Scotland to get a serious ‘doin’ if it attempts to remove Trident

Richest kleptocrat Tory in Wesminster cabinet issues ‘covert’ threat of a serious ‘crushing’ for Scotland if it daurs attempt to remove nuclear weapons from Faslane or Coulport.

“In defence, I have cultivated a death wish.” – Moses Salmond.    Here’s hoping it isn’t visited upon Scots in Coulport and Faslane.

By Ahmkeachin Mahsel

“…it is now likely that transfer of North Sea oil to Scottish ownership would occasion much bitterness in England if not an attempt to forcibly prevent it.” – McCrone Report. (Written in sidebar – “should they attempt to remove nuclear deterrent, Christ, I’d rather be a dug than a Scot.)

DEFENCE MINISTER  Fillip Hammondster has issued a sinister understated threat to the people of Skintland should they deign to vote for fffrrreeeeedddddoooommmm™ in 2014.

Speaking on the British Brainwashing Corporation’s Getitupye Thismornin Skintland, the Minister said that “there were no contingency plans” for the nuclear deterrent in the event of a successful isolation vote in 2014.

When asked by chief Unionist flunky and anti-Scot turncoat Gary Robbers-son what the government would do in the event of a Yes vote, the Minister said:

“We’re not making any contingency planning for such an unlikely event. You can be confident we have all sorts of contingency plans.

“You can be confident that around a capability as important to the UK’s defence as our strategic nuclear deterrent we will have all sorts of contingency plans for maintaining the deterrent in place in all sorts of circumstances.

“That’s normal good operational planning and I can assure you that the Royal Navy is very strong on operational contingency planning.”

Defence and Paranoia aboot the English spokesperson for the SNP, Angus Robberson is reported to have turned white and nearly fainted at the news.

He said: “You know whit this means don’t ye? If we win the isolation vote they’re gonnae invade us. They’ll use the navy to seal aff Coulport and Faslane and then they’ll bomb our airports, cut off our communications and tell the ootside world that we have been the victims of a terrorist attack.”

SNP insiders fear that the crux of the matter comes down to those five little words in the Defence Minister’s threat: “…maintaining the deterrent in place…”

It is widely accepted that should the Rebellious Scots attempt to remove the nuclear deterrent, a little known clause in the 1958 USA/UK Mutual Defence Pact will spring into action.

Paragraph 38 section (1) subsection (d) states: “Should the wee, poor and stupit natives get ideas above their station CRUSH them with whatever nasty spiteful underhanded imperialistic means you can.”

Fool, eejit and lacking in foresight spokesperson for the SNP Wee Naebudy said: “Christ, ah think we better get oan the blower to Mel Gibson. This sounds a bit serious fur us tae deal wi’. This is big boys stuff.”

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