Tag Archives: polls

Moan McVulpine: Nationalists are up to their oxters in ordure

MOAN says the Nationalists disastrous decision to keep Joan McAlpine as a Firstminsterial parliamenary aide will come back and bite them on the backside.

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By Moan McVulpineputting the Hyp in hypocrisy

THE NATIONALISTS are getting excited by a perceived shift in the polls.

My words, while pishin’ mahsel laffin and simultaneously being roundly amused at the little fluttering hearts presently beating in the breasts of the idealistic, committed, zealotous, heidbanger hard core of wishful thinking ffrreeddoomm™ fighters oot there.

Don’t get me wrong, it would inject a bit of much needed excitment into a moribundly dull debate.

The Nationalists are still desperately trying to find a gamechanger which will sweep us all of our feet in a fit of revolutionary Nationalistic zeal.

With the likes of Bullingdon Chancer Osborne in charge at the helm of the country’s exchequer, it should be as easy as booking a hotel bed for the night and not turning up – at taxpayer expense of course.

But no. The most historic document in the history of the world ever – the White Paper – is getting used as an impromptu doorstop or improvised weapon of mass destruction rather than inspiring people to vote for the Sun King in waiting, Firstminster Salmond.

Salmond and his cohorts know they’re uniformly failing to convince the Scots to vote Yes to ffrreeddoomm™.

They know they have to go after the Labouring party and smear it as a Tory lite organisation.

Given the party’s recent sojourns that shouldn’t be too hard.

Lining up to campaign with the Tories is as toxic in Scotland as being found out for holding secret undeclared meetings with Rupert Murdoch.

And that just doesn’t go down well with anyone.

The non closure on the currency and EU questions have effectively torpedoed the Nationalist dream.

Many of them seem to think they’ve seen the currency and European membership issues off. They don’t appear to realise the ramifications of failing to close down this part of the debate.

Like the “too wee, too poor…” yadda yadda mantra, the Project Fear label is as tiresomely dull as it is stupid.

The real fear campaign hasn’t even started yet.

Without some sort of certainty on currency and without some sort of certainty on European membership, the variables in the fear game are virtually limitless.

And no campaign, not even one run by Martin Luther King, Gandhi, Robert De Brus and Nelson Mandela combined could offset the effects of that fear.

Uncertainty on currency, for example, will affect your bank balance, your pension, your job and how much you pay for goods in the shops etc etc. It could potentially rob you of your wallet and your home.

The man who would be Sun King says it will all be awright. Even if you trust him – and his five pensions – it’s still a huge gamble.

Polls, like Nationalists, are as flirtatious as Joan McAlpine on a photographic expedition.

And that’s why their promises can’t be trusted.

They present you with all the bitter/sweetness of a clandestine lover with an undeclared agenda.

The Nationalists only real chance of making any headway in the debate is by labelling everyone but themselves as Tory – in a positive and civic fashion of course.

That they’re mostly failing to do so illustrates perfectly how empty their rhetoric really is.

It’s not just their promises that are empty.

They’ve got us all up to oor oxters in their ordure.

Roll on September 18.

 

COMEDY RELIEF

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McVulpine plays the who’s got the biggest wang card

MOAN says that the SNP are so desperate for good news that they’re even willing to cuddle up to Nationalist Front extremists with big wangs and large polls. Ooer missus!

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By Moan McVulpinein praise of universally cheesy wangs and big polls

IT’S BEEN used to kick-start everything from near lynchings of paediatricians to nasty wee Nationalist supremacist sites with polarising militant agendas.

It’s called hysteria-raising and it’s a way of inciting outrage, grievance and collective victimhood.

In hysteria-raising, like minded individuals with communal hatreds and frustrations chip in a few bob in order to arm themselves with righteous indignation so they can demand respectability from all and sundry – particularly their perceived enemies.

If 10,000 folk cared enough about Nationalist Front site Wangs Over Skintland that would be a political phenomenon.

Unfortunately the Wangs Over Skintland donation figure was nearer 1,000 and screeds of those were repeat donors – so well done to Joan McArthyalpine in the Daily Ranger for not so subtlely implying that 10,000 had anything to do with the Wangs Over Skintland site.

She even goes so far as to equate the Wangs site with worthy causes such as start up companies and disaster relief charities.

Moanie tips her hat to Joanie’s brazenness. You’re nothing if not shameless, as news stories have recently exposed. Weel din Fucky Sark!

