Tag Archives: referendum date

MacAesop’s Fables # 15 – The Hares and the Lions

Our fifteenth Sunday outpouring of sanctimony and self-righteous morality to be taken as seriously as the Just Say Yes campaign’s solidarity of purpose.

“No institution can function smoothly if there is disunity among it’s members.” – Atharva Veda

THE HARES harangued the assembly and argued that all should be equal. The Lions made this reply: Your words, O Hares! are good, but they lack both claws and teeth such as we have.

AnalysisTwo weeks in and already the Just Say Yes (Please) campaign is floundering. Patacake Harvie of the Hares has had his voice heard. Now the teeth and claws of the Braveheart SNP lions will be brought to the fore. They have £2 million worth of tooth and claw efter aw.

For more morally superior and vacuous posturing click on the Fable category to the right.


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Sports philanthropist says Independence needs right brand of trainers

Role model philanthropist and owner of £5000 Kylie Minogue trainers tells Big Bloodyrude Cooncil whit tae dae wi’ itsel

Back of the van philanthropist makes an offer they can't refuse to the Scottish Big Cooncil

A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
Imagine how far that lie could travel with a pair of Nike trainers on.

By Wan San Shue

ENTREPRENEUR SIR Tom Punter believes all politicians should wear more trainers for Scotland.

He made the remark during a ‘Jogging in Parliament’ conference at Bloodyrude.

Sir Tom said he was as yet unsure about whether “we need frrrreeeedddddooooommmm!!™” but he was certain Scotland needed to be responsible for the brand of trainers the population were wearing.

Privy Cooncillor The Right Honourable Sun King Alex of Salmond also preached at the event. He pontificated that successes seen in the cinema multiplex and offshore patriot sector could be repeated across other industries.

Sir Tom told the gathering inside the Big Talkin’ Shoap that “trainers of every brand can be used as a form of identity, character and business acumen. The right trainers can help us do what is right for Scotland by denoting our ‘right footwear’ thinking.

He said: “We in Scotland need to be footwear responsible. Quite simply, we need to be responsible for what we put on our feet and the comfort of what we wear.

“I don’t know if we need independence yet. I’m still waiting to see what type of trainers both sides will be wearing. But I do know I can get you a discount for just about any brand, Ahdidas-ahwastelt are particularly popular with rank and file SNP members at the moment.”

He challenged everyone “to raise our game and invent the new Enlightenment by wearing the best trainers for the job.”

The Right Honourable Sun King Alex of Salmond said: “If wearing Union Jack trainers with the Queen’s coopon on it gained any extra votes, I’d back it.

“Sir Tom has raised an excellent point. I believe the SNP can be as successful at trainer wearing as any party in the UK.”

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BBC claims Nationalists are mentally imbalanced fearties

Imperialist BBC accused of brutish oppression against poor wee stupit Scotland


BBC is biased against nutters

It’s so easy for propaganda to work, and dissent to be mocked
said a slippery SNP drone yesterday.


By Getower Yersels

THE BBC has hit out at the SNP over its BBC Question Time coverage.

Nationalists accused the BBC of ‘planting’ the panel with Unionists, Quislings and traitorous anti-Scots.

But Executive Producer of the BBC’s culturally imperialistic political propaganda show said that the nationalists were just ‘running feart’.

The panel includes the SNPs Edwardian Grotesque Alex Kneel and Hollywood rentboy Alan Ohiamcumming supporting the cause of self righteous determination and freeeedddddooooommmmm!!™

The vile Scots baiting colonialist imperialists are represented by Scots Labouring leader Fandabadozie Lament, Scots Lord Weasel Words Forsyth, Scots Ex-Lib-Dem leader Charlie Daeyeken-eddy, and English Vile Mainstream Media anti-Scots Polemicist Lemonie Phillips.

The BBC have been roundly condemned for imbalance having invited only one raving loony English nutjob, Lemonie Phillips.

SNP senior backbencher Kenneth Dothefunky Gibbon said: “It is inevitable that independence will be discussed on this week’s Question Time, and it would be in our best interests if the BBC invited more English raving anti-Scots polemicists in order to boost our cause.

“In future the BBC should ensure that David Starkey or Kelvin McKenzie get invited on whenever independence is expected to be discussed.”

A Question Time spokesperson said: “This Thursday’s programme in Jocko-Gillieness is a standard anti-Scots Nat biased edition of Question Time, rather than a special programme on self inflicted paranoia.

“We have picked an imbalanced panel reflecting the total paranoid idiocy of the claim that we are anti-independence.”

BBC guidelines say that impartiality “lies at the heart of public service and that’s why everybody hates us and accuses us of bias.”

