Tag Archives: subsidy junky

A chance to make a fuel of Moanie’s hot air credentials

By Moan McVulpine on Jul 31 Copy arrived on time for a change

GUEST-BLOGGED by Graham Piercing-Insight

IF YOU’VE got a parliamentary job and a sideline column in the Daily Ranger, gas and electricity bills are a scoosh.

For others, the percentage of their disposable income going toward essential fuel bills impoverishes them.

Thanks to the SNPs renewables commitment the cost of energy bills has been driven sky high.

Hurrah for sustainability and growth in difficult economic times!

Scotland is now being seen as a haven for subsidy junky energy firms glad to be able to make a fast and easy buck, all at our expense.

Renewables aw sounds great until you take into consideration the costs and who will ultimately end up paying them – those least able to afford them – most of youse eejits.

Windfarms are ugly, intrusive and are destroying the look of one of the most beautiful wee countries in the world.

But, so what? If it means that the Right Honourable Sun King can blow hard about reaching targets and being green, then it’s a price worth paying for the Drone SNP party.

We are all going to be faced with a difficult choice come the Neverendum in 2014 – eat or heat.

If you think this is a choice worth making for the sake of party rhetoric and political diatribe then Just Say Yes (please).



Filed under Fable, Moan McVulpine, Opinion, Referendum

Vote Yes and your children will suffer for ever

I watched as the Darling opened the first of the seven seals. Then I heard one of the four living creatures say in a voice like thunder, “Come and see!” I looked, and there before me was a white horse! Its rider held a Facebook Account, and he was given an opinion poll, and he rode out as a conqueror bent on conquest. Book of Referendamnation 6:1-2

The start of the positive case for the union.

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. – Martin Luther King, Jr.

By Roastin Hell

VOTE FOR Independence and your kids will be ConDemned to suffer eternal damnation, a moderate Scot told the electorate today.

Labourers’ former Horseman of the Apocalypse Asmodeus Darling today launches a cross-party drive called Awinitthe Gither aimed at encouraging Scots voters to avoid everlasting torment.

Asmodeus will tell campaigners at HeidinBurrow Naepain University lecture hall: “If you choose the path to hell there is no way back. It is like asking us to buy fags and matches for our children as soon as they’ve started walking.”

Mr Darling said he will try and avoid a “negative case” for leaving the UK.

He will add: “Scotland’s future, hell’s future and the future of the abyss will be ecumenically, theologically and pastorally stronger as a partner in a United Hellminster.

“The truth is that this coming together of heretics, blasphemers, apostates, charlatans and Tory tax dodgers is an abomination, not something to shout about.”

The Awinitthe Gither campaign – which has engaged the Mercurian strategists who helped bring the Great Satan Obama Bin Laden to power – will also distribute 500,000 reasons why burning in hell is awfy sare.

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Filed under Opinion, Referendum

MacAesops Fables #1 – The Smart Ass and his Media Mogul

Our new regular Sunday outpouring of sanctimony and self-righteousness

A MEDIA Mogul wished to purchase a Smart Ass and decided to give the politico a test before buying him. He took the Smart Ass to his newspaper and put him in the public eye with his other Smart Asses.

The new Smart Ass strayed from the others to join the one that was the most powerful with the biggest cheque book of them all.

Seeing this, the media mogul led him back to his voters. When the voters asked how he could have tested the Smart Ass in such a short time, the media mogul answered, “I didn’t even need to see how he worked. I knew he would be just like the one he chose to be his friend.”

Analysis: Grown ups might want to make the useful distinction that while a person is apt to be judged by the company he (or she) keeps, that doesn’t mean you have to vote for them when the referendum comes.

Notable: A much more life and death fable with a similar message is contained in ‘The Prime Minister and the Communications Chief’, the moral of which is, ‘Birds of a Feather Flock Together’.

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Filed under Fable, Morality

World Exclusive – Bullingdon Dave reveals ambitionless plan for Devo Minus

Moribund old blue print unveiled – every Jock set to be a benefits slave.

By Getty Phuck

The New Bill will present subsidy Jockies with an amazing work experience.

OPTIMUS Prime, Bullingdon Dave, has finally announced an historic shake up of the rebellious Jocky devolution system in which claiming independence is regarded as an acceptable alternative to decent governance.

The Etonian Faghammer said the measures, designed to curb subsidised dependency, would encourage the Jockies to find their proper place in decent imperial society.

Set out in the Devolution Minus – Work Sets You Free Independence Doesnae Bill, the Etonian Faghammer outlined several tired cliches designed to implement a ‘know your place’ responsibility for the United Kingdom’s most tiresome subjects.

Explaining the need for the Bill, he said: “I don’t know where these Trotskyite parasitic Jock sconners get their jumped up ideas from. If they think they can go on living at the expense of decent honest coalition members without giving something back in return, this Bill will soon set them straight.”

Controversially, the legislation proposes to include and merge elements of the widely lauded Work Sets You Free Programme. Any Jock deemed to be in need of ‘work experience’ will be press ganged into the navy, currently recruiting for a Malvinas holiday tour.

Emphasising the need to balance his black hole budget, Sitondefence Secretary, Philia Hamster, said: “Since I instituted inequality for Jock skirt wearers in December, numerous opportunities have opened up in the galleys of my submarines and other task force ships. This opportunity means the objectionable Jocks will eventually learn to love their masters and accept their station in life. It’s high time they understood that freedom means doing what the Unionistas tell you.”

The Bill which is set to be rubber stamped by The Other Apparatchik had one crucial amendment put in place to sidestep accusations of ‘coercion’.  Bleeding heart liberal, Convince Able, responsible for the concession, said: “Once the task force has been at sea for a week, if the Jocks decide they don’t like it, they will be free to leave immediately.”

Opposition dissidents pointed out that this would leave the Jocks all at sea without a paddle. When pressed on the point a Unionista spokesperson said: “That is the beauty of this concession. If the Jocks should wish to exercise their right to freedom they will receive a mild lesson in the consequences of responsibility.”

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Filed under New Bills