Today, 25th May was the most historic day in the history of world history ever. AhDinnaeKen takes a look over the 2000 year plus long events of the 25th May which made this day a day which will be etched in the mindset of Braveheart Commandos, Polarised Militant Myopics, Cybernatterers, C U Jimmies and SNP Keyboard Warriors everywhere. The message of hope is expected to carry throughout the commonwealth of ‘right thinking’ Scots throughout the whole world – possibly even the whole universe. Certainly, it will resonate in Buchan and Banff
By Nonnie Vent – May 25, 11am, thoroughly underwhelmed
MAY 25, a massively momentous day in the history of massively momentous self determining days ever. Here are the lucky thirteen main massively momentous reasons for 25th May being so massively momentous and so massively momentous historically:
240 BC: First recorded perihelion passage of Hailey’s Comet. Widely predicted as the first omen of portent that SNP could win independence referendum in 2014.
1798 AD: United Irishmen Rebellion. The Carnew massacre, Dunlavin massacre and Carlow massacre takes place in order to pave way for Scottish referendum movement and the Just say Yes campaign 214 years later.
1809 AD: Chuquisaca Revolution: Group of patriots revolt against the Spanish Empire starting the South American Wars of Independence. Send message of solidarity – in a hermetically sealed time capsule – to Alex Salmond and his Just Say Yes campaign.
1810 AD: May revolution. Citizens of Buenos Aires expel Viceroy Baltasar Hidalgo de Cisneros heralding the start of the Argentine War of Independence. Some citizens send diplomatic letter to United Kingdom asking it to lay off with the oppression of Scotland.
1837 AD: The Rebels of Lower Canada (Quebec) rebel against the British for Freeeeeeddddddooooooommm!!. Leading rebel Wolfred Nelson offers the precursor of the Scottish National Party a chance at forming a pseudo Auld Alliance for continuous neverendums.
1914 AD: The Unionist House of Commons passes the Home Rule Act for devolution in Ireland. Scottish Nationalists start to get some wee Big Ideas, but decide that the Scottish Constitutional Convention is ‘up to no good’.
1953 AD: Nuclear testing: United States conduct their first and only nuclear artillery test in Nevada. Military concludes that it should base Trident in Faslane instead in order to wind up Scottish Nationalists.
1961 AD: President John F Kennedy announces plans to “put a man on the Moon” before the end of the decade. UK Labour party say there’s as much chance of that happening as Alex Salmond getting into bed with Rupert Murdoch.
1966 AD: The first prominent daziabao during the Cultural Revolution in China is posted at Peking University. It says: “Good luck with the independence launch Alex.”
1967 AD: Celtic FC from Glasgow, Scotland, become the first ever ‘British’ team to win the European Cup. Alex Salmond laments not being able to hold referendum in the glorious days of genuflection
1997 AD: A military coup in Sierra Leone replaces President Ahmad Tejan Kabbah with Major Johnny Paul Koromah. The victor sends email of support to Alex Salmond: “Good luck with the subterfuging of Devolution.” it says.
2000 AD: Liberation Day of Lebanon: Unionist Israel withdraws its forces from most of the Lebanese territory. Alex Salmond feels suitably encouraged for 2003 election at Holyrood.
2011 AD: Oprah Winfrey airs her last show, ending her 25 year run of The Oprah Winfrey Show. Her last words on television are: “Hope those suckers vote for your vanity project Alex.”
2012 AD: Sun King Alex of Salmond launches new movie “Alex in Wonderland: The Declaration of Cinemaplex Seven”.
Despite cramming the cinema with cronies, SNP drones, hingers oan, lottery winners, luvvie actors and rebel politicos, hardly anyone notices.
Greece and Spain still remain major threats to the core of neo-Liberal economic philosophy. Greece and Spain still represent the plunging of the world into major peace threatening depression.
Keen observers may have noted that the neverendum hasn’t actually lasted for more than 2000 years, it’s just that’s how long it feels. Ho hum, back to the weather.