Whollyrude bang gang found guilty of grooming and exploiting frightened electorate

Cabal of untrustable back stabbing powermongers finally brought to book by forces of social injustice:

GUILTY: All seven defendants were found guilty of lying, cheating, and trying to frighten the Skintish electorate into voting for 100 years of the Tories. They also hatched a sinister plan to ‘turn on the polls and the parkas’.

By Itza Faircop

POLICE, SOCIAL workers, the Labouring Party and Bitter Together apologised yesterday for not protecting the vulnerable Scots electorate who were patronised and psychologically abused by an Ultra-Nationalist political ring.

The admissions of failure come after voters as young as 15 were lied to and exploited when they were supposed to be in the official care of an allegedly competent government.

A gang of Ultra-Nationalists were found guilty of a catalogue of offences including condescension, serial lying and organisation of suicide inducing Neverendums over a period of three hundred years involving vulnerable voters in the Skintland area.

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We must press ahead with our own subservience to Murdoch

Following the Inralavyson inquiry, now is the time for the Scottish Government to play its part in ensuring Scots press is left vulnerable to monopolistic Murdochism

By Moan McVulpine – dropping to her knees for Murdoch

SCOTTISH NEWSPAPERS have changed for the better since I stopped having much to do with them – thank Christ.

When I was a junior reporter in the 1980s, there were no anti-Scots or ‘enemies within’. But now, faced with an impending No vote, they’re everywhere you look.

One thing that hasn’t changed is the place of the ever ridiculous SNP trying to kid on they’re at the heart of oor culture. They are infamous for encouraging chipped shooder victimhood wherever they go.

Oor media landscape remains very different from doon sooth, with titles such as the Scottish Sun providing us with a richt braw pair of Scottish tits every day – y’know, Salmond and Russell. (Okay I lied about braw – try suing me post Leveson, haw haw.)

So, it’s understandable that the opposition parties here appear reluctant to open alleged ‘consensus’ discussions with known innumerate deceiver and corporate gopher Tricky Dicky Salmond.

Salmond, they say, reeks of post-coital Murdoch intercourse and they don’t want to be tainted by association.

Newspaper regulation is devolved to the Scottish parliament – just as it was during operation Motorman and the phone hacking scandal – yet nothing was done then because Citizen Salmond didn’t see political capital in it.

In fact, it might have risked the ire of his corporate master Goebbels Murdoch. That’s why not a jot was said.

He was too busy plotting to corrupt the British Culture Secretary with the backscratching clandestine lobbying politics of the unlawful sewer.

Citizen Salmond has suggested getting a retired Ministerial code judge to lead a hand picked panel of experts.

But first he wants to pay lip service to the laugable principle of ‘consensus’ – the same type of consensus which lead to the passing of the Minimum Pricing of Alcohol bill.

Y’know, unicamera SNP majority consensus.

Predictably, even the Tory Tories aren’t prepared to stoop this low – the Tartan Tories are, however.

Essentially, Citizen Salmond is so tainted by the stench of Murdoch’s reek, that he thinks this move will somehow help him reclaim the moral high ground.

For Cybernats and party drones it will be an unparallelled success, proving that the Scots are an ‘inclusive’ and ‘progressive’ people who “do things differently here”.

For everyone else it will be just another slightly more exposed and sad case of the Firstminster with a big dirty shovel digging yet another hole to bury his unbridled lust for power.

Saor Alba fae Tricky Dicky Salmond.

COMEDY RELIEF

Education secretary still main threat to Firstminster’s credibility

If barefaced lying doesn’t lead to the downfall of the Firstminster – keeping his innumerate bullying Education secretary will. AhDinnaeKen proposes an early toast to Mike Bernhard Rust-ell. Whollyrude’s creepiest Education liability.

“I think the issue is, did I make a mistake? Yes I did. Did I apologise for that mistake? Yes I did. Does it mean I’ve undermined the Big Cooncil? Yes it does. Does it mean that Salmond’s weakened and Swindley’s strengthened? Yes it does. Will it harm the Neverendum’s chances in 2014? Yes it will.” – Mike Bernhard Rust-ell.

By Getty Phuckthenoo

THE EDUCATION minster aspect of the Big Whollyrude Cooncil is still more problematic than any barefaced lying problem, it has been admitted.

As the Scottish National Party attempted to rewrite the past four weeks of lies, innumerate lies and barefaced lies, the sovereign people of Scotland agreed that holding on to the Education minster was doing the government much more damage.

