Tag Archives: unionists

Scottish Sun declares Day of Destiny (again)

Second most historic day in the history of world history to take place on Monday (after subsidised lunch)

Salmond's puppet master celebrates his master stroke at expense of everyone in United Kingdom.

Salmond’s puppet master celebrates his master stroke at expense of everyone in United Kingdom.

By Ahvwetma Pants

AN HISTORIC deal has been struck on a single ‘yes or no’ question in Moses Salmond vanity project, it appeared last night.

The breakthrough comes ahead of crunchy talks between the Firstminster and the Prime Toffee Minister at the tuck shop in Edinborrow.

Last night Tory Tory Skintland Office Minister David Hundell said in a TV interview that voters would face two more years of stultifyingly fractious boredom on whether Nationalists should be taken seriously or not.

He said: “We are all agreed that Moses has been suitably chastised over Devo Max and his career is now on a shoogly peg.

“He can have what he wants regarding the wording of the question, and five year olds can vote if that’s what the Nato’s want – it’s not going to make any difference anyway other than maybe pissing everyone off when the Nato’s go in the huff after the inevitable result.”

It is also expected the agreement will allow the SNP to make carte blanche barnum statements regarding the emancipation of the oppressed and downtrodden subjugated Scots under the yoke of the imperial ba**ard Anglo-Saxon non-Celtic English.

Casualties through boredom attrition are expected to be severe and forecasters have predicted that suicides may outstrip methadone related deaths.

Windbag, crashing bore and thoughtlessly unimaginative drone spokesperson for the SNP Wee Naebudy said: “Roots toots and hoots man! This is what we wanted all along. Alex Salmond has played an absolute blinder and made the evil Unionyptians look like fools. Truly he is the son of God.”

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MacAesops Fables #26 – The Unionist Lion and the SNP Boar

Our twenty-sixth Sunday outpouring of sanctimony and self-righteous morality to be taken as seriously as the chance of getting a fair trial under Scotland’s new Unionist style law

“Propaganda does not deceive people; it merely helps them to deceive themselves”. – Eric Hoffer

On a summer day, when the great Neverendum debate induced a general thirst for power, a Unionist Lion and a SNP Boar came at the same moment to a small well to drink.

They fiercely disputed which of them should drink first, and were soon engaged in the agonies of a mortal combat.

On their stopping on a sudden to take breath for the fiercer renewal of the strife, they saw some Vultures waiting in the distance to feast on the one which should fall first.

They at once made up their quarrel, saying: “It is better for us to make friends, than to become the food of Crows or Vultures, as will certainly happen if we are disabled.”

Analysis: The moral of the tale is simply: Those who strive are often watched by others who will take advantage of their defeat to benefit themselves. Think Murdoch, think China, think corporatism, think again.

For more morally superior and vacuous posturing click on the Fable category to the right.

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Drug addicts die in record numbers under SNP

Record numbers of methadone deaths under SNP’s ‘Road to Ruin’ campaign in Scotland means savings never before seen under Unionist control

“Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or neverendum or SNP political hypocrisy.” – Methadone Man (Scottish Superhero)

By Ootma Heidman

DRUG RELATED deaths soared to record heights in Scotland thanks to Drug King Alex of Salmond’s Scottish Parliament.

The news has been welcomed by Scottish ministers as proof that Scotland does things better under SNP governance.

The number of addicts dying from their lifestyle choice rose by a whopping 20 per cent under the SNP to 584.

Community Thought Control minister Roseanna Cuntingham said: “These figures represent 584 success stories of people coming off of drugs permanently.

“The deaths represent a saving to the taxpayer of approximately £6 million every year in prescription charges alone, never mind the periphery problems of vomiting, petty theft, burglary and passerby intimidation.”

Labourer’s Whois Macdonald said: “With a large proportion of deaths involving methadone, it would appear that the SNP are on to a winner with their carte blanche £28 million per annum prescription strategy.”

Scots Tory leader Truth Gotyason said: “This outstanding demonstration of philanthropic prescription donation by the SNP to the drug using community illustrates the human success of parking methadone addicts onto high street pharmacies throughout Scotland.”

Of the fatalities – which now account for one in every 100 deaths in Scotland – 32 committed suicide due to Neverendum boredom while 356 died as a result of free methadone prescriptions.