The Question Time spokesperson added: “Clearly Nationalist independence supporters are too dumb, too blind and too paranoid to get that.”



Filed under Culture, Media, Newspeak, Opinion

Osama Bin Laden backs independence for Scotland

Right Honourable Sun King Alex of Salmond welcomes support of influential dead Middle Eastern indpendence supporter .

Remember kids! One Privy Cooncillor's terrorist is another Privy Cooncillor's freedom fighter said Mark MacacLachlan yesterday

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity said Sun King Alex of Salmond as he proceeded to further screw his Just Say Yes (Please) Twitter followers.

By Phreed Uhmnow-Orelse

SCOTLAND’S MOST historic non-event in the history of historic non-events has been given a damp squib boost from an influential dead freedom fighter.

World famous offshore Scottish independence supporter Osama Bin Laden signed up to the Just Say Yes (Please) campaign recently giving it a much welcomed surgical strike in the arm.

Mr Bin Laden left a message on a pre-prepared Twitter message with an incendiary link to a ‘special’ site with secret freedom fighting campaign tips.

In it Mr Bin Laden stated that, like the Right Honourable Sun King Alex of Salmond, he too was ‘having problems’ with unruly republican types and anti-Nato supporters.

Suggestions included operative procedures such as covert assassination, jihad and cyberwarfare.

The Right Honourable Sun King Alex of Salmond, said that while he welcomed the tips, many of them were “already in place.”

He said: “While there is much to learn from the excellent organisational and implementation skills of Osama Bin Laden, it has to be said that in places he is not radical enough.”

Political opponents of the Right Honourable Sun King seized on his comments claiming that they had indeed rumbled his clandestine operation.

Leader of the Tory Party Truth Gotyason said: “My deputy leader, hundreds of non-affiliated bloggers, and all the political editors in Scotland were counted as backers for your ego driven vanity project.

“Some would say that one Privy Cooncillor’s ‘online wizardry’ was another Privy Cooncillor’s cyberwarfare.

“Which is it oh self righteous one?”

Labouring leader Fandabadozie Lament alluded to another of the Inter-Nationalist Terrorists fallbacks, the ‘communal hallucination’.

She said: “How dare he induce the delusion that the Scots can think for themselves.

“What next? Online intifada, or whit aboot a Unionist fatwa, or how’s about a Murdoch hura?

“There are more questions than answers surrounding this new found supporter for online independence.”

Official spokesperson for the SNP Wee Naebudy said: “Wan man’s terrorist is anither man’s freedom fighter.

“The SNP are an inclusive party. If the despicable Unionists want to play the moral superiority caird they can get it right up them.”

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Age is a very high price to pay for maturity say SNP underage drinking voters

Are Salmond and Sturgeon trying to make Scotland safe for hypocrisy by lowering the voting age below the legal smoking and drinking age?

Oh for the days when you were allowed to do what you wanted

No taxation without representation said Humza Yumza to this little boy shortly before he left to vote at the Glesca cooncil elections.

By Geeza Fag

THE LEGAL age for voting in referendums is to be lowered from 18 to 16 whenever the SNP get the chance to benefit from it.

SNP Drone MSPs unanimously back a change in the law following a poll which shows 16-17 year olds support independence within a prohibition joyless, alcohol free, smoke free, thought crime free Scotland.

The move attracted Nationalist support within the Bloodyrude Cooncil and is hoped to be implemented within the next two thousand hours.

However, concerns have been raised that the move may only be temporary due to a deep distrust of the age group by the SNP.

Minister for Self Righteous Nannying, Auld Nick Sturgeon, told members that a person who started voting at the age of 16 only did so because they could not legally drink or smoke.

The legal age for voting was set prior to the implementation of Twitter and Facebook, long before opinions could be manipulated by ‘internet wizardry’ politicians.

Ms Auld Nick is due to present a number of proposals later in the year.

People in Scotland are twice as likely to die from political boredom than anywhere else within the Union.

The Self Righteous Minister said nothing had yet been ruled in or out of the government’s attempt to curb problem voting.

She said: “We all know that Scotland as a nation has a voting problem and the implications of this are very serious – not least for the SNP referendum.

“The Scottish Government is currently in the process of developing a long-term voting strategy and as part of this we have been looking at a range of positive issues including maturity, naivety and judgement.


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MacAesop’s Fables # 13 – The Crow and the Sheep

Our thirteenth Sunday outpouring of sanctimony and self-righteous morality to be taken as seriously as Brian Cox’s intention to vote for independence

“Everyone who wants to do good to the human race always ends in universal bullying” said Aldous Huxley to Sun King Alex of Salmond on Friday.