Readers of the Wangs Over Skintland site were fed up with their new political landscape visions and delusions being constantly thwarted by reality.

So they mob-funded their own ahem ‘professional journalist’ based opinion poll.

These are expensive undertakings. But a fool and his money are often parted, so it certainly seems there’s enough money going around in Skintland to fund such vanity projects. Ask the Firstminster, eh?

The wangsoverskintland.com blog hysteria-raising poll was carried out by Flannelbase – an internet based polling company which rewards those who answer questions.

The poll showed that, unlike any other polls anywhere, the gap between Yes and No to an independent Skintland was narrower than previously thought – with 36 per cent No, 34 per cent Yes and 30 per cent undecided.

But running with those numbers as a given is a deception considering the complexity of the question which raised the figure.

Consider what Professor John Poultice of Scratchcard Uninveristy said:

“Apart from the potential for confusion in such a complex question, given this limitation we simply cannot be sure that those who felt able to say Yes or No are representative of the views of all Scots.”

In other words, that figure is all front and no substance when seriously analysed – much like the editor and the editorial of the Wangs Over Skintland site. Ask him the difference between a Consulate and an Embassy for example.

One of the stupidest questions however, turned the credibility of the poll on its head.

Respondents were asked to imagine Skintland was currently an independent country. How many would vote for a union with Westmonster? Only 18 per cent said they would vote to give up our ffrreeddoomm™, with 55 per cent against and 28 per cent undecided.

But should we be surprised? It is just an imagining after all, just like some of the boldest and most seriously mauled and discredited assertions stated by the SNP over the course of the alleged debate.

Worth considering that Joanie made an unfounded accusation/assertion against one of the editors of this very site some time ago.

Unsurprisingly, the editor of Wangs Over Skintland made a much more serious accusation.

Given that neither have presented evidence to prove their unfounded and vindictive accusations, you have to question the credibility of any of their claims.

Both act like nasty wee busted flushes. The phrase “yer damn right” springs to mind.

 

COMEDY RELIEF:

McVulpine plays the who’s got the biggest wang card

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Exclusive: Salmond launches new Nationalist slogan

Support for Independence has dropped drastically since Sun King anti-Midas Salmond came to power in 2007. Nobody surprised as Dim Sillars suffers subdural haematoma.

"Have you ever gotten the feeling that you aren't completely embarassed yet, but you glimpse tomorrow's embarrassment?" - Tom Cruise. There's no denying 2014's gonnae be awfy embarrassing for some people.

“Have you ever gotten the feeling that you aren’t completely embarassed yet, but you glimpse tomorrow’s embarrassment?” – Tom Cruise. There’s no denying 2014’s gonnae be awfy embarrassing for some people whose name ends in Salmond.

By Aunty Midas Tutch

GRADUALIST AND arch devolutionist Anti-Midas Touch Salmond has delivered yet again for his chosen devolved sovereign  people.

The grand strategist and architect of  ‘Devo-Max by stealth’ feels vindicated by the latest Scottish Social Attitudes Survey .

The survey found that since Salmond became Firstminster in 2007 interest in Independence has flopped.

Survey pollster, Professor John Poultice of Scratchcard University, concluded that the survey reinforced the Firstminsters previous Devo-Max credentials.

He said: “This is the most accurate poll ever polled in this country. It vindicates Salmond’s earlier attempt to place Devo-Max onto the referendum paper.”

Fundamentalists, existentialists, Braveheart Commandos, Polarised Militants, Nationalist Apologists and Ultimate Cybernats were all witnessed en masse sticking their fingers in their ears while simultaneously shouting “Edinborrow Agreement, Edinborrow Agreement.”.

Buoyed by the results of the poll, Firstminster Salmond said that he would use it as a platform to launch his latest filibuster slogan.

Following in the wake of blockbusters such as “Scotland free by 93”, “Turn the tide for Scotland” and “Independence within Europe”, the new slogan has been hailed as a careful and clever amalgam of previous no impact slogans.

Chosen to coincide with the results of the survey and carefully crafted by Salmond’s inner Star Chamber of sinister media ‘agents’, the slogan is expected to cover all eventualities post 2014’s Neverendum.

AhDinnaeKen is proud to reveal the new slogan:

INDEPENDENCE WITHIN THE UNITED KINGDOM“.

Hailed as a hard hitting winner encapsulating the intellectual might of Scotland’s most formidable politician, the slogan is expected to keep Scotland’s people laughing till Autumn 2014.

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