Tag Archives: scottish nationalists

SNP Cabinet – putting the Klepto into Kleptocrats

Times are tough and money is scarce, but not for the new SNP Kleptocracy who’ve trousered close on half a million sovereign pounds sterling each for their royally sized pension pots.

"Avarice, the sphincter of the heart." - Matthew Green. No wonder these cabinet sphincters look so happy at half a million a pop.

“Avarice, the sphincter of the heart.” – Matthew Green. No wonder these cabinet sphincters look so happy at half a million a pop.

By Robin Bastads

MOSES SALMOND has whinged to Yank businessmen that Scottish politicians are having to trouser tax payer cash with one hand tied behind their backs.

On a visit to the American Windbag City, planned to coincide with a celebrity sportsman photo opportunity, the Firstminster complained his country had less ‘readies’ available for his pension pot than Illinois.

But he claimed that an independent Scotland would provide greater opportunities for his cabinet to loot and plunder if it broke away from the contaminated Union.

Mr Salmond also said the people best placed to rip off the country were those able to get into the cabinet and pretend to work there.

He added: “They will always be the people with unfettered opportunity to profit on the back of the people who live and work there.

“Smaller independent nations are now suffering from their natural economic weakness – windbag nationalists, profiteering politicians, avaricious civil servants and the ability to clearly define their six figure payoffs and pension pots.

“Scotland’s current constitutional status – as part of a subjugating oppressive Union where one nation is always likely to whine on the basis of its mindset – seems more and more like hard luck.

“Scotland is still ranked number one in the world in terms of those willing to sacrifice their lives to escape Neverendum boredom.”

Mr Moses, who was boring the Windbag City Council on Parish Cooncil Affairs, will be enjoying a knees up at taxpayers expense until the end of golf’s Ridethem Cup.

He added: “Of course we will continue to ingratiate and abase ourselves to the Americans, without whose patronage, my vanity project will have nae chance of happening.

“But, as for those anti-progressive countries; France, Spain, Italy, Portugal,Bulgaria, Holland, Germany, Denmark, Poland, Romania, Ireland and Austria – who oppose our progressive Jakey Apartheid supermarket windfall tax, they will rue the day they messed wi’ my ego.”

The Ego has landed

According to the Hootsmon; “accounts disclosed that the most senior SNP politicians have built up pensions worth £493,000 since they came to power five years ago.

“Those pension arrangements do not include those for Alex Salmond, who receives a special pension worth half his salary when he steps down.”

AhDinnaeKen wishes that cabinet minster universal benefits were truly universal and open to all in the sovereign EU region of Skintland.

Here’s hoping.



Filed under Culture, Morality, Newspeak

What’s Salmond hiding in Sturgeon’s drawers?

Labourer leader Fandabadozie Lament claims unpaid bills are stacking up in Auld Nick Sturgeon’s drawers.

“Trust is like a mirror..once its BROKEN you can never look at it the same again… ” – Anon. Aboot time a few sovereign people of Scotland took a look in the mirror.

By Snakeoil Huckster

FANDABADOZIE LAMENT sparked controversy yesterday when she pledged to end Scotland’s ‘something-for-nothing culture’.

The diminutive ranter said it was time to end the kiddy on devolved government which could be scrapped if she comes to power.

Here on AhDinnaeKen she claims Scotland needs to ditch the something for nothing talking shop parliament stacked up with List D non-entities and subsidised Pinot Grigio consumers.


We’ve aw din it.

The gas, electricity and phone bills all land on the same week and you’d rather get mad-wi’ it on Navid’s special offer Buckie.

So you don’t pay them, get somebody to ‘fix’ the meters and forget aboot it.

You do the same with the final demands and hide behind the curtains when the ‘men’ come to collect.

It’s a perfect bawbag reaction from somebody struggling with an attitude. But is it the way to run a Big Parish Cooncil in Edinborrow?

Maybe in Skintland, but not in the real world. But that is what Sun King Moses of Salmond and Auld Nick Sturgeon are doing.

Everybuddy knows that the moolah’s ran oot.

Salmy and Auld Nick know it. That’s why they asked a big boy to report on how much was in the tuck shop tin and were told plainly, not once but hunners o’ times – there’s no even enough fur a roll and sausage wi’ tomato sauce.

In typical “Ah’m no listenin’ to this anti-Scot Unionist pish fashion” they stuck their fingers in their ears and said “La la la la la”.

Whit ah’ve done is send them a reminder that I want even mare sovereign Scots to look upon me as an austere Tory in waiting – and the SNP as paragons of the peoples’ virtue.

