MOAN says a child is not just for Xmas. She reckons they can be used to exploit the human side of a politician when half of Scotland views them as a big ‘N’ Nationalist hypocrite.
By Moan McVulpine – putting the ‘hood’ into motherhood
THERE IS no such thing as an ex-political mother. A child is forever and so is the opportunity to exploit your human seeming domestic side for political gain.
That’s why political mums like to publish photographs with their kids.
But for many “empty nesters”, the feeling of being an ex-mother can be overwhelming and a flirtation and a fling with poison pen bloggers can often offer compensation by proxy.
So, this politics-free part of the column today can be viewed as an appeal for sympathy.
Mother’s day is not just for nice mothers, it’s for freewheeling, condescending politicians on the make ‘n’ aw.
At one end there is the embarrassment the kids suffer when their mother is publicly exposed and humiliated as a freeloading old swinger.
At the other end there is the very public scrutiny of Scottish taxpayer funded expenses used to pay off lovers; the embarrassment of televised censure when caught not doing your job in parliament – for the sixth time; and the hilarious hypocrisy enshrined by a driving ban when you’re on a committee for increasing road safety.
But that’s what political mothers are for – ensuring sideways and knowingly awkward glances amongst your peer group whenever her name is mentioned in your social circles.
But, despite the excruciating and public social embarrassment your political mother might have put you through, she’s still your mum and you’d have to have a heart of stone not to love her, even though you probably hate her at the same time.
Childhood memories are powerful drivers and mothers, above all, are the most powerful role models in a child’s brief and precious life.
It’s just a pity when, as they reach adolescence and adulthood, they have to face up to the fact that their mother is viewed by half of the country as a two faced, mad old shagger, without a shred of political credibility. That’s some memory to cherish.
So have a very Happy Mother’s Day, smug in the knowledge that you haven’t delivered public opprobrium and humiliation into your kids everyday life.