Category Archives: Labour

SNP’s Paisley candidate admits to being a fool

SNP FOOT in mouth candidate for Paisley, Mhairi Black, admitted to being a bit of an eejit today. But she still stuck by the reason for her eejitism. AhDinnaeKen reports:

Mhairi Bluck: Urging voters in Paisley to put the nut in gullible scum celtic supporters. Or something like that.

Mhairi Bluck: Urging voters in Paisley to put the nut in gullible scum Celtic supporters. Or something like that. Yesterday.

By Longshanker aka @ergasiphobe

MHAIRI BLACK, the SNP candidate for Paisley, repeated her claim today that No voters in last year’s independence referendum were “gullible”.

Speaking on Good Morning Scotland, Black repeated her belief that “some” No voters were “gullible” and “there was an element of truth to that”

When asked by the BBC’s Gary Robertson to clarify her remarks as a possible “error”, Black said: “An error? No, I don’t think so. I think there was element of gullibility in terms of the lies that some people were told.”

Probing further, Robertson said: “When you call people gullible that makes it sound as though in some way they’ve been foolish.”

Struggling to find a suitable answer Black failed to retract her claim.

She said: “I understand what you’re saying. And yes, maybe the word wasn’t the wisest.”

Despite the admission of being unwise, Black noticeably refused to retract her “gullibility” claim.

It was the same type of relative apologism witnessed recently when Black was exposed for labeling Celtic fans as “scum”.

Black said her “scum” comment should be put in some sort of “perspective”.

She said: “Tony Blair started a war”, and claimed that by highlighting the “scum” comment her detractors “priorities are a bit skewed”.

Paisley’s voters, like many in Scotland, seem not to care about the gaffe prone candidate’s lack of experience or standards of decency and civility.

After the referendum she infamously said it took all her fibre not to “nut” Labour opponents who were commiserating with her over the result.

Black is currently 11 points ahead in the polls over her nearest rival, Labour’s Douglas Alexander.

The SNP Paisley candidate is understood to have pledged to put every fibre of her being into not ‘nutting’ Douglas Alexander in the unlikely event he hold’s the seat against her.

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Filed under Labour, Newspeak

Wings Over Scotland’s alleged media monitoring? Why I’m still laughing.

We*’ll leave the moralising over Scottish Labour’s stance on kids meals to others. Politically, the SNP cynically outmanoeuvred the Labourers – but it left a bad taste in the mouth nevertheless. As for media monitoring from Nationalist Front website Wingnuts Over Scotland – it’s time for the boy Campbell to get his facts right. AhDinnaeKen indulges a wee new year snigger:

Media blackout? How long is it that Campbell claims he's been an ahem, "professional journalist".

Media blackout? How long is it that Campbell claims he’s been an ahem, “professional journalist”. The above is the picture of the Record tweeted by Kevin Pringle today.

By Ahmstill Laffin

LABOUR VOTED against the Nationalist government yesterday.

They had no choice.

To have voted for the Nationalist government’s provision would have meant that Labour would have supported independence as a necessity for childcare in Scotland.

The Nationalists knew that. It’s why they inserted the independence guff.

Ho hum! That’s cynical turnoff politics at its worst.

Step forward the internet’s hate preaching guardian of Nationalist morality, Wee Stuarty Campbell of Wingnuts Over Scotland.

Here’s what he wrote in a piece entitled “Conspiracies of silence“:

“…sure enough this morning’s papers execute a 100% news blackout of Labour’s opposition that stretches their credibility as impartial chroniclers of events to breaking point.

“The Scotsman, Herald, Daily Record, Scottish Daily Express and Guardian all choose to completely omit Labour’s vote from their coverage. Only STV’s Scotland Tonight reported it, inviting the party’s education spokeswoman Kezia Dugdale to defend the decision, which she did in an extraordinary way.”

Consider the picture above tweeted by Kevin Pringle, the Nationalists Strategic Communications Director.

Is that a Daily Record editorial I see?

Our message to Campbell. Go back to Media Studies class sonny. You’ve missed oot on too many lessons.

Despite my hoots of laughter, I’m embarrassed for you and all those half-wits who refer to your “trenchant insights” as facts.

If your piece “Conspiracies of Silence” is an example of media monitoring, leave it to the professionals.

 

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Filed under Labour, Wangs Watch

Bullingdon posh boy set to punish workshy oiks

Towel folding Chancer’s recent announcement to penalise the long term jobless for their wilful idleness will have several beneficial economic offshoots, according to absolutely nobody. AhDinnaeKen investigates:

Hard working people need to be able to recognise "the enemy (virus) within." said Gideon Richborne yesterday.

“Hard working people need to be able to recognise the enemy (virus) within.” said Gideon Richborne yesterday.

By Hardquore Scrownjar

THE LONG term unemployed are to be punished in order to drive key economic indicators for the Benevolent Tories it has been claimed.

Chancer of the Exchequer, Gideon Richborne, is set to announce a range of punishments for the plebs of society later this afternoon at the Tory Tory Tory conference.