The annual death toll has risen exponentially since the launch of the SNP’s ‘Road to Ruin’ drug addiction campaign in 2008.

Health Minister Michael Mathedon broadly welcomed the increased figures.

He said: “Every death represents a saving of approximately £10,000 to the Parliament. This money can be better spent refusing Freedom of Information requests and promoting a second face saving question in the Neverendum.”

Five hundred and eighty four sovereign members of the methadone community were unavailable for comment.

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The-Hague: We will not let Assalmond leave UK

The Imperialist British Government was last night locked into a people’s sovereignty legal row after it insisted it would not allow Salmyleaks founder Sun King Alex of Assalmond to hold an illegal separatist neverendum

“No, I think that we’ve got a basic discrepancy here between the rule of law versus the rule of Assalmond.” – sovereign Scottish person.

By Itsyer Kuntry

FOREIGNISH SECRETARY Oorwullie The-Hague last night criticised the Big Scottish Cooncil’s decision to offer Mr Assalmond Devo-Max Neverendum immunity.

In language that appeared designed to inflame sporrans and ginger hair, The-Hague warned that ‘people’s sovereignty’ immunity should not be used to harbour alleged illegal Neverendums.

He indicated that ministers did not intend to back down on the issue, warning the stand off would probably end up in court.

Mr Assalmond faces defeat if he dares hold a one question Neverendum in Scotland.

He has been hiding behind a ‘sovereign people’s’ consultation where he faces allegations of being a ‘big feartie’ and a ‘sore loser’.

Supporters fear that, should he hold a one question Neverendum, he would lose big time and have to face an SNP firing squad.

In another twist last night, Mr Assalmond said he would make a public statement regarding why Ian Gieyeadoingson was not beyond smearing.

Relations between the UK and Mr Assalmond’s ego have dipped dramatically, even before the stand off, with the ego accusing Imperialist ministers of acting within the law.

The Unionist Conquistadors had revealed the existence of a little known Section 30 Scotland Act law which reminds the Big Scottish Cooncil of its limitations and incompetence.

Within hours Assalmond said he would have to make a “significant concession” or throw everything to pot and blame the anti-Scottish Scots and English as a diversionary tactic.

Making an announcement on behalf of Assalmond, Joan McCarthyalpine said: “Joan liebt alles an Assalmond, sogar seinen Rettungsring.”

However, The-Hague later said: “We will not allow Mr Assalmond safe passage out of the one question Neverendum, nor is there any ‘sovereign’ basis for us to do so.

“There is no threat here of jam tomorrow. We are talking about an Act of Parliament which stresses it must be used in full conformity with international law.”

He rejected talk of a deal that would see Mr Assalmond hold the Westminster parliament to account.

The-Hague said: “This is the United Kingdom fulfilling its obligations under the Scotland Act to Scotland, a close colony of ginger whingers in so many ways, a thorn in the side of imperialist subjugation.

“Therefore to us it is a simple matter of carrying out our law but, as well as being simple, it is something we must do.

“Besides, there’s nothing funnier than seeing the the scarlet arses of the Nationalists well and truly skelped.”

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SNP should hang heads in shame for avoiding legal responsibility of proper government

SNP MSP Joan McVulpine’s reaction to dilemmas she doesn’t like was tediously predictable – she has previous for landing herself in the proverbial

Redesign coming fir Moan McVulpine – Dinnae worry

MOST POLITCAL nerds were glued to Newsnat last week when they should have been watching the Olympics.

So they missed not a jot of the BBC’s clandestine attempts at getting the SNP’s propaganda message oot tae the lumpen masses.

In the Bolshevik Broadcasting Corporation’s pro-seperation sights was Ian Gieyadoingson who Chairs the Tooweetoopoortoostupit Affairs Committee – a sinister Westminster organisation geared toward destroying the aspirations of ‘right thinking’ Scottish people.

Joan McVulpine, a flapping and undignified Parliamentary aide writes a column which virtually naebudy, no even SNP drones, takes seriously.

The ‘specially’ chosen for the list MSP blows more than a gasket every week and accuses anyone opposed to SNP policy as anti-Scottish or worse – Anti-Scottish!!!

McVulpine heads the Firstminster as his favourite parliamentary aide and thus gets away with behaviour which would result in the average drone SNP MSP getting the boot. Or at least a public ‘doing’.

