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Moan McVulpine: Nationalists are up to their oxters in ordure

MOAN says the Nationalists disastrous decision to keep Joan McAlpine as a Firstminsterial parliamenary aide will come back and bite them on the backside.

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By Moan McVulpineputting the Hyp in hypocrisy

THE NATIONALISTS are getting excited by a perceived shift in the polls.

My words, while pishin’ mahsel laffin and simultaneously being roundly amused at the little fluttering hearts presently beating in the breasts of the idealistic, committed, zealotous, heidbanger hard core of wishful thinking ffrreeddoomm™ fighters oot there.

Don’t get me wrong, it would inject a bit of much needed excitment into a moribundly dull debate.

The Nationalists are still desperately trying to find a gamechanger which will sweep us all of our feet in a fit of revolutionary Nationalistic zeal.

With the likes of Bullingdon Chancer Osborne in charge at the helm of the country’s exchequer, it should be as easy as booking a hotel bed for the night and not turning up – at taxpayer expense of course.

But no. The most historic document in the history of the world ever – the White Paper – is getting used as an impromptu doorstop or improvised weapon of mass destruction rather than inspiring people to vote for the Sun King in waiting, Firstminster Salmond.

Salmond and his cohorts know they’re uniformly failing to convince the Scots to vote Yes to ffrreeddoomm™.

They know they have to go after the Labouring party and smear it as a Tory lite organisation.

Given the party’s recent sojourns that shouldn’t be too hard.

Lining up to campaign with the Tories is as toxic in Scotland as being found out for holding secret undeclared meetings with Rupert Murdoch.

And that just doesn’t go down well with anyone.

The non closure on the currency and EU questions have effectively torpedoed the Nationalist dream.

Many of them seem to think they’ve seen the currency and European membership issues off. They don’t appear to realise the ramifications of failing to close down this part of the debate.

Like the “too wee, too poor…” yadda yadda mantra, the Project Fear label is as tiresomely dull as it is stupid.

The real fear campaign hasn’t even started yet.

Without some sort of certainty on currency and without some sort of certainty on European membership, the variables in the fear game are virtually limitless.

And no campaign, not even one run by Martin Luther King, Gandhi, Robert De Brus and Nelson Mandela combined could offset the effects of that fear.

Uncertainty on currency, for example, will affect your bank balance, your pension, your job and how much you pay for goods in the shops etc etc. It could potentially rob you of your wallet and your home.

The man who would be Sun King says it will all be awright. Even if you trust him – and his five pensions – it’s still a huge gamble.

Polls, like Nationalists, are as flirtatious as Joan McAlpine on a photographic expedition.

And that’s why their promises can’t be trusted.

They present you with all the bitter/sweetness of a clandestine lover with an undeclared agenda.

The Nationalists only real chance of making any headway in the debate is by labelling everyone but themselves as Tory – in a positive and civic fashion of course.

That they’re mostly failing to do so illustrates perfectly how empty their rhetoric really is.

It’s not just their promises that are empty.

They’ve got us all up to oor oxters in their ordure.

Roll on September 18.

 

COMEDY RELIEF

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