A TROUBLESOME CROW seated himself on the back of a Sheep. The Sheep, much against his will, carried him backward and forward for a long time and at last said, “If you had treated a dog in this manner, you would have had your just deserts from his sharp teeth.”

To this the crow replied, “I despise the weak and yield to the strong. I know whom I may bully and whom I must flatter, and I thus prolong my life to a good old age.”

Analysis: When the SNP sheep voted themselves an early visit to the political slaughterhouse of the 1979 general election, it attracted many crows, especially the opportunistic carrion variety. One such crow was our present Firstminster and the rest, as they say, is neverendum history. What a shame for the weak, despised and bullied SNP Dolly drones.

For more morally superior and vacuous posturing click on the Fable category to the right.

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Most historic day in the history of world history ever

Today, 25th May was the most historic day in the history of world history ever. AhDinnaeKen takes a look over the 2000 year plus long events of the 25th May which made this day a day which will be etched in the mindset of Braveheart Commandos, Polarised Militant Myopics, Cybernatterers, C U Jimmies and SNP Keyboard Warriors everywhere. The message of hope is expected to carry throughout the commonwealth of ‘right thinking’ Scots throughout the whole world – possibly even the whole universe. Certainly, it will resonate in Buchan and Banff

By Nonnie Vent – May 25, 11am, thoroughly underwhelmed

MAY 25, a massively momentous day in the history of massively momentous self determining days ever. Here are the lucky thirteen main massively momentous reasons for 25th May being so massively momentous and so massively momentous historically:

240 BC: First recorded perihelion passage of Hailey’s Comet. Widely predicted as the first omen of portent that SNP could win independence referendum in 2014.

1798 AD: United Irishmen Rebellion. The Carnew massacre, Dunlavin massacre and Carlow massacre takes place in order to pave way for Scottish referendum movement and the Just say Yes campaign 214 years later.

1809 AD: Chuquisaca Revolution: Group of patriots revolt against the Spanish Empire starting the South American Wars of Independence. Send message of solidarity – in a hermetically sealed time capsule – to Alex Salmond and his Just Say Yes campaign.

1810 AD: May revolution. Citizens of Buenos Aires expel Viceroy  Baltasar Hidalgo de Cisneros heralding the start of the Argentine War of Independence. Some citizens send diplomatic letter to United Kingdom asking it to lay off with the oppression of Scotland.

1837 AD: The Rebels of Lower Canada (Quebec) rebel against the British for Freeeeeeddddddooooooommm!!. Leading rebel Wolfred Nelson offers the precursor  of the Scottish National Party a chance at forming a pseudo Auld Alliance for continuous neverendums.

1914 AD: The Unionist House of Commons passes the Home Rule Act for devolution in Ireland. Scottish Nationalists start to get some wee Big Ideas, but decide that the Scottish Constitutional Convention is ‘up to no good’.

1953 AD: Nuclear testing: United States conduct their first and only nuclear artillery test in Nevada. Military concludes that it should base Trident in Faslane instead in order to wind up Scottish Nationalists.

1961 AD: President John F Kennedy announces plans to “put a man on the Moon” before the end of the decade. UK Labour party say there’s as much chance of that happening as Alex Salmond getting into bed with Rupert Murdoch.

1966 AD: The first prominent daziabao during the Cultural Revolution in China is posted at Peking University. It says: “Good luck with the independence launch Alex.”

1967 AD: Celtic FC from Glasgow, Scotland, become the first ever ‘British’ team to win the European Cup. Alex Salmond laments not being able to hold referendum in the glorious days of genuflection

1997 AD: A military coup in Sierra Leone replaces President Ahmad Tejan  Kabbah with Major Johnny Paul Koromah. The victor sends email of support to Alex Salmond: “Good luck with the subterfuging of Devolution.” it says.

2000 AD: Liberation Day of Lebanon: Unionist Israel withdraws its forces from most of the Lebanese territory. Alex Salmond feels suitably encouraged for 2003 election at Holyrood.

 2011 AD: Oprah Winfrey airs her last show, ending her 25 year run of The Oprah Winfrey Show. Her last words on television are: “Hope those suckers vote for your vanity project Alex.”

2012 AD: Sun King Alex of Salmond launches new movie “Alex in Wonderland: The Declaration of Cinemaplex Seven”.

Despite cramming the cinema with cronies, SNP drones, hingers oan, lottery winners, luvvie actors and rebel politicos, hardly anyone notices.

Greece and Spain still remain major threats to the core of neo-Liberal economic philosophy. Greece and Spain still represent the plunging of the world into major peace threatening depression.

Keen observers may have noted that the neverendum hasn’t actually lasted for more than 2000 years, it’s just that’s how long it feels. Ho hum, back to the weather.

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