By Moan McVulpine – putting the ‘selective’ into selective memory
MARGO MACDONALD never grumbled about pain.
She did grumble about the SNP though.
She phoned just three weeks ago, offering advice when an imperialist anti-Scots newspaper exposed me for the snake and character assassin I truly am.
“Remember, the Scottish civil service has gone native,” she laughed.
“Along with your ‘patronage’ from Salmond, I reckon you could dance naked on the grave of Winston Churchill complete with a Nationalist Front symbol and still be exonerated by the Big Parish Cooncil at Holyrood.”
I asked her about wives with a grievance.
“Never mind the wee people whose lives get destroyed!”, she commanded, “You’re a seasoned Nationalist now and it’s time you found out that it doesn’t matter whose life you f**k up or whose character gets assassinated when Scotland’s destiny is at stake.”
I was very much in awe of her. Margo was someone who commanded respect and love in equal measure from friends and foes alike – apart maybe from Alex Salmond, Stewart Hosie, John Swinney et al.
Whereas, unlike me, I just have to open my gaffe prone mouth and people begin to wonder just how ‘civic’ and ‘progressive’ the Scots brand of Nationalism really is.
She talked like my gallus auntie Christine: “It’s well seen you’re mah sister’s wean” she used to say. “If you wur mine ah’d huv ye slapped purple ya nasty wee piece of work.”
In those days, people used to care about things like honour and duty and inappropriate use of public funds.”
But not me. Or the Scottish parliament. Or Sun King Salmond. Obviously!
Working-class people from Scotland’s industrialised heartlands were stereotyped as inarticulate drunks.
Now they’re more likely to stereotype absentee parliamentarians – when they don’t turn up to ask questions they’ve tabled – as whining drunks.
Mind ye. At least Pinot Grigio is a more upmarket bottle of hooch to get ‘oot yer heid’ on these days.
Forward! As I believe our Thatcher inspired conference motto has become.
[Apologies for the lateness, shortness and inappropriate hour of this belated Moan whine. It wiz the Daily Ranger’s fault – honest son/hen – nuthin tae dae wi me. Ah’ve reported mahsel tae the appropriate authorities and will be exonerated by next week. ]