Tag Archives: johann lamont

Labour’s Devo-Max or Devo-Tax explained in four words

THEY’RE not called the Labouring party for nothing. In fact they’re not called the Labouring party at all. It’s just that they act as if they’re Labouring. Labour’s Johann Lamont has missed a couple of open goals at Firstminster’s questions recently. And now she and her party appear to have scored an own goal with their Devo-Something proposals. AhDinnaeKen provides some insightful analysis in four words:

"When you have expectations, you are setting yourself up for disappointment." - Ryan Reynolds. Just as well we expected nothing from the indy debate and were repaid in groats.

“When you have expectations, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.” – Ryan Reynolds. Just as well we expected nothing from Labour and weren’t disappointed.

By Devolution expert: Izthat Itt

Labour – must try harder.

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That Wiz the Week that Wiznae #2

Sometimes creeping torpor, slithering ennui and an ever present sardonic smile isn’t enough to keep the Neverendum boredom at bay. AhDinnaeKen takes a lazy gambol over the previous week’s news. ZZZzzzz…

"For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity and from a clinician to a bean counter." - William Longshanker Penn.

“For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity and from a clinician to a bean counter.” – William Longshanker Penn.

By Longshanker

Sunday May 19: Big Brother is watching your child

Civilian! Be careful the values you instill in your child!

Civilian! Be careful the values you instill in your child!

The Sunday Express runs a chilling story which, despite the Big Brother graphic and overly sensationalised conclusions, perfectly  illustrates the controlling aspect of the Nationalist mindset.

All Skintish children are to have a ‘named person’ looking after them, noting down all reported instances of anti-Skintish thoughtcrime or behaviour exhibited by the child’s parents. Information recorded is then entered into a database to be used later in order to assign citizenship grading – a form of social audit.

According to the report, the specific aim of the bill is “to undermine parents and give the “community” a greater role in raising children.”

In Orwell’s seminal novel, 1984, the chief protagonist, Winston Smith’s, neighbour, Parsons, falls prey to his children reporting him to the thoughtpolice for speaking in his sleep against Big Brother. A ridiculous notion for modern day Skintland but…

Summed up: The moral difference, if any, between a citizen and a civilian is, a citizen accepts responsibility for the protection of the body politic. A civilian does not. All civilians should beware, the SNP thoughtpoliceman  in your home could be your ‘citizenised’ child.

Monday May 20: The Cancer Sufferer Clearances

The main condition for cancer treatment is affordability. Hurrah for doing things differently here.

The main condition for cancer treatment is affordability. Hurrah for doing things differently here.

Piggy Eyed Patsy Healthminster, Alex Kneel, is ambushed and metaphorically bang ganged on the BBC’s Call Specialkay programme. His policies on health, mean that Skintish cancer sufferers wishing to live, will have to leave Skintland and live in England – a post-modern clearances meme for Bella Caledonication types.
Even the presbyterian puritan wing of the Independence movement cannot deny the natural conclusion of Kneel’s performance and explanations regarding the dispensation of life saving cancer drugs..
No matter how he, his cat herding political master, or his political master’s Star Chamber spin it, access to life saving Cancer drugs is found to be dependent on price and the rulings of SMC managers – not clinicians – in Skintland.

Summed up: The poison chalice of health imposed on the Piggy Eyed Patsy
is seriously undermining him. He might yet end up being called Doctor Death. A shameful example of how ‘we do things differently here’.

Tuesday May 21: Nationalists publish a very serious docupamphlet – Skintland’s Economy: the Heidcase for Independence.

Me and my levers. Sun King Salmond sets out his case for more levers in Skintland.

Me and my levers. Sun King Salmond sets out his case for more levers in Skintland.

At first the forensically detailed 69 page docupamphlet reads like the much vaunted positive case for the Union. It makes it easy to imagine Bitter Together stealing some of the rhetoric and assertions for later use…

In the document’s foreword, the anointed one, Sun King Salmond himself, pleads his visionary case for more levers.

Martin Luther King had a dream. Moses had a vision. Alex Salmond wants a full set of levers.

That’s right, levers! A full set! The sort of economic implements you lever economic levers economically with.

It’s certainly inspired AhDinnaeKen with the zeal and vision of new flowering Skintish political landscapes populated with all different types of levers – economic, political, cultural and social.

In the document’s foreword, in reference to Skintland, Wee Ecky says, “we lack a full set of economic levers”. He also says we are a lever deprived country because he later adds, “Westminster deprives Scotland of the levers.”

