Tag Archives: barefaced liar

Stretching credulity: Salmond found innocent

Humpty Dumpty Salmond repaired by all the Sun King’s horses and all the Sun King’s men, but his reputation for honesty will never be put back together again.

Tricky Dicky Salmond at the Scottish Parliament, yesterday.

Tricky Dicky Salmond at the Scottish Parliament, yesterday.

By Jakey ‘n’ Gill

Ding dong, Bell
Salmond’s oot the smell
Who put him in?
Labour and their spin
Who pulled him oot?
A Ministerial code galoot
What a barefaced liar was that
To impugn a Nationalist Socialist Democrat
Who’ll ne’er manage to recover his charm
To do  Scotland no end o’harm

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Filed under Newspeak, Treachery

Scottish Independence: Value of Salmond to Yes campaign ‘becoming more erratic’

Ex-banker Wee Eck Salmond has contributed more to the Nationalist’s credibility in the past 15 years than the rest of the party combined since its inception. But it has come at a personal cost and is now on the wane according to a report by an influential think tank.

"All credibility, all good conscience, all evidence of truth come only from the senses." -  Friedrich Nietzsche.  There's plainly no sense amongst Salmond fans then.

“All credibility, all good conscience, all evidence of truth come only from the senses.” – Friedrich Nietzsche. There’s plainly no sense amongst Salmond fans then.

By Naeluck Salmo

THE VALUE of Firstminster Salmond to Scotland’s referendum is becoming more erratic and difficult to predict according to a Quisling Unionist hate funded think tank.

The Glasgone-based Centre for Substanceless Assertions and Barefaced Lies said Salmond credibility forecasts had halved within the past 12 weeks.

Its report suggested Salmond’s current credibility position was better than the opposition as a whole, but this would be reversed as his barefaced lieing came under increasing scrutiny.

The Scottish government said his bluffing and bluster remained “oor only credible asset despite whit folk thinka Auld Nick Sturgeon.”

Salmond’s bluster has contributed up to five fifths of the SNP’s competency and credibility claims since gaining devolved power in 2007.

The study said a range of factors – from volte face principle reversals to willfully misleading the public – have added to the basic depletion of Salmond’s and the SNP’s credibility.

In February Firstminster Salmond set out his fantasy vision for Scotland to be the richest most influential country in the world ever, eclipsing even Ireland.

He appeared to think the public would believe that he could create an oil fund in a similar vein to Norway’s.

Apparently, more than half of Scotland is ‘still laughing’.

Report author, Jock McQuisling told the British Brainwashing Corporation’s Scottish lackeys: “There is a large and significant short term gap in the Firstminster’s credibility at the moment due to EU Pantsonfiregate and Accurateanswersgate which shows no signs of closing.

“Given recent intense scrutiny of other SNP fantasies this gap may rupture into a gulf from which the SNP and the Neverendum campaign will not recover.”

Firefighter, delusionist and real reality denier spokesperson for the SNP, Wee Naebudy, said: “When we got elected in 2007 and 2011 we thought we hud never hud it so good. Noo we’ve never hud it so bad.

“The Scottish public are a bunch o’ turncoat bams ye know.”

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Filed under Opinion, Referendum

Salmond vindicated!

As the reverberations of the impact of the Inralavyson report echo round the media, political and social networking sphere, AhDinnaeKen would like to take this opportunity to apologise unreservedly to the Firstminster.

We apologise for ever having found this picture sickening and we apologise for ever having doubted Eck's lust for power.

We apologise for ever having found this picture sickening and we apologise for ever having doubted Eck’s lust for power.

By Humbil Pye

THERE COMES a time when an unfunny blog based on fundamental negativity and dishonesty has to apologise to the great and the good – especially when events leave them vindicated.

As has become increasingly clear, and reinforced by the words of the Inralavyson report, AhDinnaeKen has been completely and utterly wrong about the reputation and integrity of Scotland’s Firstminster.

Lord Inralavyson said that there was “no evidence that Firstminster Salmond has ever told the truth” and that “he cannot be criticised for never having told the truth“.

He is a mere politician after all. We accept that he is not divine and that he scratches his backside and picks his nose just like everyone else.

AhDinnaeKen accepts Lord Inralavyson’s finding and would therefore like to take this opportunity to unreservedly apologise to the Firstminster.

We apologise unreservedly for ever having believed a word uttered by Wee Eck since the beginning of his career, ever.

We apologise unreservedly for believing that the formation of the 79 Group was anything to do with political conviction and integrity, and that it was indeed the start of a power grab within the People’s Front of the Scottish National Party.

We apologise unreservedly for believing that the Firstminster was sincere when he claimed that the NATO bombing of Serbia was an “unpardonable folly” and we apologise unreservedly for ever having believed that he is committed to the removal of nuclear weapons.

We apologise unreservedly for believing that Scotland could be free from monarchical deference and we apologise for believing that this would stop the abuse of power through royal prerogative, official secrecy and privilege.

