Tag Archives: section 30

Salmylocks and the three Unionist Bugbears

A constitutional fairy tale inspired by Newsnat smear victim and Labouring folk hero Ian Davidson.

Who’s afraid of the Big Bad Section 30? asked smear victim and Labouring folk hero Ian Davidson.

By Daddy Unionist Bugbear

ONCE UPON a time there was a little girl named Salmylocks.

She went for a walk in the sovereign land of Scotland.

Pretty soon she came across a Unionist constitutional hoose.

She knocked and, when no one answered, she walked right in.

At the ballot box in the taxpayer subsidised kitchen there were three bowls of power porridge.

Salmylocks was hungry for power porridge.

She tasted the porridge from the first bowl labelled ‘Full on Independence’.

“This porridge is too hot!” she cried!

So she tasted the porridge from the second bowl labelled ‘Status Quo’

“This porridge is too cold!” she wept.

So, she tasted the last bowl of porridge labelled ‘Devo-Max’.

“Ahhh this porridge is just right!” she said happily and ate it all up. She then began briefing on its importance to the sovereign will of the Scottish people.

After she’d eaten the three Unionist Bugbears’ breakfasts she decided she was feeling a little tired.

While trying to find a suitable bed in the Unionist hoose she ended in breaking everything up.

To cut a Laboured short fairy tale even shorter, the Unionist Bugbears came back to discover that Salmylocks had illegally entered their hoose and destroyed their constitutional seats.

She had also messed up their constitutional beds with an unconstitutional populist agenda of humbug and hypocrisy.

Outraged at such populist liberty taking Daddy Unionist Bugbear bellowed: “The Scottish peoples’ sovereignty is not the same thing as the Scottish Parliament’s sovereignty ya populist porridge stealin’ chancer.

“You urnae gettin the wean’s power porridge – it’s not yours to eat.”

Just then, Salmylocks woke up to the reality of what she had done. She saw the three Unionist Bugbears and screamed to the people for help.

She jumped up and ran out of the constitutional bedroom, down through the kitchen, opened the populist door, and ran away into the Scottish mist.

She was last seen in the highest Courtrooms of Unionistland trying to convince a judge that the Unionist Bugbears were anti-Scottish enemies of the people.

And they all lived unhappily never endum.

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Filed under Fable, Referendum

Scottish government’s manifesto advert banned

Holyrood Zookeepers gets sent homeward to think again aboot misleading  manifesto advertising

By Fun Oot

A Scottish goverment manifesto advert has been banned for suggesting Westminster had “gifted” two questions to the Holyrood Zoo.

It stated “the basturt English are gifting us two questions to put before the sovereign Scottish people in the independence referendum.”

The Zoo, currently run by the Scottish National Party, will pay an estimated £6m for breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper with Bullingdon Dave for the next six days in order to secure the second question, section 30 free.

The Advertising Standards Authority ruled the advert was misleading, after two complaints from two Unholy alliance parties.

Scottish Gauleiters said no money was yet due to be paid by either the Sun King or the Scottish Government to the Bullingdon Dave club for the two questions.

The advert had featured in newspapers under the headline: “Celebration of links between Lunchgate and Scotland as two questions are gifted on referendum.”

It went on to state: “Now in a symbolic gesture of mature and mutual cooperation between the countries, and following six days of breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper talks, the Tories are gifting two referendum questions for Scottish voting slips under the custodianship of a Scottish Electoral Commission.”

However the Advertising Standards Authority upheld the complaint saying: “We considered that voters would interpret the term ‘gifting’ to mean that the questions were given assent without payment.”

The watchdog ruled the advert must not appear again in its current form and added: “We told Sun King Alex of Salmond not to imply in future that he was interested in a second question.

“Everyone knows he is, but he mustn’t admit it for fear of upsetting his militant wing.

“We told the Sun King not to imply in future that the two questions would be provided without payment.”

Spokesperson for the Holyrood Zoo, Wee Naebudy said: “This is bad man. £6 million barely keeps the Sun King in tea and caramel wafers for a month, so it’s nae wunner we consider it to be nuthin, like a gift really.

“That ASA are nuthin bit a bunch a’ anti-Scottish Unionista basturts.”

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Filed under Diplomacy, Media, Morality