And, as he further explains, it’s all Westminster’s lever hoarding fault because they’re durty English lever hoarding basturts. How dare they? They’ll be voting in their droves for a Nationalist party soon and be wanting to lever themselves out of the Union next, er, haud on?!

We don’t have anywhere enough levers in Skintland according to the Firstminster. We need, and must have, more levers for levering the other economic levers to give us more leverage, or something.

Summed Up: I’m not an Indy A-lever, are you an Indy B-lever?

Wednesday May 22: It’s oor baw an’ aw. Gie’s a gemme or wur no playin’

If you're going to issue threats to anyone, sometimes it's best to actually be in the position to follow through on it. Ho hum!

If you’re going to issue threats to anyone, sometimes it’s best to actually be in the position to follow through on it. Ho hum!

Ex-banker Salmond threatens to embarrass Skintland on the international stage by reneging on its debt obligations to the rUK.

In a speech to some bus makers while launching the Heidcase for Independence docupamphlet, he tells the Chancer of the Exchequer that he kens it’s the Chancer’s baw, but if he disnae get a shot, he’s no gonnae play, and he’s takin’ aw the jumpers gettin’ used as goal posts.

Summed up: Are we supposed to take the Nationalists seriously? This reminds AhDinnaeKen of a similarly styled threat made by Wee Eck at the Johnnie Walked rally in 2009. Paul Walsh, Heid Honcho of Dirageo, ‘bitch slapped’ Salmond fir that wan. Take heed – or is that heid? – Wee Ecky, yer tea’s oot.

Thursday May 23: FMQs – sombre mood, sombre conclusions

Blessed be the cancer sufferers for 'social justice' Skintish style has passed them by.

Blessed be the cancer sufferers, for ‘social justice’ Skintish style has passed them by.

With his most serious, sombre and statesmanlike voice and poise, Dr Death Salmond is virtually forced by Wee Jimmie Krankie Lamont to admit what Piggy Eyed Patsy Kneel had already admitted earlier in the week: if you’ve got cancer and money in Skintland you will live, if you don’t, you will die. Unless, that is, you move to England where they still dispense these drugs free at point of need.

Summed up: AhDinnaeKen has a degree of sympathy for the Skints government on this one. But the vast majority of our* heartfelt sympathy goes out to the cancer patients denied treatment due to cost.

Friday May 23: Curriculum for Mediocrity is still mediocre shock!

Would you turn your back on this man? Answers on a front facing blackboard please.

Would you turn your back on this man? Answers on a front facing blackboard please.

Elitist, nepotist and most despicable of all the Nationalists, Mike Bernhard Rust-ell, continues to ignore the impending disaster of his creepy and tainted Curriculum for Mediocrity.

Anyone who has ever read the philosophical values and associated guff which accompanies their schoolchild’s school reports etc. cannot help but be apprehensive regarding its emphasis on ‘citizenship’ and ‘values’. Tied in with the ‘Named Person’ policy outlined above, it’s easily viewed as more than sinister – a conclusion only cemented given the ‘thistle grasping’ minster in charge.

Summed up: A prima facie example of unproven assertion directed straight into policy. No wonder the teachers are revolting.

Saturday May 24: New BBC Skintland Editor required for build up of Neverendum snore-athon documentaries.

Ahh! The British Brainwashing/Bolshevik/Bourgeois Corporation. It's just so bloody biased.

Ahh! The British Brainwashing/Bolshevik/Bourgeois Corporation. It’s just so bloody biased.

The great thing about this new position is that, no matter who gets the job, they will automatically be accused of bias by somebody. And long may that continue. As AhDinnaeKen once pointed out, the BBC is biased against everybody. Lord Reith himself would have been proud of such an accusation.

Expect to see the following labels crop up in the coming months: British Brainwashing Corporation, British Bolshevik Corporation and British Bourgeoise Corporation etc etc tedious etc.

Summed up: Neutrality always looks like support fir the ither side.

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Filed under Economy, Education, Media, Newspeak, Uncategorized

SNP urged to settle it aw ootside in a square go

New hard hitting report shows that Trade Unionists may not be so Unionist after all.

“Social justice can only be attained by violence. Violence creates what it intends to kill.” – Henry McLeish. Here’s tae a gloves aff ding dong when the facts dinnae chiel.

By Ghetinty Him

UNION COMRADES huv telt BAITH sides in the Neverendum debate to stop name calling and smash each other in the face insteid.

A hard-hitting report from the STUC blasts “the overall mediocrity of the barefaced language used” and voices “frustration at the lack of full on barefaced knuckle tae the heid contact”.

The report – called Just Punch Their Heid In – says a mare impassioned vision of partisanship and nationalist hatred is needed if the Just Say Yes (please) campaign is to succeed.

