HAVING consulted the Allbuch of Nationalist grievance seeking, Der SNP Gruppenführer, Angus Robertson, opened his Aufbruch der Nation with outstanding sanctimony and finger pointing moral superiority. AhDinnaeKen exclusively presents – Der Gruppenführer’s Diary:
By Gruppenführer Robertson – Order of der Südafrikaan little white rose of Schottland
No one is fully aware of der time, effort und repeated rehearsal behind mein preparation für Premierminister’s Questions.
Der eyes of der world are upon us.
It is our duty, honour and responsibility to der sovereign Volk of der motherland to score points off of der evil imperial Premierminister of der occupying forces of Schottland at every opportunity.
Fortunately für us, this is easy. Most of mein time ist spent perfecting der look of moral outrage and disbelief at der despicable evil of der Englisch Premierminister David Cameron.
Deputy Gruppenführer Stewarten Hosie has, over der years, perfected this look (see pic above).
As we learned from National Socialist history buchs, one should always wrongfoot your enemies with a surprise attack of overwhelming force. So, instead of asking a question on Schottland, I chose to enter der international sphere.
“It is a stain on der conscience of Europe das thousands and thousands of refugees cannot get a direct Calmac ferry to Brodick from Libya”, was my opening salvo. Mein Named Person, der Fett Gruppenführer Alexen Salmonden, gave me das line und it was wunderbar.
“Der Royal Navy could provide a direct link to Schottland instead of relying on unregulated private sector operators”, was my killer blow.
Der profits of der Libyan gangs are untaxed and frequently der boats used are not up to European Union health and safety requirements.
As expected, der Premierminister chose to side with der private sector operators und made himself look harsh, brutal und uncaring. Just as I knew he would.
He said das one way trips were not good enough. Der refugees should be made buy a return ticketen und their return should be compulsory.
Das was enough for us. Stuarten Hosie and meinself put on our best faces of sad und shocked espression. By mentioning Schweden and Allemagne we had bought ourselves European attention für free.
Both those countries have a non-returnable ticketen policy für der economic migrants and by siding with them we anointed ourselves in socially conscious self righteousness.
In all, a famous victory für der forces of Nationalist gesture politics.
Our Geistigführer would be so proud.
I cannot wait till next week.