Exclusive: Salmond takes on role of Named Person for vulnerable Scots MPs

SCOTLAND’S latest Named Person legislation will prove useful for vulnerable Scots MPs still finding their feet in the “scary” Tory haunted chambers of ‘Westmonster’:

Getting It Right For Every MP: Salmond (back to pic) takes this new role of Named Person very seriously.

Getting It Right For Every MP: Salmond (back to pic) is expected to take his new role of Named Person very seriously.

By Consol Idate-Powerbase

ALEX SALMOND is set to become the ‘(un)official’ named person responsible for the ‘wellbeing’ and ‘support’ of the newly elected political children of Scotland, according to a senior SNP source.

The Getting it Right for Every MP approach includes making a named person available for every SNP MP, from the time of election, right up until they’re unceremoniously booted out of the parliament in five years time.

In most cases, the Named Person will not have to do anything more than they usually do other than provide a cat herding, clique forming and alternative party power base consolidation role.

Most Scottish MPs are supposed to receive all the help they need from SNP Central’s Nicola Sturgeon and Peter Murrell.

The Named Person is expected to radically change these expectations.

Depending on the age and experience of the MP, the Named Person will be the first point of contact for the MP and his constituent family.

Referring to the eight Salmond wellbeing indicators, the Named Person will need to ask these five questions:

  • What is getting in the way of this young MP’s wellbeing?
  • Do I have the charm, guile and influence required to help this young MP?
  • What can I do to appear as if I’m helping this young MP when I’m really helping myself?
  • What can my party possibly do to counteract my influence on this young MP?
  • What additional help can I stop this young MP from receiving from Sturgeon Central at Holyrood?

The Named Person also needs to help MPs feel confident they can raise concerns and talk about their worries to people who will listen and respect their point of view while completely ignoring it and using it to their own political advantage.

Above all, they will ensure that the MPs are listened to and that the SNP family in Holyrood (where appropriate) is kept completely in the dark.

A senior SNP source chuckled: “I am unavailable for comment.”

 

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1 Comment

Filed under Media, Treachery

One response to “Exclusive: Salmond takes on role of Named Person for vulnerable Scots MPs

  1. Pingback: Der Gruppenführer Robertson’s Diary #1 – Moral Superiority | AhDinnaeKen

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