting speakers, lots of colourful flags and a fantastic atmosphere all contributed to an unforgettable and appreciated experience.

But to kid yourself on that there were 30,000 people there merely reinforces the external belief that Indy believers, at least the hardcore believers, are gullible and will swallow anything they’re told by the SNP or the Yes campaign.

If you’re going to swallow fabrications like that, then you’ll swallow anything.

And that’s truly a worry.

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Filed under CyberNats, Referendum

Annexegate latest: Scottish Nationalist Party set to explode

Silly season of non-story scoops was launched in spectacularly embarrassing style at the Grauniad yesterday. Even the Polarised Militants of the SNP Cybernat wings recognise the Grauniad’s
sadsack attempt at an alleged story. So why did the SNP ramp up their grievance politics to DEFCON 5? AhDinnaeKen investigates:

Hell hath no fury like faux Nationalist outrage scorned. Hurrah for the Grauniad and its corporate sponsors!

Hell hath no fury like faux manufactured Nationalist outrage scorned. Hurrah for the Grauniad and its corporate sponsor styled non-story scoops!

By Phartinna Wet-Paperbag

THE FORCES of SNP self righteousness and grievance politics were ramped up to DEFCON 5 today following a silly season story alert.

Kevin Bagapringles, the SNP’s ex-media spinner baron, sounded the klaxon on Twitter, unleashing the forces of outrage, grievance and victimhood – the deadly Nationalist troika of full scale chip on shooderhood.

There was widespread outrage throughout the Indysphere as the outrage which began over 300 years ago began again:

“Now, instead of having to endure daily outrage over nothing, we can endure daily outrage over nothing.” said a clearly outraged over nothing, Nicola Sturgeon.

“What we have here is the Grauniad trying to bully its journalists into bullying the public into bullying the politicians into complaining about bullying from bullying Westminster officials.” she added.

Half-witted media monitor mendicant Rev Wanger Over Skintland said:

“This is a story about a non-story which has become a story over how much of a non-story it has become and that’s the non-story story I’m going to write a non-story story about.”

 

 

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Filed under Newspeak, Opinion, Referendum

Hurrah! Sturgeon promises more of the same

Skintland and England may propose marriage to each other in the event of separation, Firstminster in waiting Sturgeon is expected to say today.

"Power is the great aphrodisiac" - Henry A. Kissinger. And the Firstminster is nothing if not addicted to his aphrodisiac aides.

“Power is the great aphrodisiac” – Henry A. Kissinger. And the Firstminster is nothing if not addicted to his aphrodisiac aides.

By Maira Thesame

SKINTLAND AND basturt England will be the best of basturt friends after the basturt Neverendum vote Deputy Miss Leader Sturgeon will claim today.

She reckons that England and Skintland will become such good ‘crazy’ friends that the only natural conclusion will be a new marriage commitment to Union.

Sturgeon has already signalled, in a move widely interpreted as political flirting, that Skintland will stay in a currency Union, remain in the European Union and take part as full members of a NATO led first-strike nuclear alliance Union.

In effect, Skintland will be more Unionist than the Unionists.

To reinforce this, she pointed critics in the direction of the SNP’s Euro vote abstention for more transparency in the tax reporting of exploitatitve corporate tax avoiders.

The Deputy Miss Leader is expected to propose that she and Firstminster Salmond could move into number 10 Downing Street to show David Cameron just how committed the SNP will be to England and her power base.

“We want some of that action” she said.

Ahead of her speech, the Miss Leader highlighted areas where Skintland hopes to emulate Westminster.

She said: “There are many flaws with the current Whollyrude system of government.

“The unicameral system of packing important committees with supine and compliant SNP MSPs is great for us. How else could a pile of kneejerk pish like the Football Song Banning Bill get rubber stamped through the plasticine parliament?

“Or how about Westminster’s notion of parliamentary sovereignty? Everyone knows in Skintland that sovereignty begins and ends with the Firstminster.”