Why aren’t more Scots aware of this? Who knows – though think back to Ally’s army in 1978 and ask why we thought we could win the World Cup.

Free prescriptions? Sure – get yoursel’ on the Road to Ruin methadone programme and set up a wee business sellin’ it on.

Free prescriptions for methadone men cost around £38 million.

For that you could hire mare than 1600 nurses – close to the number of nurses gie’d the boot by Auld Nick in her ‘formidable’ capacity as Health Minister.

A Council Tax Freeze? Pure dead brilliant. A centrist move echoing the centrist moves by Maggie Thatcher in the 80s. So much for local democracy and autonomy at a local level.

Wee Blether Salmond is watching your cooncil and strangling them so he can look good in the electorate’s eyes.

Sun King Moses of Salmond is rippin the pish oot o’ the Scots. Polls show almost a third ur daftie enough to be taken in by this ex-Banker’s sustained but unsustainable con trick.

Fir Christ’s sake, when are us weans gonnae realise that the man with the sweeties wantin’ us to get into the motor for a bit o’ independence is wantin’ tae take us for a different kind of ride.


Filed under Economy, Election, Labour

Pro-Independence camp’s self delusion lead jumps 20 points

Self delusion is a necessity of happiness in any right thinking individual. A new poll out today points to the reason why so many Nationalists are inexplicably happy.

Sign of the Times

Sign seen outside referendum polling both for sake of the Nationalists

By Kannyseethe Widfur-Thetrees

PRO-INDEPENDENCE voters are becoming more self deluded according to the latest poll.

A recent snapshot by DNA GSTQ – taken after Andy Murray’s Wimbleflodden flop – puts those for independence 50% more in the pathological denial camp.

Twelve months ago, the gap was smaller due to rampant disaffection within the ranks of traditional Labouring supporters.

The latest poll will intensify the dilemma for anti-Midas touch Sun King Alex of Salmond.

Support for a Section 30 legal fight and Neverendum call-off due to ‘dummies of victimhood’ being spat oot o’ the pram now seems to be the most popular option among ‘right thinking’ Scots.

DNA GSTQ which conducted the face-to-face home interviews with 1000 cringing Scots asked two questions: “Are you too feart to face up to the real responsibilities of frrrrreeeeeeedddddoooommmmm™?” and “Do you like real-life courtroom dramas on the telly?”

On the 2nd question, the majority of Scots including the most severely self deluded, admitted that a guid constitutional court room drama could distract from the lost prize of independence.

These figures have added to the expectation that the Sun King will wrangle a default option of ‘victimhood’ in order to spare his egotistical blushes.

Kristopher Eeyore, Unionist demagogue and head of DNA GSTQ Scotland, said the pro-independence camp would remain set in concrete denial by the latest figures.

He said: “Braveheart Commandos, Keyboard Warriors, Polarised Cybernatterers and Frrrrreeeeeeedddddoooommmmm™ Fighters throughout Alba Dal Riata will completely ignore these figures as they have ignored all the evidence for the best part of the last century.

“Some people just cannae be telt!”

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Filed under Election, Opinion, Referendum

PM: Dalai Lama avoidance scheme is morally wrong

PM gies Firstminster back o’ his haun ower his moral cowardice

Pot calls Kettle black shock

According to the new ethics, virtue is not restrictive but expansive, a sentiment and even an intoxication, said the China drunk Firstminster.

By Simple Ethicsman

DAVID CAMERON last night blasted comedian Alex Salmond – describing his Dalai Lama dodging as “morally wrong”.

The PM said Salmond, exposed for running away from the Tibetan Spritual Leader, was undertaking “straightforward Lama avoidance”.

And he said it was unfair Salmond did not pay his diplomacy tax in the same way as government leaders throughout the world.

Mr Cameron waded into the row after Salmond kept his silence over the controversy, leaving his drone minions to maintain silence also.

Salmond, 59, is thought to be one of several SNP ministers to sign up to the Lama “avoidance at all costs” plan.

The Firstminster funnelled excuses through the phrase used in parliament: “this is a pastoral visit” and later relied on it whenever queried by members of the public.

The scheme enabled SNP dignitaries to come up with excuses ranging from a ‘family bereavement’ to having to stay in to ‘finish off some poached wine pear’.

In an interview with ITV news during his trip to Tacosville for the G1314 summit, the PM said: “I think some of these schemes – and I think particularly of the Alex Salmond scheme – is completely wrong.

“People work hard, believe in human rights, expect others to respect other’s rights, and then Salmond goes and does this.

“Some of these Chinese sponsored schemes are, quite frankly, morally wrong.”

