Thicker for Scotland – New SNP battle cry

SCOTLAND’S OUT of depth educashun secretary accidentally reveals cunning new Nationalist Neverendum victory plan:

"The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically." - Martin Luther King, Jr. There'll be none of that pish in our new Thicker Scotland said Constance yesterday.

“The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically.” – Martin Luther King, Jr. There’ll be none of that pish in our new Thicker Scotland said Constance yesterday.

By Thikaz PhukkEducashun Corespondet

THE Nationalists were in meltdown last night as educashun secretary Angela Constance laid the blame for Scotland’s declining school litrasy and numrasy on the Nationalists.

“The equity gap is utterly unacceptable,” she said. “The difference between what we say we’ll do and what we actually do is nowhere near wide enough.

“Some children are not failed by our rhetoric on education and we want to make sure it is all children who are failed by it.

“We want to instil into the poor kids that it’s okay to own a X-Box 360 instead of a X-Box One and that the Galaxy S3 smartphone can be as good as the latest iphone – we’ll teach them patience and acceptance and, if they vote SNP, they can pick one up cheap from Cash Converters at a preferable rate.

“We believe in equity for Nationalist voters.”

But, the flailing secretary unwittingly let loose the real reason for the concerted lowering of litrasy and numrasy rates in Scotland when she told “astonished” journalists:

“We know from our polling data that the younger you are, the less well off you are and the thicker you are, the more likely you are to fall for and vote for Nationalist assertions.

“Critical faculties are suspended when you’re too dumb to think for yourself and poll after poll proves that the thicker you are the more likely you are to be taken in by our magic money tree economics.

“As the past eight years have shown, if you keep churning them out without the ability to analyse or formulate original thought, they’ll believe anything we tell them.

“Thicker for Scotland – that will win the next Neverendum.”




Filed under Education, Referendum

9 responses to “Thicker for Scotland – New SNP battle cry

  1. Alec

    See here for the barely literate press release from Constance.

    My MSP (Rob Gibson) sometimes writes equally incoherent letters to the local rag. I wonder if it’s late at night.


  2. Alec

    Here’s Twitter personality, Natalie McGarry boasting that she lied under oath. Tweet quickly removed.

    • Nice work.

      Believe it or not, I’m warming to young Mhairi but McGarry is nothing but a walking disaster area.

      She’ll need to see her Named Person for some ‘personal’ lessons I think.


      NB: I’ve got a screengrab of the Constance online Press Release. Do you know if Ruth Davidson got it from someone?

      • Alec

        Oh, don’t get me wrong, I am quite sure if we cut Black in half, we’d find evil written all the way through. That said, I do feel genuine concern for her. A 20 year old can be a brilliant musician or mathematician or athlete but, unless they’ve been on the battlefield, are exceptionally unlikely to have strong leadership/organizational skills.

        We all know she’s prone to emotional outbursts, so it’s going to have a rough time especially with the public image being painted and people directing her from behind the scene (including her utterly middle-class teacher father).

        But, gads, McGarry is horrid. As you can see, I didn’t include her directly but she blocked me in about 30 seconds. Obviously vanity searching. And Balustrade Lanyard’s Twitter feed has been suspended

        Caught-out, “She later deleted the tweet and explained: “I will keep my oath to respect the parliament, but I am a republican. It’s not a secret”. No, you muppet, you’ve been elected for something else. At least Sinn Fein doesn’t pretend to make the oath.

        Someone else who doesn’t understand that the difference between Affirmation and Swearing mainly is not mentioned God, and all forms of the Oath are about Queen Elizabeth and her successors [1] is my MP. Euan McColl mocks:

        At which point, the tweet is deleted and this surly tweet twotted.

        Pathetic and pointless.


        PS Yes, Davidson did. The Daily Mail had a piece like “entirely illiterate press release corrected to be only semi-illiterate”.

        [1] Which everyone sensible knows would include a President if an abolition bill were passed. The Queen would consent then descend. Oaths didn’t stop Stanlet Baldwin and almost all MPs demanding Edward VIII’s abdication if he married that awful American woman.

      • Alec

        Just occurred to me, I should have said “evel written all the way through” because that would have been funny.


  3. Alec

    McColl? McColm of course. All will become clear when the above comment is approved.

  4. I would love to see a screenshot or evidence of the quotes you have in this article please, as I could use this material. I have googled the phrases and not found anything. Ta.

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