Mother-of-two Morag MacHavers said: “I can’t believe that, in this progressive and inclusive age, Scotland would appoint an Education secretary who cannae even count.

“It’s out of order. Especially when there are other career options like bullying schoolkids, selling them fags oot o’ the van and smearing mother’s in the papers.

“There are still other things he can do like write a hundred lines – ‘I must not get caught lying in parliament‘.”

Meanwhile, Whollyrude insiders admitted the Scottish Government has been found to be “out of order” and is not willing to apologise again despite a recent outbreak of apologies in the chamber.

Whollyrude Candy, editor of Whollyrude Magaazine, said: “What we can’t understand is that pantomine season isn’t due until next month.

“Yet, yesterday’s performance by arch-villain Tricky Dicky Salmond was still ‘more of the same’:

“Don’t answer the question, reply “you did it an’ aw” and then sermonise on the Holy Grail attributes of an independent Scotland.

“It’s everyday Westminster styled plum duffery really. Ho hum to more of the same!”

Salmond corrects referendum figures

Pantsonfiregate, collegegate and now greenjobsgate. Is it any surprise to anyone that the Firstminster should get caught wholesale fiddlin wi’ the neverendum figures?

Tricky Dicky swears to tell lies, whole lies and nothing but barefaced lies. And that’s the truth.

By Haufatrooth Izalie

OPPOSITION PARTIES  have demanded that Tricky Dicky Salmond explain why he has given inaccurate information on the referendum’s chances in 2014.

Mr Salmond has made a correction to Whollyrude’s official report, which documents what he lies about in the Big Cooncil’s chamber.

He had claimed that 1.4 million Scots were likely to vote Yes but altered this to 7 million.

Labourers and the Tory Tories said he had misled his chosen people.

In the last week, Tricky Dicky has transformed from being the faither in waiting of the Nation, to Skintland’s apology prone lieing clown.

According to Whollyrude’s official report, Tricky Dicky said during Firstminster’s questions on 25 October: “There are now, I think, 5.6 million more people willing to Just Say Yes (please).”

The request for the correction was made by the Firstminster’s office on April fools day which, in Skintland, falls every day the Firstminster speaks in parliament.

It came a day after Mr Rust-ell “grasped the thistle” and swallowed his pride, reputation and competence and admitted he had lied about his lying.

Mr Salmond also apologised for ever believing he could be taken seriously by the Scots in the first place:

“Awright. The gemme’s up! Ah’ve been rumbled.  We might as well pack up and let that shitehawk Swindley run the show again.”

In the wake of the Greenjobsgate fiddle, Tory Tory MSP Liz Smythington-Smythe said of the Firstminster: “This is great. It’s been a long time since we’ve had a chance to be sanctimonious about anything. This looks like it could go on and on.”

Labourer’s Master Baker added: “It appears Tricky Dicky Salmond lies to his chosen people instinctively. Soon the only people who’ll support him will be the solipsistic Cybernats.”

Lib-Bent leader Willie Wont-he said nothing of consequence.

Pantsonfire innumerate windbag spokesperson for the SNP Wee Naebudy said: “Renewable lies are the fastest growing industry in the Scottish Parliament. The biggest and best whoppers are being manufactured and delivered directly by the Firstminster himself.

“The Unionists cannae match Eck for outright whopper sized barefaced lies. They should wake up and deal wi’ it.”

Salmond named Herald’s Barefaced Liar of the Millennium

Bullying innumerate barefaced liars are no longer counted as politicians by the Herald or the Scottish public. Ho hum!

“A lie carries a weight that is exponentially higher than the truth. It’s weight will retard growth directly in proportion to the area lied.” ― Howard L. Salter. Here’s to the retarded growth  of the SNP’s leadership.

By Haufatroothsa Halelie

FIRSTMINSTER WEE Eck Salmond has been named The Herald’s Barefaced Liar of the Millennium.

Mr Salmond was given the dishonour in recognition of his work on European Legal advice and the introduction of “as exact an answer as anyone has ever given to Parliament“.

It was the second time this year he ended up with publicly humiliating egg on his face.

For the first time, all three shortlisted candidates were gargantuan liars of varying degrees.

The SNP leader saw off competition from SNP Deputy Leader Auld Nick Sturgeon for her ‘patsy lying’ when she revealed to the Big Cooncil that no legal advice had ever been sought by her ‘competent and efficient’ government.

Running a close third was bullying liar Mike Bernhard Rust-ell for his work on college intimidation and innumerate panhandling of college budgets.