Spokesperson for the SNP Wee Naebudy said: “We tried building dikes of moral courage but we jist coudnae haud back the flood of  fear when the Chinese consul came visiting.”


Filed under Culture, Diplomacy, Morality

Osama Bin Laden backs independence for Scotland

Right Honourable Sun King Alex of Salmond welcomes support of influential dead Middle Eastern indpendence supporter .

Remember kids! One Privy Cooncillor's terrorist is another Privy Cooncillor's freedom fighter said Mark MacacLachlan yesterday

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity said Sun King Alex of Salmond as he proceeded to further screw his Just Say Yes (Please) Twitter followers.

By Phreed Uhmnow-Orelse

SCOTLAND’S MOST historic non-event in the history of historic non-events has been given a damp squib boost from an influential dead freedom fighter.

World famous offshore Scottish independence supporter Osama Bin Laden signed up to the Just Say Yes (Please) campaign recently giving it a much welcomed surgical strike in the arm.

Mr Bin Laden left a message on a pre-prepared Twitter message with an incendiary link to a ‘special’ site with secret freedom fighting campaign tips.

In it Mr Bin Laden stated that, like the Right Honourable Sun King Alex of Salmond, he too was ‘having problems’ with unruly republican types and anti-Nato supporters.

Suggestions included operative procedures such as covert assassination, jihad and cyberwarfare.

The Right Honourable Sun King Alex of Salmond, said that while he welcomed the tips, many of them were “already in place.”

He said: “While there is much to learn from the excellent organisational and implementation skills of Osama Bin Laden, it has to be said that in places he is not radical enough.”

Political opponents of the Right Honourable Sun King seized on his comments claiming that they had indeed rumbled his clandestine operation.

Leader of the Tory Party Truth Gotyason said: “My deputy leader, hundreds of non-affiliated bloggers, and all the political editors in Scotland were counted as backers for your ego driven vanity project.

“Some would say that one Privy Cooncillor’s ‘online wizardry’ was another Privy Cooncillor’s cyberwarfare.

“Which is it oh self righteous one?”

Labouring leader Fandabadozie Lament alluded to another of the Inter-Nationalist Terrorists fallbacks, the ‘communal hallucination’.

She said: “How dare he induce the delusion that the Scots can think for themselves.

“What next? Online intifada, or whit aboot a Unionist fatwa, or how’s about a Murdoch hura?

“There are more questions than answers surrounding this new found supporter for online independence.”

Official spokesperson for the SNP Wee Naebudy said: “Wan man’s terrorist is anither man’s freedom fighter.

“The SNP are an inclusive party. If the despicable Unionists want to play the moral superiority caird they can get it right up them.”

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Filed under Diplomacy, Referendum

MacAesop’s Fables #11 – The Hawk, the Kite, and the Pigeons

Our eleventh Sunday outpouring of sanctimony and self-righteous morality to be taken as seriously as the Labouring party's attempt at electoral arithmetic.

Nationalism is power hunger tempered by self-deception. – George Orwell

THE PIGEONS, terrified by the appearance of a Kite, called upon the Hawk to defend them.

He at once consented.

When they had admitted him into the cote, they found that he made more havoc and slew a larger number of them in one day than the Kite could pounce upon in a whole year.

Analysis: So the kite is the Unholy alliance right. The hawk is the SNP. What could the moral of this commendably short fable be? That’s right, sometimes it’s best to:  “Avoid a remedy that is worse than the disease.” 

For more morally superior and vacuous posturing click on the Fable category to the right.

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Filed under Fable

Humbug or Hypocrisy? You decide

Cybernats whip themselves into hypocritical frenzy over standard political hypocrisy cum election time.

Hypocrisy is a value that has been fully embraced by the SNP and Labour. We get lectured by people all day long about moral values by people who have their own moral shortcomings.

By Nye Evity

SCOTTISH LABOUR hypocrites are calling for a specially-convened hypocrisy committee to investigate the SNP’s hypocrisy over Labour’s hypocrisy.

Opposition parties have lambasted the hypocrisy of Labour hypocrisy over SNP hypocrisy as “hypocritical hypocrisy.”

Sun King Alex of Salmond hypocritically said he was fed up with Labour’s humbug and hypocrisy over their exposure of his humbug and hypocrisy but it was hypocritical humbug of other  parties to point out that Labour and the SNP personified humbug and hypocrisy.

A disenchanted hypocrite said: “This just goes to prove the maxim that Democracy is hypocrisy without limitation.”

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Filed under CyberNats, Labour, Newspeak