NEW SCROLLS discovered in the Sinai desert have hinted that Jesus may have been a Scottish Nationalist sympathiser. AhDinnaeKen reports:
By Supa Star
THE CHURCH of Scotland is set to debate the question on nobody’s lips – Was Jesus a Nationalist?
Labour MP and son of a minister Douglas Alexander will represent the “Obviously Jesus was a Unionist” camp.
Meanwhile, the Reverend Homophobe Wingman-Campbell will represent the “Of course Jesus was a f**king Nationalist, get over it you thick c**ts.” camp.
The Kirk is committed to a position of neutrality but desperately wishes to appear relevant to the debate.
However, its members said it was important to show how Jesus would vote in the referendum on September 18.
In addition to the speakers for and against Jesus being a Nationalist, Pastor Jack Glass will discuss the fire and brimstone repercussions facing undecided and catholic voters.
Chair of the debate will be someone no-one has ever heard of.
“We need to create division in this debate so that we can heal that division” the no-one said, more in hope than expectation.
Blare MacDougall of the Better Together camp said: “It’s obvious Jesus was a Unionist. Didn’t he say in his sermon on the mount – “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the United Kingdom of Great Britain”? ”
But the Yes Yes Yes spokesman, Blare Charismaless-Jenkins immediately countered, Jesus may have said that on the BBC, but according to Newsnat what he really said was: “Blessed are those who are persecuted because of Nationalist righteousness, for theirs is the politics of grievance.”
Jesus was unavailable for comment due to previous Euro election commitments.