Moan McVulpine: A child is a gift for politicians…they look great in photographs

MOAN says a child is not just for Xmas. She reckons they can be used to exploit the human side of a politician when half of Scotland views them as a big ‘N’ Nationalist hypocrite.
Testing
By Moan McVulpineputting the ‘hood’ into motherhood

THERE IS no such thing as an ex-political mother. A child is forever and so is the opportunity to exploit your human seeming domestic side for political gain.

That’s why political mums like to publish photographs with their kids.

But for many “empty nesters”, the feeling of being an ex-mother can be overwhelming and a flirtation and a fling with poison pen bloggers can often offer compensation by proxy.

So, this politics-free part of the column today can be viewed as an appeal for sympathy.

Mother’s day is not just for nice mothers, it’s for freewheeling, condescending politicians on the make ‘n’ aw.

At one end there is the embarrassment the kids suffer when their mother is publicly exposed and humiliated as a freeloading old swinger.

At the other end there is the very public scrutiny of Scottish taxpayer funded expenses used to pay off lovers; the embarrassment of televised censure when caught not doing your job in parliament – for the sixth time; and the hilarious hypocrisy enshrined by a driving ban when you’re on a committee for increasing road safety.

But that’s what political mothers are for – ensuring sideways and knowingly awkward glances amongst your peer group whenever her name is mentioned in your social circles.

But, despite the excruciating and public social embarrassment your political mother might have put you through, she’s still your mum and you’d have to have a heart of stone not to love her, even though you probably hate her at the same time.

Childhood memories are powerful drivers and mothers, above all, are the most powerful role models in a child’s brief and precious life.

It’s just a pity when, as they reach adolescence and adulthood, they have to face up to the fact that their mother is viewed by half of the country as a two faced, mad old shagger, without a shred of political credibility. That’s some memory to cherish.

So have a very Happy Mother’s Day, smug in the knowledge that you haven’t delivered public opprobrium and humiliation into your kids everyday life.

COMEDY RELIEF

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8 Comments

Filed under Moan McVulpine, Opinion

8 responses to “Moan McVulpine: A child is a gift for politicians…they look great in photographs

  1. Major Disaster

    You missed out her hilarious hypocrisy over politicians being paid for ‘second jobs’ in her er paid column in the ‘Daily Redcoat’….

    Oh and Moan does not deserve one iota of sympathy, as her wounds are entirely self inflicted….

  2. Literally did it in five minutes. Not on e of my better efforts it has to be said.

  3. Jings

    Yes she is a rather despicable specimen. How she was never chucked out of Holyrood on her ear as a result of the expenses for hushing up the shagging scandal is beyond me.

    Ps. Any further word on Joan’s keen personal interest in Ugandan matters that she seemed to share with a fellow MSP?

    • How she was never chucked out of Holyrood on her ear as a result of the expenses for hushing up the shagging scandal is beyond me.

      Alex Salmond – hush hush on the qt

      Ugandan matters?

      Pray tell.

      Regards

  4. Jings

    Surely you’ve heard the rumours? It’s been the talk of the pubs in Auld reekie since way before the referendum. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard them. Unfortunately someone allegedly took a wee trip down to the dark star to nip the rumours in the bud,

  5. Nope.

    Still no further forward.

  6. Jings

    I’m sure if you did a bit of digging you could work it out.

    Apparently its not the only alleged Holyrood scandal that has been kept out of the public eye. Seems an MSP allegedly got themselves into money trouble and had to be bailed out.

  7. Am no fan – to say the least – of Ms McAlpine’s dreary outpourings, but think it’s a bit off to bring her kids into the snarky arena of Scottish cybergab. Yes I know you are riffing on her own piece, but still.

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