Moan McVulpine: My cut and keep guide to pensions duplicity if Scotland votes Yes

MOAN says the Skintish Parliament have done well to give the impression they care about pensioners. Which is why you can never trust anything a Nationalist has to say.
Moan McVulpine Banner
By Moan McVulpineprepared to do and say what it takes

I WAS pretty chuffed to hear that some readers keep clippings articles from An Independent Parliamentary Aide.

Metric tonnes of Daily Mails’ are no longer languishing in blue bins throughout Skintland.

I understand why people want reassurance.

The Parliamentary code and the Ministerial code will always let Nationalist parliamentarians off the hook whenever they’re in a tight spot.

So reach for the scissors and read on.

Will I get my reputation back?

Yer havin a laff. Hardly anyone in Scotland even knows who or what I am. So no reputation to lose means no loss of reputation. Sorted!

Will I be more careful with which photographers I give taxpayer money to?

F**kin’ too right! I have promised myself to ‘triple lock’ my vanity, my needs and my sentimental urges. A Yes vote will mean that I can then open that triple lock and act with impunity. So, more of the same really.

What about the new single tier immunity from repercussions being offered by the Firstminster?

Yes. The Skintish civil service have already gone native. Effectively, we will be able to do the same, act the same and get away with the same kind of crass behaviour as MPs currently demonstrate at the hated Westminster.

But I am disgusted by the actions of Westminster MPs, will we stil get that?

As touched on above. We’re currently second rate when it comes to acting like our Westminster brethern. With independence we will soon catch up within a year or two.

But can an independent Skintland afford such goings on?

Who cares. We’ll be in power. We’ll have a compliant civil service, a centralised police force and a grass roots agentura willing to photograph and report back to centralised locations anyone considered “anti-Scottish”. Sorted!

The Nationalists have done well in pretending that some of the best parts of Skintish legislation are ours – free bus passes and personal care for example – when they were introduced by the Labouring party.

That’s why you should have nothing to fear from Nationalist led independence. It means nothing matters other than power in Nationalist hands. And who but the “anti-Scots” could possibly fear that?

COMEDY RELIEF

Advertisements

2 Comments

Filed under Moan McVulpine

2 responses to “Moan McVulpine: My cut and keep guide to pensions duplicity if Scotland votes Yes

  1. Jay2209

    Dear Lonshanker
    Thanks once again for your amusing and illuminating parody of Ms McAlpine’s blog.
    The continued use of the word ‘guarantee’ by purveyors of Independence really annoys me and is one of the reasons why I will not vote Yes. Nothing can be guaranteed in life, and politicians in Westminster always caveat offers by saying ‘for the next parliament’ and would never ‘guarantee’ anything on this scale. Like most of the assertions in the white paper, those in Yes Scotland are in no position to ‘guaranteed’ anything regarding pensions: A) We do not know what the final negotiated settlement will be for in terms of built up National Contributions ans SERPS, B) we do not know the financial situation we will at independence day, and C) we do not know who will form the government in 2016. On other occasions I have seen senior Yes officials use the word ‘guarantee’, most notably Nicola Sturgeon’s debate with Lamont where she kept shouting ‘I am guaranteeding Sterling and a Currency Union’ over Lamont’s concerns over currency and finance. Blair Jenkins on a number of occasions has assured us with ‘guarantees’ that we will continue to use Sterling as we are now, we will continue to get our pensions and benefits, as we do now etc etc. The use of the word which no policitician in Westminster would ever use, tells sme that the Yes Campaign are saying anyting to get votes and do not care what the consequences are. The referendum is a a winner takes all vote, unlike an election where the parties have to deliver on much of their manifesto commitements or face electoral defeat next time round, once independence is delivered theres no going back and the Nationalists can blame ‘The Englsih’ for stitching us up and not giving us our fair share if they are unable to deliver. Polls show that it is primarlily older people and women that will lose the vote for the nationalists and as we move closer to September and the polls fail to narrow in any meaningful way. What is interesting is well is that the coalition have repeatedly said they will maintain benefits for pensioners and have explained that they are prepared to cut benefits for those of a working age to finanance this (bedroom tax, benefit cap etc). However according to the Nationalists Scotland has to make no such tough choices and we can keeep on as we are (except of course in John Swinney’s secret finance plans for indy Scotland which shows pensioner benefits as being fare game for cuts.

  2. The Nationalists will keep issuing ‘guarantees’ throughout the campaign.

    I guarantee it.

    Regards

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s