MOAN says that grieving and grievance takes many forms. Whinging, moaning and encouraging further grievance isn’t the way to deal with it.
IT’S ALREADY being called the Nat Delusion. It’s easier to laugh at the grieving Nationalists than take their whining seriously.
So let’s take a look at the five stages of grief witnessed since September 2014:
1) Denial and Isolation
The first reaction to learning that a lifetime dream has been thwarted by the democratic enemy within is to deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalise overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism to blame coffin dodgers and claim conspiracy over miscounted votes and media complicity. This is a temporary response that carries you through the first wave of pain.
As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear off, reality and its pain re-emerge. You’re still not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from your vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger is best aimed at the Vow, the media, Unionists, the stupid gullible electorate and Westminster. Remember that grieving and grievance is a personal process and has no time limit nor one right way to do it. So, if it feels right, just keep going on and on and on about it. Use a hashtag: #the45 and the #45plus. They might help.
The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control:
If only the media had given us a chance
If only Salmond hadn’t been such a woman unfriendly chancer
If only the Smith Commission had delivered the faux independence you deluded yourself into believing was promised in the first place.
Two types of depression are associated with mourning. The first is reacting to losing the referendum and can be alleviated by lashing out at reports which were signed off by your own people – people like John Swinney. The second is more subtle and desperately private. It is the quiet preparation to separate and bid farewell to your 307 year shot at making history. This phase can be the most painful.
Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone (Nationalist report burners for example). The referendum result may have been sudden and unexpected and you may never progress beyond anger or denial – it’s worth reading Joan McAlpine’s column in the Daily Record for a concrete example of this phenomenon.
Coping with losing the referendum is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience – nobody can help you go through it more easily but you could join the SNP. They’ll keep you in perpetual anger and grievance which, in their world at least, is much more healthy. Doing so will easily prolong the natural process of healing.
So there you have it. If you take your cue from role models like Lastminster Salmond then you can unrealistically claim that promises which were never made have not been fulfilled. It’s a winningly deflective strategy to take.
It won’t help you cope with your loss, but it will deflect from the real desperation gnawing away at your vacuously non-democratic soul.
Thank the heavens that Joan McAlpine’s been elected to the SNP NEC. The various stages of grieving can be nurtured and stoked within the party in perpetuity. That way you can live in hope that you didn’t lose anything and there’s no need for acceptance.