Tag Archives: Andrew Neil

Scottish Government set to impose ‘lie’ limit across Scotland

In the wake of the current Pantsonfiregate controversy creating a snowball in a scorched earth’s chance of the Neverendum succeeding, the Scottish Government’s Star Chamber attempts some serious firefighting. 

Firstminster Salmond explains just how large the ‘barefaced lie’ he telt to Andrew Kneel over legal advice really wiz.

By Sloedoon Yergauntoofast

LIE LIMITS are to be cut on dozens of whoppers stretching across the political spectrum in Scotland.

A review of the ‘big lies’, ‘barefaced lies’, ‘wee white lies’ and out and out ‘whoppers’ is long overdue says the Parliamentary Lie Standard Committee.

The review, ordered two days ago, also proposed strict limits on the frequency and importance of the lies.

The Scottish Government will now go ahead with introducing the lie limit reductions.

The public and Minsters hope that the first of the new lie limits will be brought in by the end of Firstminster’s Questions.

However, any lie limit will rely on the cooperation of the opposition parties and is therefore expected to be interpreted ‘Liberally’.

The Government has already ruled out imposing lie limits on the subjects of Europe, Sterling and Nuclear weapons.

A Government spokesperson explained that these areas are considered too important to have the truth told about them.

“If the Government tells the truth about any of these subjects, independence is deid in the watter.” said an anonymous Wee Naebudy. “And that’s jist no happenin’, get a grip.”

Barefaced liar, fibber, evader, deceiver and official Government spokesperson Wee Naebudy said: “These limits will not be as severe as expected, Minsters have been briefed that they can be ‘economical with the truth’ any time they wish.

“Jist so long as it’s no a barefaced lie recorded by the anti-Scottish Unionist biased British Brainwashing Corporation.”

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Filed under Morality, Newspeak, Referendum

Liar defends liar for being a liar: And that’s the truth

Despite the stushie and despite the accusations and counter accusations flying all over the place, AhDinnaeKen would never call the Firstminster a liar. Oh no! He is a Barefaced Liar. And that’s the Freedom of BBC Information truth.

“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.” – ― Friedrich Nietzsche. “…the best people to take decisions about Scotland are those who live here.” – Alex Salmond. I believe you Eck.

By Pantson Phire

SCOTLAND’S FIRSTMINSTER yesterday denied that his pants had caught fire.

The denial proved to be highly embarrassing as Firewoman Sturgeon attempted to put out the flames with gasoline.

“There’s nothing to see here.” she said. “Labour are just arson around and trying to impugn the anointed one for cheap political points.

“There is no smoke, there is no fire, there are no pants and even if there were pants they wouldn’t have been on fire because I didn’t take legal advice on Ministerial code pants combustion.”

In a recent first strike YooGuv poll, 75 per cent of Scots said they wouldn’t trust the Firstminster if he told them he was untrustable.

Fatcat ex-banker Pantsonfire Salmond said: “I lie to myself and the sovereign people of Scotland all the time. But I never believe me.”

 

 

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Filed under Diplomacy, Morality, Poster