Tag Archives: looters

SNP rustle – It wisnae me, a big boy did it and ran away

Scottish electorate warned to beware SNP Geeks bearing gifts

"In the Scottish Parliament, the only homage which they pay to Virtue - is hypocrisy." - Anon. The real question needing asked is who really pays the price? Answers on a Freedom of Misinformation denial form please.

“In the Scottish Parliament, the only homage which they pay to Virtue – is hypocrisy.” – Anon. The real question needing asked is who really pays the price? Answers on a Freedom of Misinformation denial form please.

By Trojan Cuddy

EDUCATION GAULEITER Mike Bernhard Rust-ell was forced to taste the nettle over his clandestine Thatcherite manifesto yesterday.

The senior SNP creep told MSPs that it was a fair cop he had been found out over his anti-universal benefits stance, but counter claimed “it wisnae me, a big boy did it and ran away”.

The issue of the “something for nothing” culture in Scotland has become the centre of a mud slinging competition with Red Tories accusing Tartan Tories of being Tories.

One political commentator said: “Does it really matter, they’re aw in it the gither, they’re aw Tories.”

But concerned Tories hit back: “We might be Tories but we’re not as Tory as the Red Tories or the Tartan Tories – we’re Tory Tories.”

Labouring leader Fandabadozie Lament attempted to single out sinister misogynist Rust-ell by quoting from his book Mein Kampfen Thistle.

The book states: “Put bluntly, those people considered most in need are dragging us all down as a people. However, our Fifty Shades of Tory pish political parties lack the courage to say ‘fire up the ovens’.”

But Mr Rust-ell wobbled like a fat slimy jelly in the Whollyrude chamber. “I am more than prepared to say today that I am more than prepared to say whatever it takes to side step the issue till we gain real power by fair means or foul.”

Ms Lament accused the Tartan Tories of betraying everyone, even themselves, by fiddling their pension pots while Scotland burned.

She said: “The SNP believes the priority, as public services are starved of cash in tough times, is to protect their pension pot cash – half a million pounds sterling per senior cabinet minster. Looted in an exceptionally short period.”

The Labouring leader last week questioned why former High Priestess of Temperance and Intolerance Nicola Sturgeon should line her pockets with a half million of hard earned tax payer money.

But Ms Sturgeon insisted yesterday that the Labourers were just jealous.

“Their jealousy has its roots in the misguided belief of the Red Tories that they should be getting their noses in our trough. It’s a jealousy that puts at risk the wholesale smash and grab political looting of our pocket money budget.”

Tory Tory finance spokesperson Gavin Brownnose said the country needs to have a debate on the issue of the SNP’s spendthrift cash-in: “Doing nothing, if we are honest, is not an option, we want some of that money for ourselves. The SNP are just being greedy.”

SNP backbenchers continued the attack on themselves, with Stuart McMilliband describing Alex Salmond’s admiration of Margaret Thatcher’s economic policies as “oor grasped thistle.”



Filed under Culture, Morality, Newspeak

SNP Cabinet – putting the Klepto into Kleptocrats

Times are tough and money is scarce, but not for the new SNP Kleptocracy who’ve trousered close on half a million sovereign pounds sterling each for their royally sized pension pots.

"Avarice, the sphincter of the heart." - Matthew Green. No wonder these cabinet sphincters look so happy at half a million a pop.

“Avarice, the sphincter of the heart.” – Matthew Green. No wonder these cabinet sphincters look so happy at half a million a pop.

By Robin Bastads

MOSES SALMOND has whinged to Yank businessmen that Scottish politicians are having to trouser tax payer cash with one hand tied behind their backs.

On a visit to the American Windbag City, planned to coincide with a celebrity sportsman photo opportunity, the Firstminster complained his country had less ‘readies’ available for his pension pot than Illinois.

But he claimed that an independent Scotland would provide greater opportunities for his cabinet to loot and plunder if it broke away from the contaminated Union.

Mr Salmond also said the people best placed to rip off the country were those able to get into the cabinet and pretend to work there.

He added: “They will always be the people with unfettered opportunity to profit on the back of the people who live and work there.

“Smaller independent nations are now suffering from their natural economic weakness – windbag nationalists, profiteering politicians, avaricious civil servants and the ability to clearly define their six figure payoffs and pension pots.

“Scotland’s current constitutional status – as part of a subjugating oppressive Union where one nation is always likely to whine on the basis of its mindset – seems more and more like hard luck.

“Scotland is still ranked number one in the world in terms of those willing to sacrifice their lives to escape Neverendum boredom.”

Mr Moses, who was boring the Windbag City Council on Parish Cooncil Affairs, will be enjoying a knees up at taxpayers expense until the end of golf’s Ridethem Cup.

He added: “Of course we will continue to ingratiate and abase ourselves to the Americans, without whose patronage, my vanity project will have nae chance of happening.

“But, as for those anti-progressive countries; France, Spain, Italy, Portugal,Bulgaria, Holland, Germany, Denmark, Poland, Romania, Ireland and Austria – who oppose our progressive Jakey Apartheid supermarket windfall tax, they will rue the day they messed wi’ my ego.”

The Ego has landed

According to the Hootsmon; “accounts disclosed that the most senior SNP politicians have built up pensions worth £493,000 since they came to power five years ago.

“Those pension arrangements do not include those for Alex Salmond, who receives a special pension worth half his salary when he steps down.”

AhDinnaeKen wishes that cabinet minster universal benefits were truly universal and open to all in the sovereign EU region of Skintland.

Here’s hoping.


Filed under Culture, Morality, Newspeak