Richborne will promise an exponential increase in misery, poverty, humiliation, despair, suicide and crime.

The long term unemployed haven’t been stigmatised enough according to the Bullingdon Chancer and this populist measure is expected to increase his party’s election chances in 2015.

The £300 million “Help Us to Get Elected” package will see 200,000 assorted low-lifes, illiterates, drug addicts and reprobates given no other choice than to do what their Conservative betters tell them.

And the measure is expected to have the added benefit of keeping the lowly paid in line in order to boost their superiors bank balance.

According to Conservative Bankers for Business spokesperson, Hartless B’Stard, the move will have several societal benefits for the Tory Party.

He said: “Driving the benefits bill down means that we can also drive wages down in the full knowledge that nobody will give up their shitty and soul destroying low-paid job in case they fall into our hands. Result!”

It is also expected that people losing their benefit will engage in entrepreneurial activities such as hanging themselves, overdosing, mugging old grannies, casual theft, prostitution and aggravated burglary.

People placed on the new scheme will have to wear a yellow star on their shoulder so that decent hard working voters can instantly identify them.

“This something for nothing virus has spread through our society like a cancer” said a random pub bore.

“Gideon has the right idea. For every pleb he can get off benefits, that’s another free bottle of bolly for the next Tory party conference. Hurrah for our poshboy social superiors.”

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Filed under Culture, Economy, Labour

Sturgeon supports Cameron’s stance on EU budget

Deputy Miss Leader Sturgeon agrees with David Cameron’s austerity strategy on EU  budget funding.

 

Bullingdon Dave - pishes himself at Labour's response to Sturgeon's implicit Tory support.

Bullingdon Dave – pishing himself at Labour’s response to Sturgeon’s implicit Tory support.

By R.I.P. PonseybodyNewsnat Chief Denial Reporter

SCOTLAND’S YESMINSTER was today accused of being a ‘Tartan Tory’ after she backed David Cameron’s stance on EU budget cuts.

Speaking on the BBC Radio’s flagship propaganda programme, Good Morning Scotland, Miss Leader Sturgeon offered support to the under fire Tory Prime Minister.

The admission followed questioning from the BBC’s Chief Quisling turncoat traitor basturt Gary Robertson when he asked if she supported in “principle” the reduction in EU budgets over the next six or seven years.

Mr Robertson asked Yesminster Sturgeon, “I wondered in principle if you agreed with the Prime Minister’s stance?”

Deputy Miss Leader Sturgeon replied: “I think everyone accepts that in a time of austerity you cannot have European budgets increasing when national budgets are decreasing.”

Her comments provoked furious response from Scottish Labour who accused the Yesminster of double standards.

Shadowminster for Social Injustice Drewaface Smith barked: “This is typical of the SNP, talk left, act right and then when it comes to the crunch, side with the Tories.”

BBC beaks also invited Secretary of State Michael Moore or his deputy David Mundell to appear on the programme.

Both declined due to previous toenail clipping commitments.

A cringing apologist spokesperson for the Scottish Office said: “Michael or David would have appeared to be interviewed, but the Deputy Miss Leader had already done their job for them, so why bother?”

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Filed under Economy, Labour, Referendum

Westminster caves into SNP censorship

The mother of all parliaments finally surrenders to the constant whinging, moaning and sniping from Westminster’s dreichest most humourless party, the SNP.

"The first condition of progress is the removal of censorship." - George Bernard Shaw. Hmm! Seems the Nationalists have failed at the first condition then. Ho hum!

“The first condition of progress is the removal of censorship.” – George Bernard Shaw. Hmm! Seems the Nationalists have failed at the first condition then. Ho hum!

By Ahmsane Nuffin

WESTMINSTER SCRIBES are set to ban the use of words that the Scottish Nationalist Party doesn’t like.

It follows a highly successful censorship campaign by Private Fraser Wishart, a humourless SNP MP, intended to close down debate and ‘doom‘ everyone to ffffrrrreeeeddddoooommmm™ Nationalist style.

The cave-in by the scribes follows a campaign of relentless SNP pressure to censor words they deem ‘pejorative’ to their cause.

Critics say the spineless climb-down by Westminster’s parliamentary authorities will only encourage the SNP to ask for more.

SNP press gang baron, Kevin Bagapringles, is allegedly drawing up a hit list with other SNP censors in order to ‘progress’ the debate.

Wishart cited a precedent set by Mussolini in 1929 in which the use of certain language was banned in Fascist Italy.

Pleased at his achievement, Wishart told AhDinnaeKen: “Mussolini himself would be proud of what I’ve done today.

“I can’t wait till we separate from the UK and form a ‘government’ in the Big Man’s image.

“It’s about time the pejorative word ‘democracy‘ was banned in Westminster. It’s certainly been banned in the Scottish Plasticine Parliament since 2011.”

Bagapringles hit list of offensive pejorative words deemed unfit  for ‘progressive inclusive’ debate includes; isolation, segregation, divorce, split, division, apartheid, fracture, dislocation, insulation, seclusion, alone, reality, Europe, Sterling, NATO, denial, fantasy, lie, Cybernat and Nationalism.

