Category Archives: Economy

Forth crossing name to be announced in honour of Firstminster’s five pensions

It’s unnecessary, it’s overly costly, it’s been hailed as a success for ‘competent’ SNP government and now it’s to be named in honour of the Firstminster and his five pensions. AhDinnaeKen takes a look at the proposed new names in honour of the anointed one.

"One man's folly is another man's vanity project" - Five Pensions Salmond

“One man’s folly is another man’s vanity project” – Five Pensions Salmond

By Big Spender

THE OFFICIAL name for the road bridge being built over the Firth of Forth will be announced in honour of Five Pensions Salmond today.

He will visit the construction site to revel in narcissism and a deep gratifying sense of self worth.

The results of a public vote by 0.6 per cent of the Skintish population who expressed disinterest are as follows:

Firstminster’s Folly – the costs, tendering and pandering to human rights friendly China could yet hing the Five Pensioned one.

Salmond’s Vanity Project – the SNP’s anointed one has a pathological need to be seen doing things that are in the Skints alleged best interests. As has become increasingly clear, this new project is of dubious necessity.

Bloater Bridge – in high winds the bridge is designed to move, or wobble. Such wobbling will remind canny Skints of the Firstminster and his strikingly bloated and wobbly profile.

The Nationalist Nightmare – as budgetary information and the invevitable overspend seeps, by osmosis, into the Skintish public’s consciousness, wiser Nats will be hoping that the info can be kicked into the other side of the 18th September 2014. Otherwise their Neverendum credibility could be ground into the dust.

The White Elephant – A favourite of the Greengoes Party and quite rightly so. According to Bitter Nation’s Jimbob MacKenzie, “Scotland may well be stuck with the most expensive white elephant since the Darien Project.”

Indeed! Whatever self aggrandising name the Five Pensioned one decides to call the bridge, you can be guaranteed that everyone in Skintland loses.

Ho hum!

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Filed under Economy, Environment, Referendum

Moan McVulpine: Nationalists think we were all born yesterday

Moan McVulpine says that in an independent Skintland pensioners could expect more of the same as she slams the Skints for growing old.

Moan McVulpine - delivering collateral damage every time she speaks

By Moan McVulpineSaying one thing in public, another in private

A STUDY by the consumer magazine C U Jimmy! this year found the SNP had one of the lowest credibility ratings of any Independence party.

For example, the Norwegians achieved real autonomous independence in 1814, not the kiddy oan independence currently being proposed by the SNP.

Ireland’s peoples had a real appetite for Independence and took to arming themselves and fighting for their self determination in the early 1900s. Can you imagine the Skints doing that? Me neither.

As for Germany, not only did they achieve full independence post World War 2, they went further and unified their ex-communist neighbours into a greater Germany.

Almost immediately, they flexed their newly found diplomatic power muscles and chose to flout international law and U.N. mandates by illegally recognising Croatia as an independent nation.

Some say it was their ex-Hitler youth chancellor, Helmut Kohl, paying tribute to his long deid moustachioed hero. Zeig Heil ya tong basturts! as we Weegies like to say some times.

But all of these movements led to great upheaval, social unrest and, in certain instances, unrestrained and bloody violence.

In comparison, Wee Ecky’s vision centres on economic ‘levers’, staying in a currency Union with their hated imperialist oppressors, entering into a political Union with the United States of Germany, and seeking the protection of a first stike military Union within the United States of NATO.

Wow! Now that’s what I call ahem, ‘independence’ or, as they say in certain circles, “more Unionist than the Unionists.”

As if to pour oil on pipsqueakingly still waters, now we’ve to keep and share the same administration of pensions with the Unionists so long as it doesn’t tie the SNP into policies which they oppose. No guarantees though, it’s worth noting.

Who says that the Nat’s don’t have a sense of humour? – ah nearly pished mahsel when ah heard that wan on the British Brainwashing Corporation radio this morning.

And then we have Joan McArthyalpine rambling on in the Daily Ranger aboot pensions and the awfulness of the current Unionist administration of pensions.

Ye couldnae make it up.

Hus anybody got a nappy, ah’ve just pished mahsel laffin.