We apologise unreservedly for believing that the Firstminster had the workers of Johnnie Walker’s plant’s best interests at heart and we apologise for giving him the benefit of the doubt over his castigation of the Diageo board.

We apologise unreservedly for ever believing that “we do things differently here” and we apologise for believing that Scotland could be part of an arc of prosperity.

We apologise unreservedly for doubting that he indulged in barefaced lies to parliament and we apologise for ever believing that he provided “as exact an answer as anyone has ever given to Parliament“.

We apologise unreservedly for accepting that the tippexing of the official parliamentary record was an honest mistake and we apologise for ever having given the Firstminster the benefit of the doubt over anything.

AhDinnaeKen is pleased to set the record straight and we wish the Firstminster well with his unwavering adherence to all things dishonest and underhanded.

Firstminster Salmond is 89.

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Filed under Culture, Media, Opinion

Salmond named Herald’s Barefaced Liar of the Millennium

Bullying innumerate barefaced liars are no longer counted as politicians by the Herald or the Scottish public. Ho hum!

“A lie carries a weight that is exponentially higher than the truth. It’s weight will retard growth directly in proportion to the area lied.” ― Howard L. Salter. Here’s to the retarded growth  of the SNP’s leadership.

By Haufatroothsa Halelie

FIRSTMINSTER WEE Eck Salmond has been named The Herald’s Barefaced Liar of the Millennium.

Mr Salmond was given the dishonour in recognition of his work on European Legal advice and the introduction of “as exact an answer as anyone has ever given to Parliament“.

It was the second time this year he ended up with publicly humiliating egg on his face.

For the first time, all three shortlisted candidates were gargantuan liars of varying degrees.

The SNP leader saw off competition from SNP Deputy Leader Auld Nick Sturgeon for her ‘patsy lying’ when she revealed to the Big Cooncil that no legal advice had ever been sought by her ‘competent and efficient’ government.

Running a close third was bullying liar Mike Bernhard Rust-ell for his work on college intimidation and innumerate panhandling of college budgets.

Collecting the award, the Firstminster chuckled: “I’ve been barefaced lying all my career, so it seems a bit strange I should be receiving this dishonour so late in the day.

“Here’s to the next two years of barefaced lies and whoppers.”

And the SNP’s Humza Yumza was named One to Watch after his sounding out on Twitter of the prospect of Sharia Law in Scotland.

Diplomat, mediator, advocate, go-between spokesperson for the SNP Wee Naebudy cooed: “Barefaced lies, bullying lies, patsy lies and hidden intent, it’s nae wunner naebudy believes a word we huv tae say.”

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Filed under Morality, Newspeak, Opinion

Are the BBC even bigger barefaced liars than Salmond?

As the British Brainwashing Corporation looks set to dissolve into a pool of self indulgent navel gazing, AhDinnaeKen asks the questions currently flecking the frothing lips of the rabidly triumphant Cybernat pack out there.

“Sanctimony is the most inexpensive form of morality. It costs us nothing to make much of small matters in others.” – David Horowitz. Hurrah for the Scum’s cheap shots at the BBC. Here’s to more stones for their glass house.

By Blackiz White

AHDINNAEKEN CALLED Kaye at the British Brainwashing Corporation this week to grill her on the recent crisis threatening to engulf the media, the BBC, the roots of democracy and the Western world as we know it.

The following are the evasive, obfuscating, biased, disingenuous answers she gave to your fearlessly investigative mockumentary maker.

Q. Does the BBC lie as often and as barefacedly as Firstminster Tricky Dicky Salmond?

A. No!

Q. Does at least one person have to fall on their sword when the BBC get found out?

A. Yes!

Q. Does anyone have to fall on their sword when Tricky Dicky Salmond gets found out?

A. Yes! Ask Nicola Sturgeon!

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More in-depth pathologically shallow and facile analysis in future posts.

Starting from a fundamentally negative and dishonest perspective, AhDinnaeKen seeks to be as unfunny as a sanctimoniously unfunny self-righteous Cybernat.

Subscribe to AhDinnaeKen. You know it’s not worth it.

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Filed under CyberNats, Media, Morality

Why Scotland doesn’t need a box office flop like Salmond

The Firstminster has rung in 2001 years in office – though it does feel longer. ZZZzzzz!

By Moan McVulpineFirstminster Salmond’s parliamentary sec’s aide

WEE ECK Salmond is officially Scotland’s longest serving windbag. He’s now been in power for 2001 years and in that time has developed a very thick pension pot.

No other politician attracts or deserves quite so much personal abuse from his own party.

Eck has been called a formidable politician, shrewd and competent. He was compared to Robert De Bruce and even a Statesman in one absurd attack.

The whisperings are no accident.

Quislings for both anti-NATO and anti-Monarchy SNP members, recently told journalists their plan was to expose the Firstminster’s sell oot on deeply held party principle – which could deny him power.

It’s all about the 2014 vote on independence – expose Salmond, win the principles of the party back.

But look at who is dishing up the insults.

