Tag Archives: treachery

The-Hague: We will not let Assalmond leave UK

The Imperialist British Government was last night locked into a people’s sovereignty legal row after it insisted it would not allow Salmyleaks founder Sun King Alex of Assalmond to hold an illegal separatist neverendum

“No, I think that we’ve got a basic discrepancy here between the rule of law versus the rule of Assalmond.” – sovereign Scottish person.

By Itsyer Kuntry

FOREIGNISH SECRETARY Oorwullie The-Hague last night criticised the Big Scottish Cooncil’s decision to offer Mr Assalmond Devo-Max Neverendum immunity.

In language that appeared designed to inflame sporrans and ginger hair, The-Hague warned that ‘people’s sovereignty’ immunity should not be used to harbour alleged illegal Neverendums.

He indicated that ministers did not intend to back down on the issue, warning the stand off would probably end up in court.

Mr Assalmond faces defeat if he dares hold a one question Neverendum in Scotland.

He has been hiding behind a ‘sovereign people’s’ consultation where he faces allegations of being a ‘big feartie’ and a ‘sore loser’.

Supporters fear that, should he hold a one question Neverendum, he would lose big time and have to face an SNP firing squad.

In another twist last night, Mr Assalmond said he would make a public statement regarding why Ian Gieyeadoingson was not beyond smearing.

Relations between the UK and Mr Assalmond’s ego have dipped dramatically, even before the stand off, with the ego accusing Imperialist ministers of acting within the law.

The Unionist Conquistadors had revealed the existence of a little known Section 30 Scotland Act law which reminds the Big Scottish Cooncil of its limitations and incompetence.

Within hours Assalmond said he would have to make a “significant concession” or throw everything to pot and blame the anti-Scottish Scots and English as a diversionary tactic.

Making an announcement on behalf of Assalmond, Joan McCarthyalpine said: “Joan liebt alles an Assalmond, sogar seinen Rettungsring.”

However, The-Hague later said: “We will not allow Mr Assalmond safe passage out of the one question Neverendum, nor is there any ‘sovereign’ basis for us to do so.

“There is no threat here of jam tomorrow. We are talking about an Act of Parliament which stresses it must be used in full conformity with international law.”

He rejected talk of a deal that would see Mr Assalmond hold the Westminster parliament to account.

The-Hague said: “This is the United Kingdom fulfilling its obligations under the Scotland Act to Scotland, a close colony of ginger whingers in so many ways, a thorn in the side of imperialist subjugation.

“Therefore to us it is a simple matter of carrying out our law but, as well as being simple, it is something we must do.

“Besides, there’s nothing funnier than seeing the the scarlet arses of the Nationalists well and truly skelped.”


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Just Say Yes (please) poster #14 – A Tribute to Nuclear alliances

As the West today celebrates the 67th anniversary of the unleashing of the ‘Little Boy’ Weapon of Mass Destruction on Hiroshima, AhDinnaeKen asks: “Just what mega-tonnage of principle are the SNP prepared to drop in order to gain independence?” and “What will the fallout be for those with any political integrity left?”


Filed under Culture, Diplomacy, Morality, Poster

MacAesops Fables #23 – The Wolf and the Goats

Our twenty-third Sunday outpouring of sanctimony and self-righteous morality to be taken as seriously as the SNPs commitment to nuclear disarmament

“The senses deceive from time to time, and it is prudent never to trust wholly those who have deceived us even once.” – Rene Descartes

A WOLF saw some Goats feeding at the summit of a steep precipice, where he had no chance of reaching them.

He called to them and earnestly begged them to come lower down, lest they should fall by some mishap, and he added that the meadows lay where he was standing, and that the herbage was most tender.

They replied: “No my friend, it is not for the pasture that you invite me, but for yourself, who are in want of food.”

Analysis: As subtle as Sun King Alex’s silence on Chris Hoy’s victory; if the wolf is the SNP leader and the goats are the electorate then the food is the ‘power’ of independence. The dilemma for the undecided goat is: “You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough.” Can Sun King Alex be trusted? Answers on a Freedom of Information request form please.

