Tag Archives: responsibility

Scottish independence: Tories outflank everyone – including the Tories

MORE POWERS for the Big Parish Cooncil at Whollyrude will ensure Scots will end up hating the SNP just as much as they hate the Tories. AhDinnaeKen investigates:

"What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin." - Mark Twain

“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.” – Mark Twain

By Tory Story

SCOTLAND’S GOVERNMENT should be given a taste of real responsibility before taking fantastical leaps of faith, the Scottish Conservatives said yesterday.

Roof Davidson, Scottish leader of the despicable, evil, baby impoverishing Tories, said it was time for Scotland to “stop living on pocket money and get a paper round instead”.

Speaking to a collection of elitist monsters including her mainstream media buddies at the British Brainwashing Corporation, Roof concluded that it was time for the SNP to “stop playing at politics” and “waken up in the real world”.

She said Whollyrude – currently funded by corrupt Westminster gold – must learn the tough lessons of growing up before leaving home and getting taken to the cleaners by speculative sharks.

Her speech was broadly welcomed as the first thing a Conservative politician has said in Scotland in, literally, decades which made the Labouring party take second place to a despicable Tory.

Referring to the findings of a commissioned report, Roof outlined the main thrust of the plans:

  • There was a solid case for the Scottish Government to navel gaze rather than continually blame Westminster.

 

  • The ability to tax the poorest workers was to remain in the hands of the big boys in London.

 

  • A new body should be created to report back on just how disastrous the extra responsibility will be to the Nationalists credibility and popularity.

 

  • There should be a public holiday declared so that everyone could scrutinise what the Nationalists had brought upon the country.

Roof insisted the proposals were a sure fire way of stymying the belief held in some quarters that the SNP did what was best for Scotland rather than what was best for the SNP.

Auld Nick Sturgeon, deputy pantsonfire leader of the Whollyrude Freedom Fighters Against Evil Westminster Oppression, said: “I hate that bastard Davidson. When we get gubbed in September we’re not even going to get the consolation prize of being able to blame it on everyone else.

“People are going to look at the SNP and say, ‘You’re responsible for this’.

“That thought is quite scary. I wish I’d stayed in the hoose.”

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Should voters be given morning after the Neverendum pill?

Serious questions raised in Scots Plasticine Parliament over type of medication to be dispensed to predicted traumatisation of voters.

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” ― Laurell K. Hamilton

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” ― Laurell K. Hamilton

By Farmah Sist

TOP SPINDCOCTORS will today urge the Scottish Plasticine Parliament to allow voters a morning after pill – in VOTING BOOTHS.

Ruth Wholeperson, chairperson of the Scottish Traumatised Voter Mentalists Group, will tell Whollyrude’s political mentalists that urgent action will need to be taken.

The Government had aimed to cut post-Neverendum trauma with a Yes vote, but that eventuality has had to be discounted.

Currently Voter nurses can’t dispense medication – but can advise voters to contact mental clinics.

Here, two experts JOCK MCAVERAGE and FROTHING PARTISAN tell their views on the controversial issue.

NO: JOCK MCAVERAGE of Pondlife charity

AS an individual with day to day priorities, I’d worry that these damn Nationalist types will be able to escape the consequence of what they’ve done.

By giving out the voter-after pill in booths, we teach voters they need not be responsible.

You’re sending out a message to voters that they can do what they like.

How is that going to help voters to respect themselves or their political opponents.

If you’re going to give voters methadone before the vote and then a morning-after pill, they’re less likely to use discretion.

One in three voters in Scotland currently believe in the SNP fantasy – we have reached epidemic proportions.

The other morning-after pill was designed to breed these people out of the system.

Voters don’t behave today the way they did a generation ago. Twitter and WordPress has made them think they have something important to say.

I send my children to voting booths to vote and I find it astonishing they could be handed the morning-after pill to repudiate their actions.

YES: FROTHING PARTISAN co-leader of the GREENGOES

THE VOTER nurse network is there to look after the health and wellbeing of voters and I see no reason to exclude those who may be making a catastrophic mistake.

Voters have a right to access the service and that’s only being challenged by mentalists who realise how tediously mental the whole Neverendum debate actually is.

If someone needs emergency voterception they need to access it early – they’ll have the rest of their lives to face the consequence of what they’ve done.

Some voters will want to access a service out of the voting booth and may have seen their overpriced MSP – which will ultimately be a useless and dispiriting experience for them.

It is a delicate balance between living up to your responsibilities or living in denial for the consequences of your actions.

Whatever the result of the Neverendum, at least one third of the country is going to need medicated for a very long time.

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