But it also warns Tory Labourers “not being the Tory Tories” and negative messages about the Tartan Tories will not be enough to win its comradely support.

Last night STUC General Commissar Greyhame Smythe said: “This report expects many answers, reflecting a general view that Johann Lament and Tricky Dicky Salmond should just lay into each other’s faces wi’ wet cloots.

He also chanted: “We need mare fisticuffs and less sloganeering!

“We need mare fisticuffs and less sloganeering!

“We need mare fisticuffs and less sloganeering!”

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Lies, damned lies and SNP statistics. Can ye believe them?

In Scotland “we do things differently here”. AhDinnaeKen asks how many more bullies, liars and innumerates are going to be allowed to make decisions on our children’s education and our Nation’s future. It’s certainly different.

“Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst come from the people who live here.” – Longshanker. Ding Dong – yer tea’s oot! Who’s gonnae believe them now?

By Wunanwun Ekwals-Three

CAN YOU believe an education Gauleiter who didnae believe what he wanted the Scottish people to believe?

Can you believe a barefaced liar would barefacedly lie in parliament when he had been found out barefaced lying only weeks before?

Can you believe that the Ministerial Code wasn’t able to come to the rescue of the barefaced liar to barefacedly hide behind?

And can you believe that AhDinnaeKen has had to ask three can you believe questions and still cannae believe it?

The answer to all three can you believe questions of course (oops four questions now – better get our application in for education gauleiter) is naw, ye cannae believe that ye cannae believe it.

Yet those pretenders to the crown of Scottish Independence and full on levers of power cannae even believe theirsel’s, their own sums or their barefaced lies.

Can ye believe it? Answers on a Freedom of Ministerial Code Misinformation form please.

Rabbie Burns said “Facts are chiels that winnae ding”.

So Barefaced Liar Salmond must be Ding and Bullying Liar Rust-ell must be Dong.

“Ding Dong – yer tea’s oot!” said Labourers Rev I M Jolly Burns in the Big Scottish Cooncil yesterday.

He further said: “Here’s to bullying liar education minster Rust-ell keeping his job.

“The longer he does, the longer the veneer of SNP trust and competence will wear away.”

Thicko, illiterate, innumerate, moronic SNP spokeserson Wee Naebudy said: “Ah cannae believe it!”

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Filed under Education, Morality, Newspeak

Salmond: I am not a crook I am a barefaced liar

Whiter than white author of the Declaration of Arbroath (in terms of the debate) comes out fighting to clear up his crimes.

“If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed.” ― Adolf Hitler. So go back to your constituencies and prepare for automatic Euro entry, a nuclear free NATO Scotland and a sterling currency. Wahey!

“If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed.” ― Adolf Hitler. So go back to your constituencies and prepare for automatic Euro entry, a nuclear free NATO Scotland and a sterling currency. Wahey!

By Widye Believeit

FIRSTMINSTER SALMOND cleared up confusion yesterday over claims that he is not a crook.

In a bold forthright combative defense of his reputation, Wee Eck said: “I am not a crook – in terms of the debate – I am a barefaced liar.

“Yes means No, Black is White, War is Peace, SNP Euro Policy is Credible – in terms of the debate and the legal advice which doesn’t exist but may have existed in my mind.”

Opponents were left dumbfounded when the Firstminster reported himself to his independent friends to clear his name.

The Firstminster has relied on the long grass ‘clear my righteous name’ independent standards committee five times previously.

It is believed that six is the Firstminster’s lucky number. Bookies declared, in terms of the debate, all bets are off.

Friends, liars and fellow crooks (in terms of the debate) have rallied in defense of the sovereign Scottish people’s self righteous leader:

Richard Nixon

“A public man must never forget that he loses his usefulness when he as an individual, rather than his policy, becomes the issue.”

Bill Clinton

“He did not have liar relations with that interviewer.”

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Jeffrey Archer

We all make mistakes but one has to move on. What I have found is that real friends stand by you. Well done for sinking your career Nicola

Jonathan Aitken

If it fell to me to start a fight to cut out the cancer of bent and twisted journalism in your country with the simple sword of truth and the trusty shield of Scottish fair play, so be it.Be ready for the fight. The fight against falsehood and those who peddle it. Your fight begins today. Do you want a loan of my sword and shield? In terms of the debate they’re still in prison.”

Neil Hamilton

I am savouring every single minute of the current exposure of the sanctimonious hypocrites and bare faced liars who made so much political capital from so-called Nationalist sleaze in the present parliament.