COMEDY RELIEF

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Swindley: Independent grants attract foreign corporate subsidy junkies

Skintish inward investment, hailed by the SNP as a compelling reason for the potential success of SNP style independence, turns out to be mostly subsidised by the Skintish Enterprise Agency. AhDinnaeKen turns up the forensic scrutiny to warp factor six:

“For the sake of “job creation,” in Kentucky, and in other backward states, we have lavished public money on corporations that come in and stay only so long as they can exploit people here more cheaply than elsewhere. The general purpose of the present economy is to exploit, not to foster or conserve." - Wendell Berry. [ Image from Skintish Enterprise website: http://www.scottish-enterprise.com/your-sector/technology/overview/technology-key-facts.aspx ] "We do things differently here."

“For the sake of “job creation,” in Kentucky, and in other backward states, we have lavished public money on corporations that come in and stay only so long as they can exploit people here more cheaply than elsewhere. The general purpose of the present economy is to exploit, not to foster or conserve.” – Wendell Berry. [ Image from Skintish Enterprise website: http://www.scottish-enterprise.com/your-sector/technology/overview/technology-key-facts.aspx ] “We do things differently here.”

By Scott MacNabbed

GOVERNMENTAL ‘SWEETENERS’ and the selling of the Skints as a low wage exploitable workforce is the future of SNP style independence, a major new reading between the lines has revealed.

Corporate gift cards in the form of subsidies and grants have reached a 15-year high thanks to the SNPs willingness to bend over backwards for corporations such as GlaxoSmithKline, Avaloq, JP Morgan, Amazon and Dell.

Hailed as a major reason to vote for SNP style independence, John Swindley, the backstabbing Piggy Bank Minster, claimed that desperate for work supine Skints will vote yes for such sustained exploitation.

He said: “An exploitative job is better than no job, right?

“We have people so desperate for work here that we can sell Skintland on the back of a ‘compliant’ low rent workforce, topped up with a few ‘backscratching’ corporate gifts in the form of taxpayer £millions.

“Whit’s no tae like. The SNP can still swan around like Masters of the Skints Universe, the corporates git big fat tax payer subsidised gifts and the downtrodden Jock MacAverage’s git a temporary joab which makes the SNP luk guid in the eyes o’ the Skints electorate. Sorted.”

Kenny Gibbon, the SNP monkey in charge of the rubber stamping Finance Committee, said nothing of interest or relevance, though he did predictably mention “Unionist scaremongering”. Ho hum. ZZzz…

Skintland is a great wee ‘colonised’ country populated with ‘inferiorists’ and partially subjugated by its own Vichy styled ‘collaborating’ quislings, according to Nationalist supremacy site, Bella Caledonication. You get the Skintish government you deserve – right kids?

 

COMEDY RELIEF

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Filed under Economy, Opinion, Treachery

Salmond’s Indy vision: Move along now, nothing to see here

Frank Drebin Cuthbert, the Naked Gun Economist, pours oil on still turgid independence waters. Everyone other than the Independinista minority say, ‘Ho hum’, next! AhDinnaeKen tries not to die from apathy, indifference and undernourishment:

"The death of democracy is not likely to be an assassination from ambush. It will be a slow extinction from apathy, indifference, and undernourishment." - Robert M. Hutchins

“The death of democracy is not likely to be an assassination from ambush. It will be a slow extinction from apathy, indifference, and undernourishment.” – Robert M. Hutchins

By Sam Nambulist

FRANK DREBIN Cuthbert the oft quoted SNP biased economist has issued a damningly luke warm report on the Salmond Independence vision: “Move along now, nothing to see here”.

It strikes a hammer blow on Wee Ecky’s ‘Levers for Skintland’ vision, outlined in the recently published ‘Heidcase for Independence’ docupamphlet.

“Firstminster Salmond’s eagerness to be more Unionist than the Unionists”, says Frank, “will bind Skintland to Londinium’s square mile of global corruption, corporate whoredom and institutionalised money laundering.

“But at least the Firstminster and his mum/wife won’t have to pay for any more junkets or tea cakes, er, haud on.”

Some economists, such as Frank’s wife, went further. She reckons that Wee Ecky’s Independence lite vision may even result in less powers than we currently possess with the present day Devo-Kiddy-Oan plasticine parliament.

She said: “At present we have the ffrreeddoomm™ to spend our Westminster pocket money as we see fit.

“With Ecky’s current plan, we might not even be able to do that.