Phrases such as Freedom of Information, unicameral dictatorship, legal advice and wee pretendy parliament are also believed to be on the hit list.

COMEDY RELIEF

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Filed under Culture, Labour, Newspeak

Methadonations help keep crime rate down

Whollyrude drug barons are rippin’ the pish oot o’ hardoworkin’ Scots throughout the country – Daily Ranger shock findings.

"People who have never had an addiction don't understand how hard it can be." - Payne Stewart. Benny Marra, addicted to self publicity. You go girl!

“People who have never had an addiction don’t understand how hard it can be.” –
Payne Stewart. Benny Marra, addicted to self publicity. You go girl!

By Ootma Heidman

THE INDEPENDENCE message of a better Scotland where we “do things differently here” is false according to methadone addicts.

Experts and third rate MSPs have lined up to both defend and attack the Scottish Government in equal measure over its ringfenced universal benefit and methadone philanthropy.

But the loudest, most resonant and damning voice in the whole debate is the sub-sonic drone of the Metha-drone community.

According to the Committee of Experts (Scotland): “Statistically, Metha-drone man is a 30 year old single unemployed male of limited talent, worth or ability to contribute to society.

“If Metha-drone man wants to come off of drugs such as methadone it takes a great deal of will and commitment – which has never really been there – not to mention unaffordably expensive government funded support.

“To do this, most of all, Metha-drone man needs HOPE that his life will improve post-addiction.

“Separatism, isolation, secession, independence, ffffrrrreeeeddddooommmm™, whatever you decide to call Tricky Dicky Salmond’s vanity project, universally fails to provide that HOPE for metha-drone man.

“He only sees bawbag ex-bankers in expensive suits – so he’s not compeletly alone there.”

“Considering that this is the demographic highlighted as most likely to vote for separatist isolation, what does that tell you?”

The death rate amongst the methadone community has more than doubled since the SNP came to power in 2007.

Minster of Evasion on Health Matters, Michael Mathedone, has publicly admitted in the Big Cooncil to Tory Tory Annabell the Heidy that he “didnae ken how many o’ thae junkies hud stoaped takin’ thur shite.”

But he pointed out that every one of the record 584 deaths in Scotland could be considered a saving for the treasury.

He said: “Moses Salmond rightly pointed out in the Big Cooncil debating chamber today that reported crime is at a record low in Scotland.

“The reason is two fold: One – we have a politicised central police force empowered to ignore incidents they consider unworthy of reporting and Two – mare deid junkies means less crime full stop.

“Diz middle class Scotland no realise the crime wave that would be unleashed should we stop the constant drip slurp drip of methadone soma for society’s drop oots?

“£36 million poun a year is a no bad price to be payin’ fur low crime rates.”

Self righteous, bandwagonning, empty coated, grandstanding hypocrite spokesperson for the Labouring party Benny Marra MSP said: “This is a subject upon which I can make my name at the expense of the SNP’s Road to Ruin methadone programme.

“You can guarantee that I will milk it for all my photogenic worth. Annabell the Heidie has been banging on about this for years, but I’ll get all the attention because I’m better looking and younger than her.

“Junkies! I s**t on them!”

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Filed under Culture, Labour, Morality, Opinion

Scottish Labourer Rami Lama Buyakasha to step down as head of tragedy

Knight of the long steak knives victim Rami Lama Buyakasha carved up by Lament

"Strategies are like knives, that either serve us or cut us, as we grasp them by the blade or the handle" said Rami with three knives sticking out of his back.

“Strategies are like knives, that either serve us or cut us, as we grasp them by the blade or the handle” said Rami with three knives sticking out of his back.

By Earnest Rom

SCOTTISH LABOUR’S head of aimlessness and talentlessness said getitupye’s to his comrades this week.

Rami Lama Buyakasha’s ‘kick oot the door’ came a month after former general commisar Colin Smythington-Barmy said “baws tae the lot o’ ye’s”.

Labour had previously said Mr Buyakasha was being ‘mutually consented’ and was only waiting to see how much his silence could be bought for.

Mr Buyakasha said: “Being aimless and talentless in a political cabal such as the Labour Cabal is a real advantage. I have been more aimless and talentless than most and this ‘mutual consenting’ is my just reward.”

He added: “I have been part of a team who have not only made the SNP  look credible but seem deserving of a chance in the Neverendum. Now is a good time to move on.”

Last year a major shake-up for the Scottish Labouring Cabal’s organisation was agreed and Mr Smythington-Barmy’s ‘boot oot the door’ was seen as Johann Lament’s face muscles being given more authority.

Mr Buyakasha worked long and hard to make the SNP  look good when compared to Labour.

Ms Lament said: “I would like to thank Rami for making they hauf-wits and ne’er dae weels look better than us.

“He is a man of unconsiderable talentlessness and no-one could ever say that we don’t look poor when compared to the SNP.

“He leaves with my best wishes and assurance that should he wish to come back, the door will always be closed.”

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Filed under Diplomacy, Labour, Uncategorized