Elsewhere, wilting wallflower, Dr Eilidh Yellowford MP plays the victim card in order to do her bit to undermine the substance of the Tooweetoopoortoostupit Affairs Committee which Gieyeadoingson presides over.

Gieyeadoingson’s boorishness provided the excuse by letting Yellowford smear him with importune use of language.

He asked Yellowford if she could attend an important meeting and she said she was ‘doing’ something else more important. In a rage the Labouring boor ranted: “I’ll gie ye DOING.”

Her accusation let her bow out of the Committee and gave the SNP carte blanche to sanctimoniously bleat to their ‘bravehearts’ back home that they had no democratic representation in a committee full of ‘English’ Tories.

Meanwhile, Mr Gieyeadoingson appeared on Newsnat to discuss the constitutional legality of any referendum called by a devolved government.

Just like the bloody Tories and Lib-Bents and Labourers he sided with the lawyers who say that without a Section 30 order the referendum will not make it past the bloody coortroom.

Anti-Scots the lot of them. Don’t they understand that the SNP has the sovereign Scottish people’s best interests at heart.

If that means that they have to operate ootside o’ the law then that’s whit they’ll mibbe no dae.

So, now that the SNP are faced with the rock and a hard place of ‘bow to the law or we’ll see you in coort’ the only thing they have left is to sling mud and concentrate on the behaviour of a pitiable auld boor like Gieyeadoingson.

Oh, and try to associate the Labouring Party with the Tories and reiterate the claim of Anti-Scottish forces at work by referring to  ‘haun in the till’ ex-Firstminster Henry McPish.

Auld Joanie bringing up the anti-Scots clarion call! There’s a thing when faced wi’ grown up politics!  Bless!

COMEDY RELIEF

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Vote SNP – More Unionist than the Unionists

With a tip of the forelock, a nod, a wink and a tongue firmly in cheek, AhDinnaeKen would like to dedicate this five minute mocked up poster to Barbarian –  a tortuously laboured attempt to answer the serious question he asked on his blog regarding what the mostly disinterested would be voting for in the event of an independence Neverendum.

“As far as the laws of neverendums refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.” – AhDinnaeKen

What is the point of the Referendum? Barbarian queried. Yes indeed! What is the point of the Referendum?

Answers on a Freedom of Information request form to Sun King Alex of Salmond or to The High Priestess of Prohibition Auld Nick Sturgeon. Don’t expect an answer any time soon.

 

 

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Nationalists deserve a gold medal for their sniping sour attitude

Scotland now accounts for 13.14% of the medals overall – showing that there is no straw Nationalists will not grasp at in order to claim moral superiority

By Moan McVulpine on 7 Aug 2012 –  Moanie’s back – back again

WE ALWAYS knew he wouldn’t greet if he won a final.

Andy Murraymint’s win over Roger Fedherair showed the Swiss care more about chocolate than medals.

Scolymopians now account for the success of the Olympics movement, games and sporting prowess throughoot the globe – once again punching above oor weight in the hubris stakes.

Reports have said oor contribution is so impressive that a Scolymopian team would be sixth on the table and universally loved throughoot the right thinking wurld.

Old Moanie also got caught up in the excitement, but that’s no a story for a newspaper column.

Let’s just say I had more than a tear in my eye, or sob in my throat, when Jessica Tennis crossed the finish line.

The weight of another body on top – bordered on hysteria at times – and it put extra pressure on old Moanie, that’s for sure.

But, I kept my nerve and followed through as should be expected.

There was a spot of ginger solidarity, too, but let’s not get into too much detail in a family read newspaper.

Let’s just say I could have devoted a whining moan to naming all the Saints of the Eucharist.

It’s sad that some Daily Ranger columnists have chosen to exploit the games for their own ends.

The Unholy Alliance has shamelessly hectored oor Firstminster for the waste of time and money at Wee Scotlander Hoose at Pall Mall – kept empty for reasons of fiscal security.

As comedian Johnnieboy McSwinney wrote in his blog: “Will people get into the ballot box thinking, ‘I’ve waited mare than two year fur whit?, but I was still more moved by Scots Olympians being referred to as Scolymopians?”

Ah think we should be telt. Freedom of Information requests to Sun King Alex of Salmond, Big Parish Cooncil, Bloodyrude, Edinborrow.

COMEDY RELIEF

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