Scottish independence: Tories outflank everyone – including the Tories

MORE POWERS for the Big Parish Cooncil at Whollyrude will ensure Scots will end up hating the SNP just as much as they hate the Tories. AhDinnaeKen investigates:

"What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin." - Mark Twain

“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.” – Mark Twain

By Tory Story

SCOTLAND’S GOVERNMENT should be given a taste of real responsibility before taking fantastical leaps of faith, the Scottish Conservatives said yesterday.

Roof Davidson, Scottish leader of the despicable, evil, baby impoverishing Tories, said it was time for Scotland to “stop living on pocket money and get a paper round instead”.

Speaking to a collection of elitist monsters including her mainstream media buddies at the British Brainwashing Corporation, Roof concluded that it was time for the SNP to “stop playing at politics” and “waken up in the real world”.

She said Whollyrude – currently funded by corrupt Westminster gold – must learn the tough lessons of growing up before leaving home and getting taken to the cleaners by speculative sharks.

Her speech was broadly welcomed as the first thing a Conservative politician has said in Scotland in, literally, decades which made the Labouring party take second place to a despicable Tory.

Referring to the findings of a commissioned report, Roof outlined the main thrust of the plans:

  • There was a solid case for the Scottish Government to navel gaze rather than continually blame Westminster.

 

  • The ability to tax the poorest workers was to remain in the hands of the big boys in London.

 

  • A new body should be created to report back on just how disastrous the extra responsibility will be to the Nationalists credibility and popularity.

 

  • There should be a public holiday declared so that everyone could scrutinise what the Nationalists had brought upon the country.

Roof insisted the proposals were a sure fire way of stymying the belief held in some quarters that the SNP did what was best for Scotland rather than what was best for the SNP.

Auld Nick Sturgeon, deputy pantsonfire leader of the Whollyrude Freedom Fighters Against Evil Westminster Oppression, said: “I hate that bastard Davidson. When we get gubbed in September we’re not even going to get the consolation prize of being able to blame it on everyone else.

“People are going to look at the SNP and say, ‘You’re responsible for this’.

“That thought is quite scary. I wish I’d stayed in the hoose.”

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