“The basturt English Chancer of the Exchequer will tell us what to do.

“The Big European Quangocrats will tell us what to do.

“NATO will tell us what to do.

“So no change there then.”

“The choice, therefore, is stark and simple: Vote Yes – for more of the same. Vote No – for more of the same. Don’t vote at all – for more of the same. Spoil your ballot paper – for more of the same.

“In effect, the Neverendum presents us with at least four voting choices and the great thing is, no matter what we vote or don’t vote for – we’ll still get more of the same.

“As my husband has already said – ‘Move along now, NOTHING to see here’.”

 

TRAGEDY RELIEF

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That Wiz the Week that Wiznae #2

Sometimes creeping torpor, slithering ennui and an ever present sardonic smile isn’t enough to keep the Neverendum boredom at bay. AhDinnaeKen takes a lazy gambol over the previous week’s news. ZZZzzzz…

"For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity and from a clinician to a bean counter." - William Longshanker Penn.

“For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity and from a clinician to a bean counter.” – William Longshanker Penn.

By Longshanker

Sunday May 19: Big Brother is watching your child

Civilian! Be careful the values you instill in your child!

Civilian! Be careful the values you instill in your child!

The Sunday Express runs a chilling story which, despite the Big Brother graphic and overly sensationalised conclusions, perfectly  illustrates the controlling aspect of the Nationalist mindset.

All Skintish children are to have a ‘named person’ looking after them, noting down all reported instances of anti-Skintish thoughtcrime or behaviour exhibited by the child’s parents. Information recorded is then entered into a database to be used later in order to assign citizenship grading – a form of social audit.

According to the report, the specific aim of the bill is “to undermine parents and give the “community” a greater role in raising children.”

In Orwell’s seminal novel, 1984, the chief protagonist, Winston Smith’s, neighbour, Parsons, falls prey to his children reporting him to the thoughtpolice for speaking in his sleep against Big Brother. A ridiculous notion for modern day Skintland but…

Summed up: The moral difference, if any, between a citizen and a civilian is, a citizen accepts responsibility for the protection of the body politic. A civilian does not. All civilians should beware, the SNP thoughtpoliceman  in your home could be your ‘citizenised’ child.

Monday May 20: The Cancer Sufferer Clearances

The main condition for cancer treatment is affordability. Hurrah for doing things differently here.

The main condition for cancer treatment is affordability. Hurrah for doing things differently here.

Piggy Eyed Patsy Healthminster, Alex Kneel, is ambushed and metaphorically bang ganged on the BBC’s Call Specialkay programme. His policies on health, mean that Skintish cancer sufferers wishing to live, will have to leave Skintland and live in England – a post-modern clearances meme for Bella Caledonication types.
Even the presbyterian puritan wing of the Independence movement cannot deny the natural conclusion of Kneel’s performance and explanations regarding the dispensation of life saving cancer drugs..
No matter how he, his cat herding political master, or his political master’s Star Chamber spin it, access to life saving Cancer drugs is found to be dependent on price and the rulings of SMC managers – not clinicians – in Skintland.

Summed up: The poison chalice of health imposed on the Piggy Eyed Patsy
is seriously undermining him. He might yet end up being called Doctor Death. A shameful example of how ‘we do things differently here’.

Tuesday May 21: Nationalists publish a very serious docupamphlet – Skintland’s Economy: the Heidcase for Independence.

Me and my levers. Sun King Salmond sets out his case for more levers in Skintland.

Me and my levers. Sun King Salmond sets out his case for more levers in Skintland.

At first the forensically detailed 69 page docupamphlet reads like the much vaunted positive case for the Union. It makes it easy to imagine Bitter Together stealing some of the rhetoric and assertions for later use…

In the document’s foreword, the anointed one, Sun King Salmond himself, pleads his visionary case for more levers.

Martin Luther King had a dream. Moses had a vision. Alex Salmond wants a full set of levers.

That’s right, levers! A full set! The sort of economic implements you lever economic levers economically with.

It’s certainly inspired AhDinnaeKen with the zeal and vision of new flowering Skintish political landscapes populated with all different types of levers – economic, political, cultural and social.

In the document’s foreword, in reference to Skintland, Wee Ecky says, “we lack a full set of economic levers”. He also says we are a lever deprived country because he later adds, “Westminster deprives Scotland of the levers.”

