Tag Archives: storm in teacup

Scottish Independence: Electorate ‘unfazed’ by Salmond dictator comparisons

WHILE the Nationalists whip up some faux outrage and indignation at warp factor ten, 88% of voters said “Ho hum. Beam up the next grievance please. This one’s as dull as a di-lithium crystal scabby knee.” AhDinnaeKen soporificates:

Kim Jong-il Salmond and Moan McVulpine at the Big Parish Cooncil, yesterday.

Kim Jong-il Salmond and ‘aide’, Moan McVulpine, at the Big Parish Cooncil, yesterday.

By Hook Airs

THE SCOTTISH electorate is unfazed by the prospect of Firstminster Salmond being compared to a fat dictator, authors of a report have suggested.

According to the Institute of Straw Polls, the average punter in the street thought the Firstminster was a fat dictator anyway, with 37 per cent affectionately referring to him as ‘Jabba the Gutt’.

But Nationalist drones dismissed the findings, insisting that no subject was too small or too trivial to deflect from the question on everyone’s lips, “Has the Firstminster shagged Moan McVulpine while discussing the fiscal considerations of the oil index on the inter-disciplinary repercussions of tax returns, currency union and iScotland start-up costs?”

Darling mumbled, "Have you ever tried lifting 75 litres of bloody soil at B&Q?"

Darling mumbled, “Have you ever tried lifting 75 litres of bloody soil at B&Q?”

In an exclusive cock-up from the not so New Statesman, ex-Chancellor of the Imperial British Reich, Moveover Darling, did not say. “I haff vays of not making me tock.”

Mike Smalldick of the increasingly hysterical Bella Caledonication website, referred to the jibe as “standard Salmond Dictator Bingo” aka ‘one rubber duck, nobody gives a f**k’.

Smalldick further bleated: “This is pathetic. No one is taking a blind bit of notice of our faux outrage because they’ve seen and heard it all before.

“But rest assured there will be plenty more faux outrage, screaming, wailing and gnashing of teeth as it becomes increasingly clear that the majority of Scots don’t give a Kim Jong-il about the rebirth of oor Salmondland.

“It makes my blood-soil boil, it really does. Kevin, where’s that Butcher’s Apron and the matches?”


Filed under Media, Newspeak, Referendum