Tag Archives: boredom

People feel older under SNP government

Doing things differently, being progressed and being bombarded with the most accurate answers ever given in parliament, has resulted in the Scottish population feeling twice as old as they actually are.

"This change to the parliamentary record is as accurate a lie as anyone has ever given to parliament" laughed Swindley as he helped stick the knife in Rust-ell's and Tricky Dicky Salmond's back.

The SNP react to the news that Labour supporters die every day.

By Dec Repitt

SCOTTISH CITIZENS feel older than any population in the world, last year’s census results reveal.

And it’s all thanks to the SNP government who have made the past 5 years feel like 500.

The survey showed people over the age of 30 now feel they are at least 60 years old thanks to having to listen to Wee Eck’s inclusive chuckle.

That compares to 40 and 50 year olds who are demonstrating symptoms similar to senility, alzheimers, frailty and passive inactivity.

The prospect of a Neverendum timebomb emerged as political pundits began sinking their ‘bookie’ money into a humiliating result for Tricky Dicky Salmond in the Autumn of 2014.

Acting Registrar Major Audrey Robberson said: “The symptoms are mostly due to the monotonous drone emanating from Whollyrude that Westminster is bad SNP good.

“You might have initially agreed with it, but after a while it becomes boring and then its relentlessness starts making you feel terminally old.”

The census also showed that since 2007 in Scotland there are nearly eight times as many people now feeling over the age of 80.

Decrepit decaying venerable antiquated SNP spokesperson Wee Naebudy said: “We hope to have bored the age groups most likely to vote No to death by 2014.

“Like everything we do, it’s a bit desperate and made up on the hoof, but hey when you’re stuck in a corner with nowhere to run, you have to do something.”


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Filed under Children, Culture, Morality

MSPs warn of ‘fatalistic’ attitude to independence disease

Concerned committee highlights failings in Scottish government process to protect electorate from inevitable boredom in run up to the Neverendum.

“Boredom, after all, is a form of criticism.” – Wendell Phillips.  Being bored rigid is by implication a severe form of criticism.

By Boar Dumb

THE SCOTTISH government should do more to address the huge difference in independence boredom between rational and delusional individuals, according to a group of MSPs.

Whollyrude’s Just Haudit Committee held an inquiry into Section 30 Neverendum services and their effect on the electorate.

The MSPs said their “most disturbing” finding was that people in the most average areas expected to suffer from Neverendum problems such as boredom ossification and a slow lingering death.

The committee has called on Minsters to set out how they will address this “inevitable attitude”.

The Neverendum boredom rate in Scotland has increased so much over recent months that in most council areas suicide has increased ten fold.

However, no councils can be held responsible for Scotland’s government boring its people to death.

People in average areas are more likely to have a heart attack than vote for Independence. If they get to the ballot box, they are less likely to put an X in the Yes box.

During their inquiry, MSPs on the Just Haudit Committee discovered that many people from average areas and from certain political persuasions expected to become boredicus rigidicus forevericus.

Chief Scunner of the Committee Iain Greyman said: “The powerful but deeply disturbing message was ‘people like us expect more of our politicians’.

“We learned that many simply do not expect to enjoy real voting choice and have an almost resigned acceptance that no matter what they vote it will be ‘more of the same’.”

He added: “The Just Haudit Committee is therefore calling on the Scottish government to set out how it proposes to address this apathetic attitude within average communities and some of Scotland’s non-nationalist minority communities.”

The committee has asked the Scottish government to monitor the types of Section 30 procedures carried out on different political groups.

This will help them evaluate the success of multi-hundred thousand pound court initiatives to deny Freedom of Information requests, and to say how they intend to improve engagement with their mostly adolescent kiddy on government.

Ministry of (Mis)Information Commissioner Wee Naebudy said: “We will willfully ignore any salient points raised by this irritating committee at the taxpayers leisure.”

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Filed under Environment, Referendum