And, as he further explains, it’s all Westminster’s lever hoarding fault because they’re durty English lever hoarding basturts. How dare they? They’ll be voting in their droves for a Nationalist party soon and be wanting to lever themselves out of the Union next, er, haud on?!

We don’t have anywhere enough levers in Skintland according to the Firstminster. We need, and must have, more levers for levering the other economic levers to give us more leverage, or something.

Summed Up: I’m not an Indy A-lever, are you an Indy B-lever?

Wednesday May 22: It’s oor baw an’ aw. Gie’s a gemme or wur no playin’

If you're going to issue threats to anyone, sometimes it's best to actually be in the position to follow through on it. Ho hum!

If you’re going to issue threats to anyone, sometimes it’s best to actually be in the position to follow through on it. Ho hum!

Ex-banker Salmond threatens to embarrass Skintland on the international stage by reneging on its debt obligations to the rUK.

In a speech to some bus makers while launching the Heidcase for Independence docupamphlet, he tells the Chancer of the Exchequer that he kens it’s the Chancer’s baw, but if he disnae get a shot, he’s no gonnae play, and he’s takin’ aw the jumpers gettin’ used as goal posts.

Summed up: Are we supposed to take the Nationalists seriously? This reminds AhDinnaeKen of a similarly styled threat made by Wee Eck at the Johnnie Walked rally in 2009. Paul Walsh, Heid Honcho of Dirageo, ‘bitch slapped’ Salmond fir that wan. Take heed – or is that heid? – Wee Ecky, yer tea’s oot.

Thursday May 23: FMQs – sombre mood, sombre conclusions

Blessed be the cancer sufferers for 'social justice' Skintish style has passed them by.

Blessed be the cancer sufferers, for ‘social justice’ Skintish style has passed them by.

With his most serious, sombre and statesmanlike voice and poise, Dr Death Salmond is virtually forced by Wee Jimmie Krankie Lamont to admit what Piggy Eyed Patsy Kneel had already admitted earlier in the week: if you’ve got cancer and money in Skintland you will live, if you don’t, you will die. Unless, that is, you move to England where they still dispense these drugs free at point of need.

Summed up: AhDinnaeKen has a degree of sympathy for the Skints government on this one. But the vast majority of our* heartfelt sympathy goes out to the cancer patients denied treatment due to cost.

Friday May 23: Curriculum for Mediocrity is still mediocre shock!

Would you turn your back on this man? Answers on a front facing blackboard please.

Would you turn your back on this man? Answers on a front facing blackboard please.

Elitist, nepotist and most despicable of all the Nationalists, Mike Bernhard Rust-ell, continues to ignore the impending disaster of his creepy and tainted Curriculum for Mediocrity.

Anyone who has ever read the philosophical values and associated guff which accompanies their schoolchild’s school reports etc. cannot help but be apprehensive regarding its emphasis on ‘citizenship’ and ‘values’. Tied in with the ‘Named Person’ policy outlined above, it’s easily viewed as more than sinister – a conclusion only cemented given the ‘thistle grasping’ minster in charge.

Summed up: A prima facie example of unproven assertion directed straight into policy. No wonder the teachers are revolting.

Saturday May 24: New BBC Skintland Editor required for build up of Neverendum snore-athon documentaries.

Ahh! The British Brainwashing/Bolshevik/Bourgeois Corporation. It's just so bloody biased.

Ahh! The British Brainwashing/Bolshevik/Bourgeois Corporation. It’s just so bloody biased.

The great thing about this new position is that, no matter who gets the job, they will automatically be accused of bias by somebody. And long may that continue. As AhDinnaeKen once pointed out, the BBC is biased against everybody. Lord Reith himself would have been proud of such an accusation.

Expect to see the following labels crop up in the coming months: British Brainwashing Corporation, British Bolshevik Corporation and British Bourgeoise Corporation etc etc tedious etc.

Summed up: Neutrality always looks like support fir the ither side.

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Scaremongering outbreak: Time to get immunised says Electoral Commission

Will the future of Skintland’s Neverendum vote be affected by the current outbreak of scaremongering presently afflicting Westminster and the Basturt English populations? AhDinnaeKen reports:

"He that hopes no good fears no ill." - Thomas Fuller. That's right kids! Vote Yes or No for more of the same.