Collecting the award, the Firstminster chuckled: “I’ve been barefaced lying all my career, so it seems a bit strange I should be receiving this dishonour so late in the day.

“Here’s to the next two years of barefaced lies and whoppers.”

And the SNP’s Humza Yumza was named One to Watch after his sounding out on Twitter of the prospect of Sharia Law in Scotland.

Diplomat, mediator, advocate, go-between spokesperson for the SNP Wee Naebudy cooed: “Barefaced lies, bullying lies, patsy lies and hidden intent, it’s nae wunner naebudy believes a word we huv tae say.”

Lies, damned lies and SNP statistics. Can ye believe them?

In Scotland “we do things differently here”. AhDinnaeKen asks how many more bullies, liars and innumerates are going to be allowed to make decisions on our children’s education and our Nation’s future. It’s certainly different.

“Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst come from the people who live here.” – Longshanker. Ding Dong – yer tea’s oot! Who’s gonnae believe them now?

By Wunanwun Ekwals-Three

CAN YOU believe an education Gauleiter who didnae believe what he wanted the Scottish people to believe?

Can you believe a barefaced liar would barefacedly lie in parliament when he had been found out barefaced lying only weeks before?

Can you believe that the Ministerial Code wasn’t able to come to the rescue of the barefaced liar to barefacedly hide behind?

And can you believe that AhDinnaeKen has had to ask three can you believe questions and still cannae believe it?

The answer to all three can you believe questions of course (oops four questions now – better get our application in for education gauleiter) is naw, ye cannae believe that ye cannae believe it.

Yet those pretenders to the crown of Scottish Independence and full on levers of power cannae even believe theirsel’s, their own sums or their barefaced lies.

Can ye believe it? Answers on a Freedom of Ministerial Code Misinformation form please.

Rabbie Burns said “Facts are chiels that winnae ding”.

So Barefaced Liar Salmond must be Ding and Bullying Liar Rust-ell must be Dong.

“Ding Dong – yer tea’s oot!” said Labourers Rev I M Jolly Burns in the Big Scottish Cooncil yesterday.

He further said: “Here’s to bullying liar education minster Rust-ell keeping his job.

“The longer he does, the longer the veneer of SNP trust and competence will wear away.”

Thicko, illiterate, innumerate, moronic SNP spokeserson Wee Naebudy said: “Ah cannae believe it!”

We screw College Chairmen differently here! – Rust-ell

Interferist and college education butcher Mike Bernhard Rust-ell flexes his bullyboy muscles and signals to FE Colleges that they can expect to be interfered with if they daur stand up to him.

“The illiterate of the future will not be the person who cannot read. It will be the person who does not know how to learn.” – Alvin Toffler. Here’s to Mike Russell and his illiterate butchering of college budgets.

By Yuvbin Phucktover

A HEARTBROKEN college told last night how its illustrious chairman’s life was left in ruins – when a misogynistic creep took his career at a ‘radical’ meeting.

The distraught college revealed the chairman of Stowed was left in shock after bullyboy Gauleiter Mike Bernhard Rust-ell f**ked him.

But the college had another bombshell to face when creepy pressganger Rust-ell dodged a bullyboy charge – in the wake of a ruling by Whollyrude drones that the outrage was JUSTIFIED.

Furious college staff whinged: “How can a chairman lose his job over a recording. We wanted an accurate account of just how creepy, Thatcherite, misogynistic and unpleasant Gauleiter Rust-ell really is.”

The staff pleaded that the ex-Chairman had suffered vile taunts from Gauleiter Rust-ell and was branded “sneaky” and “non-compliant.

But, as anyone who has ever dealt with Rust-ell knows, you’re left feeling dirty, guilty and tainted after dealing with him – like you want to take a shower before the police arrive.

Mr Rust-ell is no stranger to creepiness amid claims of rampant dishonesty and newspeak.

Earlier this year, the Gauleiter told the Big Cooncil that Scotland’s poorest college students had more money in their pockets thanks to him, when in fact he had ripped them off to the tune of £1000 pounds a year.

Traumatised students were left feeling like they had been raped and impugned by the Thistle grasping bully boy.

Unholy defender of SNP sanctimony and self righteousness spokesperson for the SNP Wee Naebudy said: “We do things differently here. Mess wi’ us and ye’ll find out just how different we can get.

“Dissenters beware, you’ll get a tumshie tae the heid like that hauf-witted Stowed College chairman.

“How dare he attempt to hold our Education Gauleiter to account. The best people to rule Scotland are the people with nothing to do with the SNP.”