BERWICK WAS the key to mediaevel Scotland’s economic wealth and formed a major part of the country’s culture and identity before it was put to the sword by the evil English basturt homophobe, King Edward Longshanks. Exminster and Regent of Scotland, Alex Salmond, has demanded that Queen Elizabeth personally apologise for its sacking in 1296. AhDinnaeKen reports:
By Fewdull Masters – retrospective history and grievance correspondent
ALEX SALMOND has called for the return of Berwick and a full and unconditional apology from the BBC for its “biased” report of the sacking in 1296.
The Ex-Firstminster also demanded reparations be paid for the ensuing damage to Scotland’s economy and that the Queen should be forced to take the “walk of shame” doon the Royal Mile.
“Berwick was the economic powerhouse of mediaevel Scotland” raged Salmond “and its loss has reverberated throughout the centuries of our oppression and tortured subjugation by the imperial basturt English.”
The outburst follows yesterday’s Salmond led launch of a Nationalist campaign entitled ‘It’s Oor Berwick – hauns aff English basturts!’
Mr Salmond said he did not voice his criticism earlier due to an important consultation with William Wallace’s entrails.
The BBC’s feudal overlord in the Scottish province, Sir Auld Nick Robinson, said: “It is in truth not for glory, nor riches, nor honours that we are reporting, but for freedom of speech – for that alone, which no honest BBC man gives up but with life itself.”
Historical grievance and chip-on-shooder spokesperson for the Nationalists, Wee Naebudy, said: “Once we achieve oor ffrreeddoomm a hundred years from now, Auld Nick Robinson’s getting blacklisted and burnt in effigy – er haud oan, we’ve din that already.”