“He that hopes no good fears no ill.” – Thomas Fuller. That’s right kids! Vote Yes or No for more of the same. Nothing to fear here other than fear itself.

By Weeraw Dumed

OLDER VOTERS not protected against scaremongering in Skintland are being offered the chance to be ‘vaccinated’.

The Electoral Commission are writing to voters and under age voters after a rising number of cases emanating from England and Westminster.

Problems have been caused by the number of 16 and 17 year old children not immunised after the now discredited concerns over currency unions and Nationalist fantasy assertions.

Skintland’s scaremongering vaccination uptake has been high, but the chief propaganda officer urged the terrified to get immunised immediately or they’ll probably die from laughing at the Nationalists or from fright at the Unionists.

The number of potential scaremongering cases in Skintland has been steadily rising over the past 15 months to a total just short of 4 million.

Across the whole of Alba and Caledonia there were 1,209,2014 cases last week – the highest figure since Tricky Dicky Salmond claimed he had taken legal advice on Europe.

Skintland’s chief propaganda officer, Sir Scary Prospect, said the country had suffered from an unenviable scaremongering outbreak by both the Nationalists and the Unionists and warned against the dangers of not getting jabbed.

He said: “Since the beginning of January 2012, Skintland has been subjected to an unprecedented outbreak of scaremongering.

“Nationalist scaremongers say that not voting Yes will result in horrible evil, baby eating, inhumane Tory Tory rule forever.

“Unionist scaremongers assert that not voting No will result in pain, misery, poverty and a lifetime of having to listen to Firstminster Oil Baron Salmond’s pish.

“Vaccination is the best way to protect childish voters and older voters against serious consequences – it’s too hard to tell how many have died from fright and how many have died laughing.”

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Filed under Economy, Newspeak

Swindley: Scaremongering pact must go ahead

Independence debate takes another turn for the worse. Now it isn’t just about uncertainty, Nationalist assertions and scaremongering. It’s all about Scaremongering. AhDinnaeKen reports:

"A disordered currency is one of the greatest political evils." - Daniel Webster.  Evil Tories. Evil Nationalists. They're aw evil scaremongers.

“A disordered currency is one of the greatest political evils.” – Daniel Webster. Evil Tories. Evil Nationalists. They’re aw evil scaremongers.

By Geezalenaya Fiver

THE CASE for an independent Skintland retaining its scaremongering assertions in a scaremongering pact wi’ the basturt scaremongerin’ English is “not assured”, according to treasury scaremongers.

Skintland becoming independent from the UK would “see profound changes in the scaremongering strategy of both states”, it said.

In a future scaremongering speech, Chief Bullingdon Towel Folder, Chancer Osborne will argue there would be an imbalance in the scaremongering relationship between both countries.

The Skintish government said a ‘scaremongering pact’ would be in everyone’s uncertain scaremongering interests.

Voters in Skintland will be given the choice of opting for more arrogant and oppressive imperialistic scaremongering from the basturt English, or wee jobby chip on shooder scaremongering from the sanctimoniously self righteous Nationalists, in September 2014.

Until then, scaremongering is forecast to be the growth industry of the increasingly scaremongering debate and, at present rates, is expected to outgrow renewable Nationalist assertions.

The scaremongering treasury team is expected to argue that even if an independent Skintland did keep its scaremongering quotient, it would lose influence over key scaremongering issues.

Scaremongers Ahoy!
Bullingdon Chancer Osborne said: “Myself and Bullingdon Dave have always said that Skintland can scaremonger alone. The question is, is it better for Skintland.

“All they will really be able to scaremonger about is the English treasury, via the Bank of England, setting interest rates too high in order to mess with the Skintish economy, y’know, just for laughs.”

But Nationalist Deputy Chief Scaremongering Finance Backstabber John Swindley said:

“The Bullingdon Chancer is coming from a profoundly arrogant English basturt point of view that scaremongering belongs only to them.

“Scaremongering is as much in the ownership of the Nationalists as it is in the ownership of the basturt English.

“Have we not pointed out repeatedly that not voting Yes will result in more dictatorial Tory rule forever.

“Whereas with Independence we will be able to be dictated to by Tory Chancers of the Exchequer.

“Now that’s what I call scaremongering!”

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