For more morally superior and vacuous posturing click on the Fable category to the right.


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Labour Con-Demned for making SNP look good

Scottish Labour represent 50 shades of pish says Fibbin Society

Achievement is accomplished by those politicians who have not yet reached their level of incompetence noted the Fibbin Society. So that’s Wee Eck, Johann Lament, Truth Davidson and Willie Wont-he fun’ oot.

By Truthis Oot

SCOTTTISH LABOUR are so “pish”, “inefficient” and “untrustworthy” that they risk making the SNP look good a bourgeoisie society warned yesterday.

Asked to pick out three words they felt best described the party, most people plumped for “Ah”, “Dinnae”, “Ken”.

By contrast, 30 per cent of people said the SNP were “smug”, “sanctimonious”, “Presbyterians”.

Labourer sources said last night that the poll must be ‘wrang’ because no party could be more rank amateur than the SNP.

But the Fibbin Society, which commissioned the poll, showed Labour needed to disband and start pretending they’re not really Tories in Red ties and dresses.

In a separate series of questions, the survey also confirmed that large numbers of voters, including the SNP itself, were unaware of the powers the Big Parish Cooncil at Bloodyrude could wield.

By contrast, fewer than one in five Bloodyrude Labour/SNP vote switchers were taken in by the independence independent Scotland vanity project.

“It demonstrates that the SNP aren’t trusted by Scots for the ‘Big Boy’ politics of Westminster, but the ‘Weans Stuff’ at Bloodyrude disnae really register on the Scots consciousness” said an anonymous Fibber.

One Labour/SNP Bloodyrude/Wesminster switcher said: “The SNP have been around for so long now that it’s only fair they get a shot at something.

“How much harm can they dae wi’ a Big Parish Cooncil? Caw a Neverendum?”

Daniel Nawson, co-ordinator of the Scottish Fibbers, said: “It’s going to be hard for Scottish Labour to come up with some new ideas because Red Ed Millibean hus a retail mind in a wholesale business.”

SNP spokesperson of non-denominational gender Wee Naebudy said: “While we are glad to accept that Labour are indeed pish, we totally refute as pish that our land of milk and honey pipedream is unobtainable pish.”

The Right Honourable Sun King Moses of Salmond was last seen seeking counsel from Moan McVulpine’s burning bush.

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Controlling leader nuking party integrity? – Deirdre’s here to help

I’m Deirdre and I’m here to help. With the help of my team of plutocrats, power mongers and rich men with big cheque books, I reply sternly and harshly to any SNP political drone showing signs of frreeeeddddoooommm™ of thought.

We call people who betray us, Judas. In Scotland we call them First Minister

Dear Deirdre

I JOINED the SNP many years ago and was so overtaken with emotion at the idea of my wee beautiful country standing on its own two feet that I became an MSP.

Now my party has been kidnapped by a domineering right wing Tony Blair/Thatcher type leader who, rumour has it, used to be the 79 Group’s Alex Salmond.

I love my country and want it to be free from NATO and Weapons of Mass Destruction.

Imagine my horror when the party I love began briefing that our decades long opposition to an expansionist militaristic ‘first strike’ nuclear weapons alliance was to be reversed.

Now it turns out to be true, despite my belief that it was all due to BBC and mainstream media anti-SNP mischief.

It’s astounding and terrifying that my party is going to reject a core belief and principle in the pursuit of power.

My problem Deirdre is the same problem currently being displayed by many  of my fellow SNP MSPs.

How do we keep up the appearance of ‘right thinking’ individuals when we look and sound like wee cowerin timorous beasties?

Yours for Career security



Deirdre says

It sounds like you have a conscience and your belief in principle is stronger than your lust for power.

Accept that you are weak and then dae whit yer telt by the ANOINTED one. Otherways you’re in for a rough ride and you wouldn’t want to upset the SNP juggernugget now.

Remember that your anointed leader has had to make serious sacrifices to his credibility and integrity. Look at what all those taxpayer lunches have done to his chins for example.