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Scottish Labourer Rami Lama Buyakasha to step down as head of tragedy

Knight of the long steak knives victim Rami Lama Buyakasha carved up by Lament

"Strategies are like knives, that either serve us or cut us, as we grasp them by the blade or the handle" said Rami with three knives sticking out of his back.

“Strategies are like knives, that either serve us or cut us, as we grasp them by the blade or the handle” said Rami with three knives sticking out of his back.

By Earnest Rom

SCOTTISH LABOUR’S head of aimlessness and talentlessness said getitupye’s to his comrades this week.

Rami Lama Buyakasha’s ‘kick oot the door’ came a month after former general commisar Colin Smythington-Barmy said “baws tae the lot o’ ye’s”.

Labour had previously said Mr Buyakasha was being ‘mutually consented’ and was only waiting to see how much his silence could be bought for.

Mr Buyakasha said: “Being aimless and talentless in a political cabal such as the Labour Cabal is a real advantage. I have been more aimless and talentless than most and this ‘mutual consenting’ is my just reward.”

He added: “I have been part of a team who have not only made the SNP  look credible but seem deserving of a chance in the Neverendum. Now is a good time to move on.”

Last year a major shake-up for the Scottish Labouring Cabal’s organisation was agreed and Mr Smythington-Barmy’s ‘boot oot the door’ was seen as Johann Lament’s face muscles being given more authority.

Mr Buyakasha worked long and hard to make the SNP  look good when compared to Labour.

Ms Lament said: “I would like to thank Rami for making they hauf-wits and ne’er dae weels look better than us.

“He is a man of unconsiderable talentlessness and no-one could ever say that we don’t look poor when compared to the SNP.

“He leaves with my best wishes and assurance that should he wish to come back, the door will always be closed.”

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SNP rustle – It wisnae me, a big boy did it and ran away

Scottish electorate warned to beware SNP Geeks bearing gifts

"In the Scottish Parliament, the only homage which they pay to Virtue - is hypocrisy." - Anon. The real question needing asked is who really pays the price? Answers on a Freedom of Misinformation denial form please.

“In the Scottish Parliament, the only homage which they pay to Virtue – is hypocrisy.” – Anon. The real question needing asked is who really pays the price? Answers on a Freedom of Misinformation denial form please.

By Trojan Cuddy

EDUCATION GAULEITER Mike Bernhard Rust-ell was forced to taste the nettle over his clandestine Thatcherite manifesto yesterday.

The senior SNP creep told MSPs that it was a fair cop he had been found out over his anti-universal benefits stance, but counter claimed “it wisnae me, a big boy did it and ran away”.

The issue of the “something for nothing” culture in Scotland has become the centre of a mud slinging competition with Red Tories accusing Tartan Tories of being Tories.

One political commentator said: “Does it really matter, they’re aw in it the gither, they’re aw Tories.”

But concerned Tories hit back: “We might be Tories but we’re not as Tory as the Red Tories or the Tartan Tories – we’re Tory Tories.”

Labouring leader Fandabadozie Lament attempted to single out sinister misogynist Rust-ell by quoting from his book Mein Kampfen Thistle.

The book states: “Put bluntly, those people considered most in need are dragging us all down as a people. However, our Fifty Shades of Tory pish political parties lack the courage to say ‘fire up the ovens’.”

But Mr Rust-ell wobbled like a fat slimy jelly in the Whollyrude chamber. “I am more than prepared to say today that I am more than prepared to say whatever it takes to side step the issue till we gain real power by fair means or foul.”

Ms Lament accused the Tartan Tories of betraying everyone, even themselves, by fiddling their pension pots while Scotland burned.

She said: “The SNP believes the priority, as public services are starved of cash in tough times, is to protect their pension pot cash – half a million pounds sterling per senior cabinet minster. Looted in an exceptionally short period.”

The Labouring leader last week questioned why former High Priestess of Temperance and Intolerance Nicola Sturgeon should line her pockets with a half million of hard earned tax payer money.

But Ms Sturgeon insisted yesterday that the Labourers were just jealous.

“Their jealousy has its roots in the misguided belief of the Red Tories that they should be getting their noses in our trough. It’s a jealousy that puts at risk the wholesale smash and grab political looting of our pocket money budget.”

Tory Tory finance spokesperson Gavin Brownnose said the country needs to have a debate on the issue of the SNP’s spendthrift cash-in: “Doing nothing, if we are honest, is not an option, we want some of that money for ourselves. The SNP are just being greedy.”

SNP backbenchers continued the attack on themselves, with Stuart McMilliband describing Alex Salmond’s admiration of Margaret Thatcher’s economic policies as “oor grasped thistle.”

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Filed under Culture, Morality, Newspeak