Skintland and England are expected to renew their vows of Union, no matter which way the Neverendum result turns out.

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Whollyrude bang gang found guilty of grooming and exploiting frightened electorate

Cabal of untrustable back stabbing powermongers finally brought to book by forces of social injustice:

GUILTY: All seven defendants were found guilty of lying, cheating, and trying to frighten Skintish electorate into voting for 100 years of the Tories. They also hatched plans to 'turn on the polls and the parkas'.

GUILTY: All seven defendants were found guilty of lying, cheating, and trying to frighten the Skintish electorate into voting for 100 years of the Tories. They also hatched a sinister plan to ‘turn on the polls and the parkas’.

By Itza Faircop

POLICE, SOCIAL workers, the Labouring Party and Bitter Together apologised yesterday for not protecting the vulnerable Scots electorate who were patronised and psychologically abused by an Ultra-Nationalist political ring.

The admissions of failure come after voters as young as 15 were lied to and exploited when they were supposed to be in the official care of an allegedly competent government.

A gang of Ultra-Nationalists were found guilty of a catalogue of offences including condescension, serial lying and organisation of suicide inducing Neverendums over a period of three hundred years involving vulnerable voters in the Skintland area.

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Filed under Morality, Referendum

Official: Women to be bribed to vote Yes

No one in Skintland is quite sure why women are turned off in such large numbers by our svelte and handsome Firstminster and his Indy vanity project. Maybe, like his surrogate mum/wife, women see him for the type of guy who would cheat at Scrabble if he thought it would let him win. AhDinnaeKen investigates:

Beauty and the Independent Beast: A fairy tale cooked up in the feverish mind of a star struck stalker, Deputy Miss Leader Sturgeon.

Beauty and the Independent Beast: A fairy tale cooked up in the feverish mind of a star struck stalker, Deputy Miss Leader Sturgeon.

By Starr Strukk
WOMEN WHO vote for Independence will be able to watch Borgen to their heart’s content according to Deputy Miss Leader Sturgeon.

The Pantsonfire fighter is set to make a direct appeal to women as a spoiler to Gordon Bufty Broon’s hamfisted attempts today at keeping the Skints subjugated to their imperial masters.

In her keynote speech in Glasgone, Deputy Miss Leader will argue that “crazy” Skintish women will be mollified by the offer of free Borgen box sets for every woman prepared to pledge their vote for Independence.

She said: “It’s too easy for women to remain sceptical of the more outlandish claims made by myself, my leader and my party.

“But anyone who passed up on the opportunity to gain a free Borgen box set for the sake of an X on a piece of paper, well, you’d have to be crazy to miss out on an opportunity like that.”

The Deputy Miss Leader, who recently embarked on a disturbingly stalker like campaign to meet her idol and heart-throb, Birgitte Nyborg, is convinced that Borgen box sets will do the trick for Indy.

A recent FOI request by Unionist Better Together newspaper, the Glasgone Herald, revealed that Miss Leader Sturgeon acted like a teenager on Haribo in order to meet her small screen idol.

In one email, Ms Sturgeon is reported to have offered to do cartwheels while singing Land of Hope and Glory, to get to meet the TV star.

Another email stated: “Skintland’s business can go sail up the Clyde for a day for the chance to meet you, my precious.”

Ms Sturgeon, believes the offer of free box sets will be the much needed ‘game changer’ required to reignite the damp dull squib the Indy campaign has become.

But the evil Tory Tories are believed to have a ‘spoiler’ up their sleeves.

Tory Tory MSP Alex Saint Johnstone said: “Borgen was a load of jumped up pretentious socialist pish masquerading as credible fiction.

“What we have to offer for our female Skintland voters is much better and it’s based on real reality: “Maggie Thatcher: U-Turned Our Stomachs”.

“This is what the Skints want – Grievance confirmation combined with a collective chip on shooder narrative.

“This video will do more for Indy than a jumped up rasher of Borgen ever could.”

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Filed under Diplomacy, Referendum