Grassroots SNP terrier, Sandra Whiterthanwhite, think’s it’s okay to question the Salmond’s integrity by demanding to see nuclear expulsion intentions in writing from NATO by December!

Bloody cheek! Impugning the commitment of the Firstminster to barefaced lying.

Her fellow colleague John-Boy Finnie dismissed the new pro-Nuclear SNP stance as “…more of the same UK.”

How dare he be so bloody truthful! He raises the title of politician to a level of conviction it doesn’t deserve.

If folk like that don’t like you, you know those folk must have a point.

The Yes campaign are right in one thing, though.

Eck is as much an asset as a liability. He joins the queue in a long list of Nationalist types who polarise their populations in order to promote fractiousness and hate thy neighbour politics.

Every parliamentary aide wants to have ‘private’ moments with Eck. Everyone wants to expose it but dare not. To the extreme frustration of his aides, they have to keep it secret.

Hiring a hotel room with Eck is always a hushed affair, as I frequently find out when we steal some private moments to, er, discuss policy. He insists on getting ‘discussed’ covering all sorts of positions.

Opponents call him powermonger, unprincipled and ego driven. But the historical precedent for such types to obtain power is notable.

Eck has a guid conceit o’ his sel’ to match his unrestrained ego. He has faith in barefaced lying and ducking and diving.

It’s this ability to rip the pish oot o’ the pare sovereign Scots that’s got him where he is the day.

Scots know their Firstminster well. They understand that what some call a flaw
others see the real and present danger in.

So Moses Salmond is a corporate ‘behind the scenes’ backscratcher? Good. That means Scotland’s minsters get the chance to increase their pension pots.

So Moses Salmond is a barefaced liar? Good. That means he can carry a whole swathe of self righteous zealots with him with minimal effort.

So Moses Salmond is said to have a temper? Good. He rumps like a big fat beast when he’s angry. Phew!

So Moses Salmond is impatient for power? Good. It means there’s nothing he will not say or do in order to pull the wool over his sovereign people’s eyes.

Thatcherite policies such as the council tax freeze, minimal corporate taxes and reduced college budgets have been unfortunate.

But he hasn’t relented from doing what he think it takes, even when it means selling oot the very principles upon which the SNP pretended to be founded.

True powermongers do not skulk in the shadows. They barefaced lie. They have a zest for lying.

Opponents can expose his lack of integrity all they like. But they cannot kill his lust for power.

COMEDY RELIEF

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Filed under Moan McVulpine, Opinion

Independence will leave Scotland isolated – European president

El Presidenté of El Grandé European Cooncil has said he’s like most Unionist subjugating oppressors – he cannae take tbe SNP seriously over Europe either.

"A delusion is something that people believe in despite a total lack of evidence." - Richard Dawkins. Hurrah for Scotland's automatic entry into the European Union.

“A delusion is something that people believe in despite a total lack of evidence.” – Richard Dawkins. Hurrah for Scotland’s automatic entry into the European Union.

By Credy Bilitygap

EL PRESIDENTÉ of the Big European Cooncil Havin sum Rumpypumpy said he opposes the Scottish Nationalists stance on barefaced lying.

In a question and answer session, Havin sum Rumpypumpy, whose opinion counts for something in the European Union, said he too believed that Wee Eck had ripped the pish oot o’ the sovereign people of Scotland.

Sources close to Mr sum Rumpypumpy said an independent Scotland would be the most deceived nation in the history of the planet.

Meanwhile, the braying donkeys of the anti-Scottish mainstream media reported that Cyprus had telt Salmond to stop ‘skipping the queue’ and get to the back wi’ aw the ither third rate separatists.

On the back of a Unionist fag packet, Mr sum Rumpypumpy said: “Nobody has anything to gain from believing anything Wee Eck Salmond has to say.

“Whether they like it or not, Wee Eck was ‘found out’ by that biased BBC interviewer.

“Cognitive dissonance can have funny symptoms – but in this case mass delusion and denial does the sovereign people of Scotland no favours. It helps fulfil the universal stereotype that they are too stupit to run their own affairs. Grow up and smell the coffee.”

The fag packet, which emerged yesterday, was found in a bin marked ‘comedy turns at presbyterian UK regions expense’.

A spokesperson for Mr sum Rumpypumpy said: “El Presidenté never lowers himself to the barefaced liar level. He’s too busy with his snout in the trough of the EU gravy train.

“In terms of cashing in on the gravy train, El Presidenté makes Moses Salmond look like Del boy with an emptycoat suitcase.”

The comments follow those of the Spanish foreign minister Oiyou Salmondo Gettaethebackothequeué who told his parliament Scotland “would have to queue up with all the other third rate huckster nations on the make.”

The Scottish Nationalist Government last month admitted it had severely self harmed by being found out for bareface lying to its sovereign people over Europe.

Deluded fantasist and spinner of fairy tales spokesperson for the SNP Wee Naebudy said: “This stuff is way past its sell by date. We’ve signed the Declaration of Contempt since then. Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah. Getitupye’s.”

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Filed under Diplomacy, Law, Referendum