My leaflet “Don’t believe in NATO and Weapons of Mass Destruction – How to keep shtoom while minimising your compromised integrity.” explains where to find understanding and support.

Don’t rely on your conscience. It is false. Your anointed leader discovered that some time ago.

Yours for Alex


MSPs silenced on touchy Nato membership issue


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Furious SNP rewrite history to suit their own political agenda

History lessons set to place Scotland at the centre of the known universe

“History is a set of lies agreed upon.” ― Napoleon Bonaparte

By Lord Nose Heehaw

FURIOUS NATIONALIST politicians and Cybernats hit back yesterday at Unionist plans to smear the SNP with attempting to rewrite history.

Branded as the new Battle of Britain, the conflict centres on key historical incidents which fail to be mentioned in the new Curriculum of Pure Excellence.

The module on the Thatcher Golden Age is set to emphasise the SNP role in ensuring the election of the Iron Lady  to Prime Ministerhood in 1979 – a vote for which the Thatcherites were eternally grateful.

School pupils will also learn about the Scottish Nationalists backs to the wall defence of Stalingrad in 1942 – grimly holding out until King Robert De Bruce mounted a valiant rout of the Nazi Unionist Quisling besiegers.

Critics claim the failure to teach children about the Scottish Parliament of 1606 passing legislation leading to the enslavement of salt pan workers and miners is a dereliction of historical duty.

The content of this Unit allegedly reflects a ‘progressive and civic’ Alba Dal Riata and Scottish perspective.

The interpretation of the UK’s part in the war is contained in the course notes for teachers in the National History 5, which is replacing Proper Grades in schools.

It is part of the controversial Curriculum for Pure Excellence and pupils will be railroaded through the new exams in however many years it takes time.

One teacher said: “This is a staggering omission. How can anyone fail to teach children about the golden age of the Scottish Parliament when Lairds and landowners could effectively enslave previously free persons to work in their mines is beyond me.

“Vagabonds, beggars and land workers could be rounded up and legally bonded to the land unless the Laird or landowner gave express permission for them to leave.

“Pupils need to know about this, it is part of our independent Scottish Parliamentary heritage.”

Earlier this year, Gauleiter for Culture and Education Mike Bernhard Rust-ell was accused of risking pupils leaving school with a clear and unbiased view of Scotland’s past after he unveiled plans to teach Braveheart Studies as a new subject to every child.

Scottish Tory deputy Jackson Couldnaecarelaw said: “Teaching the history of Scotland is really a reinforcing of the notion that you’ll get a sound beating from the numerically superior English at every turn.

“What kind of aspiration will that lead to for the kids other than cringing resentment?”

Scottish Government spokesperson Wee Naebudy said: “These claims are plain wrang. There will be more scope to study the Battle of Bannockburn and the Battle of Stirling Bridge than there ever was before under the new compulsory qualifications.”

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SNP vow to keep Scots in the dark

Who said whit to who, when, where and why to be kept secret from the very people SNP claim to represent – the Scots. Wid ye credit it?

Censorship always defeats it own purpose, for it creates in the end the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion. The Scots will be discrete aboot their judgement on this.

By Ceypin Shtoom

THE SNP last night vowed that they would repulse the forces of Unionist oppression by keeping the Scots voting public in the disinformation dark.

Anti-Scots Propaganda commissioner Rosemary Whitsnew declared war on Scotland by telling the Scots government to tell the Scots people the stuff they should be telt.

But the SNP vowed to tell naebudy nuthin aboot anythin that might need telt or no.

The stooshie comes after Ms Whitsnew ruled Nats were takin the pish by not revealing whit they were telt regarding Euro Union legal advice.

Last night deputy lead Tory Unionist Imperialist Jackson Itsthelaw said: “This is an abuse of no telling those who should be telt whit the SNP were telt aboot whit the Scottish people should be telt.

But the Scottish Ministry for Propaganda and Misinformation said that it “neither confirms or denies the existence of what came before or after the telling or no telling of whit should be telt or no telt.”

The subsequent court case is expected to cost Nationalists £103,000 sterling and nearly 100,000 votes.


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